tbh this is just depressing

just my vent blog so that i don't concern my followers on main lol (warning includes potentially triggering content i.e. mentions & descriptions of depression, anxiety, self harm, and suicidal thoughts / speech) if you miracuously stumble upon this blog, please be safe and careful. 

[noventingonmainpls]

idk what it is that irritates me most about the whole grown ass adults (around 30 approx). that adopt some cutesy baby talk persona and the people around them (usually a bunch of men) just kind of eat it up and immediately decide that that person needs to be protected, needs to be sheltered, needs to be babied, etc. Like ... that shit just irritates me. 

Especially when they do [so and so] and all judgement and issues are resolved because they’re a ‘precious bean who can do no wrong uwu’ like get the fuck out of here and grow the fuck up. 

i will never fucking baby someone in their 30s. 

[noventingonmainpls]

if i actually went through it and killed myself, i wonder what the best way to do it would be. 

i don’t know.

i can imagine myself being a cold, unmoving corpse in the middle of this empty bedroom floor. spotify will have permanently paused on whatever station i decided to have send me off. i don’t know what it would be. panic at the disco maybe. something to send my soul to rest, if those even exist. and after a few days, i’ll be all stiff and pale. the gnats and summer flies floating around the house would finally have a home. it’s too bad that i’d start to stink. probably raise a few questions, if the vomit of my own overdose filled bile didn’t do a good enough job of that already. like. just. i can see it. so clearly in my head. and it doesn’t bother me. which bothers me. like

my lips feel like they want to smile writing all of this down and that’s fucked up. 

on my walk, i passed by a bridge. like people do on their walks, i guess. they pass by bridges and peer over the side and wonder absentmindedly if jumping from this height would kill them or just break a whole lot of bones. i don’t want to be in extreme pain when i die. i don’t want to cry out. i just want to die. 

[noventingonmainpls]

one of the thing that gets me most about wanting to kill myself is the fact that. if i did it. it would take them days to even notice. it would take days for anyone to care enough to think of where i went to. my own mother, who never leaves the house, would only notice my absence if i didn’t answer her insistent phonecalls to get her more soda. because what matters more than more soda, am i right? i could be laying on the bathroom floor. mouth frothing after the whole bottle of pills i just swallowed were slowly draining my life force, and there would be no chance of anyone caring to know where i went. other than mom. and only if it were for that damn, stupid, stupid, stupid soda. 

it would be too late to save me if anyone even bothered to do it. and that’s. twisted. to me. in movies and in cinema they always have a chance there’s always a stretch of time just before the actual suicide where they can be saved. someone rushes in. stops them from going off the side of that rooftop. someone coincidentally opens the door to see the aftermath of all of those pills and rushes them to the emergency room just before its too late. but i know, deep in my heart, that i would be the other side of the story. the victims who nobody cared enough about to look for just in time to prevent their death. the one nobody cared enough about.

the one nobody would miss. 

i want to die. 

[noventingonmainpls]

i can feel myself drifting from other people so slowly but surely. i don’t know what to do about it. i don’t know how to be normal towards my friends i don’t know how to love and actively enjoy talking to people again. especially in groups. i don’t know when / how i grew so overwhelmed with it but i just. a ugu hhsadjklsa

[traumaticchild]

questions i cant answer

[deadinparadice]

