I had the time to try a low contrast painting again. I still don't have the eye to perfectly nail the look without post correction, but I'm learning!
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daily drawing 2369
Talking wi-
Arguing with [Anw] did bring me outa sadness and loneliness [shouldn't hurt my ppl whatsoever tho, need to switch up to debating + no words that hurt] andd, I did figure outt that I am becoming like her in speaking and manipulation or other things [I can't really see thru ppl the degree she can, maybe hire someone or trust my intuition + learn]. Like people show their true face when they are angry, I detached my emotions mid argument and I could see/learn from her sentence on how she would do that. maybe a blessing in disguise, I don't know how long it will take her to realize that i am learning things i asked her to teach me without her knowing.... might take some time to notice or will stay dormant forever without her thinking abt it until i shut my mouth [Steven Cena Plej don't open your mouth on this, i believe in you].
I wanna reach the top whatsoever.
remember this. you are destined for this.
I am inherently good to good ppl and even bad ppl. and game theory is what im gonna follow, Tit for tat, will use Markov chains latur.
I do feel the change of getting her point and learning her perspectives.
debating is good tbh (until you are detached without harming them).
Goodnight.
wont force you to write blog everyday tho.
Edit: [She's a nice friend, only I need to journal lmao + Don't relay on anyone too much, that's it!]
You may think something is wrong with me or something like that but I will let you know the reason. I have seen you have many best friends and one of them being me; I don't know if you feel this but I don't like sharing my best friend with others, might be silly to you but idk about that. I don't like to feel like I'm one from the deck of cards you hold. I don't like being texted while texting others and it makes me feel like unimportant. I don't wanna be your best friend anymore, you can be my friend but don't ask to update everything about my life, I will be at GC but don't DM much. I may reach out often at first and it is hard for me either way, so I would suggest you to look at me like a normal friend or an acquaintance; and I hope it gives me time to talk to other people to be friends with or be best friends with. This decision is made after countless hours of zoning out, thinking for hours, writing, asking advice from countless people and the veterans from Reddit. I am writing this at [Sunday, March 22 11:30:06pm]. I know you can get through this as it wouldn't matter that much or might not idk, but it would be hard for me to divert the attention towards someone and something. I hope this does not become a thing for you to talk about it to someone and I hope I can send you this paragraph at least or maybe I might change my mind before finish writing this paragraph. I can send you this right now but I don't wanna cause any extreme mood swings as it's "that time of the month…."
im insane. treating people like i want doesnt take me anywhere (you sure? lol). I will get one later in life or im okay with myself.
I dono what to do but im learning cybersecurity fr.
people do really toss off once someone if they are not useful in any way.
Fine, I will play the world in my way.
Vit?
check list?
i. d. k.
but i will, im ready for the world.
im sure of what im talking rn.
i installed ghidra or whatever
i need to learn https://www.ragingrock.com/AndroidAppRE/
fell off the track day before or somewhere.
im ruining my sleep schedule, idk how to fix it.
time or quality? idk
Treat women like men and they are pieces in the board.
it's alright im taking whatever i can do to get what i want.
what I want?
"Follow my heart and whatever my eyes lands its gaze upon"
it is enough to navigate the world.
right now my life quality depends on the college im going into.
Imma quit pc and things start reading the bitsat book for vit.
yes thats my decision. dot.
i wanna do that.
will make it interesting.
i like my bird, it keeps my mood alright.
i need to read the manual (think and grow rich) and follow as a student
oh and i dont like the way [Anw] treats me.
one from the deck of cards. yes it would be disrupted if one went missing but the same would be felt for other cards too. reduced to just the numbers.
i dont i like that
fuck off
read this?
great
i reblogged and im feeling okay right now!
i thought i killed my real self to not to kill myself but wrong. I killed the mask i wore lol. Now im not stringed with something! i can act anyway i feel like.
I am now comforting a random girl even tho i need comfort andd she aint we replying soon seems like she is talking to someone else, i feel miserable. [violet]
Made me feel miserable. should really talking to people drain?
okay.
Lemme listen to my intuition from now on.
it says to cut connections with people, the ones who didn't work out. (then i feel like cutting connection with all)
As thirty approaches, a strange clarity settles in.
We begin to understand that the world will go on without ever noticing us.
Our grand dreams shrink into the price of fish, the cost of living,
into the quiet humiliation of counting money in dim light.
We once believed we would change history;
now we struggle to change our own circumstances.
And somewhere between these two truths,
we realize it was not the world that defeated us —
it was time, and our own smallness before it.
snowghoul
vaporwave
2087
discoholicmusic
kianamaiart
dededos
romaincrisis
janainaart
