Warning : oral (both), overstimulation, protected and unprotected sex, p in v, and that’s it ?
The concert ended a while ago. The sky is already black, dotted with a few veiled stars. Yn has slipped away from the stream of fans, fleeing the noise, the world, the hustle and bustle. She has taken refuge on a loading ramp at the back of the building, her legs dangling in the air. She sips slowly from a bottle of water, her head still full of sound and light.
She closes her eyes for a moment. The silence is pleasant. Then she hears footsteps. Fast, hurried footsteps. She opens her eyes in surprise.
A man is coming through a metal door, closing it gently behind him. He stops when he sees her. He clearly wasn't expecting to bump into anyone there. He's wearing a low-cut cap and an oversized jacket that barely conceals his muscular arms. But she recognizes his face instantly.
Chan.
He looks at her blankly, just a little wary. Not malicious. More like... intrigued.
- You're not supposed to be here," he says simply, eyebrows furrowed.
- I don't think you are either," she replies calmly.
He seems to hesitate. Then he shrugs and slowly approaches.
- You don't look dangerous. May I sit down? Just for a couple of minutes. I wanted to... breathe.
She nods. He sits down beside her, leaving a little space.
Silence settles in. But not an unpleasant silence. Chan closes her eyes, her head tilted back.
- Do you work here?
Yn stifles a laugh.
- No, I'm not. I've come to the concert.
He finally looks at her, a little surprised.
- Are you serious? You were in the audience?
- I was in the pit. Right in front. I think you even threw a bottle in my direction.
- Ah. Sorry if I aimed wrong.
She laughs.
- That was the best thing that's happened to me this week.
He smiles, amused. Then he looks at her a little more closely.
- Wait... you're a fan?
- Yup.
He blinks. He wasn't expecting that. He sits up a little straighter, looks at her frankly.
- And you stayed here by yourself afterwards?
- Not on purpose. I wanted to avoid the main exit. I hate crowds. Then I came across this place. It's... quiet.
He nods, jaw still clenched, but a little more relaxed.
- I should probably ask you to leave.
- But don't you want to?
He looks at her. And this time, he looks at her. More slowly. Her face, her voice. Something intrigues him.
- You're a little scary," he says softly.
Yn arches an eyebrow.
- In a good way, I hope.
He smiles, shakes his head.
- I don't know yet. But... there's something about you. You're giving off something.
- What do you want me to say? That I've been screaming your name for two hours? That my legs are all messed up from jumping on S-Class like my life depended on it? Or that you were obscenely handsome on stage, but now, like this, it's even worse?
He's speechless for a moment.
- Wow. You're not shy.
She shrugs, looking falsely nonchalant.
- Do you prefer silent fans?
- No, I don't. I prefer when someone talks to me like I'm just a guy. That's what you're doing, isn't it?
- I don't know about that. You're Christopher Bang. Am I supposed to stay calm?
He laughs, a real laugh, almost embarrassed this time.
- Well, okay. I'm starting to like it.
- Ah, so now you want to stay?
- I've already stayed.
She looks at him. And in this little suspended moment, the air saturated with the end of the concert, there's a tension that rises. The adrenalin in both their veins has not yet subsided.
He stares at her, then says:
- If you'd come to the dressing room... I'd have noticed you.
- I wasn't there. And yet you found me.
The air between them is charged. Chan is still close by, his hand against Yn's neck, his bright eyes fixed on hers. But suddenly, his gaze slides slightly lower. He lingers. First on her half-open mouth, then on the delicate line of her collarbone, on the birth of her cleavage, visible under her half-open jacket. He's not hiding. He looks, slowly, as if silently discovering her.
Yn says nothing. She lets him, her breath a little shorter, a smile barely visible on her lips. She feels this warmth rising inside her, this tension stretching to the very edge of her skin.
And then, with a slow movement, he raises his eyes to hers. And she knows. She knows he's going to do it.
He grabs her waist more firmly this time, pulls her against him. And without her having time to say a word, his lips find hers.
A kiss at first calm, almost contemplative. Then more assertive. Her hand slides down his back. Yn responds immediately, gripping the fabric of her jacket, drawing her a little closer. The taste of her skin, the smell still warm from the concert, all blend together.
He bites his lip, gently, then pulls away, short of breath, his forehead against hers.
- Just a moment. Just a second.
Yn, out of breath, looks at him uncomprehendingly.
- What's the matter? Have you changed your mind?
He laughs a little, nervous, puts a hand over his mouth, still burning.
- No, I haven't. No, I haven't. But... I need to tell you something before we go any further.
- Ah. The boring kind, like you're married with three kids and I'm on Candid Camera?
- Worse.
- Ah.
He raises a finger.
- Confidentiality agreement.
She stares at him. A blank. Then she bursts out laughing.
- You can't be serious.
- I'm dead serious.
- You kiss me and then talk to me about a confidentiality agreement?
He grimaces.
- Yeah, he does. I'm supposed to have you sign it before we're even alone. But I'm not very good with protocol when I'm confused.
- You're confused?
He looks up at her, his voice hoarser.
- Look at you. Of course I'm confused.
She stares at him, still half amused, half tempted.
- What if I refuse to sign?
He moves closer to her ear.
- Then I'll walk you out like a gentleman. And I hate myself for a week.
- Hm. Tempting.
- But if you sign... I'll take you to my room. Right away.
He looks at her with that intensity that makes her certainties tremble. He's not kidding. And that troubles her more than anything else.
Yn blows out a breath, crosses her arms.
- How far is your room?
He gets up slowly, holds out his hand, this time looking serious.
- It's maybe ten minutes from here by car.
She looks at him, his hand outstretched towards her, and that arrogant little sparkle in his eyes.
- Are you really that kind of guy?
He leans toward her, a smile on his lips.
- No, I'm not. I'm worse. But you already want to see what's behind that door, don't you?
She bites her lip, hesitates for half a second... then slips her hand into his.
- Come on. Show me the damn contract, Christopher.
And he takes her away, without looking back, his fingers clasped around hers, his heart still beating to the rhythm of the concert, but this time, for an entirely different reason.
The door closes behind them with a muffled click. Barely in, Chan removes his jacket and tosses it onto an armchair. He rubs his face as if to collect himself, to refocus. The décor is simple but luxurious: beige leather sofa, dimmed lights, a half-finished bottle of water on a coffee table, and... a black folder sitting prominently.
Yn steps forward, arms crossed, his gaze circulating the room.
- I've seen movies that start like that.
Chan turns to her, purses his lips.
- I promise I won't drug you.
She arches an eyebrow.
- You don't have to say it if it's true.
He smiles, but his eyes turn serious again. He picks up the folder and places it on the table in front of her.
- OKAY. Just listen. It's not very sexy, I know, but I have to be clear. It's not just for me, it's for you too. And for everything that might come of it.
Yn stares at him, silent.
Chan opens the file and shows her the first pages.
- Confidentiality agreement. If you sign, you're not allowed to talk about what's going on between us. Not to anyone. Not to a friend, not to your sister, not on some weird app at 3am. You break the contract, you get sued. Huge. Like... life-changing.
- It's... intense.
- Welcome to the life of a guy whose face can ruin a career with a rumor.
She doesn't answer right away. He turns another page, his fingers sliding quickly over the text.
- If you get pregnant - and I'm not saying that's what's going to happen, we're not here - but if it does... the contract provides for several things.
She looks at him, now more attentive.
- You'd be taken care of. Medically, financially. À 100 %. But you'd also have obligations. No public announcements without my approval. No media. No posts. No "I'm the mother of Chan's child."
- And if I want to keep it?
- Then you keep it. I'll take responsibility, legally. But quietly. In private. You'd have full protection. And... the right to fuck me over with a lawyer if I run.
Yn remains silent. He closes the file, crosses his arms in turn.
- I won't force you. But if you want to stay the night, if you want it to go further than what we've already shared... you have to sign.
A silence, heavy, tense.
She looks at him. He's no longer playing. He's not flirting. He's straight. Transparent. Raw.
- And what's the real risk for you?" she asks at last. Are you afraid I'll destroy you?
He looks up at her, softer this time.
- No, I'm not afraid. I'm afraid I won't be able to let go.
She squints slightly.
- How many girls have you told that to?
He shakes his head.
- I haven't. But there's something about you. I don't like you like the others. And that's precisely why I'd rather we set the rules right away, before things get out of hand.
She takes the file. Flips through it. Reads a few sentences in silence. Then closes it slowly.
- Which pen do you want me to sign with?
He reaches for the bedside table. A black pen, engraved "Grand Hyatt Seoul". He holds it out to her, silently.
Yn takes it.
- You know it's strangely... exciting?
- A little, yeah.
She inscribes her first name, then signs.
She puts the pen down.
And she looks at him.
- Okay. Now that I've signed your little confidential pact... are you going to show me what you look like without the weight of your reputation?
Chan doesn't smile.
He steps forward. Slowly, slowly. And this time, he says nothing at all.
Chan steps forward slowly.
Not another word. Just this tense silence between them, laden with everything they no longer dare say, now that the ground has been laid.
His hands come to rest on her hips, lightly at first, then more assuredly. He looks at her for a long time, his breath barely irregular. Then he kisses her. Slowly. This time without interruption. Without play. With a quiet, almost grave intensity.
His lips are warm against hers, his hand moves slowly up to the nape of her neck, slipping his fingers in as if he wanted to keep her against him. Yn surrenders gradually, responding to his rhythm, their bodies closer now, their breaths intertwined.
He barely steps back, his lips still brushing hers.
- You have no idea what you're doing to me.
His voice is hoarse, low, full of a tension he no longer masks.
His hands slide gently to his jacket. He slowly undoes it, first one side, then the other, sliding it carefully off his shoulders. As if he were undoing a secret. As if he had all the time in the world. The jacket falls to the floor with a discreet rustle.
Chan lets his hands run down her bare arms, up to her shoulders. He looks at her as if it's the first time he's seen a female body - or maybe just this body, his.
- Tell me to stop if I'm going too fast," he whispers.
Yn shakes his head.
- You're perfect. Go on.
He smiles, slightly, his eyes shining. He starts kissing her again, this time deeper, with a little more fire in his mouth, a little more need.
His hands slide down her back, pressing her gently against him. She feels every inch of his torso, his breath, the desire rising in him with disarming clarity. And she surrenders to it, aware of the moment, of this suspended moment that might only exist tonight... but which, for now, seems to be all that matters.
He barely steps back again, his fingers brushing the base of her neck.
- You're trembling," he says softly.
- I'm excited.
- I'm excited too.
He kisses her again, longer this time, and draws her slowly towards the bed, without brusqueness, without brutality. Just with this raw, contained need that he no longer hides.
And once we're a few steps from the bed, he whispers:
- What's happening now... is between you and me. No one else. Do you promise?
- I promise.
Then he gently pulls her back, guides her to the white sheets behind her, his lips on her skin, his voice slipping between breaths:
- Let me show you how right I was not to leave last night.
He sits down heavily on the bed, grabbing her hip to urge her to sit on top of her as he removes her T-shirt in one fluid motion.
His lips go straight to hers without wasting any time, like a hard drug that's hard to forget, as his hands roam up and down her body.
Yn doesn't hesitate.
She lets herself be guided, sliding one leg to either side of him as she sits astride him, her hands flat on his naked torso still warm with restrained desire. The touch of her skin against his is almost too strong, like a jolt. Chan lets out a hoarse sigh, his hands immediately sliding under the fabric of her top, this time with more frankness, less restraint.
- You're an obsession in the making," he murmurs between kisses, his lips grazing her jaw, her neck, each word charged with contained fire.
She looks up at him, her eyes shining, her breath short. Her own envy rises, twists her thoughts. She runs her hands through his hair, pulls it back slightly to better expose his face, then kisses him again, this time harder, deeper. She feels his pelvis tense against hers, his breathing quicken.
His hands move down to her hips, pressing her further against him. He moans lightly against her mouth.
- You're playing with me.
- You've started.
She giggles against his lips, then straightens just enough for him to grab the bottom of her top. He removes it slowly, his eyes never leaving hers, as if checking every moment that she's still there, still okay. Once the fabric is off, he remains silent for a moment.
- Damn it, let me look at you...
He grazes her ribs with his fingertips, moving slowly down to her waist. He leans back a little more against the headboard, kisses her again, then lets his lips slide down to her chest, his hands still holding her firmly against him.
Yn gently tilts her pelvis, causing a gentle but unbearable pressure between them. He raises his head, his pupils dilated, his hands now holding her as if she were about to disappear.
- Let me show you what a big fan I am of your work.
A sparkle shines in Chan's eyes as he understands what she's getting at.
She slowly descends from his lap, not breaking eye contact as they lay both hands flat against the bed.
She breaks contact with him as she slowly lowers her jogging suit and boxer shorts.
Chan shudders slightly as her hand makes contact with his half-hard cock.
She looks up at him again, as she slowly begins to play with her full length, a shiver running down her spine.
- Go ahead, baby.
A small smile catches her eye as she tilts her head up to take his tip in her mouth.
A discreet sigh leaves Chan's lip barrier as she slowly runs her tongue over him before gradually taking him into her mouth.
- Oh, please..don't tease me
She doesn't hesitate, and slowly takes his whole length down her throat, letting him savor every thrust.
A long sigh leaves the barrier of his mouth, as he throws his head back and runs his hands through his hair.
- You're too good at that, baby.
She doesn't stop, but tilts her head up and down, taking him deep in her throat.
Chan lays his back against the bed, hiding his flushed face with his hands, so intense is the pleasure.
- I can't hold out much longer if you keep this up...
She finally pulls back from him, still caressing hard, looking at him with a smile.
- Then go ahead, I've signed for it babe, cum in my mouth.
And plunges her head back into his length, swirling her tongue in just the right way, and sucking him just right.
- Yeah, here..right here...
It doesn't take much for Chan cum in her tongue after a groan rock.
He almost gasps, red-faced, as he straightens to look at her.
She steps back from him, smiling, sticking out her tongue to show him the white liquid in her mouth, before swallowing.
- You're gonna make me loose my mind if you continued like that princess.
He moves towards her and presses his lips to hers, tasting himself on her tongue.
He grabs her hip to carry her onto the bed, his tongue running over her collarbone.
- That my turn now, yeah ?
He sweeps his kisses along her neck, her upper chest, her belly, her thighs.
She just stares at him, biting her lips, as he straightens up and lowers his jeans.
- I'm gonna make you feel so good, that, after that, you're gonna be obsessed by my mouth, and my tongue.
He throws his jeans somewhere in the room as she straightens up, looking at him defiantly.
- Go ahead, prove it to me Christopher bahng.
A huge grin breaks out on his face as he grabs her panties and slowly pulls them down, still under her gaze.
He leans in and kisses her once more, before moving his lips away from hers to bend down over her now almost naked body.
Yn feels Chan's breath on her womanhood, her breath cut off when she feels his lips on her thigh, then on her pubis, and the next second, Chan's lips are kissing her pussy.
She licks her lips as Chan first slowly begins to kiss her femininity.
Small sighs leave the barrier of Yn's lips, as Chan begins to run his tongue along her entrance.
- f-fuck, Chan..
His voice trembled. He slid his tongue across her lips as if trying to taste her again, not to lose a single trace.
He squeezed Yn's thighs a little tighter as he plunged his head deeper between her legs.
He's not even trying to tease her by going slow anymore, he's simply devouring her, licking and sucking every inch of her skin.
She's no longer hiding either, her skin warm, her face slightly flushed. Her hand is lost in Chan's hair, which she holds in her hands.
Her hands gripped his thighs, holding them open. He was breathing hard, almost panting, as if he'd been running. He rubbed his cheek against her inner thigh, moaning softly, before sinking his head back between her legs, without warning.
- No, wait, Chan-!
He wasn't listening anymore. His mouth closed on her with desperate eagerness, his tongue eager, messy. He moaned against her clit, invaded by her taste, by the wetness, by the noise she made as he sucked harder. He didn't care. He was in it, lost in it, thinking of nothing else.
His fingers slid inside her slowly, just to hear her moan, and his tongue added to it almost immediately. He grunted against her, eyes closed, shaking with pleasure just to feel her tremble.
- sh-shit..I'm close, Christopher...
He groaned against her, accelerating his tongue movements, and accentuating his fingers inside her.
It doesn't take much for her to cum against his tongue, with a barely concealed moan, as she holds the sheets tightly against his grip.
Chan doesn't sit up straight away. He leaves a trail of kisses down her body, before moving up to capture her lips once more.
But as he pulls away, a brief moment of hesitation passes through his eyes.
He freezes.
- I didn't... fuck, I don't have any condoms...
Yn straightens up almost immediately, breathless, eyes searching the drawers.
- You... don't...?
She looks at him, a flicker of disappointment in her eyes, as if everything has come to an abrupt halt.
- Wait a second.
Chan scrambles to his feet, grabs his robe and throws it against the desk.
- Han's in front of my room, I think... He must have some.
He doesn't even take the time to see his reaction. Already, he's disappearing down the corridor.
Yn remains alone in the room for a moment, still panting, her fingers absent-mindedly grasping the crumpled sheets beneath her. Silence falls again, broken only by the muffled sounds of the corridor and her own heart beating a little too fast.
She inhales deeply, trying to regain composure, but her body is still burning from her hands, from her mouth. She lets herself fall back, one arm thrown over her eyes.
- Seriously, Han... you'd better be useful for once.
The door swings open a few seconds later, and Chan half-runs in, bathrobe loosely closed, cheeks flushed, bag in hand, brandishing it.
- He give me like..one..
She ticks slightly as she looks at the sachet in his hand.
- only one..?
- He told me he wants to save some for himself...
He moves forward slowly, climbing back against the bed after dropping his bathrobe.
- I suppose that'll be enough...
Chan approaches her again, an amused smile on his lips, but his gaze becomes serious again as he leans over her.
- I can still stop if you want, you know. I mean... there's no hurry.
She stares at him for a moment, her blue eyes locked on his, then draws him gently against her, her fingers sliding along the nape of his neck.
- Shut up, Christopher.
He laughs, softly. Then he kisses her, this time more slowly, like a promise.
