Andy

Multifandom spam with a sprinkle of crazy cat lady.

[ohmyilluvatar]

Disney really be like:

[badsciencejokes]

Long ago the 4 Stotles’ lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Firestotle attacked 🔥 — view on Instagram https://ift.tt/35AMBXl

[ohmyilluvatar]

Only the Plato, master of all four philosophies, could stop them. But when the world needed him most, he vanished

[red-winters]

why are chickens such menaces to the player in AC Odyssey???

[ohmyilluvatar]

To punish us for killing the chicken in Riverrun.

[shesnake]

never bothered watching the movie but I feel this frame on a spiritual level

[ohmyilluvatar]

My last three brain cells

[outofcontextreddead]

“Nobody puts Bernie in a corner.” - Angelo Bronte (Red Dead Redemption 2)

[catchymemes]

What vets do behind closed doors

[vortexsophia-deactivated2022110]

i was so afraid i was going to scroll and it was going to be bad. i feel way better

[somewhereinthebetween]

Can confirm.

[lasrina]

Me: *surrenders tiny corgi puppy to vet tech who takes him to the back room for routine shots*

Me: *waits nervously* Oh no, they found something really bad

Vet tech: *returns with puppy*

Me: is hE OKAY

Vet tech: Oh! Yeah! He’s great! He did great!

Me: Oh thank God, I was getting really worried.

Vet tech: …

Vet tech: We had to let everyone pet him

[marzipanandminutiae]

Roommate is vet tech; can confirm

[fuzzballsheltiepants]

It’s not unheard of when I do puppy or kitten exams for one of the assistants (or even another vet) to swoop in, grab the puppy or kitten, and disappear with it for “socialization,” which mostly consists of every single person in the hospital cooing and telling said pet how cute he or she is.  Quite often loudly enough for the client to hear.

Litter exams end up being a rotation, with me examining/vaccinating/deworming one while the others get spirited away, and me having to yell out “Next!” into the hallway when it’s time to swap.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

why are birds so cursed

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

A Non-Comprehensive List of Birds That Piss Me Off

1. Dracula Parrot. This thing pisses me off like, a bunch

2. King Vulture. the felted craft project equivalent of a haunted ventriloquist dummy

i will never not resent this bird 

 3. Jacana Bird. This is the most unnecessary cursed nonsense. i deserve an apology for having to look at this. I can feel its fingers stroking my ears

No it does not have SIX FREAKING LIMBS. it’s carrying its stupid creepy spawn under its wings. A+ parents but still, piss off. even the normal 2 legged version isn’t much better

put those AWAY.

4. The Shoebill, which i’m sure we’re all sick of hearing about. this thing is the epitome of a crappy photorealistic cgi disney villainy. i despise this bird.

also this is what they look like standing up. i just feel like i shouldn’t have to deal with that, i really do.

5. Inca Tern. truly, hipsters ruin everything

6. Tragopan. it looks like a star wars species, which i dislike on principle 

7. The Secretary Bird. it wears yoga pants.

also i’m uncomfortable with the length of its eyelashes

8. finally, i really dislike this one specific parakeet

in conclusion, these birds exist to haunt me and this knowledge is a burden. birds exist to observe our sin; always watching, they are filled with malice. flee from them

[captainlordauditor]

I was like, “these are all fine” until I saw the shoebill standing up. What the fuck.

[wolg-fang]

This is so rude miss Secretary Bird is serving FACE

[faustic-trobairitz]

Not to bring up peter jacksons h*bb*t trilogy (yuck) on main, but do you know how horrible of a writing choice was making the elves vegetarians for laughs? Elven history is full of legendary hunters. Hell, the god that first taught them how to road trip (an important part of elven culture) is literally the GOD OF HUNTING. In fact, we have more evidence for elves hunting than farming! Implying otherwise is celegorm erasure and i will NOT stand for it!

