Hey, I love your work and I was wondering if you have any favorite lad creators here on Tumblr?
nonnie, i could yap your ear off about this and i will. buckle up;) i dont wanna bother anyone w tags, so you can js type in the user minus the /
@/viviixcx: writes yummyum smut for all the lads boys. i practically live on her blog atp.
@/gardenialily: i follow her Thunder Muffin series like friggin paparazzi issogood chef's kiss. @/damianalily is her alt acc for nsfw works go check that out too!
@/princesspeachi3: im in LOVE with the way she writes zayne gawdd. her work's as hot as she is.
@/thewrldx: multis, solos, drabbles, short fics, you can find it all right there. she started writing for jjk too btw??? RUN TO HER BLOG
@/snowyfishes: that's my goat right there, okay? if you haven't read her 'my college town lover' series, idk what you're doing w your life /j
@/lunarify: the GOATed android!caleb, android!sylus, hybrid!au. need i say more?
@/luvinbloom: queen of writing crack imo. she's got such good humour im jealous. i'd need to make a separate post to list out my fav stuff on her blog.
@/wetforsylus, @/xiayuriz, @/berrylus: i don't particularly like sylus but i will devour sy written by these wonderful writers for breakfast, lunch n dinner.
@/dearstvrcress: MADE SNOWCROW KISS im still not over that. also, i read this fic like every two days.
@/calebsfavoriteusedthong(prev applecaviar): PORNSTAR!LADSBOYS and professor!zayne OMGG they're duh-licious
@/medicli, @/zayora: THE multi queens.
@/xinghuisknight: has a PhD in xavierology. you can find angst, fluff, crack, everything sfw there.
@/rafayelkisses: i sprint to her blog when i miss raf. i love #dadayel
@/zaynezone n @/luvzayne: "WHY ISN'T HE REAL?" is a very real crashout i have after i read their zayne fics</3
special mention: @/liliklei and @/sweetieelilii: write mostly for the jjk boys but you can definitely find some reaaallly good lads content on their blogs.
ex-boyfriend zayne who takes all his belongings the day the relationship ends, because he doesn’t know if he can return tomorrow without begging you to stay. he struggles to pack bits away, his usual precision gone as he fumbles with the sweater you stole from him most.
he understands why you request a different doctor, and approves the transfer with shaking hands. as chief cardiac surgeon there’s no avoiding overseeing your file though, and he finds himself checking to see if you have an appointment soon. he despises himself for it.
when you pass by each other briefly in akso’s corridors, you’re civil and nod in greeting. he does his best to revert to how he once was, stone-cold and desperate to stay away from you, but he finds himself nodding back. he’s not sure if he can go back to a simple once-over.
it’s as though he’s vanished from your moments page, because he stops liking and commenting on your posts. he keeps his distance, as expected. and yet, you hold your breath when you see he’s almost always the first person to view your stories. did he know that?
the very same sweets and meals he once enjoyed with you suddenly lose all taste. he often wonders if the chocolates in his pockets always tasted so bland. he doesn’t order overly sweet drinks anymore, it feels strange to without you there to tease him.
ex-boyfriend zayne sleeps so much more - after all, there’s not much difference between his world and the one he dreams of. you’re not there in either.
wait suddenly thought about db!zayne side of this.
like he would absolutely hate main story zayne because why the fuck would he let you go like that. why would the man he absolutely envies take you for granted and let you go in the first place?
i actually think db!zayne would increase the amount of nightmares zayne would have. perhaps even fuck up his life when they swap - and by that i mean db!zayne would be doing the most trying to get mc back. not for dr.zayne, no, but just for him. i genuinely think there would be a genuine attempt to corrupt and take over main story zayne’s soul/life/body because he’s convinced he would never let go of you the way dr.zayne has.
The fourth in a series of stories exploring MC’s return after five years of silence. Others are coming soon — links will be added as they’re published.
⚠️ Important
This story is different. It’s for adults — not just because it contains an intimate scene, but because it deals in gray morality, layers, and choices that aren’t clean or easy. There are no clear heroes here, no black-and-white answers, no simple characters to love or hate. It hits hard.
I’m more than aware this won’t be for everyone — and it’s definitely not a light bedtime read. Please take a moment to read the CW/TW carefully before diving in. Proceed at your own risk.
The structure might feel a little odd at the beginning — I may have gone overboard, and Tumblr wouldn't let me post it with that many paragraphs, so I had to compress things a bit.
Original ask that sparked this continuation.
Sylus | Rafayel | Caleb | Xavier (coming soon)
CW/TW: emotional trauma, unresolved grief, morally gray relationships, abandonment, guilt, forgiveness, explicit sexual content (consensual, emotionally intense), medical trauma, physical injury, parental estrangement, bio-child created without consent through stored genetic material, complex mother-daughter dynamics, identity crisis, ambiguous morality.