As they kiss, Yn hastens to remove her last layer of clothing, her bra, while Chan unrolls condoms on is cock.
- There you go, baby.
He grabs her cock in his hand, and plays lightly with her entrance, before gently entering her.
Her breath catches, as Chan begins to thrust into her more and more.
- Oh my-fuck...
Chan smiles against her collarbone, which he hasn't stopped kissing, as he first slowly begins to move inside her.
- You..you feel so good Yn..
He straightens up, hooks both hands on her thighs for support, and continues to move a little faster as Yn's moans fill the room.
Chan brings his hand to Yn's breast, who hides her eyes with both arms, but does nothing to hide her moans.
- That good-fuck- That so good!
Chan smiles as he moves closer to kiss her collarbone, before whispering:
- Yeah ? Did you like how my cock feel you up ?
She pulls her arms away from her eyes, grabbing Chan's hair.
- Fuck, don't stop, please-dont...
As any answer, Chan just speeds up, filling her more and more with his cock.
- You took me very well Yn...You're warm and..and felling so good..so good for me...
She moans a little more as she clenches around him, while he speeds up his movements, playing with her clit.
- You gonna cum ? Hm?
She nods quickly, clenching the sheets against her grip.
- I will make you cul around my cock. Go ahead baby.
He speeds up even more, while Yn instinctively closes her thigh.
- You creamed my cock, baby.
And at the same moment, she cries out, cumming against his cock.
- That it.
He pulls out, as she turns slightly panting.
- You can give me one more ? Hm?
For all answer, she turns over, sticking her chest to the sheets, and raising her hips.
Chan bites his lips, feeling his belly do that thing.
He grabs her cock, and stands in front of her entrance, before penetrating her a second time for tonight.
A long sigh leaves the barrier of his lip as he begins to move inside her again.
Yn's moans get a little louder, and longer, due to the orgasm she'd had the minute before.
- You hug me even tighter, baby...
- Because, that..is to much..to good...
Chan smiles at her tone and speeds up her movements, tightening his grip on her.
For her part, Yn holds the sheet tightly in her grip and presses her face against the pillow, muffling her moans a little more.
Chan taps harder and harder, deep inside her cunt, without mercy, as the pleasure takes them both.
- I will make you cum again, before I cum.
But Yn doesn't respond, because she can feel her legs trembling as he pushes harder and harder inside her.
- I can feel how tight you're getting around me, babe. Go on, cum again. Cum all over my cock.
She lifts her head, cheeks flushed, and a scream comes from her mouth as she begins to cum again.
And after a few thrusts, it's Chan's turn to cum inside the condom.
He stops inside her, both breathless.
He slowly withdraws from her, as a shudder takes hold of him, he slowly removes the condom, and knots it before throwing it in the garbage can.
He then moves towards her again, just as she has turned over to lie on her back.
Chan returns to her, and his lips to hers.
He's still a little hard against her, as he rubs himself against her by instinct.
- You were perfect, babe.
He doesn't have time to answer before kissing her again.
- You're still hard.
- Don't worry about that.
He lies back on the bed, but still grabs her cheek to continue kissing her, like a junkie who can't get enough of his fix.
- Your lips are soft...
He places several successive kisses on her lips, as she starts to giggle slightly.
- They're like..heaven...
He goes back to kissing her more deeply, sighing slightly.
One pulls back slightly as he begins to kiss her collarbone. She slowly moves her hand towards his sick and begins to slowly caress it.
Chan sighs slightly, but doesn't stop kissing as he becomes hard again.
- you're still hard, Chris.
She looks at him, before sitting back against his pelvis.
- I can't leave you with the memories that I left you hard.
Chan bites his lip, bringing his hands to her cheeks, and lowers her to kiss him again.
- Do you want to do this, one more time?
- Seriously, you're Christopher Bahng. Only a fool didn't want to fuck with you.
She rises slightly, grabbing his cock, and steps back to rub herself lightly against him.
Chan sighs.
- We didn't have condoms anymore.
- And. I have a stérilet. I thinks a have the prescription in my phone if you don't believe me.
She's about to get up to fetch her phone, but Chan holds onto her hips to keep her in place.
- It's okay, it's okay. I trust you, go ahead, say on my cock, babe.
She licks her lip, before lifting her hips.
She looks Chan in the eye, before slowly sitting on him.
A sigh catches them both.
They connect again, but this time, without a barrier.
- Fuck! You..fuck!
She sighs loudly, as she places both hands fully against his chest, and slowly begins to move.
- Good. Feel to good Christopher...
Chan groans, hearing his name breaking through her lip barrier.
- Yes, please. Keep call me like that when you ride me, baby.
Yn moans, as Chan brings one hand to her breast, and starts playing with her nipple, while the other puts pressure against her hip.
- Chan-Fuck! I...
Chan brings his hand to the back of her head, and lowers it to kiss her, while his other hand moves to her right buttock.
- Keep going like that..that feel good..
She pulls away from him, and bites her lip, as a long visual contact is established between them.
She steps back, stops, turns on her cock, and begins to move more fluidly again.
Chan bites his lip as he brings his hand to her buttocks, helping her and wrinkling her cock.
- A-Ah.. My God...this is..
Chan straightens up, bringing his hand to her neck as she stops.
He doesn't speak, just kisses the nape of her neck as he lifts her so that he's no longer inside her.
He then turns her around, kisses her directly, then penetrates her again as his shambles are now on her thighs.
His thrusts are brutal, hitting the right spot as she moans louder and louder against his mouth.
- I'm not going to last longer if you-
- Yeah, go ahead baby, creamed my cock, please..
She lets out a moan, throwing her head back before leaning against Chan's shoulders.
And just a few minutes later, she comes with a long cry. Her legs start to shake, as Chan lets out a rocking moan.
- Please..tell me where I wan cum...I need it baby...
She's a little in the waves, but still moans and shakes from overstimulation.
Chan, no longer able to contain himself, pulls out of her, and doesn't even need to stroke her cock, he's cumming all over her belly.
They hold each other breathless again, for long minutes.
- I'm sorry.
- hmm.. for what..?
Chan looks up at her.
- For cumming..in your stomach..
She doesn't answer immediately, but eventually sits up, crosses her arms over her shoulders, and starts kissing her languidly.
- Don't worry about that.
Chan brings his lips directly to hers once more and kisses her, differently from before, it's a more sincere, slower kiss.
He then rests his forehead against hers, still breathless.
After a few minutes, she breaks the silence with a little laugh.
- You're acting like..I'm your girlfriend..anyone never do this with me..
He opens his eyes again, and looks at her without answering, before grabbing a lock of her hair.
- Yeah. Be my girlfriend for tonight. Just, let's go wash up, and stay with me like you're my girlfriend.
She frowns a little, looking at him as if to see if he's joking. But Chan doesn't smile. He plays absentmindedly with the lock between his fingers, his eyes fixed on her with that gentle intensity he only has with her.
- For tonight, huh... she murmurs, almost to herself.
She nods slowly, her gaze softened by fatigue and something else, something deeper. She places a kiss on the corner of his lips.
- Okay. Just for tonight.
A slight smile passes over Chan's face, relieved perhaps, or simply happy that she's said yes. He sits up slowly, and helps her to her feet, their bodies still glued together by the warmth of what they've just shared.
- Come on," he says softly. I'll put the water on.
She follows him to the bathroom without a word, her legs a little shaky, her arms crossed over her chest. He hands her a clean towel, takes the time to adjust the water temperature before turning to her. She's there, right behind him, silently observing him.
- You know you can say no to me, don't you," he murmurs, almost embarrassed.
- I know.
They look at each other once more. Then she enters the shower first. He joins her a few seconds later, gently closing the glass door. The hot water trickles over them, gradually erasing the traces of the night.
She rests her head against his chest, her eyes closed, her fingers wrapped around his hip.
- You're really warm.
- Stay as long as you want.
He slips his arms around her, and this time neither of them says anything. Not yet. They simply let silence, the sound of water, and the weight of their fragile agreement fill the space between them. Because tonight is different. Because tonight, she's his girlfriend. Just for a moment.
And maybe it's already too much.
Steam begins to fill the small bathroom, making the atmosphere almost unreal. Yn looks up at Chan without moving, her cheek still resting against his chest.
- You're staring again," she murmurs, half-amused.
- Can't help it.
He lowers his head and places a kiss on her forehead, then another on her temple, and yet another behind her ear, causing her to jump slightly.
- Chan! That tickles," she laughs, trying to pull back a little.
But he holds her gently by the waist, smiling.
- Sorry, sorry... I just like when you laugh.
She looks up, her damp hair sticking to her cheeks.
- Aren't you supposed to be playing the quiet, romantic boyfriend tonight?
- Ah, you want the serious version?
He suddenly looks theatrical, exaggeratedly intense, and takes her face in his hands like something out of an old Korean drama.
- "Ever since I met you, I've been breathing only for you," he says in a fake, overplayed accent.
- Stop it!" she laughs, splashing shower water on his chest.
He bursts out laughing and shakes his head, drops of water dripping down his brown locks. Then, in a calmer moment, he approaches her again and kisses her. A real kiss, soft, longer, with no intention behind it, just there, as if to support the "just for tonight".
- You're dangerous," she says softly against his lips, her warm breath mingling with his.
- You're the one who said yes," he whispers, smiling.
She smiles in spite of herself and rests her forehead against his shoulder, her arms around his waist.
- I know.
They stand there for a few moments, swaying slightly under the warm water, like two children who don't want to leave a dream. He gently runs his fingers through her hair, patiently untangling her soaking curls.
- I could get used to this," Chan admits without looking at her, as if he doesn't want to hear too much himself.
She doesn't reply. But her arms tighten around him. And that's enough for now.
After this shared moment in the shower, the two emerge, towels on, still wrapped in the muggy heat of the water. Yn, her hair dripping onto her shoulders, slipped on Chan's oversized t-shirt - the one she prefers from him, the one that always smells a bit like him - and one of his boxers, a little loose on his hips.
Chan watched her do it without saying a word, leaning against the doorframe, towel tied low on his hips, a soft smile hanging on his lips.
- You look better in my clothes than I do.
- I know," she replies without looking at him, but a small smile escapes her lips.
They finally slip into the warm, still messy sheets, their bodies tired and weighed down by the heat, by the aftermath. Yn turns onto her side, cradling her head against the pillow. Chan lies down behind her, without thinking, naturally, as if they'd been doing it forever.
He puts an arm around her waist, his bare chest pressed against her back. She doesn't move, but he feels her breathing slow, settle into his. A long silence follows. A comfortable silence.
Then her sleepy voice breaks the calm:
- You know I won't sleep right away if you keep breathing so hard on my neck?
- I'm just existing, babe," he whispers mockingly.
- Stop calling me that.
- Okay, my girlfriend-for-tonight.
She rolls her eyes, but can't help laughing softly.
- That's worse.
He slides his hand over her belly, pulling her a little tighter against him.
- I'm serious though. I liked... all of this.
- Don't make it weird now, Christopher.
- Too late.
They laugh softly together. A laugh a little broken by fatigue, a little nervous too, as if they were both aware that this moment has something illusory about it.
After a while, she murmurs, eyes closed:
- You're gonna break my heart if you keep being sweet like this.
He remains silent. But his hand clasps hers a little tighter. And he places a kiss in her hair.
- Just for tonight, remember?
She doesn't answer. Her breath becomes slower.
After that moment, they talked. For minutes, maybe even hours.
He confided in her parts of his life, that of an idol, but also that of an ordinary man. About his childhood in Australia, his parents, his doubts, and the band members with whom he shares so much.
She, for her part, told him about her daily life as a maternity nurse, the joys and challenges of her profession, but also her private life, her family, and her roots in England.
He asked why she had come to America when she lived in England. She explained that she had come for her sister's wedding, and that she had taken advantage of the opportunity to take a seat at the concert.
They continued talking, laughing, listening to each other, until they fell asleep, without really knowing when. Lulled by each other's breath and warmth, like a couple who'd crossed thousands of miles and spent an entire night together.
The next day, they were rudely awakened by the insistent vibration of a telephone.
Chan opened one eye to the sound of the phone vibrating incessantly on the nightstand. He groaned, his eyelids still heavy, then reached for the device with a clumsy gesture. The screen showed the time: he was already late.
- Crap...
He sat up suddenly, his body protesting under the sudden movement. As he groped around the room, he noticed that Yn was gone. An emptiness settled in his chest, an unexpected coldness that surprised him.
- Where'd she go so soon?" he murmured, his breath quickening.
Without really thinking, he stood up, walked past the bathroom and opened the door. Morning light filtered in softly. On the mirror, a small bright yellow post-it note caught his eye. He approached, frowning.
"I'm Yn, by the way."
A wry smile, mingled with a hint of nostalgia, played across his lips. That little word, simple and light, broke the coldness he'd just felt.
At Stray Kids, no one really realises it - or maybe they do, but no one dares say it out loud - but between the two youngest members of the group, YN and Jeongin, there's something. A diffuse, discreet tension, never formulated. A kind of silent game, a fragile ground between childhood and what comes after. She's the youngest girl in the group, just a few months older than him, and yet he looks at her as if she has all the answers he hasn't yet dared to seek.
Every day, without exception, Jeongin asks her if she wants to go out with him. Always in a joking tone. Or almost. A "Do you want to go out with me?" dropped between sips of banana milk, in the middle of a rehearsal, or when she chooses her cereal in the morning. Always at the most banal moment. And every time, she answers "no". Always without mockery. Sometimes with a smile. Sometimes with a look that says a little too much.
He never stops. She never gives in. And in this daily back-and-forth, there's more sincerity than in many loud declarations. Because it's not just a game. It's a thread that runs between them, invisible to others. A habit. A strange balance. An expectation, perhaps.
One day she'll say yes. He knows she will. And she knows he knows.
But that evening, Jeongin asked her to dye a few strands of her hair blonde, nothing unusual, she's always the one who colours the boys' hair.
But tonight...
- You're such a liar..."
She say, when Jeongin pound into her, like an animal.
- "'m sorry Noona..you feel so good, fuck !"
She tries to contain herself as best she can, so as not to moan too loudly and have one of her Hyung hear her being fucked by the Maknae of the group.
Her breath catches more and more as Jeongin's pelvis slaps against her skin, as he breathes hard against her skin.
He kisses and sucks on her neck, just feeling entranced by her scent, and to contain his moans a little more.
- "Does it f-feel good Noona ? Am I making feel good for you?"
Yn doesn't answer, too focused on his pleasure.
Each of his moans is accentuated by Jeongin's thrusts, which make a steady sound against his skin.
Plap-plap-plap-
Her eyes are closed, and her stitches are tight against Jeongin's black top.
- You're the most incredible woman that a ever seen in my life-I-I swear..."
She doesn't answer, just moans beneath him as she buries her head in his neck.
Jeongin braced himself against the sofa, and accelerated his movements, feeling the pleasure rising more and more.
Her movements were probably too sudden, because the next thing she knew, her dick was slipping out of Yn's wall and landing on his pubis.
Yn groaned in frustration as she looked up at Jeongin.
- My bad. Sorry Noona...but you're so wet, it's...it's slippery... "
He didn't give himself time to reply as he grabbed his cock and slipped it into Yn's cunt without thinking, who groaned loudly as he felt himself being filled once more.
He begins his movements again, grabbing Yn's breast which is covered by her dressing gown.
- "F-fuck! Jeongin, I'm gonna-"
- "Yes! Please, Noona cum all over my cock! Pleasepleasepleasepleasease"
He repeats, over and over, burying his head in Yn's neck, his scent invading her nostrils, as Yn's legs begin to tremble with pleasure.
It doesn't take much for her to cum, all around Jeongin's cock, who moans almost too loudly as he feels her clench around him.
Yn's moans get a little louder, from the overstimulation, as Jeongin pounds into her again.
- "Oh, fuck..."
She almost sighs, as he feels himself coming.
- "D-dont..inside..."
She's almost unable to speak, so immobilised is she by the pleasure, she bites her lip hard as her eyes roll back as she feels herself coming again in such a short space of time.
And the next second, Jeongin withdraws, and places his reddened member on her stomach as he plays with her.
The two of them stand there in silence. Yn hides her face with both arms, while Jeongin stands still, panting.
He grabs both of Yn's arms and pulls her away from his face as he places a kiss next to her ear and wraps his arms around her neck.
- What the fuck?! exclaims Yn, sitting up abruptly, Minho still inside her.
He stares at her belly, eyebrows furrowed, still a little out of breath.
- Why did you stop?
Minho slowly slides his hand over her belly, looking concentrated.
- Your belly... it swelled up.
- I'm sorry? I'll go on a diet if you like, but stop messing about... I was about to cum...
He suddenly raises his head towards her, looking more worried than upset.
- What? No. No. I don't care if you're gaining weight. It's not that, it's... It's just... strange.
- Minho, I swear to God, if you don't start moving right now and make me come, there'll be no more sex for the rest of the month.
Minho freezes for a moment, then slowly resumes his movements as she moans beneath him.
He can't help but find the shape of her belly strange, but the idea of spending the rest of the month without sex is enough to silence his doubts... for now.
[___]
Later that evening, Yn lies on her back in their bed. She's dressed simply in a skimpy tank top and black panties, her legs stretched out under the sheets. Her breathing is calm, almost sleepy, one hand resting on her belly.
Minho, sitting cross-legged next to her, has been staring at her in silence for several minutes, his arms crossed in his lap. His gaze keeps returning to her slightly bulging belly. He tilts his head a little, squints. It's not an illusion. He's changed.
He moves a hand hesitantly forward, brushing his fingertips against her skin. Yn opens one eye, lazily.
- What are you...?
- I'm observing," he answers simply, concentrating as if studying a rare specimen. Your belly's really swollen.
She rolls her eyes and sighs.
- I ate ramen at 2am, that's no crime.
But Minho doesn't seem convinced. His gaze slides higher, stops on her chest. He frowns again.
- And that's how it was this morning?
- Was what like this?
- Your breasts. They look... bigger.
Yn looks down at her tank top, realizes it's sticking slightly to her taut skin, and sinks into the pillow with a grimace.
- You say that like I'm mutating.
- No, but... does anything hurt? Sore nipples?
