[notmeinmirror]

new page alert (refined version)

this is notmeinmirror (aka hazelira). a quiet space for the things that don’t get said out loud.

part fan space, part mental health reflection, part invisible feelings archive.

no pressure to be coherent. no pressure to be okay. just a place where thoughts can exist without being corrected.

if you want to speak into the quiet, you can. if not, you can just stay.

when faye is offline, clary will take over.

Copyright 2026 - present © notmeinmirror/hazelira all rights reserved.

[jjwoned]

TO ALL ENGENES!

please do not scroll, this is a very important message that ALL ENGENES must do if we want heeseung back.

as most of you might know, heeseung has "decided" to leave the group to focus on his solo career. BUT, this is not true.

heeseung DID NOT decide to leave the group, he was forced to. he was apparently seen crying and "crashing out" in a hybe hallway which CLEARLY shows it was not his decision. to add on, just a few days ago he was speaking about the world tour coming up, and participating in activities and events LIKE NORMAL. it was be so weird just for him to leave like that.

ENGENE, we are a team. we can bring heeseung back. for example, MARK FROM NCT. he left the group exactly like this but came back due to the FANS PROTESTS. WE CAN DO THIS FOR HEESEUNG ASWELL! PLEASE DO THIS SO OUR HEE CAN COME BACK.

THIS IS NOT FAIR! OTHER ARTISTS LIKE: YEJI FROM ITZY, TWICE MEMBERS, TXT MEMBERS, BTS MEMBERS AND MANY MORE ARTISTS ARE ALLOWED TO PURSUE THEIR SOLO CAREER WHILE BEING IN A GROUP. BUT NOT HEESEUNG??

we all call for heeseung's return while ALLOWING HIM THE FREEDOM TO PURSUE HIS SOLO CAREER.

ENHYPEN WILL ALWAYS BE SEVEN!

SEVEN OR NOTHING!

please reblog to spread awareness!!

by @jjwoned 🤍

random tags to BOOST @wonsoire @ikeu05 @chrrific @nmurark05 @kittyhoon @miauumin @atashiboba @ningningiloveumarryme @jaysguitarstring @ki2rins @soona-huh @par4disee @mqytcha @jazz7gnab @gyuuchuuu @saturn-files @koiiq @teddybeartaetae @firstdivisiongirl @yufawnz @ohjjongstby @jcngwonz @wonirio @rikisloverrr @stars4kooo @iiunique @tokyomxnstr @zoe1love

[sl4t4niki]

Reblog if you love heeseung and enhypen and if you believe that enhypen is seven we need our baby back now!

[notmeinmirror]

new page alert (refined version)

this is notmeinmirror (aka hazelira). a quiet space for the things that don’t get said out loud.

part fan space, part mental health reflection, part invisible feelings archive.

no pressure to be coherent. no pressure to be okay. just a place where thoughts can exist without being corrected.

if you want to speak into the quiet, you can. if not, you can just stay.

when faye is offline, clary will take over.

Copyright 2026 - present © notmeinmirror/hazelira all rights reserved.

[hazelira]

if i become rich, like this if you'd wanna be in my spoil list

[notmeinmirror]

How many of yall are both engenes and gllits?

me!!

uhhh 😬

Remaining time: 4 days 2 hours

[notmeinmirror]

trapped in my own dream

author's note: is this my way of still grieving my aunt? anyways imagine if illit stays connected to the backrooms/horror-core concept, so what if I created different zones from my dreams?

The Whimsical Dreamcore (The Breakthrough) - This zone is characterized by pastel tones, bedroom pop rhythms, teenage daydreaming, and the initial introduction of their glitchy but cute uncanny world.

SUPER REAL ME - The Lucid Room (plush toys, pastel tiles, endless looping hotel hallways, pajama parties that feel slightly too perfect)

My World is the whimsical, airy introduction to their inner universe.

Magnetic has hyper-catchy plugging beats overlaid with a surreal, magnet-pull fantasy.

Midnight Fiction is like a late-night overthinking wrapped in crazy, acoustic-pop blankets.