Pairing: Zayne x ex-lover!you
Genre: Cold-burn angst, medical intimacy, slow unthawing, grief-forged love, second chances carved from ruin.
Summary: Seven years ago, you left without a word. Now, in a snowbound mountain town, fate hands you a child with your eyes, a man with your pulse, and a wound that never really healed. What begins with a lost glove and an impossible resemblance ends in a cabin, a scar, and the kind of truth that doesn’t ask for forgiveness — only a place to stay.
Word Count: 16K
Snowcrest
You hadn’t meant to stay this long.
The wind is starting to pick up, curling around your ankles, stealing the warmth from your coat sleeves. The sun has dipped just behind the ridge, casting a deep, bruised blue across the snowbanks. Below, the valley falls away into a soft blur of pine and frost. Somewhere down there is the road you took seven years ago. Somewhere down there is the part of yourself you buried like contraband.
You cradle the paper cup tighter in your hands, now lukewarm. A snowflake melts against your knuckle.
Behind you, the wooden rail of the overlook creaks gently, just once. You don’t turn. Not at first.
“Your eyes,” a small voice says beside you, bright and matter-of-fact, “look like my mommy’s.”
You glance down. A girl — maybe five, maybe six — stands a few feet away, all pink puff and wool layers. Her beanie is lopsided, a ridiculous pompom tilting to one side. Her cheeks are wind-bitten, her boots dusted white.
“Do they?” you say.
She nods seriously, then frowns a little. “But you’re not her. Mommy’s not here. I came with my dad.”
“Where is your dad?”
“He went to get hot chocolate. I wanted to see the mountains first.” She says this like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Her mittens are too big. One slips halfway off as she points toward the café.
You smile, soft and automatic. “You shouldn’t wander off. He might get worried.”
She considers this. Then, very formally, she reaches out and takes your hand.
“Okay. Let’s go find him.”
The café’s windows glow faintly, gold against the evening blue. The inside is all timber and condensation, the kind of place that always smells like cinnamon and wet gloves. You push open the door with your shoulder, usher her in.
He’s there.
You see him before he sees you. A tall figure in a charcoal coat, leaning casually near the counter, one gloved hand curled around a paper cup. His posture is the same. That impossible stillness, like he’s already factored every variable in the room. Like he’s never been caught off guard in his life.
And then he turns.
The girl drops your hand without hesitation and runs to him, shouting, “Daddy! I found a friend! She has eyes like Mommy’s!”
He bends to meet her. His hand cups the back of her head automatically, instinctively. Not roughly, not tenderly either — just with a kind of understated precision, the way he does everything.
You stand frozen. Your lungs forget what to do. Your spine loses temperature.
Zayne looks at you. The moment lingers exactly three seconds too long.
Then he nods, once, like a man seeing a stranger on the street who looks faintly familiar.
“Thank you for helping her,” he says. His voice hasn’t changed. Smooth. Controlled. Every syllable clipped clean.
You open your mouth. Only a whisper makes it out.
“She was alone. I thought — her parents might be worried.”
He inclines his head. “I wasn’t. She doesn’t wander far.”
He reaches for the girl’s hand. She looks between you and him, confused but not frightened. Her chocolate sloshes slightly in his free hand.
You stand there, a full seven years collapsing in on themselves. Every hour, every unanswered question, every night you thought about him without letting yourself say his name. All of it rushes into the hollow space behind your ribs.
Zayne doesn’t blink. Doesn’t flinch.
“Come on,” he tells the girl. “Let’s go watch the lights come in.”
And just like that, he walks past you. No hesitation. No second glance.
The door opens, and the wind catches it. Then it shuts behind them, clean as a scalpel stroke.
And you are left inside the warmth, holding nothing.
You don’t remember walking to the hotel bar. Only the sound of your boots on packed snow. The burn in your calves from the climb. The hum of your own name, suddenly useless, echoing somewhere deep inside you.
Now you sit at the far end of the counter, coat still on, fingers red from the cold. The bartender, young and quiet, gives you a look like he’s seen people run from more than just the wind.
You nod at your glass. He refills it without a word.
It’s your fourth. Maybe third. You’ve lost count, and the fact that you’ve lost count is the first real mercy of the night.
You lift it again. Swallow it in one breath.
The heat climbs slow, low. No sting. No flinch. It settles into your chest like a bruise, not a balm.
And still — your hands don’t shake. You keep seeing her face. The girl. Her eyes. Her eyes. Your eyes.
No, that’s impossible. That’s sentimental. That’s the kind of thing people like to believe when they’ve been drinking and when the sky outside is layered in violet and black and stars. That’s not Zayne.