[penny-anna]

possible explanations:

1) they just fed the dwarves lettuce to fuck with them bcos they’re assholes

2) elves don’t hunt for meat they hunt to get up close to animals & pet them like wolverine

3) the elves in rivendell are mistakenly under the impression that DWARVES are vegetarians and wanted them to feel welcome

[penny-anna]

I thought of another one:

4) elves are Catholic & the dwarves arrived on a Friday

[taxfrauddotcom]

[arowitharrows]

Do any other aros hate being called single? Like aside from all the general negativity surrounding the term, it just seems to imply that it's only a passing state, and that at some point your status will change to not single, and that you want it that way. I feel like saying I'm single is close to saying I'm available for a romantic relationship, which I'm not and will never be.

[ohmyilluvatar]

And somehow being termed single gives everyone permission to grill you about “potential” partners?

[schoolofrock-deactivated2021112]

new girl characters + #relatable  → nick miller

[a-dinosaur-a-day]

Helicoprion: What if, like, teeth,

Mesosaurus: Yeah?

Helicoprion: but WHEEL

Mesosaurus: No don’t -

Helicoprion:

(Image by ДиБгд)

[a-dinosaur-a-day]

Drepanosaurus: What if, like, tail, 

Rutiodon: Yeah? 

Drepanosaurus: But CLAW 

Rutiodon: How would you - 

Drepanosaurus: 

(by @drawingwithdinosaurs​) 

[aegis-destiny]

Igunaodon: What if, like, thumb,

Hypselospinus: Yeah?

Igunaodon: But like spike

Hypselospinus: But why would you ne-

Igunaodon:

[i-draws-dinosaurs]

Stegosaurus: What if, like, tail

Camptosaurus: Yeah?

Stegosaurus: But SHARP

Camptosaurus: But what would y-

Stegosaurus:

[ridiculouslyphotogenicsinosauru]

Pelagornis: what if, like, beak

Paramobula: I’m listening

Pelagornis: but TEETH

Paramobula: what possible reason would you have t-

Pelagornis:

(Image by Peter Trusler)

[shadows-and-science-gone-mad]

Cotylorhynchus: What if, like, head

Moschops: Okay?

Cotylorhynchus: But SMALL

Moschops: What? No, why the he-

Cotylorhynchus:

[lady-laufey]

Erythrosuchus: Okay but what if, head

Cotylorhynchus: I’m listening…

Erythrosuchus: But HUGE

Cotylorhynchus: What no pump the breaks there why-

Erythrosuchus:

[rave-lord-nito]

Sharovipteryx: Okay, but what if like, wings

Kyrgyzsaurus: Okay?

Sharovipteryx: on my BACK LEGS

Kyrgyzsaurus: Wait hold on now, why would you put them-

Sharovpiteryx:

[lady-laufey]

Deinocheirus: Okay, but what if…

Barsboldia: What if what?

Deinocheirus: : )

Barsboldia: What are you doing, what is this, wh-

Deinocheirus:

[bats-at-the-disco-deactivated20]

Therizinosaurus: Ok what if claw…

Deinocheirus: Alright go on….

Therizinosaurus: But l o n g

Deinocheirus: You eat planet for heavens sake why in the world would yo—

Therizinosaurus: SUCK IT IM WOLVERINE

[wandering-shepard]

Azhdarchidae: What if, like, fly?

Pterosauria: Okay… what about it?

Azhdarchidae: But HE A D

Pterosauria: What does that even-

Azhdarchidae:

[plasticozoic]

Thylacoleonidae: ok, what if vegetarian teeth Diprotodontia: sure Thylacoleonidae: but for MEATING

Diprodontia: how are you even going to do this

Thylacoleonidae: you are like baby, watch THIS - 

[sepialunaris]

Brachytracholepan: What if neck

Tehuelchesaurus: yep thats basically our identity

Brachytrachelopan: but chonk

Tehuelchesaurus: WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

Brachytrachelopan: Chungus time

[mrvokiman]

Ichthyovenator: What if, like, sail

Spinosaurus: Yes?