Lucky Girl Syndrome has high-energy, manifestation-pop full of bright, neon-pastel optimism.

I'LL LIKE YOU - The Velvet Maze (school lockers, locker rooms that loop infinitely, internal romantic dilemmas played out in liminal spaces)

I'll Like You/Cherish (My Love) are glitchy, sweet, and fiercely determined teenage affection.

IYKYK (If You Know You Know) is a fast-paced, club-pop energy based on internet slang.

Pimple is a deeply vulnerable, melancholic lo-fi R&B track treating small physical flaws as massive emotional weights.

Tick-Tack is snappy, repetitive, and playful, mimicking the erratic beat of a nervous heart.

The Weirdcore Playground (The bomb Era) - This is where the cute horror elements peak. It is a playground of surreal textures, childhood imagery turned slightly askew, and unpredictable sonic structures.

bomb - The Main Anchor (bright toys with too many eyes, retro arcade glitches, and playground games played after dark)

little monster is a darker synth-pop baselines hidden under high-pitched, sweet vocal deliveries.

Billiyeon Goyangi (Do the Dance) is a fast, eccentric, and rhythmic, capturing the hyperactive energy of a strange cat pacing in a room.

jellyous is a bubblegum-pop track sharp with jealousy, giving off a candy-coated but slightly chaotic edge.

oops!/bamsopoong are both quirky, conversational tracks that feel like tripping over your own feet in a dream and laughing it off.

The Subversive Transition (Growing Pains) - Moving away from pure childhood innocence, this zone introduced sharper rhythms, reggae pulses, and concepts about defining one's identity against the world's expectations.

NOT CUTE ANYMORE - Not Your Doll (leather boots paired with tulle skirts, low-exposure flash photography, and a defiant departure from being neatly boxed in)

NOT CUTE ANYMORE is a jarring, addictive pop track built on reggae rhythms that firmly draws a boundary around their growth.

NOT ME is an incredibly cool track interpolating The Ting Tings' That's Not My Name. Co-written by Yunah, Minju, and Moka, it serves as an anthem of reclaiming idnetity from public assumptions.

Almond Chocolate is a bitter-sweet J-pop excellence. Rich, smooth, and slightly mature, mirroring the complex flavours of growing up.

Topping/Toki Yo Tomare/Secret Quest are the soundtracks to a surreal puzzle game. Time loops, searching for hidden items in empty malls, and playful urgency.

The Complex Modern Teen (MAMIHLAPINATAPAI) - The absolute peak of ILLIT's concept depth. This zone explores the anxiety of choice, lazy perfectionism, and the silent, heavy tension of unsaid words.

MAMIHLAPINATAPAI - The Yaghan word for an unspoken look between two people who both want the other to initiate (drum and bass, techno, alternative pop rock, and the heavy atmosphere of a chaotic teenage bedroom during finals week)

GRWM (Get Ready With Me) is an anxious techno-pop energy about putting on a public face while internal thoughts are racing.

It's Me is the bold, electro-pop lead single that stripes back the magical filters to show their raw, true faces.

paw, paw! is a comforting, rhythmic alternative pop track where the members embrace their core, instinctual animal traits.

Mamihlapinatapai is a stellar pop-rock/synth-pop hybrid serving as a commentary on the suffocating stress of group projects, endless to-do lists, and stalling because of overthinking.

Love, older you is a soft, nostalgic track looking back at past versions of themselves with deep fondness and a bit of ache.

The Pure GLLIT Sanctuary (Light & Comfort) - The open windows of the backrooms. These tracks shed the uncanny tension entirely, offering breezy, acoustic, and warm spaces meant directly for the fans.

ALL FOR YOU is a sparkling, stadium-ready fan song dedicated entirely to GLLIT.

Sunday Morning is a breezy, sun-drenched acoustic track that feels like waking up with nowhere to be and no halls to escape from.