- Minho. Why are you talking like a school doctor?
He leans a little closer to her, worried in spite of himself.
- Yn... have you taken your pill this month?
The silence that follows is a little too long. She looks away.
- ...I think I forgot once. Or twice. But it wasn't on my fertile days, normally.
Minho blinks slowly. Then he says:
- ...Fuck.
- ...Fuck, Minho repeats, in a lower voice this time, straightening up slightly.
Yn pulls the sheet up to her stomach, as if to protect herself from his gaze, which has become too analytical for her taste.
- Yn, you cried because I stopped moving in the middle of sex, you devoured three tubs of ice cream in two days, you sleep all the time and you insulted Changbin because he opened a bottle of juice without asking you...
- He emptied it, Minho. V-I-D-E.
- ...You were literally crying in the bathroom five minutes later. And now your belly's swelling and your boobs are growing like you've been pumping hormones. Shall I continue the list?
Yn glares at her, but there's a hint of anguish in her eyes. She sits up slowly on her elbows, suddenly more vulnerable.
- Do you think...?
Minho doesn't answer right away. He runs a hand through his hair, then sighs.
- I don't know," he says. But you can't tell me you don't have any doubts.
A silence settles in. It's no longer mocking, no longer prickly. Just real.
Yn looks down at her belly. She slides her hands over it, as if discovering this change for the first time. Her breath is a little shorter.
- What if I really am pregnant...? she murmurs, almost to herself.
Minho stares at her for a long moment. He doesn't smile, nor does he panic. Just... silent.
- So we manage. Together.
Yn slowly looks up at him, surprised.
- You don't look like you're running away.
He nods, a touch of nervousness in his eyes.
- I'm scared, yeah. But I'd rather freak out with you than without you.
She smiles a little, a little shakily.
- Tomorrow morning, I'll go and buy a test.
- No," says Minho, rising abruptly from the bed. I'll go. You stay here, drink water, breathe, and don't touch the bag of wasabi potato chips.
- I hadn't even thought of the chips...
He looks at her dramatically as he grabs his sweater.
- This is the problem.
The sun is barely filtering through the curtains when Minho returns, a pharmacy bag in his hand. He closes the apartment door discreetly, but Yn is already awake, sitting on the bed, knees tucked up against her, face closed. She's hardly slept at all.
Minho puts the bag on the bedside table and sits on the edge of the bed without saying a word. She looks at him, then at the bag, then at him again.
- You only took one test?
- I took four. Just in case the first one's a dud. Or if you drop the stick in the toilet.
She purses her lips, looking tense.
- Aren't you supposed to be the calm one in the couple?
- It's not supposed to be us, at all, this kind of situation," he retorts, but without anger. Just... too aware of reality.
A heavy silence falls again.
- What are you waiting for?" he asks more softly. Go on, then. I'm here now.
Yn grabs the bag carefully, as if it's going to explode in her face. She disappears into the bathroom.
Minho sits motionless on the bed, his hands entwined. He hears the tap, the torn plastic, then nothing. Just the click of the cap.
A few seconds later, she returns with the test in her hand. She places it on the bedside table, screen down, without daring to look at it.
- We have to wait five minutes.
- Did you time it?
- Hmhm.
She slides into bed beside him, wraps her arms around his waist and rests her head against his chest. He embraces her without question, one hand on her hip, the other in her hair.
The silence is heavy, but not unpleasant. Just charged.
Yn closes his eyes, breathing more slowly.
- Are you asleep?" whispers Minho, after a long moment.
- I'm trying. If it's negative, I'll have panicked for nothing. If it's positive... at least I'll have slept for two minutes before the crisis.
He gives a tired smile.
- You get some rest. I'll take a look for both of us.
She grunts a little, buries her face in his neck, and falls asleep almost immediately, as if her body were finally letting go.
Minho stands still, listening to her steady breathing. He looks down at the test, hesitates, then turns it over slowly.
Two lines.
His heart misses a beat. But he says nothing. Not yet.
He simply tightens his grip around her and closes his eyes in turn.
Minho doesn't move. The test rests a few centimetres from his hand, screen up, like a secret he alone carries for the moment.
He stares at the two lines, clear, assertive, indisputable. And yet his mind floats, unable to land on a single emotion.
He looks down at Yn. She's sound asleep now, one hand resting against her chest, the other clasped around her waist. Her mouth ajar, her eyelashes glued to her cheeks. She looks like someone who's been fighting her own brain all night.
Minho feels a twinge in his chest. He slowly runs a hand through his hair, gently untangling it.
He should panic. He should get up. Call Chan, scream or run to the other end of Seoul just to breathe. But he doesn't move.
Because she's there. Because under his palm, he can already feel the steady beat of her heart, and now, maybe... another, tiny one, somewhere below.
He closes his eyes, trying to calm the chaos in his head. Questions arise without warning.
Are we going to make it? Will she hate me for this? Will I be a good father?
But in the midst of this torrent of uncertainties, one thought emerges, clear, calm, stronger than the others.
I want to stay.
He leans in gently, kisses the top of her head, just at the edge of her tangled hair.
- You're going to freak out when you wake up," he murmurs, more to himself than to her. And so will I. But we're gonna do it. Even if it's an absolute mess.
She barely moves, sighs in her sleep. He stands there, his arms closed around her like a silent shield.
The test, now forgotten on the bedside table, continues to glow in the half-light. Two lines. Two new lives. One decision to make. Together.
In the vibrant backstage dressing room, barely thirty minutes before the concert begins, the members of Stray Kids are scattered between warm-ups, nervous laughter and final adjustments. At the back of the room, seated on a large black sofa, Felix slouched nonchalantly, his left hand firmly wrapped around Yn's waist, cradled half on top of him, both legs resting on his knees. He's scrolling through messages on his phone with his other hand, jaw slack, hair still damp from a make-up touch-up.
Yn, for her part, is in the midst of a verbal duel with Lee Know, eyebrows furrowed in that intensity typical of an unnecessarily serious discussion.
- I'm telling you it's impossible," retorts Lee Know. Even in theory, it doesn't make sense. Intention doesn't count more than action, not in this context.
- Wrong," cuts in Yn, waving a hand to back up his words. Intention is the driving force. Action without intention is just a reflex. You don't punish someone the same way depending on whether they meant to do harm or were just clumsy. Even in law, it's a fundamental distinction.
Felix, half-concentrated on his screen, has the corner of his lips lift. He knows she won't let go.
- It's not philosophy, it's logic," insists Lee Know, leaning against a dressing table. You can't say that thinking about doing something is the same as doing it.
Yn raises an eyebrow, calmly.
- So in your opinion, a person who thinks about betraying, but never does it, is no big deal? Do you want us to wait for her to press the red button before worrying? What if she regrets before then? Doesn't her inner struggle count for anything? Intentions are what define us. Not just what we do when someone looks at us.
Silence.
Even the stylist putting away the wigs pauses for a moment, eyes wide. Changbin, from a distance, mumbles an interested "hmm". A staff camera, set up in a corner to capture "natural" moments in the dressing room, films the whole scene. Felix, still concentrating on his phone, stops briefly. Then, in a deeper voice than usual, without even looking at her, he lets out in a whisper that seems to come straight from his gut:
- Baby...
Lee Know blinks. The staff holds back a chuckle. Yn doesn't flinch. She's used to it.
- I'm not saying that thinking is doing," she resumes calmly, crossing her arms, still perched on her crossed legs. I'm saying that what we choose to think, ends up coloring who we are. And sooner or later, it shows. You can't live with the idea that what's in your head has no consequences. It's the beginning of everything, good and bad.
Felix finally puts down his phone. He looks down at her, a thin smile on his lips, watching her as if she'd just redefined the universe. His hand around her waist tightens slightly.
- ...Have you eaten today? Because right now, you're philosophizing about the universe on an empty stomach, and I'm not sure I'm ready for an existential crisis before I go on stage.
Yn laughs softly. She grabs a lock of her hair and wraps it around her finger.
- Think about it after the show, baby.
Lee Know shakes his head, half defeated, half admiring.
- I'm tired of you.
- You too, Minho. But you're funny when you lose," she replies with a wink.
And somewhere, the camera keeps rolling.
The camera is still rolling. Discreet but well placed. Staff love moments like this - nuggets for vlogs or behind-the-scenes that show the real them.
Lee Know mumbles something in his beard, gets up to fetch a bottle of water, clearly brooding over his rhetorical defeat. Felix tilts his head slightly towards Yn, his fingers tapping on his hip like a silent metronome.
- Would you like me to put some honey in your tea afterwards?" he asks, his voice soft and light again, as if his grave declaration of a minute ago had never existed.
- Do you have any honey?" she asks, turning around to get a better look.
- I always hide some in my bag. Have you forgotten what a pain you are when your throat's dry? You're like a cat that never stops moaning.
- Wow. Love is strong," comments Seungmin from a nearby chair, headphones around her neck. Public insult, but with a bag of honey in return.
Felix laughs softly, shoulder shaking Yn in the process. She laughs too, that muffled little giggle she gets when she's trying to stay angry but can't. Then she leans forward slightly to rest her forehead against his collarbone, allowing herself just a moment of calm against him, while the commotion backstage continues.
- Are you stressed?" she asks softly, just for him.
- A little," he admits. Not for the show, but... I know you don't like too much noise. And tonight, there are, like, ten times as many pyros as usual.
- I know. But don't worry about me. But don't worry about me, I'll be wearing my earplugs. Besides... I've got you," she adds, lifting her chin to look at him. As long as I can see you, I'm fine. You've got everything under control. Even the fire.
Felix stares at her for a second, a mixture of admiration and raw tenderness in his eyes.
- You're killing me when you talk like that, baby. I don't even know how you do it.
- I'm used to thinking," she reminded him, tapping his temple.
And as if he couldn't help himself, he leans in and kisses her quickly on the corner of the mouth. Not a show kiss, not a kiss for the camera - just a kiss because he needed to. She smiles, her cheeks barely rosy, but she keeps her composure, as always.
One of the stylists pokes his head in at the entrance:
- Ten minutes, guys!
Felix straightens up a little, but keeps his hand on Yn, like an anchor. She finally moves her legs down from her knees to give him space, but stays to one side. Lee Know passes by them again, bottle in hand.
- Good. Okay. As for intentions... maybe you're not totally wrong," he mumbles.
Yn smiles triumphantly.
- Thanks, Yn. I'll have it engraved in a mug.
The staff in the corner discreetly give the camera a thumbs-up. This scene will most likely end up in a touching montage, with soft music in the background. And fans will no doubt later focus on the precise moment when Felix whispers "baby..." in that voice he reserves only for her - without even realizing it.
"After the scene, in the quiet“
Later that evening, the stage lights are out, the screams have died down, and everyone is scattered in their hotel rooms, exhausted but euphoric. Felix, still in his jogging bottoms and tank top, his hair damp from a quick shower, sits cross-legged at the end of the bed. Yn is leaning against the pillow, a cloth mask over her face, her phone in one hand and a bottle of water in the other. A towel draped over her shoulders still soaks up a few drops of cold sweat.
- Have you seen the tweets?" she asks without looking up.
- No, I've barely checked my notifications... Why? Are they bitching because I missed a step?" he worries for a moment, frowning.
- Not at all," she murmurs with a mocking laugh. You're the tweet, baby.
He looks up, intrigued.
- What kind of sick phrase is that?
She holds out her phone to him.
On the screen: a video montage already reposted hundreds of times. Their scene in the dressing room, captured by the staff, is circulating everywhere. The serious, unexpected, heartfelt "Baby..." sequence is isolated, slowed down, amplified, remixed... even put in the background of a dramatic fan edit with violins.
Felix bursts out laughing at a tweet that reads:
🧎♀️"The baby... with his demon voice straight from the underworld, I'll never get over it. Felix... YOU OWE US AN EXPLANATION."
Another tweet:
"Yn remaining unperturbed as he calls her baby like it's a prayer. This woman is blessed, I'm sick of it."
And again:
"Lee Know being debated by Yn, Felix falling even more silently in love, Seungmin commenting like an uncle... it was a backstage stage MASTERCLASS."
Felix runs his hand over his face, blushing.
- Seriously... is that what marked them? Like, not the fireworks, not the high note I worked on for two weeks, but... this?
Yn stifles a laugh under his mask.
- Babe. They know you. They didn't even know you had that voice. It's like you're possessed by Cupid, ASMR version.
- It's not my fault, I was concentrating and you came out with your lawyer monologue. I didn't even mean to...
He grimaces, embarrassed, then looks at her, more tenderly.
- ...But frankly, yeah. I think I was just thinking about how brilliant you are. And I think my brain short-circuited. That's what happened. Now all Twitter thinks is that I have a fetish for lodge philosophical debates.
- That's because you do, isn't it?
- Maybe a little," he admits, moving closer to her on the bed. He rests his head gently against her belly, eyes closed.
- I'm screwed, aren't I?" he murmurs.
- You already were, a long time ago," she replies, gently stroking his hair.
He smiles, his eyes half closed.
- Do you think they'll calm down?
Yn shrugs, amused.
- Have you forgotten that they have the power to make a deep-voiced baby become a trend TikTok? It'll take you three weeks.
Felix sighs into his belly, resigned. Then he looks up at her, his smile tired but happy.
- At least they taste good.
She throws a pillow in his face.
Muffled laughter, thrown pillows, and an exploding Twitter.
My name is mahmoud mohammed jaafar jaafar i studied computer engineering and graduated from university in 2023 i worked as a software engineer in a local company here in gaza unit the war started, then the company got destroyed and became unemployed and our house is destroyed partially and became inhabitant to live in but nevertheless we stayed in it because we do not else to go i currently live in north gaza where is a scarcity of food and i have 3 brothers and 4 sister one of them died while he was trying to find food for the family so i am the eldest in my family now i have to provide a living for them
Any amount you give me will help me a lot in supporting my family in Gaza in light of the fear and lack of food, medicine and drink
My name is Mahmoud Mohammed Jaafar Jaafar. I studied computer engineering and graduated from university in 2023 i worked as a software engin
Any amount you give me will help me a lot, even if it is $10.
Even the air conditioning has stopped its usual humming, as if it too refused to disturb the room's funereal atmosphere.
Chan is slumped on the sofa, his face half buried in his hand, his eyes flushed. His phone rested on his thigh, the screen lit.
He's been trying to call her again.
Again and again.
And again.
Still nothing.
"Received', but never 'read'.
And yet he knows she reads them.
His heart thumps slowly, heavy and painful. He rereads their last messages, going back over their history, clinging to digital memories as if they could pull him out.
Next door, Han is sitting on the floor, his back against the wall. He too is holding his phone, but he's not looking at anything. He has nothing to look at any more.
Since Emy left - since she left him without even giving him a chance to speak - he's been a shadow of his former self.
He blames himself. He blames himself so much.
He thought... he thought he was doing the right thing.
But he destroyed a friend. And lost the woman he loved.
- She blocked me," Han murmured without even looking at him. Even on Kakao. Even on iMessage.
Chan clenches his jaw.
- His father blocked me too. All of them. I'm dead to them.
He runs a hand over his face, exhausted, weary, almost haggard.
- Hyunjin... Yeonjin doesn't answer him any more. She's ghosted him. She doesn't even want to hear from us.
Han nods gently, but says nothing. His knees are pulled up against his chest, his elbows resting on them. He looks like a punished kid.
- Have you seen Ivy since?
Chan turns to him, as if hoping for an answer. A miracle. A yes, even if it hurts.
But Han simply shakes his head.
- Not since that night. Since she left here... I've no idea where she is. I've no idea. And Yeonjin, she won't say anything.
Chan rests his back against the sofa, his eyes fixed on the ceiling.
- I've ruined everything. I've really lost her...
A long silence.
Then her voice, hoarse, broken:
- Do you think she hates me...?
Han doesn't answer.
Because he knows that even if she doesn't...
They've earned it.
A long silence stretches on, heavy, almost suffocating, when suddenly Hyunjin's phone vibrates on the coffee table.
The thump echoed through the room like a clap of thunder.
Chan slowly turns his head. So does Han.
They wait.
Hyunjin approaches, shirtless, hair a mess, eyes rimmed with insomnia that he no longer even tries to hide. He picks up his phone with a hint of hope... before his eyes widen.
- It's Yeonjin.
The silence tightens a notch.
- She answered? asks Chan, already half upright.
- She just wrote "Where are you?
He rereads it twice. Three times.
- It's a dry message," mumbles Han.
Hyunjin ignores the remark. He opens their conversation directly, his hands trembling. Nothing for over two weeks. And then this message, out of nowhere.
He types quickly.
Hyunjin: Chan's house. What's it about?
Almost immediately, the little dots appear.
He stares at them nervously.
He doesn't want to hope. But he hopes anyway. Because it's Yeonjin. Because he knows she's suffering too. Because she's cut them all off, without a word, since the fall.
The dots disappear. Then they come back.
Then a message appears at last:
Yeonjin: we're on our way.
An abrupt silence falls over the room.
Hyunjin reads again. Twice. Three times.
- Damn.
He shows the screen to Chan, who leaps to her feet, her eyes suddenly alive with panic.
- Does she know?! Does she know where she is?!
- I've no idea. She just told me they were coming.
- Who's coming? Emy's coming too?!
Han gets up straight away and takes Hyunjin's phone.
No one speaks. Even Hyunjin is frozen, unable to type anything.
Chan feels his heart pounding in his throat, an unbearable mixture of relief, pain and panic.
But it's not enough.
Because she's far away.
And she doesn't want them any more.
Half an hour. Thirty long minutes staring at the clock, the floor, the door.
Not a word was exchanged. Even Han, usually incapable of remaining motionless, didn't move. He sat on the arm of the sofa, his back arched, his eyes lost. Chan did not leave the room. He just stood there, arms folded across his chest, taut as an electric cable ready to snap.
And then, at last, the doorbell rang.
Three quick knocks. Hard.
Not hesitant. Determined.
Han leapt, as if electrified.
He crossed the entrance without even turning round, barefoot, short of breath. He almost rips open the door.
There she is.
Emy.
She says nothing.
He doesn't say anything either.
She looks at him. For a long time. A little longer than he can bear. Then, without a word, she moves past him and enters.
