[nowitsnot]

DROWNING

I wonder what it would be like to breath

To take a deep breathe into my lungs

To not feel like I’m like drowning

But I can’t help it

I was born with heavy lungs

Heavy with the untold sadness of my mother

The outward anger of my father

And now they’re heavier

I just want to breath

And there is nobody to blame but me

[poetryforall]

[nowitsnot]

Gone

I thought that when you left this world, I would be able to feel it.

I thought that the pain would be instant, and as soon you left no matter where you were I would fall to my knees in agony.

But the pain slowly crept in when the news hit, and even more as the days go by.

It enveloped me completely. It left me breathless and aching, and it left me emptier than before.

I miss you.

[nowitsnot]

Why do I keep fucking things up with you? Why am I so incapable of being happy?

[nowitsnot]

I always dreamt I’d find you

I’d reach out to strangers in the dark

hoping it was you

not even knowing what you would look like

but then I found you

[gahdamnpunk]

PAY THEM WHAT THEY DESERVE AND NOT JUST DURING QUARANTINE ! ! !

[rvckrose]

[1111111111110]

WAIT

[nowitsnot]

I wish you could’ve loved me the way that I love you

[nowitsnot]

I’m convinced you couldn’t love me

because you knew

deep down

that I didn’t deserve it

and you’re right.

[nowitsnot]

And the worst thing about this break up

was that I always told myself

that you were the good thing

that the universe brought my way

after years of hardships,

it turns out the universe is cruel

and you were the worst thing

[nowitsnot]

You told me you’d never be able to love me

Right before you left

I feel like I always knew that

[nowitsnot]

I was 13

sitting in a corner of my room,

sobbing

And now I’m almost 22

and nothings changed

When does it get better?

[nowitsnot]

I was born angry at the world

but I forgive it now,

because it has you

[nowitsnot]

I keep having dreams

in which you tell me you love me

how silly of my brain

to keep having that hope

how could you love me,

when most days I don’t like myself?

[nowitsnot]

Today was the first day you made me feel insecure,

or was it me?

I can never tell if it’s my fault or someone else’s

My brain is convinced it will always be my fault.

[nowitsnot]

You are not only a better half of me,

you’re a much gentler half

a half that the world hasn’t tainted

a half that believes in good

and half with less hurt within it

why you chose me,

the tainted half,

will always be a mystery