Bubee is a soft, repetitive, and profoundly cozy, the musical equivalent of a warm hug after a long, strange dream.

author's note: I'm bored guys, I've finished writing for next week's posting schedule. I'll create a separate mood map for each illit member just like my enha one, I actually might be doing more of these mood maps for other things

Copyright 2026 - present © notmeinmirror all rights reserved. All writing here is fiction & not in any association with characters mentioned.

[notmeinmirror]

For Mental Health Awareness Month

Written by Faye @hazelira

Nine years ago, I made a choice I didn't fully understand at the time. I was in tenth grade, carrying more than I knew how to name, and I reached a point where everything felt too heavy to keep holding. I don't say that lightly now. I remember how quiet everything felt afterward, how strange it was to be here still when I wasn't sure I would be.

This month marks nine years since then.

Nine years of still being here. Nine years of learning how to stay.

I want to be careful with how I say this, because it's not a simple story of getting better in a straight line. It hasn't been that. There were days I didn't think I would it though, even long after that moment in tenth grade. There were days I functioned, and days I didn't. Days I felt like I had moved forward, and days I felt like I was right back where I started.

Alongside that, I've also lived with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), social anxiety disorder (which became a lot more noticeable during the pandemic and is a big part of why I can come across as awkward or withdrawn in social situations), and temporary insomnia, which contributes to ongoing fatigue. In many ways, I’ve had to learn to navigate my own internal supports and needs the same way I would a person-centred support plan, identifying triggers, building coping strategies, and recognizing when I need rest, structure, or connection. None of these things defines me, but they do shape how I move through the world.

Studying disability studies and developing a developmental services worker lens has also changed how I understand myself. I’ve learned to think in terms of accessibility, emotional regulation, capacity, and support needs rather than self-blame. I’ve learned that “functioning” is not a moral measure, and that fluctuating capacity is still valid capacity. I’ve learned that support—formal or informal—matters, and that interdependence is not failure.

But I'm still here.

And that matters.

Mental health awareness month always makes me reflect, not just on the pain that existed then, but on everything that came after. The people I met. The small things that slowly became reasons to stay. The quiet rebuilding that didn’t feel like healing at the time, but was.

I used to think survival had to feel like something dramatic, like a single defining turning point. But for me, it’s been quieter than that. It’s been waking up again and again. I’ve been learning to sit with emotions rather than being overwhelmed by them. It’s been slowly building internal coping strategies, external supports, and routines that help stabilize what used to feel unmanageable. I’ve been learning that my existence didn’t end at the lowest point I ever reached.

It's been nine years of becoming someone who can say: I am still here, and that is nothing.

If you’re reading this and you’re in a place where staying feels impossible, I won’t pretend I have easy answers. But I will say this, there are versions of your life you cannot see yet. There are moments ahead of you that don’t exist in your current pain. And even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, the fact that you are still here means something is still possible.

Not perfect.

Not painless.

But possible.

Nine years ago, I didn’t know what my life would look like beyond that point. I couldn’t see anything beyond the weight I was carrying. But I’m writing this now, on the other side of that time, as someone who is still learning, still growing, still applying the same person-centred thinking I once learned academically to my own lived experience, adjusting, adapting, and building supports where I can.

And I am deeply grateful for that.

To anyone who is struggling: you don’t have to carry everything alone. You don’t have to have it all figured out. And you don’t have to measure your worth by productivity or consistency. Needs fluctuate. Capacity fluctuates. You are still valid through it all.

Nine years clean doesn’t mean I’ve never struggled since.

It means I stayed.

And I’m still staying.

Copyright 2026 - present © hazelira all rights reserved.

[luvilists]

@luvilists (faye's writing team):

@notmeinmirror run by @hazelira & Clary from @luvilists

all taglists & masterlists are run by Aini from @luvilists

security & announcements are run by Mali from @luvilists

Copyright 2026 - present © hazelira all rights reserved. All writing here is fiction & not in any association with characters mentioned.

let us know if you’d like to get to know each of us (hazelira recommended that we should introduce ourselves)

[notmeinmirror]

Sometimes people leave without warning. Their silence wraps around you like a sudden storm. You wonder what you did to stir it, why your presence no longer carries warmth for them, while you see them laugh and speak easily with others.

