People have pointed out that Varric totally adopted Cole in DA:I, and just... you’re so right. Cole as an amazing big brother is everything I never knew I needed, especially because Cole also wouldn’t be the big sibling.
They’d both be the big sibling / little sibling. At the same time.
Because Varric’s kiddo would be at least twelve by the time DA:I swings around. I now have a desperate need for some fast-talking, chip-off-the-old-block rogue dwarf kiddo showing up to bust Dad out of Cassandra’s clutches. Kiddo probably gets caught, though. But Varric tweenager got... alarmingly far, actually.
Someone makes the mistake of asking what’s the harm in letting a kid hang around. It’s just a perfectly innocent twelve-year-old kid.
Varric’s kiddo to Dad (five minutes before being caught): “There are three copies of the keys to this jail, belonging to Cassandra, Leliana, and Cullen. Leliana keeps hers well-hidden and would be the most difficult to pick-pocket. Cullen is easily distracted and keeps his keys on his belt but also the one most constantly surrounded by other people. He’s also the most likely to hand his over to a subordinate. These locks are enchanted to resist lockpicks and the stone’s too thick to budge, but the hinges of the metal bar doors are weak. Thankfully, I don’t need to do that, because I have Cassandra’s keys. *holds up Cassandra’s keys* Who was easy to distract and the most unsuspecting and solitary. There are five guards outside, but I set a trap at the diplomat Montilyet’s office and any second now they should go running. I stole Mum back for you; *hands Varric Bianca the Crossbow* they were keeping her in a pile in the unguarded armory with shitty locks-”
Varric’s kiddo to Cassandra (five minutes after being caught): *innocent beaming of a kid who definitely doesn’t have lockpicks and several grenades and a knife stuffed down their shirt*
I’m leaning towards Varric’s kiddo being nonbinary, but it would be hilarious if the kiddo was named Bianca. Like, I probably wouldn’t actually do it, because that’s too damn many Biancas, but the potential humor is A+.
Varric’s talking about Bianca again? Which Bianca? Bianca Junior, his kid? Bianca, his mystery lady? Or Bianca Senior, the crossbow that the kid actually refers to as “Mum”. No, the kid actually calls the crossbow “Mum”.
Hawke (a few years or so into DA2): “Varric - my friend, my buddy, my pal, the love of my awful fucking life - are you actually trying to imply that you had a kid with your crossbow.”
Varric: “Trying? Shit, do I have to be more obvious about it?”
So, when Varric adopts Cole in DA:I, there’s this fast-talking, know-it-all little twelve-year-old shit who takes Cole under their wing as well. Varric’s Artful Dodger of a kid puffs out their chest and is like: “Oh, man, you need someone to show you the ropes around here. You’re lucky I’m here, because I know everything there is to know about everything.”
To which Cole is nodding very seriously, as though he isn’t a old spirit/demon assassin/murderer being talked down to by a slightly smarmy kid that’s not even thirteen years old or three feet tall.
Cole, with desperately grateful relief: “Thank you! I have so many questions about the impenetrable consistency of ducks.”
Varric’s kid, who was born and raised in the city, has maybe seen a duck five times in their twelve-year-old life, and is solemnly about to make up a whole lot of shit about ducks, “You came to the right place, my friend.”
Everyone is initially super unnerved by letting a kiddo be looked after by a spirit/demon taken human form, but Varric, if anyone brings the matter to him, points out that 1) Cole is the best protection against everything that any parent could ask for and has already tossed at least three threats to the kiddo off a mountain...
And 2) if anyone is a bad influence on the other one, it’s Varric’s kiddo on Cole, because you heard the twelve-year-old, potential-crime-boss dwarf rogue give the ageless spirit assassin a Very Serious Lecture on the importance of making murder look like an accident, right? Because that happened.
It was a pretty good rundown of “how to get away with murder” for a kid. (Varric toting a baby/toddler about when dealing with criminal associations is... well, obviously alarming, but also hilarious.) Anyone in the Inquisition remotely familiar with assassination was very impressed; everyone else was horrified.