Disney really be like:
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

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@ohmyilluvatar
Disney really be like:
Long ago the 4 Stotlesâ lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Firestotle attacked đ„ â view on Instagram https://ift.tt/35AMBXl
Only the Plato, master of all four philosophies, could stop them. But when the world needed him most, he vanished
why are chickens such menaces to the player in AC Odyssey???
To punish us for killing the chicken in Riverrun.
never bothered watching the movie but I feel this frame on a spiritual level
My last three brain cells
âNobody puts Bernie in a corner.â - Angelo Bronte (Red Dead Redemption 2)
What vets do behind closed doors
i was so afraid i was going to scroll and it was going to be bad. i feel way better
Can confirm.
Me: *surrenders tiny corgi puppy to vet tech who takes him to the back room for routine shots*
Me: *waits nervously* Oh no, they found something really bad
Vet tech: *returns with puppy*
Me: is hE OKAY
Vet tech: Oh! Yeah! Heâs great! He did great!
Me: Oh thank God, I was getting really worried.
Vet tech: âŠ
Vet tech: We had to let everyone pet him
Roommate is vet tech; can confirm
Itâs not unheard of when I do puppy or kitten exams for one of the assistants (or even another vet) to swoop in, grab the puppy or kitten, and disappear with it for âsocialization,â which mostly consists of every single person in the hospital cooing and telling said pet how cute he or she is. Quite often loudly enough for the client to hear.
Litter exams end up being a rotation, with me examining/vaccinating/deworming one while the others get spirited away, and me having to yell out âNext!â into the hallway when itâs time to swap.
why are birds so cursed
A Non-Comprehensive List of Birds That Piss Me Off
1. Dracula Parrot. This thing pisses me off like, a bunch
2. King Vulture. the felted craft project equivalent of a haunted ventriloquist dummy
i will never not resent this birdÂ
 3. Jacana Bird. This is the most unnecessary cursed nonsense. i deserve an apology for having to look at this. I can feel its fingers stroking my ears
No it does not have SIX FREAKING LIMBS. itâs carrying its stupid creepy spawn under its wings. A+ parents but still, piss off. even the normal 2 legged version isnât much better
put those AWAY.
4. The Shoebill, which iâm sure weâre all sick of hearing about. this thing is the epitome of a crappy photorealistic cgi disney villainy. i despise this bird.
also this is what they look like standing up. i just feel like i shouldnât have to deal with that, i really do.
5. Inca Tern. truly, hipsters ruin everything
6. Tragopan. it looks like a star wars species, which i dislike on principleÂ
7. The Secretary Bird. it wears yoga pants.
also iâm uncomfortable with the length of its eyelashes
8. finally, i really dislike this one specific parakeet
in conclusion, these birds exist to haunt me and this knowledge is a burden. birds exist to observe our sin; always watching, they are filled with malice. flee from them
I was like, âthese are all fineâ until I saw the shoebill standing up. What the fuck.
This is so rude miss Secretary Bird is serving FACE
Not to bring up peter jacksons h*bb*t trilogy (yuck) on main, but do you know how horrible of a writing choice was making the elves vegetarians for laughs? Elven history is full of legendary hunters. Hell, the god that first taught them how to road trip (an important part of elven culture) is literally the GOD OF HUNTING. In fact, we have more evidence for elves hunting than farming! Implying otherwise is celegorm erasure and i will NOT stand for it!
possible explanations:
1) they just fed the dwarves lettuce to fuck with them bcos theyâre assholes
2) elves donât hunt for meat they hunt to get up close to animals & pet them like wolverine
3) the elves in rivendell are mistakenly under the impression that DWARVES are vegetarians and wanted them to feel welcome
I thought of another one:
4) elves are Catholic & the dwarves arrived on a Friday
Do any other aros hate being called single? Like aside from all the general negativity surrounding the term, it just seems to imply that it's only a passing state, and that at some point your status will change to not single, and that you want it that way. I feel like saying I'm single is close to saying I'm available for a romantic relationship, which I'm not and will never be.
And somehow being termed single gives everyone permission to grill you about âpotentialâ partners?
new girl characters + #relatable  â nick miller
Helicoprion: What if, like, teeth,
Mesosaurus: Yeah?
Helicoprion: but WHEEL
Mesosaurus: No donât -
Helicoprion:
(Image by ĐĐžĐгЎ)
Drepanosaurus: What if, like, tail,Â
Rutiodon: Yeah?Â
Drepanosaurus: But CLAWÂ
Rutiodon: How would you -Â
Drepanosaurus:Â
(by @drawingwithdinosaursâ)Â
Igunaodon: What if, like, thumb,
Hypselospinus: Yeah?
Igunaodon: But like spike
Hypselospinus: But why would you ne-
Igunaodon:
Stegosaurus: What if, like, tail
Camptosaurus: Yeah?
Stegosaurus: But SHARP
Camptosaurus: But what would y-
Stegosaurus:
Pelagornis: what if, like, beak
Paramobula: Iâm listening
Pelagornis: but TEETH
Paramobula: what possible reason would you have t-
Pelagornis:
(Image by Peter Trusler)
Cotylorhynchus: What if, like, head
Moschops: Okay?