But then again, you saw him.
And there was something about the way he touched her head, about how precisely he measured the moment, how quietly he acknowledged you with nothing but the edge of a nod — as if you were just another polite inconvenience to be managed.
You could’ve handled anger. Recrimination. Accusation.
But that? That… undid something.
You drink again.
The math won’t leave you alone. You’re not even trying to calculate, but your mind does it anyway. That same brutal, automatic clarity you once hated in him — now taking over you like second skin.
She’s almost six. Nearly. Maybe five and a half.
You do the subtraction. You try not to think about it. You fail.
He hadn’t hesitated — as if he’d been waiting for you to leave all along. That’s the thought that lands first. Loud. Stupid. Petty. But there.
You picture her mother. Not a fantasy — a memory. The woman you once saw with him. She looked like she belonged beside him. Like she understood him without needing to try. Smarter. Softer. Prettier than you ever were.
You’ve never been beautiful the way he liked beautiful things. His apartment always looked like a magazine. His meals — artful. His shelves — symmetrical. You always felt like a crooked painting on a perfect wall.
Maybe you never belonged there. Maybe he figured that out too.
You press your fingers to the side of your glass and drum lightly. The bartender glances over. You don’t even have to speak. When he brings the next pour, you cradle it a little longer. Let it rest in your palm like something you’re trying to keep alive.
You told yourself, back then, that leaving was the right thing. That it would give him freedom, space, a life not tethered to your mess.
You left so he could be happy.
And now, with the living proof of that happiness having just skipped across the room into his arms —
Why does it feel like your ribs are folding in on themselves? Why does it feel like punishment?
You tip the glass back again. The burn now feels right. Like penance.
Somewhere behind you, a group of tourists laughs. Glasses clink. The sound’s muffled by the snow-pressed windows, the heavy wood beams, the distant wind howling like something ancient just outside the walls.
You close your eyes. You’re supposed to feel numb. Instead, it feels like your chest is thawing too fast. Like something inside is waking up with a roar.
And the only thing you want is to drown it back into silence.
You were supposed to be up hours ago.
There had been a list. Alarms, laid out meticulously the night before. Layers folded on the chair by the radiator, boots lined up like loyal soldiers. You were going to be efficient. Controlled. Someone with purpose. Someone who didn’t dissolve into whisky and memory and the sharp sting of her own mistakes.
Instead, you wake sometime after eleven, swimming through a haze that isn’t quite sleep and not quite regret. The world tilts gently beneath you, and your mouth tastes of copper and last night.
You don’t take the painkillers. It feels important not to.
The sky outside is blank again, a hard white you’ve only seen in northern places — something between erasure and threat. You dress by instinct: thick jeans, a fleece-lined shirt, the coat with the broken zipper pull. Uggs still damp. You tie your hair back with cold fingers and don’t check the mirror before leaving.
The air outside is heavier today. Crisper. Snow crunches beneath your soles in that particular way it only does in subzero silence. You pass two hikers on the ridge trail — layers too new, faces too red. They nod, friendly. You don’t respond.
Dr. Noah’s house sits on the upper slope, just beyond the last bend, framed by black pines and the wide white hush of the valley. It’s larger than you remembered, but quieter too. A chalet-style lodge, all dark-stained timber and angled glass — broad eaves sagging gently under the weight of accumulated snow. The windows reflect the pale noon light like sheets of ice.
You approach from the side path. The one that wraps behind the slope of the porch and leads up past the kitchen garden, now skeletal and brittle with frost, to the private entrance: a cedarwood door, flush with the planks, unmarked save for a brass pull and the faint ghost of boot scuffs on the stone step.
You hesitate.
The reasons not to knock assemble themselves quickly, efficiently. He may not be here. Or he is, and he brought his family. Or worse: he’s here alone, and still as closed off and surgical and devastatingly calm as he was last night.
You raise your hand anyway. The door opens before your knuckles touch wood. He must’ve been just behind it.
The light hits him square — white coat, wire-frame glasses, the same posture that always made him seem even taller than he was. For a moment, he says nothing. Just looks at you. That stillness hasn’t faded with the years. If anything, it’s calcified.
You see it then — a flicker across his face, something so quick it’s probably nothing. Annoyance, maybe. Or exhaustion. Or some emotion too fast to name.
And then he speaks, voice even, expression impassive. "Not the best time. You should leave."
It’s a clean incision. No edges to hold onto.
You blink, caught between offense and disbelief, and say, “I’m here to see Dr. Noah. Not you.”
A pause. His gaze doesn’t move.
“He’s ill,” he replies, with that mechanical precision you’d nearly forgotten. “I’m covering his patients until he’s discharged.”
