i. surat cinta untuk education system
Maths aku memang bodoh,
First sem aku dapat “U”!
Which stands for Ungraded – Ungraded, apa tu?
My friend,
It’s just a fancier way of saying that I failed;
Like our education system.
but, my friend,
at the same time-
ada sesetengah orang kata aku pandai,
sebab SPM aku okay (?)
penentuan harga diri aku kononnya sebab aku dapat straight As
[shrugs]
yet I laugh because
these were the same people who threw snide remarks in my way
back when the fruits of my labour failed to see the light of day
because English and Sejarah were the only subjects in which I would get an A
and although I’ve left high school nearly two years ago,
the scars I’ve endured
still remain
until today.
and these knives,
they don’t really look like knives,
but they take the form of
unsolicited advice
from people who pretended to give a shit about me,
ranging from “you patut ambik Science Stream
sebab you dulu Score dalam PT3,”
to invalidating my interests, saying,
“janganlah study a degree in History,
takut you takde masa depan lah nanti.”
In all honesty, aku sudah penat menjadi saksi
mangsa-mangsa of a system so black and white,
exam-based, rigorous, academically driven, driven, driven
driving
my friends who are absolutely brilliant, intelligent
to the brink of
insanity
because a day before our results came out,
we joked about how
getting an “A” means Alhamdulillah
while getting a B means - bunuh diri
it’s honestly less of a joke,
and much more true to
Reality
with our futures at stake,
scholarships at edge
requirements to meet
and expectations to keep
understanding that a B
affects our chances of getting into uni
and “an 89 requires a resit,”
says my best friend,
“because they need an A*,
not just an A from me.”
bila lah orang nak faham
yang
aku ke sekolah untuk mencari pengalaman
dan ilmu
bukan untuk dapat A B atau C, dan sindiran
daripada guru
While in college I do well because I study English Lit and History
back in high school;
a D for Maths and a C in Chemistry
would mean that people used to look at me
like I was worthless, useless, effortless, macamlah aku ni
tak mempunyai
intellectual capacity.
bak kata orang,
SPM bukan penghujung jalan,
hanya patut dijadikan panduan
untuk menetukan
masa depan
tapi bila dah masuk
education yang tertiary,
college, matriculation, asasi and university,
barulah engkau tahu;
langit tinggi rendah
atas bawah
kononnya sudah terhantuk baru nak terngadah,
apa-apa, jelah.
AKU PENAT, SUDAH.
you know,
there is a Malay saying that goes,
“tak kenal, maka tak cinta,”
so this - is - my  - surat cinta,
this is my surat cinta
for a system
yang membuatkan kami semua
sakit jiwa
penentuan exam results yang tak setanding
dengan usaha
kerana,
aku berjanji dengan sesungguhnya
bahawa
kami
semua
sudah
berusaha.
Kenapa, tak percaya ke?
surat cinta untuk education system - dania kamal aryf
God i love this
