Obsessive Compulsive Fleur

The purpose of this blog is to share my experiences living with OCD. I'd like to shed light on a commonly misunderstood illness, document my struggles and most importantly, celebrate my wins. I hope that my blog helps anyone else with OCD feel less alone.

[youmatterlifeline]

[obsessivecompulsivefleur]

For anyone struggling with ocd today : try choosing not to punish yourself for 24 hours.

I'm going to try self compassion today. Guilt doesn't keep the world spinning.

Today I am not a bad - partner, friend, worker, daughter... I am just Fleur.

[obsessivecompulsivefleur]

Off my meds #1

For the first time, in almost half my life, I am not taking psychiatric medication. This decision was approved by a psychiatrist and supported by a psychologist as I am more functional now than I ever before. At the beginning of the year I weened off Lithium with no problems and a month ago I took my last dose of Effexor. Weening off the Effexor was mentally and physically fucked, it was hard to control of my emotions. It has taken a toll on my new found independence. Since coming off completely my OCD has been accompanied by depression. However, today is the second day in a row that I haven’t felt like going back on antidepressants. My doctor has given me a script and recommends that I fill it however I am going to give it at least 2 more weeks. Now that we are out of Covid lockdown I am hoping to feel more like myself. Fingers crossed! If I do go back on medication I will try not to judge myself harshly. I managed to get a great review of my performance at work despite these challenges so I should be proud of my efforts.  

Side note - since reducing the Effexor I have had a few nightmares, which I have not experienced for years.

[obsessivecompulsivefleur]

The irk of quirk

Yes, people with OCD are often preoccupied with fear, order and the pursuit of perfection. But please understand that the above is just the tip of the ice burg. Ocd can also look like intense shame, self-loathing and the worst of the worst…guilt. OCD forges a deep and habitual mistrust of one’s true intentions and causes to feelings of unworthiness. I have felt unworthy of my friends, family, self compassion and in the darkest times, of life. So if somebody tells you they have Ocd please don't assume what that means based on stereotypes. OCD is not a quirk; it is a serious and debilitating illness.