Yeonjin follows close behind. Hair tied back, face closed, bag slung over her shoulder. She didn't even meet Hyunjin's eyes.
And Ivy... isn't there.
As for Chan, he's still frozen in the living room.
He straightened up as soon as he heard the door. His gaze caught Emy's, then Yeonjin's, but he didn't move.
He expected to see Ivy. He didn't even dare ask.
Silence falls again.
Almost sacred. As if one misplaced word could make the whole thing explode.
Yeonjin slowly places her bag on the table. She doesn't look at anyone. Just her phone.
As for Emy, she stands with her arms crossed. Her gaze shifts from Chan to Han, then to Hyunjin, who has taken a step forward.
- Where's Ivy?" Chan finally asks, his voice hoarse, almost strangled.
Yeonjin looks up at him.
His gaze is empty. Neutral.
- She's gone," Yeonjin answers simply.
A shiver of fear runs through Chan.
- Gone? Gone where?!
She stares at him for a long moment, before slowly lowering her eyes, as if she herself were having trouble putting it into words.
- To Canada. With her father.
Silence cracked in the room, like glass cracked with bare hands.
Hyunjin suddenly raises her head. Han lets out a small throaty noise, somewhere between a sob and a silent protest.
- What?" gasps Chan, breathless. She... she hadn't planned this. She said she'd finish her year here...
- She couldn't stay," murmured Emy. Not after this. Not after what you've put her through.
She finally sits down on the sofa, next to Yeonjin, who crosses her legs, still as straight as a post, but ready to talk.
- We didn't come here to give her a message," says Yeonjin. It's too late for that. She's blocked you and doesn't want to hear from you again.
- So why are you here?" asks Han, his voice white.
- Because we're fed up," says Emy, a little louder. Fed up with seeing her drag herself around like a ghost. Of seeing her cry herself to sleep, of hearing her talk in her sleep, calling out for Chan, begging for someone to answer. You've left a mark on her that she can't erase.
She grits her teeth, looks down for a moment, then says more softly:
- Who cares how you feel now? You've had your chance. What we want is for you to really understand how much you've broken her. Not just a tear and regret at the back of a sofa. We want you to wear this. Like she's worn it every day since.
Yeonjin, still calm, adds:
- She's started to destroy herself again. Doubting everything. Everything she is, everything we say to her. Even about us. She barely eats. She talks even less. And that... we owe to you.
Chan sits up slowly, as if her legs have just given way under the weight of her faults.
- Is she all right?" he finally asked, almost in a breath.
Emy gives him a long look.
- She's surviving. But no, she's not all right. And there's nothing you can do about it. You can't now. Maybe not ever.
Chan bows his head, shoulders hunched.
Yeonjin looks at him a moment longer, then looks away.
- That's why we came. Not to console you. Not to patch anything up. Just to show you the mess you've left behind. And to leave you with it.
And this time, nobody has anything more to say.
Chan stands up slowly.
The sound of her footsteps on the wooden floor is almost imperceptible, but in this suspended silence, it seems to resonate like a distant echo. Her face remains lowered, masked by her drooping locks. But you don't need to see his eyes to understand.
His shoulders are shaking.
Her breathing is irregular.
And a tear falls, slides down his cheek, bursts on the ground.
He says nothing.
He doesn't say a word.
He simply walks past them, his steps heavy and painful, and leaves the room.
We hear a bedroom door open... then slowly close again.
No one followed him.
A few seconds pass.
Strangely long.
Emy hugs her arms, her gaze fixed on nothing. Yeonjin purses her lips, as if she's holding something back, but she doesn't speak.
And then Han clears his throat.
Her voice is barely audible.
- Emy... Can we talk? In the kitchen?
She doesn't look at him straight away.
She nods slowly at first, without getting up.
Then, after a hesitant breath, she stood up in turn.
- All right, then.
They disappear into the corridor, and the sound of Han's footsteps is slower, heavier. It's as if he's walking towards something he's been dreading for a long time.
Yeonjin remains there, alone on the sofa for a moment, watching the walls. Silence is everywhere, but it's no longer empty. It's filled with what they've lost. What they destroyed.
And what they may never be able to repair.
Hyunjin stands for a moment, frozen, arms flailing, unable to think clearly. His eyes never leave Yeonjin. She doesn't look at him, but he doesn't care. He approaches anyway.
Slowly, cautiously.
He walks around the coffee table without making a sound, and comes and sits next to her on the sofa. Not too close. But not too far either. Just the right distance for her to understand. That he's there. That he's been waiting. That he's still waiting.
Yeonjin doesn't move.
She keeps her arms crossed, her gaze lowered to her knees. Her legs are crossed, one of them swinging nervously. But she doesn't push him away. Doesn't move away.
That's already a lot.
Hyunjin looks down, his hands clasped between his thighs, his neck arched. He doesn't search his eyes. He says nothing. He asks nothing. Because he knows. He knows that she never really left. That she just kept quiet. Ignored. Breathed somewhere else, because it was getting too heavy in here.
But she never went far.
She just... didn't pick up.
And he blames himself for that.
But he's relieved she's here.
They stay like that. Silent.
Two dented hearts side by side.
And deep down he prays that she'll stay.
Even if it's just for this. Just for a moment.
Silence stretches out between them. Dense, fragile, almost sacred.
Hyunjin still doesn't move. He just hears Yeonjin's breathing, jerky. A little more jerky than before. He turns his head slowly towards her, worried.
And then he sees her.
His shoulders shake gently.
Her jaw is clenched.
Her eyes, filled with silent tears, are still staring at her knees as if she's forbidden herself to flinch.
But she does.
A tear falls. Then another. And another.
Her voice finally breaks the silence. Weak. Almost broken.
- I don't understand how you all... didn't tell her. After all these years. After everything she gave you. After everything she gave him.
Hyunjin closes her eyes, as if the words were blows.
Yeonjin continues, tears rolling freely down her cheeks now, still without looking at him.
- You don't know in what state she was when she left. You didn't see her, Hyunjin. You didn't see her that day.
His voice breaks slightly.
- She couldn't breathe. She was shaking. She couldn't even walk properly. I had to help her through the airport. She didn't say goodbye to anyone. She just... collapsed in the taxi and told me not to let go.
Hyunjin bows her head, her fingers tightening between her knees. His heart twists in his chest.
Yeonjin finally turns her head slightly towards him.
- You think I was mad at you for the secret ? I was mad because you all let her carry that pain alone. She took the hit. She always does. And none of you caught her.
Silence falls again. Heavier than the last.
Yeonjin wipes her cheeks with the back of her sleeve, out of breath. She didn't want to cry. But she couldn't help it.
Hyunjin opened her eyes again. Slowly, slowly. He doesn't know what to say.
Because she's right.
Hyunjin freezes for a moment. Eyes downcast. His throat tightens.
He has nothing to say. Nothing to take back what they've done. Nothing to justify letting Ivy go down alone. Nothing to make Yeonjin, or Emy, or himself feel better.
So he does the only thing he can.
He holds out his arms. Slowly, slowly. With this painful hesitation, as if he didn't know if he had the right.
And he holds her close.
Gently. Fragilely. Almost timidly.
Yeonjin doesn't refuse.
Nor does she answer.
But she lets him. Because she's tired. Because she's tired of being strong for everyone. Because she's in pain too. She closes her eyes and tries to calm her breathing.
The silence settles around them again, softer this time. Less guilty. A silence of awkward comfort.
Then she whispers, in an almost inaudible voice, against his chest:
- If Ivy hadn't begged me and Emy to come today... you'd probably be single right now.
Hyunjin closes her eyes. An icy blade crosses her chest.
Yeonjin inhales a little more deeply, tears still wet in the corner of her eyes.
- She still cares. Even after all of this. Even after the lies, the silence, the pain... she still worried about you. About Han. About him.
She falls silent, her throat tight. And then she adds, lower, almost to herself:
- I don't know how she still has room in her heart after everything you did to it.
Hyunjin remains silent. He doesn't hold her any tighter. Nor does he let go. He takes it. Because it's true.
And that truth destroys him a little more with every word.
[___]
A few hours later.
Night has long since fallen. The sky is a thick black, without a single star. The city rustles faintly in the distance, indifferent to the grief of those it shelters.
Chan's house is completely silent.
The kitchen light is still on. A few cups are still lying on the table. The living room is deserted. The front door is closed.
Chan is sitting on the floor of his bedroom, his back against the bed, his legs folded up against him, his phone wedged between his ear and his shoulder. He's barely shaking, but his cheeks are wet. And his voice... is just a cracked whisper.
- I didn't know what to do... I didn't want to lose her, mum. I didn't- I thought I'd find the right time. I kept waiting. I was scared. And now she's gone.
On the other end of the line, her mother didn't speak immediately. She listens. She hears her son's broken breath. The strong son. The solid son. The leader, always there for everyone. And tonight, he's none of those things.
He's just a boy who's lost everything.
- Christopher, sweetheart... you need to eat something. Get some rest. There's no point in you falling apart now...
- But I don't know how to fix it. I really don't. She blocked me, she left the country... she's with her dad. I-I don't even know when her classes start. I don't even know where she's living, or if she's safe, or if she sleeps at night...
His voice cracked and broke. He grits his teeth, tries to swallow back a sob. But he can't.
- She trusted me. She loved me so much, and I broke her. I broke her.
A long silence. Then his mother replies, softly, with wounded tenderness:
- Maybe you did. Maybe you broke something in her heart. But if she really loved you, as you say... then part of her still loves you. Even if it's buried. Even if it's angry. Even if she never wants to see you again... love doesn't just disappear.
He closes his eyes. His fingers tremble against the phone.
He would have liked it to be comforting.
But it's even worse.
Because he knows she still loves him.
And that it won't change a thing.
- I miss her so much, Mum...
His mother didn't reply. She just sighed a sad, motherly, painful sigh.
Her mother didn't answer. She just sighs sadly, maternally, painfully.
And somewhere, in the heavy silence of San Francisco, Chan collapses a little further.
- hmm, let me finish making dinner, then we'll go out.
He straightens up to press his lips against hers a few times, and she finally pushes him away, laughing.
- Go on, or you'll never stop.
He kisses her one last time before heading for the kitchen.
- By the way, can you text Changbin and tell him I'm coming to return his jacket in about an hour?
Ivy reached for Chan's phone on the coffee table, ready to send the message to Changbin. But as soon as she tried to unlock it, a lock screen appeared. She blinked.
- Did you put in a code?" she asked, surprised.
- Hm? Yeah, a few days ago... didn't I tell you?
- No, you 'forgot'. What's that?" she said, frowning.
- Try something obvious, you should find it," he replied from the kitchen, without even turning round.
She sighed softly, smiling. Typical of him.
She entered 0229. The date of their first kiss. Failed.
She tried 03**. The date they officially became a couple. Still nothing.
A frown. She pondered. Then she tried 2000, the year she was born. The screen blinked and opened.
- You really are a romantic idiot," she murmured, smiling, more touched than she cared to admit.
- Did you find it?" asked Chan, curious.
- Did you code it with my birth year?
- And I'm not ashamed," he replied with a chuckle. In fact, it makes me happy to have to think about it every day. It calms me down.
She rolled her eyes, half annoyed, half expectant, then opened the mailbox and quickly wrote:
Hey, Chan's coming over in an hour to return your jacket. Are you there?
She put the phone back on the table, leaned against the back of the sofa and stared for a moment at the black screen that had just gone blank. Slightly disturbed, without really knowing why.
Everything seemed too perfect. Too calm.
And part of her didn't yet know that this day, for all its ordinariness, was going to be a turning point.
Lying back on the sofa, her finger had slid mechanically to the photos icon without her even realising it. Not to look, not really. Just out of habit. She scrolled distractedly through the images, smiling as she came across blurred selfies of them, a video of him singing off-key while she brushed her teeth, a stolen shot of her sleeping with her mouth wide open.
She gently closed the gallery by pressing the main button and put the phone down on the cushion beside her - or at least she thought she'd turned it off. Her thumb had slipped a little too far. And before she knew it, the screen had lit up again with another app.
She got up quietly and joined Chan in the kitchen. He was crouched in front of a cupboard, looking desperate for something.
- Dude... you're kind of ghosting me here," she said in a half-serious, half-playful tone.
He straightened his head, one eyebrow raised.
- How am I ghosting you? Last night I literally had my head between your legs, and since this morning I've been stuck to you like a mussel to its rock.
She giggled and crossed her arms against her chest.
- You could at least look at me instead of talking to your tofu.
- Excuse me, madam, the diva of attention," he said, rising to his feet. Here, I'm looking at you.
He grabbed her waist to pull her gently against him, gave her a quick kiss on the jaw, followed by lots of kisses on the face.
- Yeah man, that it, to much love..
She pushes him away, laughing, as he places one last kiss on her lips.
- Are you nearly finished?
He nods, skirting a piece of mozzarella.
- In about 5 minutes.
- Perfect, maybe I've got time to brush up on Roblox then.
She's out the door before she hears his regrowth, although she does manage to hear a muffled noise.
She picked up her phone again, but before even unlocking it, her eyes slid without any real intention to Chan's, still lying there, screen on. And that's when something caught her eye.
It wasn't the message application itself.
It was a group.
A group name.
A name that didn't sound like the others.
Something like: "Plan for Ivy".
She squinted.
Wait... what?
Without meaning to, her heart slowed a little.
And against all common sense, she reached for the phone.
Just... to see.
She hesitated for a second. Just a second.
Then her fingers tapped gently on the name of the group.
Three participants.
Samarah.
Jaad.
And... Chan.
Her stomach tightened.
No, no, no. Maybe it's an old thing, an old band that's got nothing to do with it. Maybe something between them about a birthday, a surprise... some bullshit, yeah.
But his eyes fell on the first messages.
The group dated back to last December.
Samarah:
"Well, there you go. She just got out of a horrible relationship. We want her to move on. And you can definitely help her."
Chan:
"Are you sure that's a good idea?"
Jaad:
"We don't want you to sleep with her. Just... help her regain her confidence. Make her feel wanted. Make her stop thinking about that twat."
Samarah:
"We're paying you for the mission. Just be natural, discreet. Learn what she likes. You're an escort, aren't you? That's your thing."
Chan:
"Yeah. That's what I do. I'm not gonna hurt her."
Escort.
The word echoes sharply in her head.
She feels her stomach twist as she scrolls.
Samarah:
"She loves guys who are a bit artistic, not too arrogant. Something like 'I don't really care but I'm tender in real life'. Get it?"
Chan:
"I see the style."
Jaad:
"And don't forget, her ex is a narcissistic bastard. You need to be the opposite of him. Like, really caring but not clingy. "
Samarah:
"We'll give you 800 for the month. You pretend you bumped into her by chance. And you manage."
She feels dirty. Manipulated.
Her breath becomes ragged and irregular.
The messages continue. There were regular check-ups.
Then, as the days go by :
Chan:
"First appointment today. She's lively. Straightforward. Wary too. It's going to take a while."
Jaad:
"Take your time. Be patient."
Chan:
"She likes things a bit absurd. She has this weird laugh when she makes fun of me."
Samarah:
"Perfect. Keep going. You're good. You're good."
Ivy felt her fingers tremble.
Everything was monitored. Debriefed. Commented on.
Chan:
"She told me about her ex. She didn't cry, but I could feel it shaking inside."
Samarah:
"That's normal. That's exactly the point. That's where you make the difference."
Chan:
"I think I like hanging out with her. Even when we're not doing anything."
Another shiver runs down his spine.
And then, from mid-March onwards, the tone changes.
Chan :
"Stop the money. Seriously, I don't want to go on like this. I don't want to go on like this."
Samarah:
"Wait for what?"
Chan:
"I'll keep seeing her, yeah. But no more for you. More for your plan."
Jaad:
"You're just saying that because you slept with her?"
Chan:
"No, I'm not. I'm saying it because I'm serious. I want to get to know her for real. Not for a script."
Samarah:
"Are you falling in love right now?"
Chan:
"Yeah. I think."
And yet he doesn't leave the group.
He doesn't talk any more. But he reads.
Present, silent.
A silence that breaks her heart, now that she knows.
Ivy puts down the phone. Slowly.
She doesn't cry.
Not yet.
She sits up, staggering. The room seems too big.
Too empty.
He stopped getting paid. But he didn't say anything.
He was sincere. But on a lie.
His voice floats from the kitchen:
- Babe, the rice is almost ready. Are you hungry or not yet?
She looks at him through the doorway, busy, natural, calm.
And she wonders if love can survive this.
Chan emerges into the living room with two steaming plates in his hand, a broad smile on his face, still immersed in his bubble, oblivious to the storm that was growing right in front of him.
- "Princess, dinner." He called to her as he always did when he felt proud of what he'd cooked. Almost singing.
Ivy doesn't answer.
She just sits there, transfixed, the phone lying next to her on the sofa. The screen goes blank, as if to hide what it has just revealed.
Chan frowns slightly.
- Hey, are you all right? Are you having hypoglycaemia or are you just captivated by an episode of your life passing before your eyes?" he jokes, setting the plates down on the coffee table.
She stands up.
Slowly.
Almost too slowly.
He watches her approach, thinks she's going to kiss him, or slip into his arms as she usually does.
But she stops a metre away, staring at him. Staring. Piercing.
- "You didn't do that, right ?"
Chan blinks, unsettled. He has that nervous little laugh he gets when he doesn't understand, or when he's afraid of understanding.
- "Do what? Do what?" he asks, frowning, quietly concerned.
Ivy tilts her head, arms crossed. She doesn't take her eyes off him.
- "Were you an escort?"
The question comes, cleanly, without a tremor.
And then Chan doesn't answer.
Not right away.
He stands there, both hands still outstretched towards the plates, as if they could still be used as a shield. He doesn't look away. He just can't. He can already see that it's too late.
- Christopher. Why are you saying nothing ?!
But the shiver that runs through Chan's retina every time Ivy calls him by his full name is absent.
But the thrill that usually runs through Chan's retina every time Ivy calls him by his full name is absent. He doesn't blink. He doesn't look up. Her silence is heavier than any words.