Your voice softens, almost without permission. “Is it serious?”
He shrugs. Not dismissively — just finally. The kind of gesture that says this is what it is, and nothing more.
You understand. You always understood him best in these silences.
There’s nothing you can say to that. Not about Noah. Not about age, or time, or inevitability. The snow shifts under your feet. You glance behind him into the house.
Pine beams. Slate flooring. A wide, open room stretching toward a set of panoramic windows that look out over the ridge. The light inside is softer than expected — muted amber, filtered through linen drapes and the faint movement of steam from something on the stove. The air smells like pine and black tea. The kind of house that invites you to sit down and fall apart.
He turns slightly, hand on the doorframe. “You can visit him at the hospital,” he says. “But I’m expecting someone now.”
You exhale, more sound than breath. “Miss Deveraux, I assume,” you murmur, before you can decide not to.
His head tilts. A beat of calculation.
“You changed your name.”
You lift one shoulder. A shrug, a defense. He doesn’t get an answer. He already took all the ones that mattered.
You’re turning to go when something shifts. Not in his face, but in the air between you. Maybe professionalism. Maybe instinct. Maybe something older.
He steps aside. No invitation. Just an opening. You hesitate only a second. Then you walk through it.
Inside, the warmth hits hard. Your skin prickles. The space is wide but not cold — wood, stone, soft textiles in winter hues. A sheepskin throw over the back of a bench. Open shelving with hand-thrown mugs. A pile of well-worn paperbacks in the corner near a slate fireplace, still glowing faintly from a morning fire.
The heat is the kind that seeps under your skin and makes you remember things. Long nights. Herbal tea. The low sound of Miles Davis from the speakers in his kitchen. The kind of quiet that had nothing to do with peace.
Your boots leave wet prints on the floor.
“This way,” he says, and turns.
You follow him down the hall — wide-planked floors beneath your feet, the faint scent of cedar and lemon oil in the air.
The walls here are quiet. Not sterile, like the clinics you grew up in. But not quite lived-in either. Books in every alcove. Some dog-eared. Some untouched. A long-handled snowshoe mounted like art.
You pass a narrow window where wind-scattered shadows move across the snow. And you don’t ask where he’s taking you. You never did. Zayne walks ahead, and you follow.
Then he stops. Opens a door.
It’s the kind of room you’d expect in a place like this — clinical, but softened by the architecture. The walls are a shade too warm to be white. A reclaimed wood desk sits at an angle to a wide window with a view down the valley. There’s a folded wool blanket on the back of the armchair. A stethoscope rests near a mug gone cold.
And under the desk, a pair of small boots peeks out. Purple. Fur-trimmed. Familiar.
A moment later, a girl’s voice — muffled, stubborn — says, “I don’t want to read. Reading is boring.”
She’s curled beneath the desk, arms folded, cheeks flushed. Next to her, crouched on the floor in a cashmere sweater and soft leggings, is a woman — young, luminous, the kind of composed beauty you’ve only ever seen in galleries or dreams. Her hair is tucked into a braid, her voice calm as riverglass.
“Just one story,” she says gently. “Then we can go back to drawing. Promise.”
The child burrows deeper into the corner.
You stand frozen, caught somewhere between the clinical sterility of the room and the scene that could only be described as... domestic. They’re easy with each other, practiced. The woman places a hand gently on the girl’s shoulder, and the girl leans into it, just enough.
You feel something sink in your chest. That’s her, you think. The wife. The mother.
Zayne steps forward. His hand brushes the woman’s back — a touch so natural it’s almost intimate, but not indulgent. More... familiar. Trusted.
“She’s had enough for now,” he says, his voice soft but decisive. “Sweetheart, come on out.”
The girl peeks up at him. “Are you done working?”
He smiles — barely. “Almost. I need to finish this consultation. Then we can go look for rabbits.”
She considers this. Then, without a word, crawls out from under the desk and stands, brushing off imaginary dust. Her braid is loose over one shoulder, a little frayed at the end.
And then she sees you. Recognition flashes across her face — not quite shock, more like a slow realization. A dream remembered mid-afternoon.
“Hi,” she says brightly. “You’re the lady with Mommy’s eyes.”
You smile. “And you’re the girl who looks at mountains instead of drinking hot chocolate.”
She giggles. Then pauses. Tilts her head.
“What’s your favorite story?”
You blink, caught off guard. "East of the Sun and West of the Moon."
She wrinkles her nose, curious. “What’s it about?”
But before you can answer, Zayne cuts in, voice crisp. “A girl trades herself to a bear to save her family. She disobeys one rule, ruins everything, and spends the rest of the story chasing what she lost.”
The girl blinks. “Oh.”