100 Reasons NOT To Kill Yourself

1. We would miss you. 2. It’s not worth the regret. Either by yourself if you failed or just simply left scars, or the regret everyone else feels by not doing enough to help you. 3. It does get better. Believe it or not it will eventually get better. Sometimes you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow. 4. There’s so much you would miss out on doing. 5. There is always a reason to live. It might not be clear right now, but it is always there. 6. So many people care, and it would hurt them if you hurt yourself. 7. You ARE worth it. Don’t let anyone, especially yourself, tell you otherwise. 8. You are amazing. 9. A time will come, once you’ve battled the toughest times of your life and are in ease once again, where you will be so glad that you decided to keep on living. You will emerge stronger from this all, and won’t regret your choice to carry on with life. Because things always get better. 10. What about all the things you’ve always wanted to do? What about the things you’ve planned, but never got around to doing? You can’t do them when you’re dead. 11. I love you. Even if only one person loves you, that’s still a reason to stay alive. 12. You won’t be able to listen to music if you die. 13. Killing yourself is never worth it. You’ll hurt both yourself and all the people you care about. 14. There are so many people that would miss you, including me. 15. You’re preventing a future generation, YOUR KIDS, from even being born. 16. How do you think your family would feel? Would it improve their lives if you died? 17. You’re gorgeous, amazing, and to someone you are perfect. 18. Think about your favourite music artist, you’ll never hear their voice again… 19. You’ll never have the feeling of walking into a warm building on a cold day 20. Listening to incredibly loud music 21. Being alive is just really good. 22. Not being alive is really bad. 23. Finding your soulmate. 24. Red pandas 25. Going to diners at three in the morning. 26. Really soft pillows. 27. Eating pizza in New York City. 28. Proving people wrong with your success. 29. Watching the jerks that doubted you fail at life. 30. Seeing someone trip over a garbage can. 31. Being able to help other people. 32. Bonfires. 33. Sitting on rooftops. 34. Seeing every single country in the world. 35. Going on roadtrips. 36. You might win the lottery someday. 37. Listening to music on a record player. 38. Going to the top of the Eiffel Tower. 39. Taking really cool pictures. 40. Literally meeting thousands of new people. 41. Hearing crazy stories. 42. Telling crazy stories. 43. Eating ice cream on a hot day. 44. More Harry Potter books could come out, you never know. 45. Travelling to another planet someday. 46. Having an underwater house. 47. Randomly running into your hero on the street. 48. Having your own room at a fancy hotel. 49. Trampolines. 50. Think about your favourite movie, you’ll never watch it again. 51. Think about the feeling of laughing out loud in a public place because your best friend has just sent you an inside joke, 52. Your survival will make the world better, even if it’s for just one person or 20 or 100 or more. 53. People do care. 54. Treehouses 55. Hanging out with your soul mate in a treehouse 55. Snorting when you laugh and not caring who sees 56. I don’t even know you and I love you. 57. I don’t even know you and I care about you. 58. Because nobody is going to be like you ever, so embrace your uniqueness! 59. You won’t be here to experience the first cat world emperor. 60. WHAT ABOUT FOOD?! YOU’LL MISS CHOCOLATE AND ALL THE OTHER NOM THINGS! 61. Starbucks. 62. Hugs. 63. Stargazing. 64. You have a purpose, and it’s up to you to find out what it is. 65. You’ve changed somebody’s life. 66. Now you could change the world. 67. You will meet the person that’s perfect for you. 68. No matter how much or how little, you have your life ahead of you. 69. You have the chance to save somebody’s life. 70. If you end your life, you’re stopping yourself from achieving great things. 71. Making snow angels. 72. Making snowmen. 73. Snowball fights. 74. Life is what you make of it. 75. Everybody has a talent. 76. Laughing until you cry. 77. Having the ability to be sad means you have the ability to be happy. 78. The world would not be the same if you didn’t exist. 79. Its possible to turn frowns, upside down 80. Be yourself, don’t take anyone’s shit, and never let them take you alive. 81. Heroes are ordinary people who make themselves extraordinary. Be your own hero. 82. Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections. 83. One day your smile will be real. 84. Having a really hot, relaxing bath after a stressful day. 85. Lying on grass and laughing at the clouds. 86. Getting completely smashed with your best friends. 87. Eating crazy food. 88. Staying up all night watching your favourite films with a loved one. 89. Sleeping in all day. 90. Creating something you’re proud of. 91. You can look back on yourself 70 years later and being proud you didn’t commit 92. Being able to meet your Internet friends. 93. Tea / Coffee / Hot Chocolate 94. Sherlock season three. 95. Cuddling under the stars. 96. Being stupid in public because you just can. 97. If you are reading this then you are alive! Is there any more reason to smile? 98. being able to hug that one person you havent seen in years 99. People care enough about you and your future to come up with 100 reasons for you not to do this. 100. But, the final and most important one is, just, being able to experience life. Because even if your life doesn’t seem so great right now, literally anything could happen

IF that isn’t enough:

