@null-and-void-and-gone - Tumblr Blog

guide to making your system a nicer/more functional place

(disclaimer: this is what works for us, but everyone is different and as such may have different needs)

⭐️ Punishments, isolation, and jailing do not work. Do not use them.

⭐️ Try to understand why your headmates do the things they do. Research where that behavior comes from, try to note triggers.

⭐️ Be conscientious of each others' triggers (front triggers and other triggers). Try to learn what they are. Never share them with outsiders.

⭐️ Don't try to internalize singlet-style relationship types. You will not fit neatly into boxes of siblings, friends, partners, coworkers, roommates, or lovers. You are headmates.

⭐️ Have individual headspaces AND a collective headspace if you can. You can have houses, doorways, statues, fucking trees, whatever, in a circle in your collective headspace representing your individual headspaces. This way you are all connected, but have your own spaces. Have a collective meeting space in the middle.

⭐️ Try to make sure everyone has a name. Even if it's just "The Blue One". Unless a headmate specifically requests not to have a name, of course.

⭐️ Headmates can communicate in all sorts of ways. Not just words, but images, emotions, internal and external body language. Be open to listen.

⭐️ When looking for a headmate's "age", you are really looking for: emotional maturity, ability to understand complex topics, ability to consent to sex, ability to cope with an adult life, food preferences, communication style, and headspace appearance. It is most often not a literal age.

⭐️ If roles aren't natural, don't seek them.

⭐️ Put clear, honest communication + understanding above rules and everything else.

❤️ Regarding romance: It is a societal construct. Highly likely not to fit your collective needs. Take from it what you want. If it doesn't serve you, let it go.

[This list is likely to be edited for updates]

The fact that the notes on all of your pictures isn't in the thousands is criminal. 🌹

awww thank you so much 🥺 i have been feeling very not myself lately, so i very much appreciate this 💚

#‘when my disabilities disable me’ shit lmfao #anon ask

diphowell

when your son in law is kind of annoying but he also loves and supports your son and is very sweet so you make exceptions for him.

#is he river from to the moon

hinenihineni

Pain scale but the face gets happier as the number goes up

eerie-eyedd

#this is what chronic pain is

fof-plural

09 - Mirror Mirror

CW: Bodily insecurities, dysphoria, existential fears, and... internal violence? used for comedic effect? idk what the term is for that, let me know if you do.

A little bit of a heavier one today, really using this blog as a kind of journal to write my thoughts down. I hope you enjoy? Is that weird to say? Maybe you find it relatable, maybe not, maybe you wanna yell at me and call me a dumbass in the comments, jokes on you, that's engagement babyyyy >:)

We all react differently to seeing how we look, could be why most of us prefer to be fronting only when alone in our dark room, and usually sitting or laying down because a few of us feel weird being the wrong height physically.

I think it's really hard to identify with the body for us since we only discovered we were plural after being a few years into transitioning (one identity crisis into another, lucky us!) so we always tend to see the body as that particular person who had the most responsibility for our transition. Our legal name is Pink's name, the name we use with everybody is Pink's name, it's hard to not think of her as the body's identity, after all that's what we transitioned for.

I never identified with the body pretransition. I was in a constant state of derealization and dissociation without any sense of identity until a certain pandemic happened that gave me an excuse to grow out my hair for the first time in my life. We're coming up on our 4th HRT anniversary soon, and I can safely say that I did not feel like a person until transitioning, no wonder we never figured out our plurality until after that.

When I look in the mirror now, I see how far I've come. I see a body that I identify with, a face that doesn't disgust me like it used to. But in having this sense of self reflected in the mirror, we lose any chance of having others feel the same. That scares me.

It's a tricky situation, you can only ever look like a single person at a time. We have a few tricks like wearing our hair in different ways and dressing up in different types of clothes that give us a good approximation of being more than just Pink, but it's still hard. It's only ever that one person we've become when we look in the mirror. It's hard, and we don't have an answer.

We're not that far into our journey figuring ourselves out. I still feel like I write and draw these posts without the proper input from the rest of us. I can't escape that feeling of being "the default". But that's the honest answer, I don't know how to do this properly. I can read up on everything you should and shouldn't do, but ultimately I'm not perfect. I'm scared. I finally see myself in my reflection, I've reached the goalpost that trans people strive for every day, and it's terrifying to think of giving any part of that up.

To look more like us, that could mean looking less like me. To have us all here working together could mean I front less. It could mean less control. It could mean remembering less of my days. It could mean giving up parts of what I've worked so hard these past four years to achieve, and when I've come so far it's hard not to interpret that negatively. I know it would help us, I know Red thinks I'm selfish for putting myself above the rest of us, and I know it's something I need to make peace with if we're ever going to heal.

But it's hard, and I'm scared.

Pink, Field of Flowers

sunchildsatoru

phil affirming he was crashing out about sister daniel will ever not be funny. my brother in christ, we know

thelightmyxraysneed

null-and-void-and-gone

gonna be making my own homage to the red velvet green/brown cakes for halloween, will be back in a few days with results 👻

null-and-void-and-gone

incorporated the green phil aimed for into the cream cheese frosting 💚👻 happy halloween!!

#mine #baking #halloween baking #dan and phil #dip and pip #phan twitter #phan tumblr

happy halloween the scariest thing about today is how technologically illiterate i am

#am i 28 or 68

cornmaize

You’re married to your phone background/lockscreen how fucked are you

#a literal goddess #(statue technically)#very true<3

the-meme-monarch

happy hallowing you can take TWO pieces

#THE ORIGINAL HERSHEY COOKIES N CREME BAR HOLY FUCK #I CAN FEEL IT

junglejim4322

Something that I have noticed is I know almost nobody my age that goes to a food pantry. I know people who regularly run out of money for food and in general have to eat an unsuitable diet because that’s what they can afford and they still don’t go to a food bank, im not sure if it’s because they’re embarrassed or maybe if you didn’t grow up going you don’t know much about it but if you’re financially struggling I really recommend it. And look into other options for food assistance too like community fridges and gardens and other programs that can assist you, where I live Salvation Army pays for an allotted amount of grocery delivery for low income people every month, in the summer farmers take excess produce to the library to be taken by anyone who needs it, etc. There are a LOT of resources for free food that you can look into especially if you are literally not eating because of your financial situation

junglejim4322

Btw if you have dietary restrictions you can often let them know and in many cases they’ll prioritize certain items for you