- You always do this, she murmurs. You shut down. You go all blank like... like you're not even here.
She pauses, clenches her fists. She hates it when he does that. When he withdraws from the moment as if she were nothing more than an echo.
- Just say something. Anything.
He breathes. A slow breath. A breath that seems to cost him. Then, at last, he looks up. And Ivy immediately regrets having forced him to speak. Because what she sees in his eyes isn't indifference. It's fear. Shame. And worse still - a form of resigned abandonment.
- If I say it out loud, Ivy... you'll never look at me the same again.
She frowns, confused, almost unsettled by the gravity of his voice. She takes a step forward.
- What are you talking about?
Chan shakes his head, as if trying to hold back the words, to make them die before they pass his lips. But they come out anyway, in a strangled voice.
- I wasn't supposed to fall for you. That wasn't the plan.
Silence. Electric. Then Ivy steps back, slowly, as if the ground beneath her feet had just cracked.
- What... what plan?
And this time, Chan couldn't look away, he put the plates down on the big table not far from the sofa and moved towards Ivy who didn't even dare move, as her eyes began to fill with tears and her lips didn't stop trembling.
- I love you...I love you, I'm sorry...
Ivy's gaze drops, and a sob leaves her lips. She began to cry, her heart breaking, her arms clasped as if to prevent her world from collapsing any further.
- Who... who else knew?
Her voice is cracked, barely a breath. But she wants - no, she must - know. She raises her eyes, reddened, wet, tearful, locking her gaze with Chan's.
- Han and Changbin always know with who I worked..and Hyunjin...
A nervous laugh leaves Ivy's lips as she looks up at Chan.
- Worked ? So that it ? I'm just a work...
- what ? No ! At the beginning that was that, but I love you Ivy. I love you, for real. I love you.
- Stop saying that.
She breaks free of his hold, stepping back from him.
- You all make me lived in a lied for all this time...
He moves towards her, but she instantly pulls back, crying even more.
- You're a liar. You are all liar!
She starts to walk around the sofa towards the front door to put on her shoes, but he grabs her wrist.
- Don't touch me!
He immediately pulls back as she falls away from his grasp.
He bends down, looking unrecognisable, himself about to cry, as he puts his hands to her cheeks.
- Ivy, please, let me explain myself. Don't go, I..I love you so much. I love you for real, I promise.
Her voice is broken, barely a whisper. But she wants - no, she must - know. She raises her eyes, reddened and teary, locking her gaze with Chan's. "Han and Changbin always knew who you worked for... and Hyunjin...
- Han and Changbin always knew who you worked for... and Hyunjin...
A nervous laugh escapes her lips as she shakes her head in disbelief.
- Worked? So that's what I was? Just a job?
- What? No! Ivy, at the beginning, yes, it was like that, but I- I love you. I love you, for real. I swear I do.
- Stop saying that.
She pulled away from him, took a step back, her eyes full of tears and anger.
- You all let me live in a lie this whole time...
He tries to get close to her, but she immediately backs away, sobs shaking her.
- You're a liar. You're all liars!
She hurried around the sofa, her movements trembling, and headed for the entrance to put on her shoes. But no sooner had she lowered her head than Chan gently grabbed her wrist.
- Don't touch me!
He immediately lets go, as if burnt. She loses her balance and falls to the ground. Time stops for a second.
Chan rushes towards her, on his knees, his face broken, on the verge of tears. He holds out his hands, not daring to touch her.
- Ivy... please... let me explain. Don't go. I- I love you so much. I love you for real. I promise. I'm not that guy anymore.
But she looks up at him, her eyes pierced with pain, and whispers :
- But you were that guy when I fall in love of you...
And that sentence, as sweet as it was fatal, broke him a little more than the rest.
She got up slowly, without another word, ignoring the hand Chan held out to her, wavering. She didn't even look at him this time. She puts on her shoes with clumsy movements, her eyes still misty, her tears still flowing silently.
Chan remains on his knees. Paralysed. As if he knew that the slightest word would make her run away forever - but that silence wouldn't be enough to keep her either.
When Ivy opens the door, he whispers, almost inaudibly:
- If you leave now... will you come back?
She stops. Just for a moment. Fingers on the handle. Then she turns her head slightly, without meeting his eyes.
The slamming of the door is gentle, almost respectful. But in Chan's heart, it's a crash. He stood there, frozen, not knowing what to do, what to say, how to breathe.
When Ivy set foot outside, she felt as if the whole world was rocking around her, as if everything was bending over to look at her... and laugh at her.
Every step was a struggle. The air seemed denser, as if it refused to enter her lungs. A sudden attack of anxiety was building up inside her. Her heart was pounding, her hands were shaking, her vision was blurred. She could no longer think. Just walk. To breathe. No - to survive.
Her trembling fingers fumbled in her pocket for her phone. She pulled it out with great difficulty, unlocked the screen with a series of tactile errors, then pressed Emy's contact. Press it once. Press twice. Three times.
- Come on, pick up, pick up...
The tone sounded like a slap in the face. She was about to hang up when, at last, Emy's voice, still a little asleep, answered:
- Hey, girl-
But she didn't have time to finish. Ivy burst into tears, unable to form a coherent sentence.
- Emy... I-I can't breathe... I can't... please...
- Okay, okay, calm down... where are you?
Ivy looked around in panic. Nothing seemed familiar, every light was an assault. She managed to read the name of a bus stop nearby.
- i can't read I'm-
- Don't move, I'll be right there, okay? I'll be there in ten minutes. Watch me on video if you can, okay? Breathe with me. In. Breathe out.
Ivy put the call on video, tears still streaming down her cheeks. Seeing Emy's face, however blurred by the camera and the shaking, was a reassuring shock. Emy hurriedly put her clothes back on with one hand while looking at her, concentrated and worried.
- You're not alone, Ivy. I'm right here with you. Breathe with me, okay? We're gonna get through this together. Can you hear me?
Ivy nodded gently. Just a little. Just enough not to collapse on the pavement.
And while the world continued to spin without her, one thing was certain: Emy was coming.
[___]
The room is pitch-dark. The curtains drawn, the lights off. Only the dull hum of the fridge in the distance and the repeated vibrations of a telephone break the silence.
Ivy is lying on her side, curled up under a thick blanket. Her head is buried in the pillow, but we can make out the regular shaking of her back and the tears that slide soundlessly down her cheeks, getting lost in the fabric.
Her telephone on the bedside table is still vibrating. And again. The screen lit up: 21 missed calls from Chan, 15 from Hyunjin, 8 from Han, and endless messages. Excuses, justifications, pleas. Changbin's name is added to the list.
Ivy doesn't even glance at it.
Yeonjin sits on the edge of the bed, silent, her fingers entwined in Ivy's, her thumb slowly caressing her palm, without a word. She didn't ask for anything. She didn't need to. As soon as Ivy entered in tears, followed by Emy, she realised that this was not the time to ask questions.
As for Emy, she's sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall. She hasn't slept. Her baggy sweatshirt is stained with chocolate and rain, and her eyes are red. She watches the phone screen vibrate again, sighs, then turns it off without asking Ivy.
- We'll turn it back on when you're ready.
A long silence.
Then, in a voice muffled under the blanket, Ivy finally whispers:
- They all knew, Yeonjin... except you two. You were the only ones who didn't lie to me.
Yeonjin squeezes her hand a little tighter, and whispers, soft but firm:
- And we never will.
Ivy hiccupped and awkwardly wiped away her tears, but didn't come out of hiding. She just huffs, barely audible:
- I don't want to see anyone. Not now. Not ever, maybe.
- Then you won't," Emy replies immediately. Not until you want to. You're safe here.
A silence.
Then Ivy, in an almost imperceptible whisper:
- I don't even know who I am anymore.
Yeonjin strokes her hair through the blanket, murmuring:
- You're Ivy. You're strong. And you're not alone.
And in this cocoon of softness, Ivy doesn't respond. She cries again, but this time the sobs are quieter. Less loud. Less heavy.
Maybe she's not rebuilding yet.
But she's breathing.
The silence stretches on, punctuated only by a few muffled sniffles under the blanket. Emy got up to fetch a glass of water, while Yeonjin stayed close to Ivy, her hand still on his.
After a moment, Yeonjin breathes softly, hesitantly:
- And... your father? Does he know what's happened?
A slight silence followed. Then Ivy stirs slightly under the duvet, finally showing half her face. Her eyes are red and swollen, her lashes glued together by tears. She stares at an invisible spot in front of her.
- He's in the OR. Cardio case. A kid, I think. He's been operating since this morning.
She swallows her saliva with difficulty, then adds flatly:
- He'll probably come out in two hours. Maybe more. He won't even check his phone until then.
[___]
The room is now completely silent, punctuated only by the slow breathing of Emy and Yeonjin, each asleep on one side of the bed. The bluish moonlight filters through the curtains, drawing quiet shadows on the sheets.
Ivy hasn't slept.
Lying on her back with her eyes open, she stares at the ceiling without really seeing it. Her heart beats slowly, but not peacefully. More like a calm sea after a storm, still laden with debris.
Slowly, calculated not to wake anyone, she sits up. The blanket slips from her shoulders. She barely shivers. Then she reaches out and grabs her phone from the bedside table.
The screen was black.
A moment's hesitation.
Then a click. She presses the button. The screen lights up. The bright light made her blink. Dozens of notifications appear immediately. Missed calls. Messages. Voice notes.
Chan (47 missed calls)
Hyunjin (19 messages)
Han (5 voicemails, 7 messages)
Changbin (1 photo sent, 4 messages)
Samarah (16 calls, 12 messages)
Jaad (10 calls, 9 messages)
Ivy's throat tightens. She doesn't know where to start, or if she has the strength. Her thumb trembles slightly as she opens the conversation with Chan.
The last message was barely twenty minutes ago.
Ivy, please...
Just pick up your phone !
I love you so much, please..
I can't loose you, Ivy please...
I love you fr, I love you, I love you, I love you
Answer me
Ivy..
Babe...
I need you...
I need to see you, Ivy please...
I was serious with you, I swear ! I love you so much Ivy
Please...
⸻
She sees all his messages. One by one. But she doesn't answer. She just can't.
She remains frozen, impassive, her eyes riveted to the screen that lights up with every notification.
Every word. With every attempt.
But she won't. Not now. Not yet.
The betrayal is there. Too sharp. Too heavy.
It creeps in, smothers her, screams silently.
But why?
Why is it so?
Why?
WHY?
She almost flinches when a new message appears.
"Ivy, please... I don't care if you never forgive me. I just need you to know that I never lied about how much I love you. Never. Please answer me. Just say you're safe. Please. Please."
And in the middle of it all, Samarah. Missed calls, panicked messages.
"Ivy, tell me you're OK. Say something, I'm begging you."
"I didn't fucking know... I didn't know he hadn't told you. Please answer."
"I'm ashamed. I'm so sorry. I'm here now. I beg you, talk to me."
Jaad, briefer, but just as touched:
"Ivy. You can insult me, block me, hit me. But answer me. I beg you."
Ivy reads, rereads. Her fingers remain suspended over the screen, but she doesn't type anything. She doesn't know what to say. To whom.
So she puts the phone down gently on the coffee table. Her gaze empty, her eyes tired, her heart even more so.
She wraps herself in the blanket on the sofa, pulls her knees up to her chest.
And in the silence of the living room, under the weight of exhaustion, Ivy finally closes her eyes.
He'd barely crossed the threshold of his home when he turned on his heels. Just long enough to swap his sneakers for his boots, put on his black jacket and grab his keys in one swift movement.
A few minutes later, the low purr of his motorcycle cut through the silence of the night streets.
He was riding without a destination. The streetlights flashed by, the red lights went out as he passed, as if they understood that he didn't have the patience to wait.
The city was asleep. He wasn't.
He felt like he was suffocating.
Every bend, every acceleration, every vibration under his hands didn't calm anything. Quite the opposite, in fact. It stirred everything up. It brought up what he would have preferred to keep buried.
Ivy's silence in the car. Her eyes full of things she wasn't saying. Her excuses. And his inability to tell her what he should have, what he'd promised himself he'd never keep quiet again.
He slowed as he neared the river. Won the water's edge, cut the engine.
Helmet still screwed on, he stood there, frozen on his bike, his gaze lost in the black reflections of the current.
He didn't know what to do.
He loved her, that wasn't the problem. He loved her the way we love that which is a little beyond us. What disarms us, shakes us, reveals us.
But there was this truth, stuck in his throat, just waiting to explode.
He should have told her tonight. He could have. He'd had a thousand chances. But she'd beaten him to it. She'd been vulnerable, true. She'd opened a breach.
And he... he'd backed away. He'd hidden behind a kiss. Like a kid.
He let out a long sigh, ran a trembling hand through his hair.
- Fuck...
He needed to know what he was doing. Where he was going. What he wanted.
And if he could still love like this, carrying this weight.
He took out his phone. The screen lit up, the harsh light stinging his eyes. He hesitated to write. Just something short. A "Are you asleep?" An "I'm sorry." A "I have to tell you something."
But he didn't write anything. He locked the screen and rested the phone on the handlebars.
The wind picked up a little, lifting the bottom of his jacket.
He stood there, helmet on, motionless in front of the sleeping city.
Alone with the question that wouldn't leave him:
Can you love someone so much, and still keep something important from them?
Time passed. Ten minutes, maybe more. He didn't know. He didn't want to look at the clock.
He slowly took off his helmet, put it on the saddle and got off the bike. His boots clicked softly on the asphalt. The river shone under the moonlight, and the wind was colder now. He slipped his hands into his jacket pockets, shrugged a little.
All was quiet, too quiet. And in this silence, his thoughts were screaming.
He wondered what she was thinking, right now.
Was she already asleep, curled up in her favorite plaid, the one he'd given her for her birthday?
Was she thinking back to their conversation? His shifty gaze? The hurried way he'd kissed her, as if to keep something quiet?
He closed his eyes.
He saw her face again in the car, her fingers clenched on his sleeve, her uncertain voice.
And him. Him, with his secrets.
He knelt down by the edge, looking at the black water. He felt as if it were about to swallow him up.
He wished he could go back to being that simple, self-confident boy who knew what he was doing.
But something in him had changed. A greater, older fear.
The fear of ruining everything. Fear of losing her if she knew.
He pulled out his phone again.
Her fingers instinctively typed his first name.
I'😻🩶.
The last thing she'd sent him was a photo of a completely botched dessert she'd tried to make. It looked atrocious, but she was smiling behind it, blurred, in a selfie.
He stared at the image.
Then, impulsively, he began to write.
I can't sleep. I wanted to tell you something tonight. Something important. But you spoke before me. And I lost the words. I don't know if I'll have the courage to tell you tomorrow either. But I love you. Even with this between us. Even if I'm not very brave tonight. You've every right to be complicated. But I'm a bit broken too, you know? And I'm scared. Not of you. Of what I might break.
He remained frozen above the screen. Then he erased everything.
And with a broken breath, he whispered:
- I'm sorry.
Not another word. Not for her. Not for now.
He climbed slowly back onto the bike, helmet still on the ground.
And he stayed there. Not ready to go home. Not yet.
It's almost two o'clock in the morning when the motorcycle's headlights gently sweep across the front of Ivy's building.
The discreet roar of the engine is heard and the street is silent. Not a sound. Not a soul. Just him, a slightly crumpled bouquet of flowers in his hand, the leather of his jacket still warm from the trip.
He hesitated before the intercom. He raised his finger. Lowered it. Raised his finger.
Then he pressed.
A crackle. A long silence.
Then his voice, misty, sleepy:
- Hello?
- Yes, this is me. Open up, please.
He heard a sigh, then the click of the door. He pushed gently, crossed the corridor and climbed the stairs two at a time.
She was waiting for him, barefoot in a big T-shirt, her hair a mess, her eyes still half-closed but alert. She frowned slightly when she saw the flowers.
- Chan... What are you doing here?
- I couldn't sleep.
He handed her the bouquet without adding anything. Peonies, a little too large for the packaging, and mixed daisies, awkwardly chosen but sincere.
She took the flowers, not knowing what to say right away.
- Are you all right?" she asked softly.
- No, I'm not. I'm really not.
He ran a hand through his hair, nervous.
- I lied to you, Ivy. Or rather, I didn't say anything. And it's the same thing, really. Yesterday, in front of your house... I had something to tell you. And I couldn't. Because you were there, fragile and real, and I didn't want to spoil the moment.
She looks at him, straight and silent.
He takes a deep breath.
- I'm afraid of ruining what we have. But I'm even more afraid you'll find out some other way. So I want to tell you now. Like an idiot who shows up in the middle of the night because he knows that if he waits until tomorrow, he won't have the courage.
He's taken a step forward.
- What I feel for you... it's not light. It's not just dates and dinners and stolen kisses. It's there, all the time. Even when I'm working, even when I'm not sleeping. You're everywhere. And that scares me.
She spreads her lips, but he gently raises his hand.
- Let me finish.
He swallows.
- And what I wanted to say yesterday is that... if sometimes I'm elsewhere, if I don't answer, if I close up, it's not because I'm pulling away. It's because I have this fucking fear of losing everything. Because I love you, Ivy. And it's not "in spite of everything" this time. It's with everything. With your silence, with your absences, with the way you say "I love you" differently. I accept it. I accept everything. I take you as you are.
A heavy silence settles between them. She looks down, as if searching for a crack in the ground.
Then she says, almost in a breath:
- Would you like to come in?
He simply nods. She stepped aside, let him pass and gently closed the door behind them.
Flowers still in hand, she turned to him in the yellow light of the kitchen.
- I don't have a vase. Just glasses.
- Perfect," he murmured.
And she smiled at him. A tiny little smile. But it was worth the whole summer to come.
Chan rose from the bed, removing his leather jacket, which his shoulders abandoned with relief. Ivy took the opportunity to sit up in turn, her gaze riveted on him.
He sat down again on the edge of the bed, legs spread, and gently drew her by the hips to settle her on his thighs. Their eyes locked for a second, just before he captured her lips with urgent tenderness.
- You're so beautiful like that, baby...
He didn't give her time to reply. He kissed her again, more deeply this time, slipping his hands under her large T-shirt to find the warmth of her naked skin.
