I'm not a fireman. I'm a male entertainer.

{Indie Big Dick Richie from Magic Mike. Mun and Muse are both over age. Semi-selective. Side blog, so any follows will be under pantslessoptimism.}

[anotherrpmemeblog]

My muse has just taken a Truth Potion, send “Spill it” plus a question and they will answer.

My muse cannot give half truths, partial truths or bend the truth. They will have to spit out everything then and there!

[rpmemesforall-blog]

Tell my muse who you ship them with. Be as subtle or as obvious as you like!

[clairitygrace]

“I’m not short, I’m pocket-sized for convenience.”

Okay, that sounded wrong. oops.  “I mean, don’t they say good things come in small packages? If that’s true, I must be the best good thing. and you’re a lot of trouble, honestly.”

[nxtafiremxn-blog]

“I’m a lot of trouble? Have you messed up your pronouns? I think you’re one of the biggest trouble makers in this place.”

[nxtafiremxn-blog]

[MSG]:So that's your type, huh?

[text; short stuff] hey, i’ll have you know clarissa was a lot of fun.

[text; short stuff] at least i think her name was clarissa. 

[clairitygrace]

[text: DICK] wow you remembered her name.

[text: DICK] idk richie she looked kinda like the type to get easily scared

[text: DICK] she didn’t look like she could take all that much, if you see what i’m saying. too delicate.

[nxtafiremxn-blog]

[text; short stuff] nah, it was all good but she was kind of boring tbh

[text; short stuff] don’t think there’s gonna be an encore with her

[rpstartersanskboxfillers]

My muse is asleep. Go into my ask box and wake them up however you'd like.

[memexmayhem-blog]

ᴏʀᴀɴɢᴇ ɪs ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇᴡ ʙʟᴀᴄᴋ ɪɴsᴘɪʀᴇᴅ sᴇɴᴛᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴍᴇᴍᴇ (sᴏᴍᴇ ɴsғᴡ).

[nxtafiremxn-blog]

❝I was hoping you would have like a gnarly scar. Add character… And mystery.❞

❝You’re slutty, not easy. There’s a difference, semantically.❞

❝Oh I just want to put him/her in a bag of rocks and drop him/her in the river.❞

❝I’m all about giving. I’m like a bean-flicking Mother Teresa.❞

❝Seriously, enough clitorference.❞

❝If grateful paid the bills, we’d all be Bill Gates!❞

❝I spent a lot of time wondering if it would matter if I died.❞

❝The system’s fucked.❞

❝Do not defend your boner to me right now!❞

❝This one got away, but I swear to you I will die before I see that happen again. I will keep you safe.❞

❝I’m feeling some sapphic vibes comin’ off you.❞

❝Why did you take us to a gay bath house?❞

❝You know I can promise you that I’ve never been saner than I am right now.❞

❝I have mastered the art of shutting people off.❞

❝I made her come vaginally. Do you even know how hard that is to do? My point is…I don’t even know what my point is anymore.❞

❝You live on a slippery slope, kid, but for some reason you keep doing rain dances. Good luck.❞

❝I think I’ve moved beyond stress to something more deeply disturbing.❞

❝I love you and I fucking hate you.❞

❝Why do you always feel so inevitable to me?❞

❝Lesbian request denied.❞

❝That’s what love is like - it’s like coming home.❞

❝You got some fucked up priorities.❞

❝It’s not like I’m exactly overwhelmed with the possibilities.❞

❝Too hetero?❞

❝You’re supposed to be my family.❞

❝I always miss you until you’re here.❞

❝Don’t you fucking leave me.❞

❝Were you trying to pimp me out?❞

❝You know, another layer of icing on a shit cake does not make it taste good.❞

❝Oh, so here’s the thing     no.❞

❝Adventure is just hardship with an inflated sense of self.❞

❝No, this is divine retribution.❞

❝Do not project your conscience onto me.❞

❝I will fuck you. Literally.❞

❝I heart you.❞

❝You don’t just turn gay, you fall somewhere on a spectrum, like a Kinsey scale.❞

❝I would like to stress that I think this is truly fuckin’ stupid.❞

[nxtafiremxn-blog]

[MSG]:So that's your type, huh?

[text; short stuff] hey, i’ll have you know clarissa was a lot of fun.

[text; short stuff] at least i think her name was clarissa. 

[nxtafiremxn-blog]

Jealous messages

[MSG]: Did you have fun with you-know-who last night?

[MSG]: I guess my company doesn't interest you any more.

[MSG]: What do you see in that guy/girl?

[MSG]: (S)he's kind of hot... you think?

[MSG]: Is he bigger than me?

[MSG]: When's the wedding?

[MSG]: I heard you and ___ are an item.

[MSG]: Is there... someone else?

[MSG]: I never agreed to an open relationship!

[MSG]: Does she do that thing that I do for you?

[MSG]: I see you'll flirt with just about anyone.

[MSG]: I'm a fool for thinking I was special to you.

[MSG]: How serious is it between you two?

[MSG]: You've been spending a lot of time with ___ recently.

[MSG]: So you tell all girls/guys that, I see.

[MSG]: So that's your type, huh?

[MSG]: Who's better in bed, me or him/her?

[MSG]: I can't bear to see you with someone else.

[MSG]: You're just a slut.

[MSG]: Just curious... not like I'm jealous or anything...

[andimrobin-archive]

send me a new girl quote for my muse's reaction.

“you are so weird. can you ever just leave the room like a normal person?”

“i don’t want a refund on you.”

“a plant wearing underwear would be better than you!”

“i’m high on anxiety meds right now.”

“i am a child of divorce! i am delicate!”

“oh good, you can hear me. now i know i’m not a ghost.”