“She finds him again,” you say quietly, stepping closer. “That part matters.”
Zayne doesn’t look at you. “Barely. And only after walking the ends of the earth.”
“Sometimes that’s what it takes,” you say.
There’s a pause. Something drifts in that space between interpretation and indictment.
The girl looks between you both, then smiles. “I want to read it.”
Zayne nods once, briskly. “We’ll find a copy.”
He looks to the young woman — the one whose name you still don’t know — and gives the barest nod. She stands, smooth and silent, and extends a hand. The girl takes it without hesitation, eyes still flicking back toward you.
“She has a thousand questions,” the woman says with a small smile. Her voice is lower than you expected. Kind.
“I imagine she does,” you murmur.
Then they’re gone. The door clicks shut with a soft finality.
You turn back. Zayne’s already pulling the chair into position. His face resets — back into the familiar neutrality of a doctor preparing to deliver something precise.
He gestures toward the patient’s stool.
“Sit,” he says, already reaching for the chart. “Let’s get this over with.”
And just like that, you’re no one again. Just a file. A diagnosis. Another thing to manage.
You sit.
The paper on the examination table crackles beneath you, loud in the hush of the room. Zayne doesn't look at you as he flips open the chart. His fingers move with the same exacting grace they always had — sharp, sure, impersonal.
There is no sign he knows you beyond your name. No flicker of recognition in the line of his jaw, no hesitation in the tone. Just one more consultation on a day too full.
He adjusts the light above you, then gestures. “Shirt.”
You pause.
The heater ticks somewhere behind you. The window throws pale afternoon across the floor — all snow and silence. Your hands rise, slow. The fabric sticks a little at your wrists.
When you unbutton the top three buttons, his eyes stay trained somewhere just over your shoulder. Not out of politeness. Control.
But his hand falters for half a second — just a twitch — when your collar falls open and the scar shows, clean and linear and unmistakable, running diagonally across your chest.
He doesn't comment. Instead, his voice shifts into that lower octave he used with unstable cases. “How long ago?”
You hesitate, eyes still fixed on the wall behind him. “Seven months.”
His gaze flicks up. Direct. Not curious. Clinical. “Cause?”
“Wanderer,” you say, too quickly.
You feel him still. Then the sound of the pen clicks sharply against the clipboard.
“You’re still in the field.”
It’s not a question.
You nod, barely. “I consult with Dr. Noah every month. He monitors me remotely.”
Zayne sets the chart aside with too much precision. “You took a core-impact injury to the thoracic cavity,” he says flatly. “That doesn’t require monitoring. That requires full diagnostic protocol. You should be in a central hospital. Not here. Not with a retired man in a chalet and a teapot.”
You bristle. “Noah’s been treating me years. He knows my profile.”
“His machines are ten years older than that.”
You flinch at his tone — not cruel, but surgical. The truth without kindness.
“I’ll refer you to the Linkon Diagnostic Center,” he continues, already reaching for the console. “They’ll run a complete bio-map and core sync within twenty-four hours. Dr. Reza is —”
You cut in, voice sharp. “You’re not offering?”
That stops him. Just for a moment. He meets your gaze. Something ancient flickers there, then shutters.
“I’m not your doctor,” he says.
He’s still listening to your heart, diaphragm pressed too close to skin, and suddenly you’re too bare. Too known. Too held open under his breath.
You pull back. Fast.
The stethoscope slips. You cover your chest with trembling hands and fumble for the buttons. “I’m not going back to Linkon,” you say tightly. “I’m fine.”
Your fingers shake. The top button won’t catch.
His voice doesn’t lift. “You’re not fine. You’re compensating.”
“I’ve been compensating since I was nine,” you snap.
That lands. You don’t know why you said it. Maybe because it’s the only way to hurt him — to remind him that you were already a scar before he ever touched you.
He steps back. Withdraws. The room feels wider again. Colder. Silence pools between you.
Then you speak, too soft to matter.
“She’s beautiful,” you say. “Your daughter.”
You force a small smile. “She looks like you.”
Zayne’s brow lifts, just a little. “You might want to get your vision checked. She looks exactly like her mother.”
You blink. The words hit like an off-key note.
“I didn’t notice,” you murmur, thinking — of the girl crouched beside her, warm and glowing and precisely the kind of woman you always assumed he’d marry. The kind who makes soup. The kind who waits. The kind who stays.
“She’s sweet,” you add. “And calm. I always thought you’d end up with someone like that. Someone who makes a home feel like tea and cinnamon and a blanket in the storm.”
His face tightens, just enough for you to see it before he hides it again. Then, sharply: “Are you done?”
You nod once. “Yeah.”
He turns, moves toward the desk. The professional mask slips back into place like it never cracked. “Come back tomorrow morning. I want your blood work. When you’re not hungover.”