Ivy reacted almost immediately, grabbing the bottom of Chan's t-shirt and pulling it off, letting her fingers graze his torso as she did so. Her skin tingled at the touch.
Chan's lips left hers and moved down to her neck, where he placed slow kisses, while Ivy sighed as she slowly undid the buckle on her belt.
- You brought condoms, right?" she murmured, mid-voice.
He froze for a moment, then looked up at her, a little taken aback.
- I hadn't planned to come here tonight... But you're used to having them, aren't you?
- And have you forgotten how sex-drunk my boyfriend is?" she replied, arching an eyebrow.
A smothered smile stretched Chan's lips, as his hands moved slowly down her back to her buttocks.
- Honestly, if I don't feel you tonight... I could really die. What did we do?
- I don't know, maybe you used the last one last week, genius.
He burst out laughing, his head buried against her shoulder, his embrace tightening against her.
- Let's do it without, just tonight. I swear I'll back off. I'll be careful. I promise.
She looked at him for a moment, a little hesitant, her hands resting on his shoulders, a shadow of doubt in her eyes.
- You're on birth control, right?
She nodded gently, bringing her face close to his, her lips very close.
- Do you trust me? Please... trust me.
She stared at him for a few seconds, her eyes in his, then kissed him to give her answer. Silent, but clear.
[___]
It must have been around half past four. The city was still asleep outside, and in the bedroom, only the distant sound of a bus or a stray engine disturbed the silence.
Ivy was lying on her side, the sheets pulled up to her waist, her fingers playing gently with Chan's bracelets - the ones he still wore on his left wrist, the same ones he never really took off. She twirled them slowly, brushing them with the tips of her fingernails, sometimes tugging a little, as if to break his concentration.
Chan watched her through half-closed lashes, bare-chested, looking vaguely sleepy but deeply soothed. He'd swapped his jeans for an old pair of spare jogging pants she'd found at the bottom of a drawer. His T-shirt fell over his shoulder, almost too large.
- You know they're all worn out, your bracelets," she murmured without looking at him.
- I know they are. But I can't get them off. I don't know why. I put them on like... six years ago? And they've stayed on ever since.
She nodded slowly, her eyes still riveted on the wrist.
- I like things that stay," she breathed. Even when it's old. Even when it's damaged.
He turned his head towards her, more alert now.
- Are you talking about my bracelets or me?
- Maybe both.
He laughed softly, and grabbed her hand to make her stop playing with his wrist, just for a moment. He brought it to his lips, kissing her knuckles one by one.
- What are you thinking?" he asked.
- That I'm afraid of screwing up something good. That maybe I don't deserve something like this.
Chan looked at her seriously, his thumb caressing the back of her hand.
- You know you don't have to deserve anything with me, right? It's not a contest. It's not about winning points. You're here, and that's enough.
Ivy swallowed her saliva with difficulty, visibly moved, without words coming easily.
- I don't have the words to tell you I love you, sometimes. Not in the right moments. Not with the right gestures.
- Do you want me to help you?" he offered, in a low voice.
She raised an eyebrow.
He approached her gently, buried his face in the hollow of her neck, and breathed:
- You can just stay here with me. That's good enough for me. That says it all.
She closed her eyes for a moment, then answered softly:
- Then I'll stay.
And that was all. They didn't move again. Until sleep finally overcame them.
Morning light filtered softly through the half-drawn curtains. The room was quiet, lulled by the distant murmur of the street and the discreet hum of the heating. Ivy emerged slowly, still drowsy, her face nestled against the pillow - or more accurately, against Chan's arm, whose warm torso was pressed against her back.
She half-opened her eyes, then closed them again, lulled by the familiar warmth and scent of Chan's skin. It was only when she heard his voice, low, soft but awake, that she regained a little more consciousness:
- Yeah, I know... I miss you guys too. I'll try to come home this summer if I can take some time off.
She understood at once. He was on the phone with his mother. Australia. She'd almost forgotten how far away her family was. A little pinch tightened in her chest.
- No, she's still asleep. It's... like, really early here.
He chuckled slightly.
- Yeah, she's next to me. No, Mum-don't get excited.
Ivy smiled without opening her eyes, then reached for her phone. 7:42. She gently put the device down, carefully disengaged herself from Chan's arm, and got up to go to the bathroom. Barely a whisper of crumpled sheet. She closed the door gently behind her.
A moment later, teeth brushed, cheeks fresh and hair pulled back into a loose bun, she returned to the bedroom. Chan was still lying down, the telephone to his ear, his gaze fixed on the ceiling, a tender smile at the corner of his lips.
- No, I'm not going to put her on. She just woke up. And I think she'll murder me if I make her talk to you while she's brushing her teeth.
A silence, then he turned his head to hear her return. He gave her a guilty smile, lowering the volume of his voice a little.
- She's back, yeah... I'll call again later, okay? Love you too, Mum.
He hung up and gently placed the phone on the bed. Ivy settled down beside him, half-curling up in the comforter.
- Does she want me to come and meet her yet?" she asked with a mischievous smile.
Chan winced slightly.
- She's been obsessed with you ever since I sent her a photo of us together at the restaurant last time. She thinks you have an "actress's face" and that I'm bound to ruin everything.
- Oh, she's right.
- What, about me ruining it?
- No, about the actress face. But as for the rest... I'll tell you in a few years.
He laughed, pulled her against him and buried his face in her hair.
- I'm going to ruin everything, aren't I?
- Probably.
They stayed like that for a while, their legs tangled under the sheets, saying nothing. And that morning, between the distant Australia, the still-warm sheets and the wordless glances they exchanged, nothing seemed urgent. Nothing mattered more than that.
Ivy played distractedly with one of Chan's bracelets, her fingers gently brushing the worn leather, the tiny engraved beads she'd learned to recognize. She listened to him breathe, eyes closed, resting against his chest.
- She'd be so happy to meet you, you know," he murmured after a moment's silence.
She lifted her head a little, curious.
- Your mom?
- Yeah, she would. My whole family, actually. They keep asking me when I'm coming home... and now they especially want to know when you're coming.
She arched an eyebrow.
- Am I already officially invited? I haven't signed anything.
- You don't need to sign. I've already let them in on it. You've got no choice.
He paused for a moment, then added more softly:
- You could come with me this summer. We could go together. I want you to see it. See where I'm from.
Ivy looked at him, silent for a moment, her fingers still resting against his bracelet.
- Australia, eh?
- Mhm.
- Giant spiders there.
- ...Yeah. But also incredible beaches. And my mother makes the best gyozas in the world. And then there's my dog...
She smiled.
- You just won points with the gyozas. Less so with the spiders.
He ran a hand up the back of her neck to draw her to him, their foreheads brushing.
- How about it? Would you come with me? Just for a few weeks. No pressure. Just... the two of us. And noisy people who'll want you to try every Australian dish in the world.
She stared at him, half-expectant, half-amused.
- You said 'the two of us'. Not "me and my girlfriend who I'm officially introducing to you for the first time". How bad is it?
- Very bad. I'm already screwed. You really don't want to come and save my reputation?
She let out a little laugh, then nodded gently, her eyes fixed on his.
- Okay. We'll go. But if I see one spider in your teenage bedroom, I'm sleeping on the roof.
He kissed her on the forehead, his arms firmly tied around her.
- It's a deal. But you'll have to share the gyozas.
- You say that now... we'll see if you keep your word.
And in the blurred calm of that morning, between the unmade bed, the pale daylight and the half-voiced promises, it was as if everything, at last, began to line up.
Chan placed a kiss on her cheek, then another just under her ear, before blowing against her skin:
- You better not change your mind, huh. Because I've already told my sister that you're like... really beautiful. And now she wants to see if I went overboard.
Ivy rolled her eyes and laughed softly, pushing her chest away with her fingertips.
- You're insufferable. Go brush your teeth, you've got the breath of a guy who slept with his mouth open all night.
Chan laughs back, without taking offense for a second.
- Wow. You dare to insult me after all we shared last night? I'm shocked.
She pushed him back a little harder, laughing frankly.
- Go on, beat it. You've got a toothpaste to discover.
He stood up with a dramatic grunt, grabbing an old T-shirt she'd lent him the night before.
As he moved off toward the bathroom, he threw over his shoulder:
- And get ready. When I come back, I'm going to make the same statement, but with minty breath.
- As long as you don't have cinnamon toothpaste...
- Pff, you deserve wasabi toothpaste!
They burst out laughing at almost the same time. And even though daylight barely filtered through the curtains, the room already seemed to vibrate with warmth and complicity.
[___]
Finally, an hour and a half later, the two got up and got ready to leave for Emy and Han's.
On the way, Chan had kept a hand resting on Ivy's thigh, just present enough to say "I'm here", but not heavy enough to distract her driving. The motorcycle sped gently through the morning's quiet streets, the cool wind seeping through their light clothes. Ivy, cradled against his back, had closed her eyes for a moment, letting the vibrations of the engine lull her to sleep.
They hadn't said much. Just a few words exchanged over the headphones, some teasing about the music she'd refused to let him choose, and a remark from Chan about her wearing his shirt as if it were his own.
And maybe it was, a little, now.
They slowed down as they reached Emy's street. Chan parked the bike at the curb and turned off the engine. A sudden stillness fell around them, as if the world were holding its breath.
Ivy dismounted nimbly, putting one foot on the ground, then the other. She slowly removed her helmet, letting down her hair, dishevelled by the ride. A few strands fluttered in front of her face, and she mechanically pushed them back behind her ears.
- At last," she said, pointing to the building with her chin and handing back the helmet.
Chan watched her do so, a slight smile hanging on his lips, his eyes a little squinty from the light. He loved the way she always got off as if it were her own vehicle. As if she'd always been there, behind him.
- I sincerely hope Han's not sleeping. Spits Chan as they start up the stairs of the building after punching in the code.
- And if he isn't? Are you going to scream his name like a woman possessed?" asked Ivy, walking in front of him, helmet under her arm, a smirk on her face.
- I was going to send Emy to wake him up... but I like your method too.
She rolled her eyes as she rang her friend's doorbell.
Barely a minute later, the blonde comes to open the door, smiling, with Han's head behind trying to see who it is.
- Oh, there you are at last!" exclaimed Emy, pulling the door open a little wider, clearly in a good mood despite the hour.
- And here I thought it was the mailman," Han added with a half-contained yawn, shirtless, hair a mess, coffee cup in hand.
- Do you think the mailman calls me "baby" in his sleep too?" retorted Ivy, dropping the helmet in the doorway, a wry smile on her lips.
- I can't confirm... but I can't deny it either," Han winked. He stepped aside to let them in, adding: - Make yourself at home, Chan's been doing it for a long time anyway.
- It's what I do best," Chan replied, stepping in behind Ivy and gently squeezing her waist.
The apartment smelled of laundry and leftover pancakes, and soft light streamed in through the half-open windows. The tranquil atmosphere contrasted nicely with the morning wind that had accompanied them here.
- Come on, I've set up everything in my room for your nails," said Emy to Ivy, taking her hand. - And you, Chan, stay with the loser in pajamas.
- Remind me again who was wearing a '90s T-shirt last time?" retorted Chan, extending his arm for a knowing pat with Han, who grunted and rolled his eyes.
Ivy quickly leaned toward Chan, slipping her lips to his ear.
- Be good.
- Impossible when you're walking away," he breathed in that half-mocking, half-sincere tone that suited him so well.
She laughed softly and walked away with Emy towards the corridor, the two girls already exchanging gossip in low voices, muffled laughter echoing through the apartment.
Chan slumped on the sofa while Han tossed her a pillow.
- Would you like some coffee?
- Serve it to me as if I were your favorite brother-in-law," Chan replied, stretching.
Han raised an eyebrow.
- You're not going to tell me you've already reached that stage?
- I'm not saying anything... but she's wearing my T-shirt. And she snores cute," added Chan, smiling to himself.
- You've got the weirdest definition of the word "proof", but okay, man.
And as Han headed back to the kitchen, Chan let his head fall against the back of the sofa. His gaze wandered to the hallway where Ivy had disappeared. He caught himself smiling again, without even thinking about it.
Yeah. Maybe they were there, at that point. Or at least on the right path.
Emy's bedroom was bathed in warm, golden light, filtered through the white floral curtains. A small table had been set up at the foot of the bed, covered with nail polish, cotton, small manicure bowls and accessories. Ivy sat cross-legged on the soft carpet while Emy knelt facing her, concentrating.
- Okay, show me your claws," said Emy, gently grabbing her hands. - What do you want me to go with today? Soft girl vibes? Bad bitch ready to burn every other guy? Or "I just slept with the love of my life"?
- Can you mix all three or...?" replied Ivy with a teasing smile, her eyes shining.
- I love that energy," said Emy, nodding her head with a falsely professional air. - Okay, I'm going to go with an orangey-pink gradient, with a little chrome detail on one finger. It screams "I'm sweet, but I can kill".
- Perfect," Ivy murmured, leaning back slightly on her arms, gazing dreamily into space.
Emy stared at her for a moment, brush in hand.
- You like it, don't you?
Ivy raised her head slightly, as if caught off guard.
- I dunno. I mean... I do. I guess I do. It just... it freaks me out. He's there, like... really there. Like, all the time. And he looks at me like I'm an entire planet.
- It's Chan," Emy replied quietly. - He does everything like that. Totally. But if he's here, you're worth it, Ivy. He doesn't move for nothing.
A soft silence settled in, interrupted only by the clinking of bottles and the slight sound of the brush sliding over her fingernails.
- He asked me to come with him to Australia," Ivy said suddenly.
Emy looked up, surprised but already excited.
- Wait, what? Like... meet his family?
- Yeah. He said it like that, joking. But not too much. You know? Like... Like it was a real idea.
- Are you gonna go?
- I don't know yet... but the idea doesn't make me want to run. And that's something.
Emy smiled, saying nothing, just squeezing her hand briefly.
- You should tell him all this," she whispered. - He deserves to know what's in your heart. Even if it's fuzzy. Even if you haven't finished writing. He'll understand.
Ivy looked down at her freshly done nails, then up at her friend.
- Thanks for always being there.
- Always," Emy replied, patting the back of her hand. - And you'd better show him your nails when I'm done. Otherwise I'll come over in the middle of the night.
- Deal," laughed Ivy.
And as Emy applied the last coat of topcoat, Ivy felt, somewhere between her ribs, that something was changing. Gently. But deeply.
When Emy had finished the last coat of topcoat, she blew gently on Ivy's fingers as if to speed up the drying process, her eyes shining with pride.
- There. Don't touch anything for ten minutes, or I swear I'll do it all over again.
- I promise, I won't move an eyelash," laughs Ivy, holding out her hands like a kid in front of a cake.
- Go and strut your stuff in front of your boyfriend while it dries. And tell him all about my artistic talents, okay?
- I will.
Ivy rose gingerly, hands still raised in front of her, and left the bedroom to find Chan in the living room. He was slumped on the sofa, legs crossed, his phone beside him, chatting quietly with Han. As soon as he saw her, his gaze fell on her raised hands and a smile stretched his lips.
- You look like someone who's just signed a contract to sell his soul," he said, straightening up.
- I've just entrusted my fingers to an artist, you can be grateful," Ivy replied, sitting down gently beside him, her hands still suspended in the air.
He gently grabbed them to observe.
- I like that. It's "I can love you and strangle you in the same minute". Very you.
- Thank you," she murmured, her cheeks slightly pink.
They stayed there a few minutes longer, Emy and Han joining them with cookies and tea. They laughed and chatted about everything and anything, until Chan glanced at his watch.
- Hey, you hungry?" he asked, turning to Ivy.
- Always," she said, raising her eyebrows.
He then stood up and offered her his hand.
- Come on, I'll take you to lunch. I've got my eye on a little place nearby that does Korean revisited. I swear you'll love it.
- Are you seducing me with bulgogi?" she says, grabbing his hand.
- It worked, didn't it?
They said goodbye to Emy and Han, Ivy promising to send them photos of the dishes, and Chan, true to form, thanked them with a little wave before slipping his hand into Ivy's on the way out.
The sun had already climbed well into the sky, and the heat was slowly settling in. On the bike this time, Ivy pressed herself a little closer to his back, her arms wrapped around his waist, her fingers gently patting the fabric of the T-shirt she'd nicked from him.
They didn't talk much, but they smiled. And in the silence of the engine, with the streets whizzing by around them, Ivy felt that was enough for her.
The restaurant Chan had in mind was just a few minutes away, tucked away in an unassuming alleyway near a park. A pale wooden storefront, strings of lights hung from the window frames, and the smell of toasted sesame wafted out into the street. Ivy climbed down first, taking off her helmet and gently shaking her hair, a little flattened by the road. Chan followed suit, watching her out of the corner of his eye, amused by her little pout of concentration.
- You look like you're about to meet the president," he huffed.
- I've got to look good to meet the king of bulgogi, don't I?
He laughed softly, put an arm around her shoulders and drew her towards the door.
Inside, the restaurant was still quiet. A few busy tables, a jazzy playlist in the background, and a waiter who recognized them immediately. Chan seemed to have been here before, probably during a lull between two schedules, which didn't surprise Ivy. He had a talent for finding cozy, hidden spots.
They sat down by a bay window, the beautifully laid plates arriving quickly. The star dish was bulgogi served with fresh udon noodles, crunchy vegetables and a homemade sweet chili sauce. Ivy stuck her fork in, eyes shining.
- Okay, you win. It's obscenely good.
- I know," Chan replied, looking far too proud for someone who hadn't cooked anything himself.
She nibbled quietly, legs crossed, while he poured some tea into their cups. They exchanged anecdotes from the day before, childhood memories, silly jokes. At times, he would place his hand on hers, without a word, as if he just wanted to check that she was still there. She never took her hand away.
- I'm really thinking about what I said this morning," he said softly after a moment's silence.
She looked up at him.
- About Australia?
He nodded.
- You don't have to answer now. But I'd like to take you there. To show you a little of me there. My sister, my brother, the beach where I grew up... even my dog.
She smiled softly, then took another bite.
- Aren't you afraid I'll hate everything?" she asked with false seriousness.
