Where Katy May Plays

My”space” 2.0 where I’ll share my poetry, random photos, and musings...🦋

[nothappybutfeelingglad]

Why do I always want to die?

[nothappybutfeelingglad]

The Lion You Leave

Even as I think of you

Thoughts seemingly fresh and new

You leave me here and forward

You will leave me here

This fresh laid bruise

But I am the Lion

And for every time I break

Into the pieces of my

Fortitude, my willingness

To give into.....

What I know will always fail

You leave me here

To no avail, lonely

Though my Spirit tails

Lonely, clinging, half marked trails....

4/16/2019

#katymayoriginal #newpoetssociety #newp.s. #poetry #new #poets #lion #leo #lonely

[nothappybutfeelingglad]

I Will Never Be Enough

I will never be enough.

Your hand traces my face

Is it pitty?

“I’m figuring this out.

Same as you.”

I figure you didn’t want

Someone used.

I will never be enough.

Your smirk mocks my cries

It is trickery?

“You need to calm down.

Such drama.”

I need to be quiet

Action, cut.

I will never be enough.

Your eyes don’t confide

Is this a lie?

“You won’t see me tomorrow”?

“Get out.”

I see you leave me be.

Deservedly?

I will never be enough.

My room is my prison.

I will never be enough.

Unsacred vision.

I will never be enough.

I diminish.

[new-poets-society]

Stockholm Syndrome

I am his dilution. My roars are faint yelps, my wild stripes peeled to plain fur. I bared my teeth at him as he peered into the cell. “All mine” he whispered, content written all over his ordinary face. Owning my life fed him; I was sunken eyes and a visible rib cage, starving so he could eat. Venturing in every now and again, he takes a piece each time. First my voice, and then my nerve. I wish he’d let me go in peace. Sometimes I scream into the silence just to know I’m still alive. I know you hear, smile growing with the knowledge that my mind shrinks. Freedom is distant yet still fathomable. Rotting on the floor, memories of feral life pollute my mind. Leaping through the jungle, I stalk my prey with careful intent. I hadn’t the slightest idea that I was being hunted. And so I wince knowing that I handed you the keys. Unable to fight, his hands glide over my soft coat. I don’t flinch anymore when I feel those fingertips. There is nothing left here.

[nothappybutfeelingglad]

Codeine lines

And I feel

Just fine

Unlike the H

That used to get me

High

These codeine lines

Are just

Alright

[abovearth]

TreeHouse Point by Kendall Martin

[nothappybutfeelingglad]

Let’s get through today and make it to the New Year. My favorite day.

[nothappybutfeelingglad]

Leave Me

I can’t tell you how I feel

Because I don’t even know

Every door in which I’ve opened

I can’t seem to close

So I’m floating in these memories

Soaking in my grief

Reliving past experiences that

Leave me

Bittersweet

And I wish I could tell you

And I wish I could scream

But everything that’s broken in me

Suffocates my dreams

It’s everything I don’t know

It’s unrequited being

It’s the feeling of being lost entirely

If I don’t find myself

Succeeding

I could tell you how I feel

You could help me find the meaning

But what scares me most isn’t

What I can do

But

What I will do if you

Leave me.

12/25/18

[nothappybutfeelingglad]

Sober...

I’m one year sober...

Sober from being out of pain

Sober from being free of worry

Sober from feeling some type of

Calm...unburdened...happy

I’m sober

But I’d give it all away again

To feel that perfect high

Once more

To be pain free and soar

To sleep so soundly

I believe that I’d opened doors

Even though the dosage

Is...never enough...

It costs so much

Money, family, friends

To be pain free and happy

How much would you give?

And will it ever be enough?

~ Christmas Eve 2018 ~

[nothappybutfeelingglad]

It’s been a year...but I’m still hurting...

[nothappybutfeelingglad]

I think it’s brave that you smile when inside you want to cry. 💜

[depressedanxietydeath]

She is dangerous when she is hurt. She can easily destroy everything around her, but she doesn’t. Instead she destroys herself.

Aletta S.

[nothappybutfeelingglad]

How I’m coping with the Christmas season

[nothappybutfeelingglad]

The Tiny Mountain

There’s a tiny mountain

Where a little tiny girl sits

With her little tiny feelings

And her little tiny thoughts

She speaks little tiny words

That no one ever hears

And makes little tiny wishes

That will never be real

On her little tiny mountain

She holds her little tiny head

And crys little tiny tears

That fall on little tiny hands

Her little tiny dreams

Are not what they used to be

Her little tiny nightmares

Are ever more mighty

But because she is so little

Because she is so tiny

It will never even matter

No happily ever after