Depression Hotline: [phone] Suicide Hotline: [phone] LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255 Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386 Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743 Eating Disorders Hotline: [phone] Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673 Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272 Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000 Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253 Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453 UK Helplines: Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail [email protected] Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111 Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: [email protected] Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 [email protected] b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: [email protected] b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: [email protected] Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600 Drinkline: 0800 9178282 Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail [email protected] Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight India Self Harm Hotline: [phone] India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669 Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868, Free and available 24/7 suicide hotlines; Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430 Australia: 13-11-14 Austria: 01-713-3374 Barbados: 429-9999 Belgium: 106 Botswana: 391-1270 Brazil: 21-233-9191 China: 852-2382-0000 (Hong Kong: 2389-2222) Costa Rica: 606-253-5439 Croatia: 01-4833-888 Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67 Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908 Denmark: 70-201-201 Egypt: 762-1602 Estonia: 6-558-088 Finland: 040-5032199 France: 01-45-39-4000 Germany: 0800-181-0721 Greece: 1018 Guatemala: 502-234-1239 Holland: 0900-0767 Honduras: 504-237-3623 Hungary: 06-80-820-111 Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90 Ireland: 1800-247-100 Israel: 09-8892333 Italy: 06-705-4444 Japan: 3-5286-9090 Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292 Malaysia: 03-756-8144 (Singapore: 1-800-221-4444) Mexico: 525-510-2550 Netherlands: 0900-0767 New Zealand: 4-473-9739 New Guinea: 675-326-0011 Nicaragua: 505-268-6171 Norway: 47-815-33-300 Philippines: 02-896-9191 Poland: 52-70-000 Portugal: 239-72-10-10 Russia: 8-20-222-82-10 Serbia: 21-6623-393 Spain: 91-459-00-50 South Africa: 0861-322-322 South Korea: 2-715-8600 Sweden: 031-711-2400 Switzerland: 143 Taiwan: 0800-788-995 Thailand: 02-249-9977 Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800 Ukraine: 0487-327715 Uruguay: 095 73 8483 You will be missing out on every single wonderful thing yet to happen to you.

[brain3at3r]

if u see this please re blog. never scroll past this. you never know who may need to read this.

[transgender4days-deactivated202]

REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG

[thestarsdiary]

I will reblog this constantly for everyone to see it!This is importantant!💞

[fangirl-moment-x]

Didn’t see a helpline for India so here are a few:

1Life: 91-78930-78930 (24X7) [email protected]

Aasra: 91-22-27546669 (24X7) [email protected]

Vandrevala Foundation: 1860-266-2345 / 1800-233-3330 (24X7) [email protected]

SUMAITRI: 91-11-23389090 (Mon-Fri 2pm to 10pm and Sat-Sun 10 am to 10pm) [email protected]

Sneha India: 91-44-2464 0050 / 91-44-2464 0060 (24X7) [email protected]

Lifeline Foundation: 91-33-24637401 / 91-33-24637432

[noventingonmainpls]

me, walking around late at night without my phone or my glasses or any means of protection: oh no.... i sure hope someone doesn’t.........................come out of nowhere and..... snap my neck. killing me instantly.

[noventingonmainpls]

say what you want about frozen but i’d jump at the chance to run away into the frosted night and leave everything behind and never come back. ever. 

[noventingonmainpls]

would they even care if i died of an overdose right now. why do i feel so lonely and so pathetic when i can feel them laughing upstaris without me. why can’t i just be normal. 

[noventingonmainpls]

yes by all means encourage your failure of a youngest daughter to ~~~go to college~~~ where i will most likely not only drop out but also go into massive debt and throw myself off the roof of any selective school building!!! yay!!!! can’t you just realize that i’ll never amount to anything already!!!! can’t you just accept it!!!!!!!!!!!!! use common sense! i’ll never be anything worth while!!!!!!!!! augh!!!!

[noventingonmainpls]

ah so i’ve shifted from imagining stabbing my intestines out to bashing my brains out of my skull against the nearest blunt surface. 

[noventingonmainpls]

i will not surrender this life. not yet.

[noventingonmainpls]

my sister has stolen 7 years of my life straight from my hands. not anymore. i’m done giving it to her. she won’t take anything more from me. the only reason i tolerate her is for her daughter, my niece. but she can bite a goddamn bullet. 

i’m ready as i’ll ever be.

[noventingonmainpls]

idk how my mom always times her annoying badgering requests right when my depression hits me in the throat but can she stop doing that i want to bite my tongue and die lmao.

[noventingonmainpls]

i’ll never stop regreting not doing what other highschool students were doing during their years where school assisted them in their endeavors like learning how to drive, getting work experience, forming connections. but i was also actively trying to not flunk out of highschool due to depression and trying not to kill myself so it’s like lmao fuck me i guess

[noventingonmainpls]

i just wanna know if it’s normal to want to stab your own guts out with a rusty knife

[noventingonmainpls]

i want to sleep and never wake up literally why do i ever wake up there’s never anything waiting for me except a crippling emptiness