i feel like i'm the worst so i always act like i'm the best

hi, this is a personal blog please read my about and byf!

[put-my-thoughts-to-rest]

[ocdisaster]

me: i slept 16 hours

neurotypical: wow! i wish i could do that!

me: and i wish i could live a productive life without having a cloud hanging over my head and blocking every obstacle, making it 10x more difficult for me to accomplish anything which then in turn creates more reasons for me to be depressed. we all want things, stacy.

[batwizard]

imagine being able to handle things. that’s wild.

[ocdisaster]

me when i meet someone who has the same disorder: i have to be sicker than them and suffer the most otherwise i'm clearly a Fake

[bitchycode]

[mental-ch-illness]

seeing validation on tumblr can be great but sometimes you see something that is Too Relatable and then suddenly it all sinks in that you have a chronic and debilitating mental illness that you didnt ask for and didnt deserve and you just kinda want to leap of a cliff

[bpdirt]

someone: how’ve you been?

me, trembling and on the verge of tears: just living life, yknow?

[batwizard]

what not getting out of bed really feels like

NTs often believe that when you don’t get out of bed you’re just lying around comfortably like ‘ahh this is nice’, when in reality it’s:

• aching muscles

• feeling like you want to get up and walk around but you can’t

• running out of things to do without having to move and descending into this really bad kind of boredom where you feel like all you can do is stare at a wall and think about how much you hate yourself

• dissociating

• getting really sweaty

• –> smelling bad

• not going to the bathroom until your bladder feels like exploding

• not eating or drinking properly

• always feeling either to hot or too cold and just not finding a solution

• rolling around, not being able to find a comfortable position anymore

• feeling like your whole body is trying to tell you to be active while your brain is blatantly refusing it

• thinking about how you could’ve read like 3 books by now but haven’t and don’t want to start one either

• being irritable and angry

• falling asleep and completely messing up your already poor sleeping schedule

• eating chips or other snacks in bed, getting crumbs everywhere and still feeling them days later

• feeling like a failure

+ many other things

[ocdisaster]

someone: ignores something i said

me, setting myself on fire: haha its nbd! it wasnt important haha

[dreamgrl1998-deactivated2022072]

can’t my serotonin levels just regulate their fucking selves. grow up

[histrionic-hero]

when someone is no longer your fp and you see them without the rose colored glasses for the first time and its just like

what the fuck was i thinking

[rottenbutrecovering]

People on jan 1st: i havn’t showered or bathed all year haha!

My depressed ass on jan 17th: yeah same

[37q-archive]

"what?? youve never seen [bad old movie]???"

“well jake not everyone studies up on bad pop culture references to make up for the emptiness of their personality”

[ocdisaster]

the people who like my personal posts when i'm feeling alone are the best kind of people and deserve good things

[ocdisaster]

weird how i only matter when i'm relatable

[ocdisaster]

i keep switching between being totally numb and sobbing uncontrollably what a mess

[incendavery]

let’s not even talk about the third day without a shower