ask not for whom the cat ears call

this isn't a blog that's "about" something so much as it's a blog that concerns some things. you can call me Star, he/him, 22

[jamjarblues]

i truly think that this recent trend of “if you relate to a post about a different identity than your own you are ~derailing~ and taking over the conversation” is incredibly harmful.

i recently experienced some pretty severe transphobic abuse in my workplace (children’s home) that included having food thrown at me, being called slurs, being told i was a pervert because i am trans. one of the managers talked with me afterwards and shared that he had had a similar experience as an Asian man. this wasn’t him derailing my experience, or talking over me, or making things about himself. he was communicating “hey, i know how it feels and how much it sucks. you’re not alone.”

THAT is what solidarity IS. i don’t know what it’s like to be Asian, he doesnt know what it’s like to be trans, but we both had a similar experience and we were able to turn a horrible experience into an opportunity for bonding and comfort.

stop looking at people’s attempts as solidarity as an attack. and hey, you never know - you could find an opportunity to grow closer to other people.

[houndmother]

“go early, it’s hard to find parking” you want public transit. “don’t go on weekends, traffic is terrible” you want public transit. “once i parked i had to walk half a mile to the entrance” you want public transit. “it took me an hour to get out of the area after the concert” you want public transit. “ugh somebody needs to DD” you want public transit. “can you drive? my car won’t start” you want public transit. you want public transit. you want public transit. you want public transit.

[mikahseacole]

"my car broke down and now i have to pay 5k i dont have to get it fixed" you want public transport. "there are so many shit drivers on the road" you want public transport. "i get nauseous in cars" you want public transport. "i'd love to chat with my friends instead of having to focus on the road when we go somewhere" you want public transport. "i hate potholes" you want public transport. "my grandma has to pay 50$ for a shopping trip because she can't drive and needs to use uber" you want public transport. "i don't like my daughter/sister/etc getting in some random dude's car to get home, it feels unsafe" you want public transport. "I want to have a stronger sense of community and know who lives in my area" you want public transport.

[dailymanners]

You don't have to laugh at "girl math" or "girl dinner" or "I'm just a girl" jokes. You don't have to laugh at misogynistic humor that demeans women. You don't have to go along with it. You don't even have to sit there awkwardly pretending you didn't hear anything. You are allowed to speak up and say something.

You don't have to be a jerk about it. The most effective yet civil way of dealing with harmful "humor" is just pretending you don't get the joke and asking them to explain. "I don't get it, what's girl math? What's a girl dinner? What do you mean by you're just a girl? Can you explain the joke to me?"

And if you're feeling bold, you can just say (or follow up with) "I think that's misogynistic". That's allowed. You don't have to quietly endure misogynistic "jokes", you can call a spade a spade.

[dailymanners]

It really does feel like we've done a massive backsliding in gender stereotyping over the past few years and it's honestly alarming.

Not just the "girl x / boy x" like "girl math" to mean being stupid and bad at math, or these "lol girl dinner" posts where it's a can of energy drink and half a jar of olives.

But it's also this "pink this" and "blue that", like girls and women posting tiktoks like "being well behaved in the blue store in the hopes he'll take me to the pink store 😇" and 'blue store' meaning, like, a hardware store or a sporting goods store, and 'pink store' meaning a makeup or clothing store, and uh, hello?? Why is this so prolific right now?? Why aren't more people questioning or calling out how grossly sexist this all is??

[dailymanners]

#or when owners think their boy cats are the best in the world#while demeaning their girl cats#cats dont have gender they all get spayed or neutered anyway#theyre just animals#the memes about kind boy cats and awful girl cats need to die

You know human sexism is out of hand when we have to project "boys are silly lovable goofballs, but girls are cold and mean" onto animals who have no concept of and absolutely do not adhere to human gender roles and stereotypes.

The sad thing is that this has real world consequences for these animals. On average, male cats and kittens have shorter stays at shelters due to being adopted quicker than female cats and kittens. I have no concrete proof that this is due to stereotypes of boy cats as lovable goofballs but girl cats as cold and mean, but my own lived experience is that I know several people who have prioritized adopting male cats and kittens due to this (incorrect and sexist) assumption.

Of course cats all have different personalities, if you've ever had cats you know this. But it has no basis in gender roles or stereotypes. I've had boy cats who were aloof and unfriendly, and I've had girl cats who were sweet little cuddlebugs with everyone they met.

