Chuuya “I don’t have a soul” Nakahara & Dazai “I’ll tear out mine (so we can Both be soulless)” Osama. You get it.
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Chuuya “I don’t have a soul” Nakahara & Dazai “I’ll tear out mine (so we can Both be soulless)” Osama. You get it.
Kim Addonizio, from “Mermaid Song”, Tell Me
regulus black
work on DTIYS
(I didn't notice that I smeared my eyebrow, I'm sorry.)
dazai making up a whole language with fyodor that no one else can understand is amazing but imagine him using codes that, very objectively speaking, you could crack, it's just that no normal person would ever make the insane leaps in logic that it requires. except for someone familiar with dazai's weird thinking patterns, that is.
i just love the idea of dazai's unhinged antics being dialed up to an eleven when he was in the port mafia, and oda being the only one who simply wouldn't bat an eye at it but chuuya was the only one who would actually get it.
like imagine ango at the end of the jailbreak, his boss saying he should allow himself to sigh and lean back and maybe indulge himself, pat him on the shoulder, tell him what he pulled off reading heart rates wasn't easy and he should be proud for being able to keep up with such a plan
but ango i-drank-with-teenage-dazai-and-also-had-the-records-for-every-soukoku-mission sakaguchi can only remember the time dazai was like using greek sign language through his breathing patterns to communicate from a submarine from beneath the pacific ocean or something, and chuuya could not fathom how no one else could understand him.
and that was the day mori signed off on skk being exclusive partners because every subordinate in the room was crying tears of blood by the time chuuya finished explaining which blood pressure level was warning them about a bomb, which blinking sequence was him conveying the vault password and which series of inhales was just him calling mori a bitch.
(ango also pointedly did not want to think about how smug dazai had looked after the mission when mori confirmed skk would only be each others' partners for efficiency and to maintain everyone else's sanity
or about how when he called chuuya to tell him about dazai's prison break scheme he could only get like 3 out of 276 steps into the plan before chuuya rolled his eyes, said "got it" then hung up and pulled the whole thing off without a hitch.)
I'm fairly certain of Fyodor's skill.
In Crime and Punishment, blood flows "as from an overturned glass" and "spills like champagne," evoking the Holy Eucharist of the Orthodox Church. The sacrament in Orthodoxy is not symbolic; to receive the wine is to partake in the blood of Christ, which initiates a union with Christ. Thus, when he drinks his victims' blood, or when his victims' blood smears on his hand, Raskolnikov is initiated into them and partakes in their nature. Their manners become his, and because he's imbibed them and taken them into his psyche, they can't be killed even though their blood has been shed.
But they're not Christ, and their blood cannot initiate Raskolnikov into the divine; in partaking in them, he's guilty of an evil that he can't escape anymore than they can die within him. The Eucharist is an Orthodox sacrament that can be repreated, so he seeks expiation by stumbling drunkenly into profound suffering by initiating himself over and over into others' natures, ignoring that they taste of wine. Desperate for redemption within his depravity, he conflates each death with the faultlessness of Christ's, rendering his guilt into a parody of righteousness, iteratively supplanting his anguish with absurdism.
Anyway, so, yeah, that's likely how Fyodor's skill works in Bungou Stray Dogs, too. From his touch flows the sacrament, but if he partakes, if the blood touches him or if he tastes it, then he's initiated into the nature of whoever's blood he sheds.
He rarely uses his ability, and when he does, there's a preciousness about how he shies from the blood spray, sometimes appearing disgusted or irate with its proximity. Thin and watery like wine, guilt sprays from his light touch and risks staining his pale skin and white clothes. His perception of himself is an absurd caricature of the lamb-like righteousness to which he clings, necessitating that he partake in his parodied Eucharist without allowing its artifice to stain his delusion. If he stops drinking the wine and sobers enough to recognize that's all it is, should he cease leeching from the natures of others, he'll be forced to confront his own.
(Hence, in Dead Apple, his ability did not turn on him. His ability is his nature, and his nature is his punishment for his criminal rejection of the self and the reality of what he's done. There are no borders between them because rather than partake in Christ's blood, he laps his own in a perversion of the sacrament, initiating himself into a union with his own psychosis that then precludes any escape, even death. His duality is that he exists in union only by separation.)
He may very well be the House of the Dead, and those who spill the sacrament in which he partakes may be merely the rats.
Dazai is certain that Fyodor is dead, and I'm certain of his certainty. But I believe Fyodor, too, when Fyodor indicates he can't be killed by ordinary means. The scrap of Fyodor that Nikolai is cradling may as well be the flesh of Fyodor's carnivalized Christ, so maybe it's not just Fyodor who can initiate into a union with others. If there's something left of his body or blood in which to partake, maybe others can receive the sacrament, too. But, he's not Christ; he's a parody of Christ distorted by the evil of which he's inescapably guilty. Consistently, others are drawn to and then subsumed into the gravity of his distorted manifold natures (Goncharov, Shibusawa). Even when consumed, it could be that once he fills any emptiness already there, he just then digests what's left.
So, maybe his split personality in Meursault wasn't an act, and maybe it wasn't even his at all. Maybe his guilt and his delusion and his suffering simply take and take and take until his psyche swallows whoever tried to swallow him.
Like a matryoshka!
okay, so, with bsd chapter 114, it seems I was fucking right:
The scrap of Fyodor that Nikolai is cradling may as well be the flesh of Fyodor's carnivalized Christ, so maybe it's not just Fyodor who can initiate into a union with others. If there's something left of his body or blood in which to partake, maybe others can receive the sacrament, too. But, he's not Christ; he's a parody of Christ distorted by the evil of which he's inescapably guilty. Consistently, others are drawn to and then subsumed into the gravity of his distorted manifold natures (Goncharov, Shibusawa). Even when consumed, it could be that once he fills any emptiness already there, he just then digests what's left.
So, maybe his split personality in Meursault wasn't an act, and maybe it wasn't even his at all. Maybe his guilt and his delusion and his suffering simply take and take and take until his psyche swallows whoever tried to swallow him.
Like a matryoshka!
y'all realize I'm going to become insufferable now, right. this validates my understanding of bsd's characters and meta references SO hard.
wild geese - mary oliver / @canis-infernalis-art / crime and punishment - fyodor dostoevsky / can't help myself - sun yuan and peng yu / drunk drivers/killer whales - car seat headrest
let him cook
Mahmoud Darwish, Memory for Forgetfulness: August, Beirut, 1982 (trans. Ibrahim Muhawi) [ID'd]
Patrick James Errington, from "After All This Small Talk, You’d Think There’dBe No Weather Left"
Gavin Yuan Gao, from "海, or Memory as a Water Language"
Jeremiah Moriarty, from "The Lights Are off but Somebody’s Home"
I WILL NEVER DIE I WILL NEVER DIE I WILL NEVER DIE AUGUNJUKOOOLL save me yosano save me
Gavin Yuan Gao, from "Wild Nothing"
Gavin Yuan Gao, from "Lullaby"
Atsushi Nakajima and Kyouka Izumi, Bungou Stray Dogs BEAST, 2-18-24
Don't tag as ship please. This is not ship art. Also I accidentally had the canvas flipped when I signed it lol oops
I have a terrible habit of leaving things unsaid for the sake of peace
“what cannot be said will be wept”