Ichthyovenator: but HOLE

Spinosaurus: Why would you-

Ichthyovenator:

[darth-felis-deactivated20200625]

Parasaurolophus: What if, you know, crest

Gryposaurus: Cool, go on

Parasaurolophus: but more

Gryposaurus: …okay?

Parasaurolophus: and trumpet

Gryposaurus: For wha-

Parasaurolophus: BIIIIIIIIIIGGGG HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNK

[mantis-cat]

Yi Qi: What if, um, Wing

Anchiornis: Yes, yes go on,

Yi Qi: but, more skin

Anchiornis: But we are all doing this feth…….

Yi Qi: FLAP FLAP

[fabfuta1234]

Eoabelisaurus: What if, like, hand.

Asfaltovenator: Yeah?

Eoabelisaurus: But like, nub?

Asfaltovenator: But wouldn’t that–

90 MILLION YEARS OF EVOLUTION LATER

“…damnit!”

[warriormoustache]

Kaprosuchus: Okay so.. teeth, yeah?

Crocodyliformes: Mmhmm?

Kaprosuchus: But they’re tusks

Crocodyliformes: Oh God..

Kaprosuchus: And I’m twenty feet long

Crocodyliformes: Don’t do it..

Kaprosuchus: And upright.

Crocodyliformes: Please sto-

Kaprosuchus:

[morgan-the-lonely-brick]

Stethacanthus: okay, what if fin…

Cretoxyrhina: Yeah, what about it?

Stethacanthus: But anvil

Cretoxyrhina: What

Stethacanthus: with teeth

Cretoxyrhina: Nonononodon’t-

Stethacanthus: and teeth on forehead

Cretoxyrhina: STOP

Stethacanthus:

[cassie-heartgal]

Opabinia: Hey, so–

Anomalocaris: oh God what now??

Opabinia: what if… Eye

Anomalocaris: no, stop

Opabinia: but FIVE

Anomalocaris: I SAID STOP

Opabinia: NOSE CLAW

Anomalocaris: YOU WHA–

Opabinia:

[thoodleoo]

i know basically nothing about hieroglyphs but what i can tell all of you is that this particular glyph is shaped like a Friend. thank you for coming to my tedtalk

[thatlittleegyptologist]

#i think this is an F-glyph? egyptologist friends let me know if im talking out my ass

Yes it’s the ‘horned viper’ sign (Gardiner sign I9) and most commonly used to write the masculine first person personal pronoun ‘he/him/his’ as =f 

Here is a real one!

It’s venomous, and the venom can cause hemorrhaging, but still friend shaped if you’re into bitey friends

[fageleh]

my pronouns are he/him/his (venomous)

[naamahdarling]

he/him/hiss

[ohmyilluvatar]

[tachiharas-brother-deactivated2]

You may have your “romance” and your “sex”, but I have four stuffed animal sheep who’ve been with me since I was a baby, so who’s the real winner here?

[kivcraft]

[zagreuses-toast]

modern day who’s on second

[official-lucifers-child]

“me saw who! me saw who!!!”

[wolfwarrior142]

I cannot stop watching this video. It’s fucking hilarious and I’ve watching it’s approximately 20 times already

[ohmyilluvatar]

ME SAW WHOOOOOO

[memeclassheroes]

[academicssay]

There are two types of people: those who use the Oxford comma, those who don't and those who should.

[veterinaryshitposting]

weirdest use for equipment you've ever seen/done? ill go first:

i used a penrose drain as a limp straw so I could drink coffe while gloved up

and go!

[veterinaryshitposting]

both do, absolutely

this is what im talking about!

[veterinaryshitposting]

blatant misuse of clamps

[ohmyilluvatar]

An e-collar and cling film as an impromptu oxygen cage.