Your face heats. A slow, miserable bloom. “I’m not —”
“You are,” he says simply. “I can smell it.”
You swallow, hard.
“It’s fine,” you lie. “The injury doesn’t bother me. I’m cleared for fieldwork. I just need you to sign the release.”
He doesn’t look up. “What release?”
You reach into your coat pocket and pull out the crumpled envelope. You place it on the edge of the desk.
He picks it up. Reads.
Then — without a word — he walks to the cabinet and slides it into a drawer sealed with a biometric lock. You hear the soft click as it closes.
“I won’t sign it,” he says. “Not until I’m sure.”
You stare at the drawer. Then at him.
There’s a pulse behind your ribs — not physical, not medical. Just heat. Something dangerously close to humiliation. You hadn’t expected softness, of course. But still, the stark refusal… It lands harder than you meant it to.
Your voice comes out quieter than planned. “You’re not serious.”
Zayne doesn’t look up from the chart. “I am.”
“I don’t need diagnostics,” you press. “I just need a signature.”
He flips to the next page, casually. “Then go ask someone who doesn’t know what they’re looking at.”
That stings. You laugh, a breathless, brittle sound. “So this is how it’s going to be.”
He meets your gaze then. Steady. Cold. "I treat what’s in front of me. And what I see is a patient with an unstable cardiac implant, signs of recent trauma, poor sleep, an irregular heartbeat, and a tendency toward self-endangerment."
You flinch. “Don’t analyze me.”
“I’m not,” he says, tone flat. “I’m reading you.”
The silence sharpens. You push off the exam table, standing fast enough that the paper beneath you rips.
“You don’t get to pretend you still have some claim to how I live.”
He blinks once. That’s it. “I never did.”
Your throat burns. “Then why won’t you sign the fucking form?”
“Because I don’t trust you,” he says, finally. The words are quiet, but they cut with such clean detachment, it almost feels surgical.
And just like that — the guilt in your chest shifts. You’d come here expecting control. Containment. What you weren’t ready for was this: being the villain in your own story.
Your voice cracks, more bitter than angry. “I didn’t ask you to care.”
“I know,” Zayne says. “You made that very clear. Seven years ago.”
That lands differently. Deeper. You close your eyes for a moment. The inside of your eyelids glow red.
“I thought leaving was the right thing,” you say quietly.
He doesn’t move. “For who?”
You look at him. He’s not angry. Not really. His voice is calm, clinical. The same voice he used with parents trying to argue with the numbers on a monitor.
And somehow that hurts worse.
You breathe in through your nose. The air smells like antiseptic and cedarwood and the past.
“I’m not asking you to forgive me,” you say, voice low. “I wouldn’t.”
He sets the chart down. Calmly. No slam, no emphasis. It might as well be a napkin.
“You think this is about forgiveness?” he says. “This is about liability. You walked in here with a barely stabilized core and a goddamn hero complex. Forgiveness isn’t part of the chart.”
You laugh again — short, scorched. “God, you haven’t changed at all.”
Zayne’s expression doesn't shift. “And you have?”
You take a step forward. It feels dangerous — not because you think he’ll hurt you, but because of how much space you’ve already lost.
“You think I wanted to disappear?” you bite. “You think it was easy? You think I didn’t —”
He cuts in, voice colder than glass. “You didn’t.”
A pause.
“That’s the only part I believe.”
Your breath catches. You feel it in your spine, the way you used to feel a storm breaking inside your chest.
“You act like I broke you,” you snap.
“No,” he says, and his voice now is quieter. Worse. “You broke yourself. I just happened to be holding the pieces.”
You stand there, trembling. There are a thousand things you could say. But none of them are clean. None of them come without blood. So instead —
“Go to hell,” you spit, and you’re already at the door.
Zayne doesn’t move. Doesn’t blink. Just watches you the way a surgeon watches a flatline. And as your hand hits the latch, shaking —
“You should’ve stayed gone,” he says.
That does it. You don’t even feel the cold this time as you step out into the white. You don’t zip your coat. You don’t look back. You’re burning from the inside out. And the snow, for once, can’t touch it.
You visit Noah in the hospital that afternoon.
He looks better than he should. Alert. Hydrated. Too pleased to see you. He tries for a weak smile, a raspy breath, a trembling hand — all performative. You’ve known him too long to fall for it.
“Don’t do that,” you tell him flatly, settling beside the bed. “You’re not dying.”
He shrugs, pleased with himself. “Still worked.”
You narrow your eyes. “You invited him the moment you found out I was coming.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
He doesn’t deny it. Just adjusts his pillow like a man deeply proud of a long game finally paying off.