Cotylorhynchus: But SMALL
Moschops: What? No, why the he-
Cotylorhynchus:
Erythrosuchus: Okay but what if, head
Cotylorhynchus: Iâm listeningâŠ
Erythrosuchus: But HUGE
Cotylorhynchus: What no pump the breaks there why-
Erythrosuchus:
Sharovipteryx: Okay, but what if like, wings
Kyrgyzsaurus: Okay?
Sharovipteryx: on my BACK LEGS
Kyrgyzsaurus: Wait hold on now, why would you put them-
Sharovpiteryx:
Deinocheirus: Okay, but what ifâŠ
Barsboldia: What if what?
Deinocheirus: : )
Barsboldia: What are you doing, what is this, wh-
Deinocheirus:
Therizinosaurus: Ok what if clawâŠ
Deinocheirus: Alright go onâŠ.
Therizinosaurus: But l o n g
Deinocheirus: You eat planet for heavens sake why in the world would yoâ
Therizinosaurus: SUCK IT IM WOLVERINE
Azhdarchidae: What if, like, fly?
Pterosauria: Okay⊠what about it?
Azhdarchidae: But HE A D
Pterosauria: What does that even-
Azhdarchidae:
Thylacoleonidae: ok, what if vegetarian teeth Diprotodontia: sure Thylacoleonidae: but for MEATING
Diprodontia: how are you even going to do this
Thylacoleonidae: you are like baby, watch THIS -Â
Brachytracholepan: What if neck
Tehuelchesaurus: yep thats basically our identity
Brachytrachelopan: but chonk
Tehuelchesaurus: WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK
Brachytrachelopan: Chungus time
Ichthyovenator: What if, like, sail
Spinosaurus: Yes?
Ichthyovenator: but HOLE
Spinosaurus: Why would you-
Ichthyovenator:
Parasaurolophus: What if, you know, crest
Gryposaurus: Cool, go on
Parasaurolophus: but more
Gryposaurus: âŠokay?
Parasaurolophus: and trumpet
Gryposaurus: For wha-
Parasaurolophus: BIIIIIIIIIIGGGG HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNK
Yi Qi: What if, um, Wing
Anchiornis: Yes, yes go on,
Yi Qi: but, more skin
Anchiornis: But we are all doing this fethâŠâŠ.
Yi Qi: FLAP FLAP
Eoabelisaurus: What if, like, hand.
Asfaltovenator: Yeah?
Eoabelisaurus: But like, nub?
Asfaltovenator: But wouldnât thatâ
90 MILLION YEARS OF EVOLUTION LATER
ââŠdamnit!â
Kaprosuchus: Okay so.. teeth, yeah?
Crocodyliformes: Mmhmm?
Kaprosuchus: But theyâre tusks
Crocodyliformes: Oh God..
Kaprosuchus: And Iâm twenty feet long
Crocodyliformes: Donât do it..
Kaprosuchus: And upright.
Crocodyliformes: Please sto-
Kaprosuchus:
Stethacanthus: okay, what if finâŠ
Cretoxyrhina: Yeah, what about it?
Stethacanthus: But anvil
Cretoxyrhina: What
Stethacanthus: with teeth
Cretoxyrhina: Nonononodonât-
Stethacanthus: and teeth on forehead
Cretoxyrhina: STOP
Stethacanthus:
Opabinia: Hey, soâ
Anomalocaris: oh God what now??
Opabinia: what if⊠Eye
Anomalocaris: no, stop
Opabinia: but FIVE
Anomalocaris: I SAID STOP
Opabinia: NOSE CLAW
Anomalocaris: YOU WHAâ
Opabinia:
i know basically nothing about hieroglyphs but what i can tell all of you is that this particular glyph is shaped like a Friend. thank you for coming to my tedtalk
#i think this is an F-glyph? egyptologist friends let me know if im talking out my ass
Yes itâs the âhorned viperâ sign (Gardiner sign I9) and most commonly used to write the masculine first person personal pronoun âhe/him/hisâ as =fÂ
Here is a real one!
Itâs venomous, and the venom can cause hemorrhaging, but still friend shaped if youâre into bitey friends
my pronouns are he/him/his (venomous)
he/him/hiss
You may have your âromanceâ and your âsexâ, but I have four stuffed animal sheep whoâve been with me since I was a baby, so whoâs the real winner here?
modern day whoâs on second
âme saw who! me saw who!!!â
I cannot stop watching this video. Itâs fucking hilarious and Iâve watching itâs approximately 20 times already
ME SAW WHOOOOOO
There are two types of people: those who use the Oxford comma, those who don't and those who should.
weirdest use for equipment you've ever seen/done? ill go first:
i used a penrose drain as a limp straw so I could drink coffe while gloved up
and go!
both do, absolutely
this is what im talking about!
blatant misuse of clamps
An e-collar and cling film as an impromptu oxygen cage.