Again, animals are animals, they really have absolutely no concept of human gender roles and stereotypes.

[akinmytua2]

I remember my coworker would make a stupid husband joke and I'd be like... Is he okay? Shouldn't you take him to the hospital?

She stopped because I wasn't laughing. (Also he turned out to have a heart condition so it was good that I told her to get him to the hospital)

(Edit: sorry didn't finish my thought)

Like there's so many "jokes" that just aren't funny once you need to explain them. It really makes people think a bit harder. Like old coworker saying "my husband is an idiot, he keeps falling asleep on his tractor" or "my husband is an idiot he fell asleep in his chair and spilled his beer"

Or the people who say "well my husband can't do chores right, aren't men stupid" and my reply is, well you are going to have to teach him and deal with some terribly folded shirts for awhile while he learns. And they look at me like I'm insane. I'm sorry I think my husband is capable? Like the weird sexist baseline some people have is utterly baffling.

[dailymanners]

I think more of these "idiot husbands" are actually perfectly capable of folding a shirt, but weaponized incompetence is a thing.

Although that's not to say that weaponized incompetence is the culprit every time. For example, in my family and among my in-laws there are plenty of men who genuinely want to do more of the cooking and/or baking for family gatherings, but their girlfriend or wife doesn't allow it because they want everything to be perfect, and think allowing a man in the kitchen will result in less than perfect food that doesn't wow the guests the way she wants. (Yes, even here in supposedly oh-so gender equal Iceland people get weird and sexist about things like this)

Honestly no one cares if your cream puffs or whatever are less than perfect because you allowed your boyfriend to do his part of the holiday cooking and baking. You're just unnecessarily making more work for yourself while being unfair to your boyfriend or husband.

[tieflingkisser]

[nariarts]

Longtime readers may be aware of how much I relish an excuse to bully a company, so I'm sharing the wealth;

Clothing company Patagonia is currently sueing drag queen Pattie Gonia for "irreparable” harm to their brand.

To be clear; Pattie named herself after the region in South America.

So Pattie is asking people to politely ask Patagonia to drop the lawsuit.

I'm extending the invitation to all of you, because sueing a drag queen for 'infringement' in the current political cultural landscape is vile. Especially a drag queen who has raised millions of dollars for non-profits, uses her platform to raise awareness for climate activism, and fully aligns with Patagonia's apparent climate-conscious mission statement.

They're claiming they're sueing for $1. They're actually asking her to stop using her name, and pay over $1 million in legal fees. They're straight up harassing her.

In contrast, drag queen Jan Sport has a Jansport bag line. It's that easy to just... work with a queen.

Anyway. Be respectful(ish), but feel free to be annoying on Patagnoia's socials, asking them to 'DROP THE LAWSUIT'

I think they have a twitter and tiktok too!

[shadow-manor]

This is being discussed heavily on Bluesky, such as here.

Patagonia is suing specifically for trademark infringement, and they're suing for the sum of $1. If they don't sue, then that means they could lose the trademark. They aren't trying to "silence" them or prevent them from using the name, they're specifically protecting their company trademark. They'd have to sue *anyone* who was using such an obvious knockoff of their logo; in this case it happens to be a drag queen.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

you'll have to forgive me for not weeping for a billion dollar company's trademark being violated

[shadow-manor]

Go nuts. The point is that this isn't a company trying to dogpile on a drag queen, it's a company following a standard legal practice to protect its trademark. Disney does it all the time.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

... yes, and I also hate Disney? I don't understand what you think you're selling me on here

[shadow-manor]

If you get a soda out of a vending machine and it has a Coca-Cola label but it's actually a knockoff made with ditchwater, that's obviously okay because Coca-Cola is a huge corporation and it's thus fine for someone to violate their trademark.

You can hate Patagonia all you want, but the lawsuit is about anodyne trademark law, not specifically that a drag queen is involved.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

and what part of Miss Gonia's schtick is doing the harm equivalent of tricking someone into drinking ditchwater exactly?

[shadow-manor]

...the trademark part.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

right, okay, I forgot that she's singlehandedly putting Patagonia out of business by using a silly joke name

[netherator]

if Patagonia loses their trademark, which they would if they didn't sue and win (again for one dollar), there would be no assurance against people putting a Patagonia label on amy dogshit

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

well I hope Amy Dogshit enjoys wearing the label I think she'll look very nice

[kitsunekat9]

Oh my fucking god y’all bootlickers are driving me crazy.