- No, I'm not afraid. I think if you find yourself grumbling about the sand or the heat, my mom will just give you a hat and say, 'Here, grumble in the shade.
Ivy laughed, her head tilting back slightly. Chan looked at her blankly, his heart beating faster than it should.
Then she leaned towards him, her voice a little lower:
- Do you know you scare me sometimes?
- Me? Why?
- Because you seem to want to love me... unconditionally.
He looked at her for a few seconds, surprised, moved, almost upset. Then he turned a hand to her cheek.
- Maybe I'm scary then. But I'm going to keep loving you like this. Even if you freak out a little.
She closed her eyes beneath his palm, nodding slightly.
And for the first time in a long time, she let herself love him, unconditionally.
Dessert arrived on a beautifully decorated plate, a golden hotteok topped with honey, topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream that was slowly beginning to melt. Ivy raised an eyebrow with a half-amused, half-impressed smile.
- Are you going to seduce me with sweets now?
Chan shrugged innocently, spoon in hand.
- It's effective, isn't it?
- A little too much, yeah," she mumbled before tasting.
She closed her eyes at the first bite, a sigh escaping her.
- Wow... You chose this restaurant just for that, admit it.
- Guilty as charged.
A knowing silence settled in as they continued to share the plate. Then, licking her spoon absent-mindedly, Ivy continued:
- Does your mother like me?
Chan raised his head, one corner of his lips pulled into a smile.
- You already know that she knows your first name, and that she stalked your Insta faster than I did.
- And that you sent her a photo of me while I was sleeping. Criminal.
- She thought it was cute.
- That's creepy.
- She told me you looked sweet. That you had the eyes of a good girl.
Ivy winced slightly, uncomfortable at being seen through the eyes of a mother she hadn't yet met, but touched all the same.
- Does she know... about both of us? Like, what it's really like?
Chan moistened his lips before answering, softly:
- She knows I'm serious. That you're not some girl I just bump into. She figured that out pretty quickly.
Ivy nodded slowly, thoughtfully.
- Aren't you afraid she won't like me for real? That I'm not what she thinks I am?
He tilted his head, his hand brushing hers on the table.
- If she ever gets to know you like I do, she'll adore you.
Ivy rolled her eyes, a grimace at the corner of her lips, to hide the knot of emotion that was slowly tightening in her chest.
- You're really unbearable when you're romantic.
- You seem to survive though.
- Unfortunately.
Chan stole a mouthful of dessert, and she kicked him lightly under the table.
- I hope you have other equally sweet plans for me to digest this, she murmured.
He leaned toward her, smiling.
- I've got a whole list, baby.
And Ivy caught herself thinking that if this was what falling in love was all about, she wasn't so afraid to stay in it anymore.
[___]
The motorbike came to a gentle halt in front of Ivy's building. Chan switched off the engine, and the silence of the early evening fell around them like a warm blanket. The sky was beginning to turn mauve, and the air was milder than it had been a few hours earlier.
Ivy quietly got off the bike, a little weighed down by her dinner, and took off her helmet. Her hair escaped in a mess around her face, and she absent-mindedly pushed it back as she walked down the pavement.
Chan was still watching her, sitting on the saddle, leaning against the handlebars.
- Do you want me to get on?" he offered gently.
She looked up at him, then shook her head as she handed him her helmet.
- No, I'll just go to sleep. I'm at the end of my life here.
A tired but sincere smile spread across her face. Chan nodded without insisting, took the helmet from her hands and quietly tucked it under the seat.
Ivy, for her part, leaned slightly towards him, placed a hand lightly on his thigh to steady herself, and kissed him tenderly. It was a gentle kiss, a little slowed by tiredness, but without any hesitation.
Then she straightened up. Took a step backwards.
And as if it were the most natural thing in the world, she let out in a breath:
- Love you.
She immediately turned on her heels and walked up the few steps to her building, without looking back.
Chan froze for a second, as if his brain hadn't registered it immediately. Then he watched her disappear into the entrance hall, his heart beating a little too fast.
A slow but huge smile spread across his face.
And he murmured to himself as he started the bike again:
June arrived, with its longer days, soft light and warmth that made the world seem to slow down a little. Chan and Ivy were still together - more complicit than ever. They had found a rhythm for each other, made up of humor, tenderness, comfortable silences, shared playlists and long discussions that often ended in giggles or slow kisses.
The month had also marked an important milestone: Ivy had organized a dinner to officially introduce Chan to her father. A real meal, in a small, discreet restaurant in Seoul, with a stressed but impeccable Chan, and a calm father, a little dry at first, then visibly reassured by the gentleness and seriousness with which Chan looked at his daughter. At the end of the meal, Ivy had felt her hand being discreetly squeezed under the table by her father. And in his eyes, a form of silent acceptance. No big talk. Just a confidence she'd never thought possible.
The dynamics of the group remained lively.
Samarah and Changbin were still flirting on that fine line between the obvious and the informal. Everyone could see that something was going on, but neither had yet taken the plunge. They teased each other, sought each other out, sometimes ignoring each other, only to find each other again later. Ivy had stopped asking questions. She watched, amused.
Jaad, for his part, had recently met a girl. Nothing very serious yet, but they talked every day, laughed a lot, and Jaad smiled a little more often when she looked at his phone. She remained discreet, as usual, but it was enough to see the gleam in her eyes to understand that something sweet was going on.
As for Han, he was literally living his best life with Emy, his girlfriend. He talked about her with unbridled enthusiasm, quoted her in all his anecdotes, shared selfies with two heart filters every day, much to the chagrin of some. But nobody said anything: he was happy, and that made everyone feel good.
And Hyunjin? True to form. Brilliant, flamboyant, as much in love as the first day. His relationship was perfect, and he lived it to the full - just like everything else. Passionate, excessive at times, but sincere. It was all over the place, but always in a good way.
Yes, June had brought back a certain light.
And even if everything wasn't yet defined, and some things remained vague or fragile, one thing was certain: they were all moving forward. Each at their own pace. With their doubts, their hopes, their small victories.
And Ivy, observing all this, felt every day a little more that this life - with them, with him - was beginning to feel like a real home.
The late-morning sun filtered through the living room blinds, casting golden stripes on the pale walls. Ivy was sitting cross-legged on the sofa, her computer on her lap, and her phone beside her, screen lit, refreshed every thirty seconds. In the next room, her father was quietly leafing through the newspaper, a lukewarm coffee sitting on the table. The ambient calm contrasted with the nervous churning in her chest.
She hadn't slept all night.
- Not yet?" asked her father quietly, without looking up.
- Not yet... they like torturing people, apparently.
He smiled, slowly turning a page, looking tranquil. She, on the other hand, had her heart in her throat.
Her phone vibrated. A notification from the group:
Samarah: "Still nothing for you? I've been refresh for thirty minutes."
Then:
Jaad: "If I haven't validated everything, I'll change my identity and go live in the woods."
And finally, Hyunjin's inevitable voice message, barely articulated under the excitement:
"If I see my name with 'admitted', I'm doing a back somersault from my bed."
Ivy smiled, her fingers trembling.
Then she saw the update on the student portal.
She clicked.
Waiting.
Loading.
And there it was.
She blinked. Once. Twice.
- No... no wait...
She reread each line, mouth ajar.
- Dad.
He raised his head.
- Hmm?
- I've validated everything. And my request to change my course of study has been accepted.
He froze for a second, looking surprised, then let out a real smile - rare, but sincere.
- You're not kidding? Did you manage to change?
- I'm taken, Dad. I'm in. It's really done.
She saw him rise slowly and approach her, then he embraced her, tightly, with that slightly rough modesty he'd always had.
- I'm proud of you, Ivy. You worked hard. You didn't give up. You should be proud too.
She closed her eyes, tears welling up in her eyes.
She'd dared. She had been afraid, she had doubted. But she'd done it.
Her phone vibrated again, messages cascading:
Samarah: "I HAVE IT! It's good!"
Jaad: "EVEN! VALIDATED, I don't believe it!"
Hyunjin: "OKKKK VIRTUAL CHAMPAGNE FOR EVERYONE!"
She replied with a smirk:
Ivy: "All validated too. And... change accepted. I'm switching to "
Emoji explosion. A vocal of Samarah crying. A video of Hyunjin dancing in her pajamas to k-pop music.
But Ivy says nothing about a possible party. Not yet. She wanted to savor. Slowly.
At home.
With her father.
In that grateful, soothing silence.
She dropped her head against her father's shoulder, a peaceful smile tugging at her lips.
The phone vibrated beside her, cutting through the hushed silence of the living room. Ivy glanced at the screen.
"Chan 🐺🩶"
Her heart beat a little faster, as it always did. She picked up the phone, running a hand through her hair to give herself composure.
- Hello?
- Yo," he said, his voice a little breathless. - Have you seen your results?
- I just read them, yeah.
- Did you?
She smiles, a gentle smile, still trembling with relief.
- I've validated everything. And... my request for reorientation has been accepted.
A moment's silence. Then a great laugh, warm and sincere, burst through the receiver.
- But that's huge! I'm so proud of you, Ivy, seriously. I told you you had it in you.
She leaned back a little more against the sofa, her heart swelling with tenderness.
- Thank you... It's weird, I feel like my body hasn't understood yet that it's over. That I've done it.
- That's normal, give it time. But you did it. You really did. And you did it like you've never done it before.
She heard noise in the background, as if he were walking fast or putting something away.
- Where are you now?" she asked.
- At home. Well... I was running a bit. But then I stopped, I couldn't wait to find out. I was too anxious to hear from you.
She felt her throat tighten slightly. He'd thought of her immediately. She knew it, but it never lost its intensity.
- Do you want to come over? - I'm with my dad now, but... he'll be glad to see you too, I think.
- I was just going to suggest it," he admitted. But not if you're tired.
- I'm tired, yeah. But I want to see you.
He laughs softly.
- So I'll be right over. Do you want me to bring anything?
She thinks for a second.
- Strawberries? I feel like strawberries.
- Strawberries. Got it.
- And something a little silly. Like wasabi potato chips or a weird soda.
- You know me too well. See you soon.
- See you soon, Chan.
She then hung up, looking up at her father.
- He's coming by later. He's bringing strawberries.
Her father nodded gently, setting the cup down in front of her.
- Then I hope he takes them sweet.
She laughed softly.
- He'll choose them well. He always chooses well.
And deep inside, in that quiet house, between the books and the steaming tea, she felt at home. In her life. In her moment.
She didn't yet have a vacation plan.
But she had validated it.
She had changed her path.
She had Chan.
And sometimes, that was enough to breathe a little easier.
[___]
She was flipping through an old magazine on the coffee table when she heard the doorbell ring.
Her father looked up, a slight smile on his face.
- I bet it's Strawberry Boy.
She rolled her eyes with a chuckle and stood up. When she opened the door, she found him standing there, slightly out of breath despite his obvious attempt to keep a straight face. A cap screwed on his head, his bag slung over his shoulder, and in his arms...
- Oh.
He handed her a bag of groceries in one hand, and a bouquet of flowers in the other. Peonies, pink and white, a bit messy as if he'd caught them on the fly - but just so, it was perfect.
- For you," he said simply.
She froze for a second, her heart beating too fast, her eyes shining.
- Did you bring me flowers?
- It's a bit corny, I know. But I figured you didn't just need strawberries. You've done something big, Ivy. You had to mark the occasion.
She caught the bouquet gently, her smile almost shy.
- It's not tacky. It's... unexpected. And perfect.
He entered after her, depositing the bags on the counter. She followed, one hand still clutching the stems of the bouquet. Her father, in the living room, greeted them with a friendly nod.
- I got the reddest strawberries in the store," said Chan, taking out the trays. And also... these.
He pulled out a packet of wasabi potato chips, a Japanese watermelon soda and a tin of strawberry Pocky.
- To celebrate intelligently, he added with a wink.
- It's a feast," she murmured as she approached. Thank you very much indeed.
- You deserve much better," he replied, looking at her. But it's a start.
She approached, gently, then raised a hand to the nape of his neck.
- Can you kiss me?
He nodded, wordlessly, and placed his lips against hers. It was soft, quiet, unhurried. Just a storm-ending kiss.
She sighed against his mouth, then pulled away, smiling.
- Come on, let's share the strawberries with my dad before he sneaks some.
- That's a great idea. But I'll keep the soda for the two of us.
They laughed softly, following her into the living room.
He rose, patting Chan on the shoulder, before leaving for his room.
Chan pivoted a little, settling himself more comfortably on top of her. Then, without warning, he buried his face against her belly, his nose brushing the fabric of her sweater, and placed a long, sonorous kiss on it.
- Chan!" she exclaimed, laughing in surprise.
- What?" he protested, his voice muffled against hers. You've validated your year, you've changed your path... someone has to honor you like a goddess.
He moved up a little, and planted a series of small kisses on her lower belly, her ribs, then higher still, where the fabric revealed a hint of skin. She gasped, shaken by the mixture of tickling and tenderness.
- Do you want me dead?" she breathed between laughs.
- No, I don't want you dead. Just to invade you with love. Absolutely unbearable love.
He straightened his head a little, giving her a falsely intense look.
- Get ready for it. This is the assault of tenderness.
And he plunged in again, showering kisses on her belly, her ribs, her chest, her collarbone. Some kisses were clumsy and overly noisy, while others were so soft they made her throat knot. She laughed, vaguely trying to push him away, but her hand remained clinging to his shirt, unable to really let go.
- Stop... I'll cry if you don't," she huffed.
He slowly raised his head at her words. His eyes met hers, and suddenly, the absurdity fell away. There was still a smile in her features, but it was more tender, more calm.
- You know that I love you, right ?
She looked at him without answering immediately. Her breath was still a little shaky, her fingers clasped gently at the nape of his neck as if to keep him there, close to her. Chan's gaze, luminous and vulnerable at the same time, remained fixed on hers.
Silence settled in, but it wasn't empty. It vibrated with an overflow of things she hadn't yet been able to say. Something she'd always felt, but rarely expressed. And now, to see him lying on top of her, his hair a mess from rubbing against her sweater, his eyes filled with helpless tenderness... it made her chest tighten.
She slid her fingers over his cheek, her eyes soft, and murmured, almost speechless:
- I know.
He blinked slowly. She hadn't said "me too", not yet - but it wasn't necessary. He saw it in the way she looked at him. As if she really saw him, beyond the rest, beyond the noise.
She leaned in gently, until their foreheads touched, and kissed him.
A simple kiss. Deep. Slow. Without urgency.
He wasn't trying to prove anything, nor was she. It was just there, between them, suspended, like an evidence they'd built up by choosing each other in the little things.
When she drew back slightly, her fingers remained clinging to the back of his neck. He kept his eyes closed, as if to better hold the moment.
- I'm proud of myself," she said softly. But most of all... I'm grateful that you're here to see it.
He opened his eyes again, a little brightly.
- I'll always be there to see it, Ivy. Even when you can't see yourself very well, I'll keep looking at you like this.
She smiled, her throat a little tight. Then she pulled him gently against her, so that he lay completely down, his head nestled in the hollow of her neck. He let himself do so, his arms wrapping around her like a matter of course.
- Stay there," she murmured.
- Always," he replied.
_______________
A few hours later, Ivy was lying on top of him, her body completely relaxed against his. Her head rested on his chest, her fingers slipped absentmindedly under the fabric of his T-shirt, where his skin was warm. She said nothing, her eyes riveted to the screen, half focused on the film, half on the sensation of Chan breathing calmly beneath her.
He, trapped beneath her but with no desire to move, tapped silently on his phone.
💬 3RACHA
Chan: she's literally melted all over me
Chan: like body fusion
Chan: if I move she moans in disturbed cat mode
💬 3RACHA
Han: but now you're fully involved man
Han: are you going to tell her or not?
Chan stared at the screen, jaws slightly tense.
💬 3RACHA
Changbin: seriously Chan
Changbin: you can't pretend it's just chance
Changbin: it's not nothing what you're going through here
Changbin: be honest with her
He drew in a long breath, his gaze drifting to Ivy, still peaceful, her face pressed against his chest. She had him. Completely. And she didn't even realize it.
💬 3RACHA
Chan: you think I don't want to tell him?
Chan: but I swear if I do... I'll lose her.
💬 3RACHA
Han: or maybe you keep her
Changbin: but not by leading her on
Changbin: she deserves the truth
Chan gritted his teeth. A dull frustration rose in his throat. They were right, he knew. But he wasn't sure Ivy could hear the truth. Not right now. Not when she was smiling again for real.
💬 3RACHA
Chan: it's not you she'll be looking at like the floor collapsed beneath her
Chan: it's not you she'll tell to fuck off
Chan: then yeah. I'll think about it.
He locked his phone, a little abruptly, as if cutting off the exchange might stifle the dilemma beating in his chest.
- Are you okay?" Ivy asked softly, looking up at him.
He forced a small smile.
- Yeah... I was just in my head, a little.
She smiled at him, still looking half out of it, before resting her head against him.
And Chan put an arm around her, tighter this time, as if clinging to a peace he knew was fragile.
But Chan feels more lost than ever. Because he loves her, and he doesn't want to stop.
Yet there are things he should say. He knows he should. But he can't. He doesn't want to shatter what they've built in four months. He doesn't want to see her face decompose, or her tears flow.
He doesn't have the strength.
So, once again, he chooses to flee. Like a coward.
The sky was inky black, streaked with the lights of street lamps. In the car, music vibrated softly in the background - a chill playlist chosen by Hyunjin, who was wedged into the back seat, his forehead pressed against the window.
Chan was driving, focused on the road, hands clenched on the steering wheel. Han was beside him, cross-legged on the passenger seat, his phone in his hand. Changbin was in the back, arms crossed, silent for a while.
- Are the girls already on their way? asked Han, straightforwardly.
Chan nodded.
- They're already waiting for us. We're late. Again.
Hyujin chuckled, looking at Han.
- Yeah, she was. But she was exhausted. And I think she wanted a moment off. She's given too much these last few months.
Silence settled again. The city passed by on either side, a little blurred, a little distant.
Then Changbin straightened slightly, resting his arm on the headrest of Chan's seat.
- Are you really not going to tell him?" he asked, calm but firm.
