YOU ARE THE REASON
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EXPECTATIONS
seen from Malaysia
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from South Korea
seen from Singapore
seen from India
seen from Japan
seen from Kyrgyzstan
seen from Saudi Arabia
seen from Russia
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Switzerland
seen from Canada
seen from T1
seen from Brazil
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seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
@octonauts-incorrect-quotes
Peso: I’m taking a look at your numbers, and it doesn’t look good. You have a lot of measurements. Quite a few variables.
Shellington: Is that… bad?
Peso: Variables are the #1 risk factor for outcomes. The past is a big contributor to the future.
Shellington: Isn’t that just causality?
Peso: Causality is the leading cause of death in this country.
Shellington: So what are my odds?
Peso: Do you have a family history?
Shellington: Of what?
Peso: Just, in general.
Shellington: …Yes?
Peso: Oh no.
Dashi: See, the problem is, Kwazii, you’re playing 3D chess. I’m playing 4D.
Kwazii: I’m playing checkers. I don’t know what the fuck you’re playing.
Peso: I'm very scary.
Kwazii: You're about as scary as a wet kitten.
Peso: Wet kittens are cute, at least I've got that going for me.
Kwazii: And small.
Peso:
Peso: ...Yeah, yeah. I guess.
Barnacles: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?
Peso: Maybe a bit tipsy?
Dashi: Drunk.
Tweak: Wasted.
Kwazii: Dead.
*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*
Barnacles: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Everyone:
Peso: ...I did. I broke it.
Barnacles: No. No you didn't. Shellington?
Shellington: Don't look at me. Look at Kwazii.
Kwazii: What?! I didn't break it.
Shellington: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Kwazii: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Shellington: Suspicious.
Kwazii: No, it's not!
Tweak: If it matters, probably not, but Dashi was the last one to use it.
Dashi: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Tweak: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Dashi: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Tweak!
Peso: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Barnacles.
Barnacles: No! Who broke it!?
Everyone:
Tweak: Barnacles... Shellington's been awfully quiet.
Shellington: rEALLY?!
*Everyone starts arguing*
Barnacles, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.
Barnacles: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
Barnacles:
Barnacles: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
*the crew when dehydrated*
Peso: *fills up bottle and drinks from that*
Barnacles: *brought 4 bottles of water so this wouldn’t happen*
Shellington: *drinks straight from the tap*
Dashi: *dehydrates*
Tweak: *drinks from the puddle of water on the floor*
Kwazii: *licks the tap, doesn’t even need a drink*
Barnacles: Alright I need you to swear-
Kwazii: FUCK!!!
Barnacles: ...Swear as in promise
(request by @maskedmusic666 <3)
Dashi: Many people are mildly dehydrated and don’t realize it. You should drink at least six glasses of water per day.
Peso: No, eight glasses!
Tweak: I heard ten.
Kwazii: You need to drink at least five glasses of water per minute.
*later…*
Barnacles: Okay, I just read through every study I could find to try to figure out whether low-grade dehydration is even a real thing.
Dashi: What did you learn?
Barnacles: If you spend all day doing research and forget to eat or drink, you start to feel pretty bad.
Peso: I’ll get some water.
Barnacles: But how many glas–whoa, feeling dizzy.
Shellington: Maybe you should just drink straight from the tap.
Peso: When Kwazii was born, the gods said, "He's too perfect for this world."
Tweak: Please. When he was born, the devil said, "Oh, competition."
*Everyone is giving advice to Peso*
Barnacles: It's okay to ask for help.
Shellington: You're not a burden.
Kwazii: Murder is okay.
Tweak: Your feelings matter.
Barnacles: *watching the crew's shenanigans with concern* Do you feel like this has gotten out of hand?
Kwazii: I don't know. Feels normal enough for a group that's on 911's blocked callers list.
Kwazii: You might not know this, Captain, but I am a flawed person. Barnacles: I do know that.