“nobody’s getting pregnant tonight!”

“boob season’s over for you!”

“there is something serious i have to tell you about the future. the name of my first-born child needs to be reginald veljohnson.”

“when you put it like that, it sounds amazing…and like prison.”

“i got an obligation…at a…sandwich meeting…to go to.”

“you look like the little match girl wandering around victorian england selling matches…for a penny.”

“sorry to interrupt, i know the morning is the most sensual time of the day.”

“you’ve never been turned on by gas mileage?”

“so i have good news from the doctor—you don’t have rabies.”

“oh, look at the time! it’s butt-o-clock!”

“i’m having a party tonight and i can’t have him lying on the couch, wiping his tears with deli meat.”

“it’s early in the relationship. i’m still shaving above the knee.”

“i’m a mess, i can’t sleep, i urinate constantly. i cried the other day listening to a techno song.”

“i’m not convinced i know how to read, i’ve just memorized a lot of words.”

“i’m staying positive, but i’m pretty sure this is where we die.”

“life’s messy. it kicks you in the ass. that’s right, I said ass.”

“you question my pajamas? you make me question our entire friendship!”

“i’m pretty sure I’m having a heart attack, and i haven’t arranged for anyone to clear my browser history.”

“you set fire to soda water. who does that? how do you even possibly do that? it’s not a flammable thing!”

“i’m gonna take you…respectfully.”

“i’m gonna have to turn off the tap! the sex tap!”

“have i ever made any decisions in my whole life? are we just living in the mind of a giant?”

“please take that off, you look like a homeless pencil.”

“why are you wearing a suit? did you just apply for a loan or something?”

“i feel like russel crowe in every movie he’s ever done.”

“i used to just think if i was proposed to i would notice it was happening.”

“does it say ‘share stuff’ in the constiution of america? no, i think not.”

“destiny might be a girl, but victory has a penis.”

“where are your nipples, man?”

“i just wanted to listen to taylor swift alone!”

“i saw him this morning and he just panic-moonwalked away from me.”

“let’s just suck it up and french a little.”

“been trying to get something going with myself for a full hour. it’s like a taffy pole on a hot summer’s day.”

“they make shoes for your penis! they’re called pants!”

“i can’t believe i’m the sober one. that’s actually never happened before in my life.”

“please do not angry-fix the sink.”

“you my boo and i been missing you.”

“i feel like i wanna murder someone and also i want soft pretzels.”

“can you believe the zoo wouldn’t let me borrow their white tiger?”

“obama….”

“first of all, you’re never gonna be old, humans are going to be immortal by 2006.”

“sandwiches and sex?! i want that!”

“i want to rub my face on his face!”

“are you sure you’re okay? you’re walking like a disney witch.”

“i’m like a sexual snowflake. each night with me is a unique experience.”

“this is a horrible neighborhood. there are youths everywhere!”

“guess whose personalized condoms just arrived?”

“damn it! i can’t find my driving moccasins anywhere!”

“i hope you appreciate the fact that i have kept eye contact with you the whole time and have made no reference to the fact that you are practically naked.”

“are you like a bond villain? you just told me your whole plan.”

“why does your hair look so baby soft?!”

“i sometimes touch the frayed part of the power cord just to feel something.”

“did you just make up a theme song for yourself?”

“what?! what did you just say? go put a dollar in the jar right now.”

[southernbelleatheartx-blog]

“I had no doubt that you would bring it back to me and sounds like you and the guys had a blast together. My friend just adores Ken to death. I do believe that I might the other reason why you came.”

[nxtafiremxn-blog]

“Aw, yeah. We killed it. Honestly, probably my best performance, though it would have been better if you were there.” He said, grinning slyly. “You know, I’m always will to repeat it for you, if you wanna see what you missed.”

[clairitygrace]

nxtafiremxn

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but? Can you, like… sit down when you talk to me?”

“you’re very, um. Large.”

[nxtafiremxn-blog]

There’s a chuckle as he fills her request, sitting down in front of the petite blonde. “I get that a lot. Though, you seem to be extra tiny, short stuff.”

[nxtafiremxn-blog]

one day i remember how sideblogs work

today apparently is not that day

[nxtafiremxn-blog]

✈ = missing the same flight together

“I’m blaming this shit on Tito.” Richie grumbled. Granted, Tito did show up late, Richie did too. In fact, he was pretty certain the only person who showed up on time was Rome. “We’re fucked.”

[dollytitz-blog]

“Guess I am. You should probably entertain me– and know that I bore easily.”

[nxtafiremxn-blog]

“Hey, I’m the one who has to wait, you should entertain me.”

[miyovngx]

❀ unlikely situations

send one in and i’ll write my muse’s reaction!

★ = my muse walking on yours half naked in a changing room

▲ = spilling food on the other’s clothes

↬ = both muses being pooped on by geese / pigeons

✘ = hitting the other in their private part by accident

✈ = missing the same flight together

❄ = stranded and drenched in a local park from the rainstorm / snowstorm

┼ = having explosive diarrhea in the middle of the party

☂ = pulling the wrong woman/man inside the closet for a make out session

☆ = waking up the other with drool all over their mouth

₪ = entering the wrong bathroom

♠ = throwing up on the other after a drunken night of fun and alcohol

[cupcakes-n-cigarettes]

If you take your girls shirt off and she's wearing a hella cute bra

Fucking tell her that it’s hella cute… She probably spent mad time picking it out To wear for you Not for you to ignore it

Tell her that shit is cute, she might not say anything

But it’ll mean alot

[pantslessoptimism-archive-blog]

Going to bed <33

Plan of action for tomorrow after work:

Finish replies on Sophie and do starters

Finish replies on Richie and do starters

…maybe make a Tobias blog.