half blade // half silk

kosma.mia 🦋 i write stuff

[notyour-wallflower]

i used to think my world was better with u

look at me, better off

without you

[lilmamabeyellin]

[notyour-wallflower]

i thought about kissing you today

and yesterday

and the day before that.

[notyour-wallflower]

i am broken

every night my heart crumbles to pieces

another night without you

i miss your touch

the way it healed me. i melted into you

i would do anything to hear you

tell me that you love me

i need it

i need you

[notyour-wallflower]

i want to trace my fingers

over every curve of your body

i want to kiss them one by one

i want to feel every part of u on me

until i melt into you

and you into me

[notyour-wallflower]

being back home didn’t sound like a bad idea until you left 

and now all I see is the ghost of you in all the old places we used to live

— i wish this was a bad dream

[notyour-wallflower]

your eyes melt me like the sunset melts into the sky

your smile makes me warm like the sun on my skin the first day of summer

your touch ignites a fire in me that i never knew exsisted

— her

[notyour-wallflower]

“i unzipped my thick layer of insensibility for u and i laid there next to you as my vulnerability poured out of me”

— did you ever care?

[notyour-wallflower]

“i woke up to the memory of the curve of your lips the thought of tracing my fingers along them there is nothing i wouldn’t do to have them against mine to have your heartbeat against my face i would go 1000 days without light i always liked the dark better anyway”

— i miss u

[notyour-wallflower]

“… a short spark at first But suddenly i am ignited His love surrounds me and i am lost Lost in a wildfire of his warmth somewhere I’d rather not be found”

— leave me here

[notyour-wallflower]

to my mother,

you were like no one else. you were one of a kind and anyone who was lucky enough to get the chance to know you knew that. people who had never even met you knew that from stories of you. you made people laugh effortlessly with your vibrant personality and the mark you left on anyone who ever met you will never go away I promise. I was lucky enough to be raised by a woman who was fearless. by a woman who would do anything and beyond for her children. we didn’t have much but we had each other. we had our memories and we could laugh at them. life with you was a journey i could never forget. the ups and downs at the moment made me feel like the world was ending but the experiences I had with you, the things you taught me on the way made me who I am today. you taught me to be independent, and that no matter how badly abandonment hurts you don’t let it stop you from pushing forward. you were so smart in ways I didn’t always understand. you knew how to survive. you knew how to fight. you knew how to talk to people and your charm is something I couldn’t forget if i wanted to. you loved to have fun and there was always a wild child in you who never grew up. i miss our conversations. I could talk to you about things I was nervous to tell other people because they wouldn’t understand. You always understood me. You never judged me. You let me be myself even as a kid, you encouraged me to be weird... you encouraged me to take my own path even if no one else was behind me. You taught me to be a leader and never a follower because it wasn’t in our blood. you gave me advice i will never forget. i remember calling you the first time I tripped on acid, i was scared, even though I didn’t admit it at the time, and I wanted your advice. you told me to make sure I ate before, you told me to be outside in nature, and to smoke a joint half way through. And that I would be fine. About four hours later I got a text from you “you still tripping????” and in the moment I laughed. My mom was checking on me during my first acid trip. Mom I loved you in ways I never learned to express and I’m so sorry. Our relationship was never perfect but we tried. we spoke to each other honestly and we admitted to the things we had done wrong to each other. I will live every day of my life making you proud. I will think of you everyday and I will speak to you. I hope wherever you are you can see me and hear me. I wish I could give you one last hug and kiss and tell you how much I love you. I remember as a kid you hated when I didn’t kiss you goodbye. I wish so badly I could kiss you right now. I never realized it at the time but you were my true best friend. You always were. I wish you could meet my future babies. But they’ll know all about you and the crazy stories I have about you. Only the good ones I promise. I love you so much mommy. im so sorry this happened to you. I love you to the moon and back. love, your sunshine. your daughter, Katelynn.

[notyour-wallflower]

after all the long nights i waited up for you the birthday wishes i wasted the empty seat at my graduation you would think i am resilient to disappointment  but it still stings the same you taught me that pretty words are not always followed by actions and saying i love you is a lot easier than showing it maybe thats why i trust men who hurt me because i see you when they look at me

gone. 

[notyour-wallflower]

you crushed every part of me that i loved you stripped all of my favorite parts away  and here i am still looking for the pieces

who is she?

[notyour-wallflower]

i dont think it was love at first sight because ive seen you before in my dreams much before you knew me, i knew you i waited for you i prayed for this.

[notyour-wallflower]

i've never been good at balance when im happy the sun softly wakes me up in the morning, the birds sing me hello the flowers remind me of how soft i am and each step i take feels like i am on a cloud but when i am sad it pours, it rains every day the clouds dont leave me alone and i cant see the sun anymore oh how nice it would be to know what it feels like to live in the middle to know balance

why not both?

[notyour-wallflower]

you walk this earth as though they have the heart you do as though they see the world the way that you do or forgive the way that you do, or love the way that you do you dont see the ugly, you dont hear the things that they say you walk this earth as though no one wants to hurt you, or try to break your heart for the truth is, you’ve never given them a reason to the truth is… the prettiest flowers are always picked, and only the most precious stones are made under pressure.

her foot steps are soft 

.kosmamiaa

[notyour-wallflower]

reminders for kate

take everything at your own pace. complete your goals/tasks one at a time. you become overwhelmed when you take on too much at once.wake up & remind yourself of your goals. dont lose focus for too long. rest is important but always know when you’ve had enough. lose your “all or nothing” mentality. take baby steps. take more time to step back and reflect. its okay to be in a funk, just dont let it last too long. its okay to give but please do not forget to give to yourself. remember to say “no” when you need to. keep in mind that to get to where you want to be you need consistency. you can never stop taking steps towards your dreams. there are no days off. brush it off and keep going.