I’m a law student specializing in Intellectual Property, which includes Copyright and Trademark. I’ve studied these subjects and the law is clear that everything y’all said about Patagonia “losing the trademark” if they don’t sue Ms. Pattie is absolute bullshit.

Trademarks are only lost if they are abandoned by the user or if the product made by the company becomes so ubiquitous, everyday, and common that people start calling all types of that product by the trademark name. This is called genericide, because the trademark has become so generic, it is no longer an indicator of one singular source. Think Band-Aid or Thermos; we use those terms to refer to the generic products they’re associated with. We call pretty much all sticky bandages Band-Aids and all containers used to keep things warm in Thermoses.

What Patagonia is doing is actually closer to suing for trademark infringement based on tarnishment, which means the infringer is using the trademark name in a way that makes the company look bad or associates the company with things like drugs or pornography. Queen Pattie Gonia is someone who raises awareness for climate and environmental activism. Nothing about Miss Gonia’s use of the name tarnishes Patagonia’s brand.

The only possible argument the company has is that Miss Gonia’s queer identity could be seen as not “adult-friendly” but that very quickly slides into homophobic and moralistic territory that will absolutely be shot down by the court based on First Amendment rights. People are allowed to use “not safe for work names,” based on caselaw that states that “labels that are disparaging or morally offensive” are a violation of free speech because it’s people’s choice to say and use those names. For example, an all-Asian band applied for the trademark name “The Chinks” because they were taking the racially disparaging name and reclaiming it. The Trademark Office attempted to refuse to grant the band’s trademark, and when the band sued, the Supreme Court sided with the band.

That got off on a little bit of a tangent, but the long and short of it is this: Patagonia has absolutely no basis for a trademark name. Any IP lawyer would say the same. The reason Patagonia is getting away with a frivolous suit like this is because they know their target is a member of a vulnerable minority. Miss Gonia is 100% correct that they are trying to bully her because they know she doesn’t have the money to withstand a years-long expensive lawsuit.

It’s because of idiotic bootlickers who kiss companies’ asses like this that big corporations can get away with hurting independent creators. Patagonia does not have any chance at winning, but they know that just by filing and announcing their lawsuit against Miss Gonia, they are putting pressure on her to give up. If this lawsuit goes on, even if it doesn’t make it to court and just goes to a judge for a quick summary judgment, Miss Gonia would still have to pay for a lawyer to defend her and lawyers cost more money than the average person has. Miss Gonia would win, but because Patagonia set the damages for $1, even if she did win, she’d still end up in debt because in America, the typical rule is that each party pays for the cost of their own attorney’s fees. The only time the opposing side would pay your lawyer’s fees is if you have a contract with them that says so, and that’s usually only used in contracts between businesses or high profile individuals.

What Patagonia is doing is capitalizing on society’s hatred for queer people and anyone resembling a trans woman. Miss Gonia is a drag queen, not trans as far as I’m aware (though please do correct me if I’m wrong) but it’s not like a big company cares to differentiate; they’re just mad that a queer person is using their name in a way they don’t like. Patagonia knows that this particular population has been facing harsh discrimination in society currently. By siding with them, people are actively harming the queer community. Don’t pretend to hide behind trademark law to cover up your prejudices.

[brightnshinythings]

Thank you for the lawyer chiming in with the technical description because I was stuck at "that's not how copyright works".

[cicero-not-cisero]

As a chronic "good heavens" sayer, and as a casual rhyme enjoyer, it's been really hard not to pepper in the phrase "good heavens six sevens" into my vocabulary. It would be so much fun to say, but it would immediately alienate both young hip people and old antiquated people and really only be enjoyed by whimsically autistic transgender women, so yeah :/

[cykelops]

I have had a lot of evil people say to me that nothing taste as good as skinny feels and every time im like no im pretty sure food tastes really super good actually

[angelofthemornings-deactivated2]

One thing I really like about Beverly Engel's book It Wasn't Your Fault, which is about PTSD-induced toxic shame, is that quite a bit of it deals with people who haven't broken The Cycle of Abuse (TM) and have gone on to hurt others. That's a really underserved and vulnerable patient population, and statistically, it's also MASSIVE. I don't think I've read a single other self-help type book on PTSD and self-loathing that confronts the possibility that you're exactly as bad as you think you are.