And maybe… maybe you are guilty too. Perhaps you were the wind that blew too harshly, or too coldly, or in a direction they couldn’t follow. Maybe your own currents pushed them away, even if unintentionally.

But the truth is… You are not the only force shaping the world around you. Some winds pass over some trees differently. Some hearts are built to sway easily; some hearts are rooted too deep to catch every gust. You cannot force a storm to touch you the way it touches them, and you cannot control how it drifts across the landscape of your life.

Sometimes the wind leaves scars, sometimes it bends you, and sometimes it passes you by entirely. own your part in it, but don’t let guilt alone define you. Stand from, sway where you must, and remember, the storm is never just one thing. It is both the wind and the tree, the hurt and the passing, the leaving and the staying.

Copyright 2026 - present © notmeinmirror all rights reserved. All writing here is fiction & not in any association with characters mentioned.

[notmeinmirror]

There’s a kind of warmth I can see from a distance, like winter sun on someone else’s skin. It reaches you effortlessly, soft and golden, while I stand in the cold pretending I don’t need it. I tell myself it’s enough to witness it, that I’m not meant to feel it the same way, but there’s a quiet ache in watching something gentle choose you and pass me by.

Copyright 2026 - present © notmeinmirror all rights reserved. All writing here is fiction & not in any association with characters mentioned.

[notmeinmirror]

M o n s t e r s W e S w a l l o w

Written by Faye & Clary (luvilists)

ILLIT’s Little Monster captures the tension between stress, anxiety, and coping in vivid lyrical imagery. While fans often interpret it as a darkly aesthetic or playful song, closer analysis from a developmental services perspective highlights its resonance with experiences common among individuals with disabilities, particularly neurodivergent individuals. The song’s metaphors, the monster, restless cells, and eating stress, reflect the struggles of managing overwhelming emotions and sensory overload. This paper explores these hidden metaphors and considers their emotional impact, both for those with lived experience and for listeners seeking empathy.

Hidden Metaphors in Little Monster

Internalized Stress and Overstimulation

From the first lines: “뭔가 좀 이상해, I don’t know what it is / 내 맘속 수백 개의 세포들도 쉴 틈 없이” (“Something feels off, I don’t know what it is / Hundreds of cells in my heart don’t get a break”) - I am immediately struck by the imagery of constant internal processing (ILLIT, 2025). The hundreds of cells are more than poetic; they represent a mind and body that never truly rest. For individuals with sensory sensitivities, anxiety, or neurodivergence, this metaphor resonates deeply. I find myself reflecting on clients I have worked with, noticing how their systems are often constantly on, even when the world perceives them as calm or passive. The line evokes a visceral sense of tension; my heart tightens as I imagine this perpetual mental activity. The lyrics capture the relentless nature of emotional and sensory overload, something that many people, especially those with developmental disabilities, experience daily.

The repetition of I don’t know what it is reinforces this sense of uncertainty. It mirrors the difficulty of articulating complex internal experiences when external pressures demand clarity. As I listen, I feel the exhaustion embedded in these words, an exhaustion I recognize in the people I support. This part of the song is simultaneously relatable and emotionally stirring, particularly when viewed through the lens of lived experience with disabilities.

The Monster as Internalized Challenges

The line “쉿, 뭔가 우릴 쫓아오고 있어, 들리니? / 그냥 둘 순 없는걸 / We’re creating a monster” presents the song’s central metaphor: the monster (ILLIT, 2025). At first listen, it may seem playful, almost cinematic, but its metaphorical weight becomes evident when interpreted as internalized stress, anxiety, or cumulative trauma. In developmental services, I often observe that small, unprocessed stressors, whether social, sensory, or emotional, can compound, creating a sense of being chased by something larger than oneself. The monster embodies this escalating pressure, both a tangible fear and a symbolic representation of invisible struggles.