Chan didn't answer immediately. He stepped on the gas pedal to overtake a car, the headlights reflecting on his tense face.
- Not now," he finally said.
- But you'll have to, Hyunjin said from behind. Eventually. Sooner or later.
- You don't understand," Chan replied, his jaws clenching. She's just getting well again. She's moving forward. She's got something solid under her feet. What am I going to tell her?
- It's us. And above all, you didn't fake it," insisted Han. She's important to you. She's more than an excuse now.
- That's the problem," growled Chan. I've fallen in love with her for real. It's not a game. It's not a game anymore.
Silence fell again, heavier this time. Even the music seemed to have faded in the cabin.
- Then tell her," Hyunjin breathed, his eyes still on the night outside. Before she found out otherwise.
Chan drove a few meters in silence. Then he took a deep breath and shrugged, looking weary.
- I'm scared, okay? That's it. That's it. I'm afraid she'll look at me like I'm just another jerk in her life.
- If you don't say anything, you'll become one," Changbin replied calmly.
They arrived in front of the restaurant, a familiar neon sign where others were already waiting for them inside. Laughter drifted through the half-open door, the smell of barbecue wafting through the air.
Chan turned off the engine. No one moved immediately.
- She really means a lot to you, doesn't she?" asked Han, more softly this time.
Chan nodded.
- More than anything.
He got out of the car with a gasp, as if tearing himself away from something. The others followed without a word.
But deep down, Chan knew: the countdown had begun.
The restaurant door opened with a metallic clang. The heat and smell of the barbecue immediately enveloped them, an intoxicating mixture of grilled meats, soy sauce and steaming kimchi. The cheerful hubbub of conversation filled the room, interspersed with the crackling of the grills in the center of the tables.
Chan stood frozen in the doorway for a second, his hands in his jacket pockets. He scanned the room vaguely, but his stomach was in knots.
- They're in the back," said Changbin as he passed by. And you'd better smile, hyung.
Chan didn't reply. He simply nodded, then followed closely behind Han and Hyunjin.
They crossed the room. A long table awaited them in the far corner, near the window. It was noisy, lively, warm. And there she was.
Ivy.
Sitting between Jaad and Emy, drink in hand, laughing at something Samarah had just said. She was wearing an oversized blue sweater that slipped a little over her shoulder, and her face was relaxed, her features lit by a sincere smile.
Chan's heart missed a beat.
She looked up at the same moment and their eyes met. Her smile changed - less wide, softer, shyer perhaps. But it was there. She wasn't running away. She wasn't closing in.
- Hey!" Emy called out as they arrived. The latecomers! We were going to order without you.
- You lost another bet with punctuality, Chan," added Jaad with a mocking pout.
- It's not me, it's Hyunjin," Chan replied, forcing a smile as he sat down.
Hyunjin shrugged, indifferent, and went straight to sit next to Yeonjin, who greeted him with a quick kiss on the cheek.
Samarah shifted a chair and, Han, settled next to Emy, naturally slipping an arm around her shoulders. Changbin sat opposite Jaad, and therefore right next to Samarah, who was already rolling her eyes at the sight of him playing with his chopsticks like drumsticks.
Chan took his place next to Ivy, who was free at last.
She turned her head slightly towards him, a smirk on her lips.
- Did you survive the drive?
- Barely," he breathed.
She let out a little laugh. He mentally registered every detail: the dimple, the way she lightly bit her lower lip.
- You look like shit," she murmured, low enough that no one could hear. Didn't you sleep when you left my place this morning?
- A little. Mostly I thought about you.
She stared at him for a second, as if trying to unravel the sincerity of his words. Then, slowly, she lowered her eyes, a slight smile on her lips.
- So did I.
And that alone, just those two words, nearly killed him.
He straightened up a little, tried to join in the conversation, the orders, the laughter.
A heavy weight took hold of him as he met Han's gaze.
He turned his gaze to Jaad and Samarah, who were happily talking about who knows what, and frowned discreetly.
He finally turns to Ivy, who is talking with Hyunjin, and gently grabs her hand.
[___]
The main courses had disappeared, the last bottles of sparkling water uncorked, and the laughter had slowly died down. The waiter placed a large tray of desserts in the center of the table. Fruit tarts, tiramisus, iced mochi, still-warm chocolate fondant. The soft light of the restaurant made the cutlery glisten and the sweet sparkles shine on the pastries.
- Well, who's going to start?" said Jaad, his eyes twinkling at the mochi.
- I'm not the only one who's worked hard for these exams, I remind you," she grumbled.
- Do you want me to tell everyone you cheated in philosophy? added Samarah with a smirk.
- I DIDN'T CHEAT.
- She just had an "epiphany" by staring at the ceiling for twenty minutes, Emy huffed with a mocking grimace.
Ivy burst out laughing, and Chan felt the sound vibrate into his ribs. He turned his head towards her, already bending over to grab a small jar of crème brûlée from the center of the tray.
- Wait, you're not going to choose everything without me," he protested softly, placing a hand on her forearm.
- You'd better hurry," she murmured, her eyes sparkling. I've spotted the fondant, so you've got five seconds to save it.
He immediately bent down, grabbing the spoon at the same time as she did. Their fingers brushed against each other, then came to rest on the same handle.
- Seriously?" growled Chan, falsely outraged. You're not doing that.
- I'm doing exactly that.
- You want me to take away joint custody of the dessert?
- Try it, and I'll take back your right to taste my mochi.
He raised his eyebrows, almost amused, almost moved. And while the others chatted, joked, and Hyunjin shared a mouthful of pie with Yeonjin, who claimed not to like sugar, Chan neatly cut the fondant in half and slipped it onto Ivy's plate, the other half into his own.
- Truce for tonight," he huffed.
- You're lucky I passed my exams. I'm magnanimous," she whispered, taking a bite.
- Does that mean you'll kiss me afterwards?
She shrugged a shoulder, falsely indifferent, but a smile slipped across her lips, sweet and a little mocking.
- If you give me your share of tiramisu too.
- This is blackmail.
- That's life, Christopher.
And he thought, yeah, maybe she was right.
- Okay, now that everyone's eaten and swiped everyone else's desserts, can we do a real group thing?" proposed Samarah, putting her spoon back down, looking conspiratorial.
- Like what?" asked Emy, resting her head against Han's shoulder.
- A vacation," declared Jaad without even looking up from his mochi. I've been saying it for three weeks. We should all go away somewhere together.
- Yeah, but not like 'let's go to Busan and come back the next day'," muttered Hyunjin. A real vacation. With sun, sea and no managers around.
- No deadlines, no exams," added Yeonjin, raising his glass.
- And what about you?" said Changbin, pointing his spoon at them. Would you be up for going away with us? Like all together?
Chan glanced at Ivy. She raised an eyebrow, as if to say: do you really want me to answer that for you?
- That'd be cool," she said simply, and Chan knew immediately that meant yes. Definitely yes.
- We could rent a house," Emy added. Near the sea. With a garden. And a big table outside.
- And a swimming pool," Han added, his eyes already shining with enthusiasm. A must.
- And a barbecue!" exclaimed Samarah. I want Changbin to grill stuff. He's got a serious face for it.
- I'll take that as a compliment," he murmured, concentrating on his cheesecake.
- Can you imagine, like... a week away from everything? No classes, no expectations, no artist to produce. he declared in the direction of the three boys. Just us?" asked Yeonjin, a little more quietly.
Ivy gave Chan's hand a little squeeze under the table. He looked down at her. She was looking at him, and in her eyes there was a real glimmer of peace, rare, almost fragile.
- We really should do this, she murmured. Before everything goes crazy again.
He nodded, his fingers still entwined with hers.
- Yeah, we should. We all do.
And for the first time in weeks, Chan felt something other than tension and exhaustion lodged in his chest: hope.
- Well, now we've got to decide where," said Han, leaning on the table as if he were running a crisis meeting.
- Somewhere warm, already," said Jaad, raising his hand. If I have to wear a sweater at night again, I won't.
- Not too far either, added Yeonjin. I don't want to spend two days on a plane with my knees bent like a shrimp.
- And with decent food," added Ivy. Because if I have to eat chips and white rice for a week, I'm dead.
- That reduces our options to... nowhere," Changbin observed.
- Wrong," intervened Hyunjin with a proud smile. I saw a villa in Thailand, not too far from the beach, with a huge kitchen, a pool, and like... six bedrooms. And a swing suspended between two palm trees. I bookmarked it.
- Do you scroll luxury Airbnb when you're not sleepy?" asked Samarah, half fascinated, half incredulous.
- I'm preparing for my future," replied Hyunjin, unperturbed.
- Thailand's not bad," admitted Chan. Sun, beach, great food. And you can get there without too many flight problems.
- I'd say yes," Ivy gasped. I want to sunbathe and drink mango juice on a deckchair.
Chan gently turned his head towards her, his eyes sparkling.
- Can I do that too, or do I have to audition?
- You can come, but you won't get a head cushion.
- Don't worry, I've got my favorite pillow," he said, putting his hand on her thigh.
- You dared," she murmured, half-amused, half-falsely outraged.
- Anyway, let's refocus," said Jaad. Shall we make a shortlist? Thailand, Japan, Bali... Jeju, maybe?
- Bali's pretty, but everyone goes there. We're going to run into ten influencers per square meter," complained Ivy.
- But so what? We're definitely funnier," replied Han, biting into a mochi.
- Japan's cool, but... we'll be walking too much," said Emy. It's not a vacation, it's a bootcamp over there.
- And Jeju isn't exactly "far from it all", added Yeonjin. We'll be running into fans at Starbucks on the second day.
- I vote Thailand," says Hyunjin. Hands down.
- And you can't vote twice," interjected Emy, already taking out her phone. I'm taking a poll. Google Form. This is serious now.
- Why are you like that?" sighed Changbin.
- Because if you're not, you'll be going in circles for two weeks and we'll never leave. I'll take the lead.
- I vote Thailand too," gasped Chan, leaning towards Ivy. But only if you agree to share cocktails like we share desserts.
- You mean I drink, and you take the cherry?" she said with a mischievous smile.
- I always do.
And she smiles. A real smile. The rare kind, with no pressure and no role to play. Just her, him and the prospect of a week away from it all.
- Let's go to Thailand," says Jaad, crossing his arms. When do we go? Because we're all as busy as ministers.
- Not me," says Changbin. I cleared the whole month of August to do nothing.
- That's sweet, but I've got my thesis at the end of August," grumbled Yeonjin. If you leave without me, I swear I'll remove you from all my groups.
- July, then? suggested Hyunjin. Mid-July? Before the heat becomes unbearable and we start melting in place.
- And that gives Chan time to rest a bit," added Emy.
He raised an eyebrow in surprise.
- Why should I be surprised?
- Because you look like you've slept 8 hours... in 20**," replied Ivy without even looking up from her phone.
The general laughter that followed brought a sheepish smile to his face. He leaned over to steal a French fry from her plate.
- Do you know that verbal violence is called abuse when it's this well-calibrated?
- And do you know that you look sexy when you play the victim?
He shuddered slightly. He noted inwardly that he'd always want to be wrong if it earned him this kind of comment.
- July's fine with me," Chan finally said aloud. But now we've got to talk budget.
- That's the real subject," added Samarah. Because personally, I can't afford a villa at 600 a night.
- If we divide it by eight, it's not so bad," calculated Jaad. Like if we leave for 7 days, a villa at... come on, 400 a night, that's 50 a head a day. That's not crazy.
- You have to add the plane tickets, Yeonjin reminded him. And activities. And the food. And Ivy's cocktails.
- Hey, I've got an expensive stomach," she pleaded. I can't help it.
- Well, let's keep it simple," suggested Emy. Everyone sets a maximum budget, and we look for accommodation and flights based on that.
- I say 1,200 max, all inclusive," declared Han. If we can stay below that, even better.
- The same," said Ivy. But I refuse to sleep in a hostel with bunk beds.
- That's settled then," Hyunjin huffed. House with pool, July, budget around 1000 to 1200. And we're putting Emy in charge because she's the most responsible.
- Wait, what?! protested Emy.
- Well yeah, you've already opened a Google Form, you're the boss," said Changbin with a wink.
- And I'm in charge of the playlist," said Jaad. With real vacation vibes.
- And I'm in charge of the photos," suggested Ivy, putting her hand on Chan's thigh. But I'm in the pictures, not behind the camera. Can you take over?
- If you're the subject, I'm available 24 hours a day," replied Chan, her gaze locked in his.
And in the background of the conversations that resumed, between jokes, logistical discussions and mental calculations, this little moment, this brief exchange of glances, seemed to suspend everything.
The vacations were still weeks away, but something about that evening already felt like a departure.
At the end of the evening, when they had all finished deciding on their vacation, and after enjoying one last cocktail, they paid and left.
Chan got into the car with Ivy, Han and Emy, and dropped the last of them off at home.
Now it was just her. Ivy.
And they'd been in front of her house for a good fifteen minutes, with no one moving.
He had his back to her car door, with Avis who had her face pressed against his chest, and Ivy's around his waist as he hugged her shoulders.
- Don't you want to get in?" she asked softly, barely turning her head.
- If I come up, I'll steal half your bed, and you'll be bitching in the morning," he replied, smiling lightly.
She laughed. Then nothing. He could only hear her jaw chatter as she clenched her teeth, a sign that she was overthinking things.
He breathed in gently. The moment was here. He had to say it. He wasn't sure how - he'd been turning the phrases over in his head the whole way, imagining every possible reaction. It had to come out.
- Ivy. I've got something to tell you.
But before he could continue, she raised a hand.
- Wait a minute, Ivy. Me first, please.
She turned her face to him. Her eyes were shining, not with tears, but with pent-up tension and accumulated fatigue.
- I know I'm not easy, Chan. I know that... sometimes I'm somewhere else, or I close up. I'm weird with words, I can feel it. I don't tell you enough how I feel. I can't always say "I love you" when you expect me to. Or even when I should.
She lowered her eyes. Her voice lowered, more fragile.
- But I care about you. I really do. Even when I'm not saying anything. Especially when I say nothing, in fact.
He looked at her. Everything in him wanted to talk. Everything in him wanted to be honest. But at that moment, something inside him gave way.
He put both hands flat against her cheeks, and kissed her mouth.
- I love you," he breathed.
She closed her eyes.
- Chan...
He cut her off, placing another, slightly longer kiss.
- I love you," he repeated. I don't care how you function. I don't care if you have trouble saying it, or if you're shrinking back. I love you the way you are.
She gently squeezed the fabric of his jacket between her fingers. He placed a kiss against her temple.
- And even if one day you can't tell me at all... I think I'll still know.
He kissed her. Not to run. Not to avoid. Just to keep her against him a little longer. Because he hadn't known how to tell her the truth. Not yet. Not tonight.
There would be other nights. There might be.
But right now, he just wanted her to feel that he was staying. That he wasn't leaving.
Not right now.
Not for this.
Next chapter….
It was almost two o'clock in the morning when the motorcycle's headlights gently swept across the front of Ivy's building.
The discreet roar of the engine cut in, and silence reclaimed the street. Not a sound. Not a soul. Just him, a slightly crumpled bouquet of flowers in his hand, the leather of his jacket still warm from the journey.
He hesitated before the intercom. He raised his finger. Lowered it. Raised it.
Then he pressed it.
A crackle. A long silence.
Then his voice, hazy, sleepy:
- Hello?
- Yes, it's me. Open up, please.
He heard a sigh, then the click of the door. He pushed gently, crossed the corridor and climbed the stairs two at a time.
She was waiting for him, barefoot in a large T-shirt, her hair a mess, her eyes still half-closed but alert. She frowned slightly when she saw the flowers.
- Chan... What are you doing here?
- I couldn't sleep.
He handed her the bouquet without adding anything. Peonies, a little too large for the packaging, and daisies mixed together, awkwardly chosen but sincere.
She took the flowers, not knowing what to say right away.
- Are you all right?" she asked, softly.
- No, I'm not all right. Not really.
He ran a hand through his hair, nervous.
- I lied to you, Ivy. Or rather, I didn't say anything. And it's all the same, really. Yesterday, outside your house... I had something to tell you. And I couldn't. Because you were there, fragile and real, and I didn't want to ruin the moment.
She looked at him, straight and silent.
He took a deep breath.
- I'm afraid of ruining what we have. But I'm even more afraid you'll find out some other way. So I want to tell you now. Like an idiot who shows up in the middle of the night because he knows that if he waits until tomorrow, he won't have the courage.
He took a step forward.
- What I feel for you... it's not light. It's not just dates and dinners and stolen kisses. It's there, all the time. Even when I'm working, even when I'm not sleeping. You're everywhere. And it freaks me out.
She parted her lips, but he gently raised his hand.
- Let me finish.
He swallowed.
- And what I wanted to say yesterday is that... if sometimes I'm somewhere else, if I don't answer, if I close up, it's not because I'm drifting away. It's because I have this fucking fear of losing everything. Because I love you, Ivy. And it's not "in spite of everything" this time. It's with everything. With your silence, with your absences, with your way of saying "I love you" differently. I'll take it. Everything. I'll take you, just as you are.
A heavy silence fell between them. She lowered her eyes, as if searching for a crack in the ground.
Then she said, almost in a breath:
- Do you want to come in?
He nodded, simply. She stepped aside, let him pass, and gently closed the door behind them.
Flowers still in hand, she turned to him in the yellow light of the kitchen.
- I don't have a vase. Just glasses.
- Perfect," he murmured.
And she smiled at him. A tiny little smile. But it was worth the whole summer to come.
[Plain text: Time sensitive, one week- Help Mohamed's Wife]
Everyone, please listen. This is time sensitive so I'll cut to the point. My friend Mohamed's (@save-mohamed-family) (VETTED, #192 on this list) wife has cancer, and is in the final stages of her treatment. She needs one last round of chemotherapy to be cured. Please donate to his fundraiser! He has been struggling to collect money, please help him save his wife! Even the smallest donation helps!
He needs to collect $6000 by the end of this week (25TH OF MAY) for his wife's treatment. Time is running out. Let's help him get there!
I’m a grad student in NYC organizing this fundraiser for my friend Mohammed and his family in Ga… S G needs your support for Support Mohamme
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