You don’t press further. What would be the point? You're here now. And Zayne — he's no longer a memory. He has breath. Mass. Velocity.
You walk back slowly as the sky folds in on itself, streaked with the shimmer of the aurora. It lights the town in green and violet smears, as though the heavens have been bruised.
At one point, you pause by a square, where someone proposes in the snow. There’s clapping. Flash photography. Squealing. A heart traced in frost by a stranger's boot.
You feel nothing. No. That’s not true. You feel everything.
You don’t sleep that night. You lie awake staring at the ceiling, counting the creaks of the old radiator like heartbeats. You get up at four. Shower. Wash your hair. You wear the least-wrinkled shirt you have and a coat that still smells like smoke from a bar you don’t remember leaving.
You’re not trying to look good. You just refuse to look ruined.
Still — no amount of water or concealer covers the circles under your eyes. You look exactly like what you are: someone who hasn’t let herself feel in seven years and is now bleeding out in quiet, ungraceful increments.
By the time you reach Noah’s house again, the sun has barely crested the horizon. The snow is high and dry, powder that cuts like sand.
And then impact. A snowball straight to your cheek. Hard.
You don’t have time to dodge. It lands just below your eye, wet and sharp and entirely undeserved.
You freeze, lips parted. A bloom of cold shock spreads across your face. A giggle follows. Small, delighted. Merciless.
Your hand rises to your cheek. Already hot, already red. You squint toward the source of your humiliation, ready to unleash something unkind —
Then you stop. It’s her. The girl. Pom-pom hat, mittens half-falling off. Grinning. Victorious.
And behind her, Zayne’s voice. Measured, mildly irritated: “Princess. I told you — not before breakfast.”
You turn, still rubbing your cheek.
He’s in the doorway, hair still damp, shirt sleeves pushed to the elbows. His expression hardens slightly when he sees the welt blooming on your face.
The girl looks up at him, wilting a little. He kneels, says something too low for you to catch. She nods solemnly and disappears inside.
You murmur, “It’s fine.”
He doesn’t answer. Just jerks his head toward the hall. “In the office. Wait there.”
You move past him. Your face still stings. Your pride more.
You sit. The room feels colder than yesterday. The chair, harder. You catch your reflection in the dark glass of the cabinet — the mark on your cheek already darkening. You lean in, touch it with one finger. There's a faint scratch beneath it. You blink. A tear hangs on your lower lash.
Zayne enters just as you wipe it away. You turn your face quickly, offer your arm like it’s a business transaction.
He doesn’t speak. Doesn’t comment.
The needle pricks deeper than necessary. It’s probably your fault — the tension in your muscles, the way your jaw locks when he touches you.
The vial fills in silence. The kind that makes you want to scream or laugh or break something clean in two. You choose the last.
A shaky breath escapes. A strange, quiet laugh follows. Zayne raises an eyebrow.
You don’t explain. Why would you?
It’s not every morning that both a man and his six-year-old daughter manage to draw blood from you before coffee.
He withdraws the needle, tapes you up with clinical speed. “You’ll have the results this evening. Depending on Noah’s system.”
You nod, preparing to leave. Then he moves — slower now — and steps close again. You see the cotton ball and antiseptic in his hand before you feel it.
You pull back instinctively. “It’s nothing. I’m fine.”
He doesn’t argue. But he looks at you in that way he used to. Like every word is a waste of time, and still, he waits for you to finish.
Finally, he says, low: “Don’t be angry with her. She was trying to play.”
“I’m not angry,” you reply, eyes steady. “I just wasn’t expecting to be used for target practice before dawn.”
You’re almost out the door when there’s a knock. Then — she’s there again.
Only now, she’s different. Composed. Hair neatly brushed, her steps careful. No smugness, no bounce. She walks in with both hands wrapped around a large ceramic mug, steam curling from the surface.
“I made you something,” she says, with determined seriousness. “It’s hot chocolate. And I’m sorry for your face.”
Her voice is precise. That same gravity Zayne carries — but undercut by something lighter. A flicker. A spark.
You take the mug. The chocolate is cloyingly thick. Too much sugar. Not enough milk. Like a child’s attempt at comfort.
You drink it anyway. Because no one’s made you something in a long, long time.
And her eyes — when she looks at you like that — they remind you of someone. Not her mother. Not that woman from yesterday. Someone else. Someone in the mirror.
And something you’d buried starts to surface. Not yet. But soon. Very soon.
Behind you, there’s a soft shuffle of feet. The girl steps back, glancing up at Zayne.
“I said I was sorry,” she murmurs.
Zayne raises an eyebrow. "Princess. Did you finish your breakfast?"
She folds her arms, expression thoughtful. Too thoughtful.
“I filled up on guilt,” she says brightly. “It’s very heavy.”
