Faza Adriani

I want to be happy forever and go to heaven that's my life goal

[tvpixels]

[jakefromstatefarm]

[death-by-lulz]

Well, it’s time to switch tabs until they leave…

[dreamlightasafeather]

IF YOU NEED TO CALL 911 BUT ARE SCARED TO BECAUSE OF SOMEONE IN THE ROOM, dial and ask for a pepperoni pizza. They will ask if you know you’re calling 911. Say yes, and continue pretending you’re making an order. They’ll ask if there’s someone in the room.

You can ask how long it will take for the pizza to get to you, and they will tell you how far away a dispatcher is.

Here is an example video

[t-pose-to-assert-gayness]

Reblog to literally save a life

[anotherdayforchaosfay]

I’ve done this.  I’m alive because of this. 

My flat-mate’s date for the night was almost as drunk as her.  She had passed out in her room and locked the door.  He refused to leave because he wanted to have sex.  He also demanded food because he was dealing with “whiskey dick”.  He didn’t like the lack of food in the fridge.  I called 911, did the stuff stated above, and he was getting PISSED about how long the “order” was taking.  He took my phone, demanded they “hurry the fuck up”.  Police arrived two minutes later, arrested him, and helped me file a police report.  Pressing charges wasn’t necessary because he had warrants on him from THREE different states for the very thing he planned to do to me.  Several months after this happened one of the officers informed me he was charged with two felonies because he crossed stay lines, and will be serving no less than 35 years in prison.  The officer ripped into my flat-mate about her bringing home complete strangers, while drunk, knowing full well this shit could happen. 

This was 14 years ago.  

Do the pizza order, do it as calmly as you can.  The dispatcher I spoke to said things like this:

“If he’s drunk say you want mushrooms.”  I said I want extra mushrooms.

“If he’s threatening you with sexual assault say you want onions.”  I said I want onions.

She went like this with different toppings and sauces for a description of him, like pineapple if he’s blonde, black olives if he’s tall, extra large if he’s tall, etc.

They’ve heard this sort of coded call before.  They’re trained for it.  They will understand what you’re saying.  Order the pizza.

[torios]

Really though. I’m in training for dispatch and this was one of the first things they taught us. Pretend you’re talking to a friend or relative, pretend you’re ordering pizza, we’ll figure it out. We’ll word questions so you can answer in an easy, casual way. Please, just make the call and we will do everything we can to help you.

[skelatal-remains-deactivated201]

Reblog to save a life

[garbageeboss]

[pardonmewhileipanic]

OMMMMMGGGGGG

[magishoujo]

[flybutnotlikeag6]

ARE YOU KIDDING ME

[ravencrowneversmiles-deactivate]

This is definitely my favorite one. 

[itsoktobetakei]

oh this is wonderful

[sadistmaximus-blog]

Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stoned

[uisce-portaigh]

Harry Potter and the Cannabis of Secrets

[qui-ne-tente-rien-n-a-rien]

Harry Potter and the Weed of Azkaban

[vaguelyprolific]

Harry Potter and the Bong of Fire

[edgebug]

Harry Potter and the Order of the 4/20

[wilburytravel]

Harry Potter and the Half Rolled Toke

[gustavclimt]

Harry Potter and the Deathly Doobie

[whatitdoooobabeyyy]

did the early 2000’s really happen or is it just a lie that the government wants us to believe

[princehexing-deactivated2017061]

It was ahead of it’s time

[xxziggystardust]

OMG stop …

[beckyisawrecky]

Future

[ruinedchildhood]

[sakurime-deactivated20150822]

[weebhelpcentral-blog]

[the-absolute-funniest-posts]

NO ONE GETS ME ;____; so hard to find people with a sense of humor as dumb as mine.

[d1rtypaws]

When someone is explaining something to you and you get hit with the realization that you haven’t retained anything that has been said to you and the moment they stop talking you won’t be able to recall any part of it

[burningwinterfell]

friendship

[wlois-clarkw]

[tillallare1]

Twenty-two years later and this is still funny.

[babyyodamom]

It really is.

[iconuk01]

Also remember that she designed it deliberately to protect his identity, so that, in her own words ”It won’t be your face that they’re looking at”.

[wilnebula]

“Haha, I’m sorry I’m really bad at remembering names.”, she lies, sweating nervously, as she actually can’t remember neither faces nor names and did not recognize the person.

[beastmac]

o shit it’s me

[obviousplant]

[hahaha-urp]

Renamed paint colors.

[thecheeziersnack-blog]

[icanthearyoudude]

well it’s true

[queendaenerys]