[angelofthemornings-deactivated2]

I felt better that it so much as mentioned that children can react to abuse with ungovernable rage. Everybody likes the image of PTSD patients as internalizing everything and becoming doormats, which does happen, and often, but it's not the only narrative. Personally I've always hated my abusers and have always wanted everyone who so much as breathed wrong in my direction from ages 0 to 18 to burn eternally in hell. I *never* thought any of it was my fault and ever since I was a toddler I was willing to make it everybody else's problem, and it's really relieving to read a clinical perspective that acknowledges that abuse victims can act that way too.

[reasonablywittyatbest]

It's wild to me that its such a neglected subset of abuse victims. Its really common. When I still lived with my parents and was still subjected to my father every fucking day I would lash out terribly at my mother, to the point when i went to visit them for years afterwards she was afraid I would lash out again. We've worked it out, I'm a much better person when I'm not regularly subjected to mental and emotional abuse, but like, its just so common.

I think it must be, at least partially, because, people hate the imperfect victim. Its easy for so many people to sympathize with someone who never lashed out. Less so for people to sympathize with people who are angry and lash out. Even though its a perfectly sensible reaction to being hurt over and over. I'm sure most people would like to think they would simply never.

I don't think this is the whole reason, but, I think it plays into it.

[sunspotpony]

Similarly, there’s a narrative of, you cannot experience grief over having fucked up. That if you are hurting because you caused harm, because you were the cause of harm, that you’re not allowed to grieve, because you “earned your sorrow. You deserve to bottle it up and to hurt for the bad things you have done,”

Which is punitive logic. It’s copthink. Which is bad.

[angelofthemornings-deactivated2]

important

In fact, you can actually give yourself trauma over fucking up too badly and doing, witnessing, or failing to prevent something evil that goes against your morals; for instance, if you steal your mother's life savings due to drug addiction, kill a civilian during a military operation (please do not join the military), or became abusive because you didn't have the tools and skills yet to handle BPD. In the field of psychology this is called "moral injury" or "perpetrator trauma."

[fawnpalmer]

quarterly reminder that if i reblog something ai-generated it is 110% and always an accident and for the love of god please tell me so i can delete it from my blog

[setulose]

This is a staunchly pro-bug zone. I may have contentious relationships with the ones that enjoy eating me or my food but that's life baby. The great web...

[notlayingroses]

Everything I read about recovering from burnout is like “it takes months or even years to fully recover” and it’s like okay…. I have a weekend before I gotta clock in on Monday

[hellothanksjellyfish]

Just gonna leave this here

[depsidase]

[do-not-u-dare]

Stole this from somewhere but i think it’s appropriate

[uncanny-tranny]

I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

[elierlick]

Yet another new study debunked the basis for the anti-trans sports bans. It was never about sports but for creating legal avenues for exclusion and abjection. This is one of the largest analyses ever conducted, involving 52 studies and 6,485 trans people. Read the study here.

[lucieslucidity]

post so nice had to reblog it twice and force it down everyone's throats

[fleshengine]

At minimum about 4.5 thousand people liked this without reblogging it.

We gotta fix that.

[metfell]

I DUG MY KEY INTO THE SIDE OF HIS SHITTY LITTLE FUCKING PS5

[metfell]

Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheeeeaaatttssss

[martindykewood]

idk what other disabled person needs to hear this but if you need someone to do something for you that would be very difficult for you to do but very easy for them to do, that is a small favor. you dont have to feel gratitude and guilt at scale based on how hard it would be for you to do it disabledly

[martindykewood]

also a more general point: you dont have to feel guilty when people do things for you. if someone is offering, or if you ask and they say yes, that means they want to do it. if for some reason they are pretending to be okay with it, that is not your fault, it is theirs. this goes for things you are incapable of doing, things that would be difficult for you to do, and even things that you could do without difficulty. even if youre not disabled. if someone cares about you they should be willing to help you out in the ways that they are able to.

[lavenderlemniscate]

feels like im always recovering. when do i get to live

[lavenderlemniscate]

"it's okay to rest for as long as you need from burnout" how long is it actually going to take though. there's stuff i wanna do.

[lucia-in-the-arena]

honestly? you have to meet yourself where you are, instead of running ahead and calling out to yourself to catch up.

I defended my thesis last autumn and couldn't bring myself to do any of the work I'm passionate about for almost 6 months. then I gave in and focused on taking care of myself like I would take care of a child. only then my body responded and I'm back to doing science that fascinates me.