[oathime]

renji: ur meal, captain

byakuya: this is raw

renji: yeah it goes hard right

byakuya: no i mean the chef needs to cook it more

renji: on god let him cook

byakuya: what is wrong with you

[oathime]

uryu: haven’t eaten anything since 11. im starving

orihime: oh my god… how old are you now

[oathime]

uryu: just be casual and try some light flirting

ichigo: yeah alright i can do that

(later)

rukia: nice work, high five!!

ichigo: *intertwines their fingers*

rukia: wh-

ichigo: i’m in love with you

[oathime]

uryu waking up and seeing orihime laying next to him: what happened?

orihime: you got knocked out so i laid next to you so people would think we’re just chilling

uryu: orihime, we’re in the middle of a battle.

ichigo, laying on the other side of uryu: nah we’re fine

uryu: ??

[oathime]

bleach characters reacting to u announcing ur pregnancy

[oathime]

bleach icks

🍓 ichigo the type of dude to say saturday’s r for the boys

🐱 grimmjow constantly has gunk under his fingernails

❄️ toshiro is a massive mansplainer

🥚 ikkaku scratches his ass and smells it

🐝 soifon hisses at people

🔪 kenpachi breathes really loudly

🤢 renji makes offensive jokes and brushes it off as dark humor if he gets called out on it

🎼 shinji constantly posts thirst traps but absolutely nobody finds them attractive and he ends up getting made fun of instead

🌸 orihime uses XD

🍑 momo claims she can calm aizen down if hes angry but then says “captain calm down, calm down captain it’s me, it’s me, momo, this isn’t you captain”

👓 uryu unironically finds minion memes funny

🍜 kensei does the white people thing where they shake peanuts in their hand

🦋 rukia always crumbles up a piece of paper and says “watch this” and completely misses the trash can

🍵 aizen is a raging misogynist

⛩ urahara unironically calls his s/o kitten (discord admin vibes)

🍶 if someone shows ukitake a meme hes like “is this ur friend? do i know them?” and proceeds to put on glasses and hold the phone far out from him

[oathime]

aizen: [on fire]

shinji: holy shit wheres hiyori

kensei: uhh shes sleeping on the couch

shinji: get me a bucket of water !!

kensei: [gives him a bucket of water]

shinji: [dumps water on hiyori] wake up aizen is on fire lmaoo

[oathime]

bleach as text messages