hi friend

How is there always overwatch porn on my dash?

[artemissoftstepper]

need a bad sleep reset

this is a very delicate operation which involves not falling asleep until the late enough tomorrow that i can get a normal nights sleep

[voxelfoxkae]

[obviouslyitslol]

Starting a petition to get 'dog mode' on steaming platforms that turns off doorbells, knocking, and other dogs barking (and probs more I'm making this up as I go) and replaces them with subtitles. Love my dogs, tired of them ruining actual minutes of shows because I can't find the remote and they have a good quality door knock in the scene.

[byjove]

dog owners: She is a first generation merle doodle! She cost $6,000 and I had to drive 3 states over to pick her up!

cat owners: this thing entered my house and refused to leave

[holdoncallfailed]

ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to deny location sharing and turn off personalized ads and reject all non-essential cookies and not set up siri and face ID

[sobcat]

who up wanting to change the way they conduct their everyday life

[tuxankhamun]

I'm sorry for doing that bank heist, your honour. It's just that, like, once you get to be around 30, it just seems to become impossible to get all your buddies together for some fun times, and sometimes you just get wrapped up in the magic of spending time with friends, and, well, one thing leads to another.

[mercurys-in-retrograde]

let the contemporary record show mr beast was pretty ignorable for his whole career if you were just like, busy.

[spookberry]

I think so often about this guy on tiktok who was yappin about how unrealistic face scars are in fiction, cuz theyre always still super visible or prominent when in reality they fade really fast and easily(in his opinion) and he was like "as evidence, i just cut my face pretty bad by accident today and in like a week or two itll be completely gone" and its been like 4 years i think and i still see his videos on occasion and well, the scar is still visible actually.

[a-mel0n]

reblog if you’ve had an online friendship that’s lasted more than 2 years

[mimosa-sexypeople-contests-2026]

Would you eat a whole lemon for $20?

Yes

No

wtf is wrong with you?

I would for ___ amount of money (comment below)

Voting ended onMar 26

[oneheadtoanother]

[beardedmrbean]

be free little dude

[nycswebhead]

got really fucking high the other day and convinced myself that there was a new villain in the city and had a full on fight with a rat. not like a superpowered rat just regular

[byjove]

now that I am a grown adult and I got to see which of my peers chose to have a career in the military, I feel like I am even more qualified to mock the troops. truly a job for assholes

[wordfather]

for april fools i will turn into a beast and attack the town at nightfall

[wordfather]

god forbid a snail has hobbies

[tastefullyoffensive]

63 Midwest Tweets From Midwesterners Who Know How To Have A Good Time, Politely, Of Course

[jesusismyhostage]