What strikes me emotionally is how relatable this metaphor is for neurodivergent individuals. It captures the tension of being aware of stress that cannot simply be ignored. In my reflections, I imagine the monster as the sum of everything a person must manage but cannot always communicate: the world’s unpredictability, sensory bombardment, and challenges in emotional regulation. The lyrics invite empathy, encouraging listeners to consider the unseen battles that shape the daily lives of many people with disabilities.

Coping Mechanisms and Emotional Regulation

The song transitions into an active metaphor for coping with overwhelming experiences: “거대해 못된 stress, 커다란 그릇에 마구 넣어 / Let’s eat all the monsters / 전부 집어삼켜, 당장 해치울래, 한입 가득” (“Enormous, bad stress, thrown into a big bowl / Let’s eat all the monsters / Swallow them all in one bite”) (ILLIT, 2025). This imagery struck me personally because it captures the intensity of active coping, acknowledging stress, confronting it, and processing it rather than avoiding it.

From a developmental services perspective, eating the monsters parallels real-life strategies that individuals with disabilities might use to manage their emotions. Structured routines, mindfulness, and stepwise coping techniques are all metaphorical bites that help reduce the weight of overwhelming feelings. Listening to these lyrics, I feel both the exhaustion and the empowerment that come from intentionally taking on emotional labour. The song mirrors the reality that coping is rarely gentle; it can feel all-consuming, messy, and urgent. Yet there is hope embedded in the act of engagement.

Repetition and Avoidance

The chorus, repeated multiple times: “I don’t wanna know, I don’t wanna know anymore / 한입에 다 먹어 버릴 거야” - reflects the tension between avoidance and necessity (ILLIT, 2025). This resonates strongly with my work, as I witness clients struggling with the impulse to ignore stressors while simultaneously being forced to confront them by environmental or social demands. The repetitive phrasing evokes the cyclical nature of anxiety, rumination, and sensory overwhelm, capturing the exhausting loops that many individuals experience.

On a personal level, this refrain makes me emotional because it mirrors my own human experiences of avoidance and confrontation. It also encourages empathy: recognizing that people who appear stoic or unbothered may be grappling with internal monsters. The repetition is not just stylistic; it’s experiential, making the listener feel the relentlessness of internal struggle.

Resolution and Resilience

In the final lines, “꿀꺽 삼킬수록, 불안은 사라져 녹아내려 / 잔뜩 배부르게 먹고 나면 곧 지나갈 거야” (“The more I swallow, the anxiety melts away / Once I’m full, it will pass soon”) (ILLIT, 2025), there is a profound sense of relief. The song reassures listeners that the monster, no matter how overwhelming, can be faced, processed, and ultimately mitigated. I feel a mixture of comfort and hope when I hear these lines.

From my perspective in developmental services, this represents the resilience of individuals as they learn to regulate emotions and manage internal chaos. It reminds me that coping strategies, though sometimes exhausting, can be effective and restorative. It also reinforces the emotional impact of music: hearing someone articulate this internal process validates experiences that are often invisible to others. Emotionally, I am struck by the balance of struggle and hope embedded in the song.

Reflection

Listening to Little Monster as both a developmental services worker and a fan transforms the song from a darkly aesthetic or playful track into a narrative of human struggle, resilience, and self-regulation. The metaphors of restless cells, internal monsters, and swallowing stress invite empathy for those with neurodivergent experiences or invisible challenges. I feel emotional because the song validates experiences I see daily but rarely see articulated in popular media. It evokes a deep sense of compassion, both for my clients and for myself, as it mirrors the quiet, ongoing labour of navigating overwhelming internal and external pressures.

This reflective perspective highlights the emotional resonance of the song: it is not only entertaining but also illuminates experiences of anxiety, sensory overload, and coping that deserve awareness and understanding. Little Monster reminds me of the necessity of empathy, the importance of emotional support, and the enduring capacity for resilience in the face of invisible monsters.

References

HYBE LABELS. (2025, June 5). ILLIT (아일릿) “bomb” Brand Film (little monster MV) [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRU1XXHIpIc

[notmeinmirror]

5 posts!