I wish I had met you earlier.
I know realistically that our paths crossed at the only time they could have.
I had only been in Ohio for two months at this point, and you had only been at the shelter for two weeks. I don't know a lot about what you were doing before I met you, so i can only venture a guess about your home life and how you ended up where you did. You weren't house trained and, let's be honest, you didn't have much in the way of manners. But I was only 24 so I also didn't have a lot in the way of manners myself.
You weren't there for this part, but my car literally caught on fire on the way to meet you in Cincinnati. that was a whole mess beside the point, but the important part was that i still found a way to get down to you.
When i finally got there, you were at the gates to the shelter, greeting us. It was a beautiful day, early fall with still warm weather and the leaves just starting to turn. Your fur was a deep orange, an appropriately lovely autumn shade.
kevin pointed to you, this short, terribly short, standing creature, and asked, "what is that? Is that him?"
i wondered sometimes what you were like as a puppy and felt strangely guilty that I wasn’t there for you then. they estimated that you were 6 when we met.
We bonded quickly and, all in all, you moved around with me a total of six times. You had a slew of roommates, and accompanied me on the big adventure back home from Ohio to Washington. That feels like such a short time ago, little guy.
You never got used to midwest storms. you brought out a sense of patience and nurturing i never knew i had. i would sit on the floor with you in early morning hours, your small body trembling, your tongue lolled out as you panted wildly, as we sat on the floor in the bedroom, or living room, or bathroom, and waited for the lightning and thunder to pass.
It was always hysterical to see you gallop and leap your way around in the snow. Why did you roll around in it as often as you did?
You got ill a few times. we had some scary late night and prolonged vet visits. I always joke about how i knew your medical history so much more intimately than i knew mine. over time, you became older, and your illnesses continued. you were so patient with us giving you medications. i know it was challenging for you, you were such a trooper. however you always somehow managed to keep your appetite. that is something that you and i always had in common.
You didn't care much for other animals, or for other dogs. You barked at and chased squirrels and crows, and even buses, you weirdo. You barked at small and big dogs you saw in passing. You learned to coexist with those you saw more often- Bentley, Thatcher, Moon, Pick, Sadie.
I like to think that you, god forbid, felt a sense of affection for Kyrie, the cat at home. I remember when we first brought her home and Josh and i were so anxious. You were so curious, and i was convinced you were going to eat her. But hey! you didn't. you quickly fell into coexistence, whereas she fell in love with you. She was so small, and as a kitten, stalked you, pounced on you, bit at your ears. Sometimes you told her off, but usually you just let her play with you until she ran out of steam.
Rufus, don’t think we didn't catch you guys snuggling. We have photographic proof of this happening on multiple occasions.
Now i think you know this, but she misses you. She sleeps on your blanket, in your old bed - the one that we originally bought for her and you took over, anyway. She has no one to clean up after she, the ever messy eater, scatters her food across the floor. Kyrie has become more vocal, and has strangely taken up a lot of your old habits, including following us into the bathroom. Again, you were a weirdo.
As anyone in their mid twenties, i was often a mess. You saw me through some tough relationships, a number of apartment moves, loneliness and recklessness, and the stress of my first career. you, my dear Rufus, were my constant. You made sure i kept to some semblance of a routine. Your presence was a calming and needed ritual with food, walks, medication and loving company. You knew my deepest feelings, worries and fears and accepted these burdens quietly and without judgment. by virtue of being there and being present, you pulled me through times of hardship with your unconditional love.
Rufus, i am so glad you got to know Josh. You warmed to him slowly at first, but i think once he started feeding you, you really caught on. He was selfless and patient in his love for you, and his love for me.
Just like Josh has been there for the pool parties, the birthday parades, the laughter, the long walks and the short ones, he has also been right there for the days where you felt less well, when you started to slow down, and even in the last moments of your life. We both grieve your loss, but you have unified us in a way unlike anything else.
little buddy, i really believe that of all the things you taught me, one of the most incredible has been how deeply i have been able to fall in love. Your love for me and my love for you has given me an ability to open up in a way I never had experienced before.
You were, in a weird way, my Ohio guardian. You were my safety net in a strange, unfamiliar place. You made sure i made it home to Washington safely, and I thank you for that.
In life, i missed you when we were apart- something i knew was absurd, but i grew and continue to be so fond of you. In death, i find myself hoping you are at ease. You were a little furry thing made of slightly malfunctioning parts cobbled together in a way that didn’t quite make sense.
Thank you for letting me dress you in silly outfits. Thank you for bringing so much joy into my life, and the lives of those who knew you, and even the many people who stopped on the street to pet you and sometimes take a picture of you. Also to those people who would delightedly whisper "corgi" to themselves or their friends as you walked by. Thank you for fighting hard to stay well, and for keeping me company even as you got older and sicker.
I do, and will always miss you deeply. While i will always wish we had more time together, i am so grateful for what we had.
I like to think that you are still out there in some way, doing the things you most loved without having the limitations of an earthly physical form. I hope you never feel tired in your legs or your breath. I hope you are trying so many new foods, and savoring the ones you loved - like kale stalks, and sweet potatoes, and black beans! I hope there are many warm and soft blankets and beds for you to curl up on. I hope you come visit us when you can. I hope you are making friends, or at least learning to coexist. Know that we think of you often, we remember you so very fondly, and we will never forget you.
I love you forever and always, little guy.
theartofmadeline
dededos
baratheonpilled
areudirty
titsay
romaincrisis
tangentwithtanner