Zayne exhales, but there’s a flicker at the edge of his mouth. Something caught between annoyance and affection.
She leans slightly toward him, lowering her voice. “But if the lady stays for breakfast… I might be able to eat more. For company.”
It’s the kind of manipulation only a child can pull off — just enough honesty to disarm you, just enough calculation to know it’ll work. You glance at Zayne, caught between reluctance and something else — a crack, too thin to be a real opening, but present nonetheless.
“She’s persistent,” you murmur.
“She’s six,” Zayne replies dryly. “That’s their job.”
He doesn’t exactly invite you — but he doesn’t stop his daughter from taking your hand and leading you to the kitchen either.
The kitchen is warm. Simple, but elegant. Dark stone counters, exposed beams. A kettle hisses quietly on the stove. There’s a bowl of half-eaten oatmeal on the table, a spoon leaning precariously against its edge like a forgotten decision.
You sit, because she wants you to, because it’s easier than saying no.
Zayne stands by the counter, pouring coffee. He doesn’t look at you, but the silence between you feels more like thread than ice.
“Do you have a job?” the girl asks suddenly, crawling into her seat.
You nod. “I’m a Hunter.”
Her eyes go wide. “Of monsters?”
You smile. “Of all kinds.”
She leans forward, elbows on the table, chin in her hands. “Do you know my dad?”
The question lands a little off-balance, but you manage, “A long time. Since we were kids. I know Dr. Noah, too.”
She accepts this like a scholar collecting facts. Then, eyes sharper now:
“Do you have Evol?”
Zayne stiffens slightly across the room — not visibly. But you feel it.
“I do,” you say carefully.
“What kind?”
You hesitate. “It’s… not specific. Not like most. Mine adapts. It changes. Depending on the environment. Or the people around me.”
“Like resonance?”
You blink. “Yes. Exactly.”
She lights up, bouncing slightly. “Me too! Papa says it’s rare. He showed me how to make cold. Like little pockets. And seals.”
“Seals?”
She nods furiously, then jumps down from her chair. “Wait here!”
Before you can stop her, she’s gone — the soft thud of her feet disappearing down the hall. You sit in the quiet that follows. Your hands wrapped too tightly around your mug. Zayne still hasn’t spoken. Still hasn’t looked at you.
When she returns, she’s holding something in both palms like it’s sacred.
A small, rounded snow seal — compact and carefully shaped, like a snowball someone almost didn’t want to sculpt. Its body is smooth but imperfect, eyes made of something dark and glossy. It glitters faintly in her palms, but doesn’t melt.
“I made this yesterday,” she says shyly. “You can have it.”
You reach for it. And your hands tremble.
It’s identical. Not just similar — identical. To the one tucked away in a drawer you haven’t opened in years. A smooth, delicate snow seal. The first thing Zayne ever made for you, after that accidental dinner — back when things between you were still uncertain. Still unspoken. And you were trying, very hard, not to fall in love with him.
You stare at her. Then at the seal. Then at him. He’s watching you now. Not guarded. Not indifferent. Guilty.
The thought doesn’t land — it detonates. You can’t breathe.
You stand suddenly. The chair scrapes too loud against the floor. The seal trembles in your hand.
“I have to go,” you say, voice too tight.
“Wait —” Zayne takes a half-step forward, almost like he wants to explain something. But he doesn’t. He never does.
His face falters, just once — an expression you’ve never seen on him. Unspoken. Unnamed. But unmistakably wrong.
You shake your head. “Don’t.”
You don’t know what he was going to say, but you know you wouldn’t survive hearing it. You pull on your coat. Your hands don’t quite work. The zipper catches. You don’t look at him. Or her.
You leave. You leave fast.
The seal stays in your pocket, burning cold against your thigh. And the thought won’t leave you alone — she has your eyes. Not just the color. The shape. The center. The way they narrow when something doesn’t make sense.
You breathe until your chest aches — deeper, faster, like you’re trying to outrun something curling under your ribs. But the thought stays: What if she isn’t like you? What if she is you?
You don’t remember deciding to leave the house.
At some point, your body just moved. One boot. Then the other. Coat half-zipped. Hat forgotten. Gloves in your pocket but not on your hands.
The door behind you closed with a soft latch, and no one stopped you. Maybe they didn’t see. Maybe they didn’t want to.
It’s noon when you start walking.
The streets are half-cleared. Locals move like shadows between wood-framed cafés and ski rentals, their faces red, layered, laughing. You hate the sound. You hate how it makes you feel like you’re the only person in the whole damn town who’s bleeding internally and pretending it’s just the weather.
You drift from block to block without direction. Your breath fogs like smoke. You pass a group of tourists taking photos of the northern lights that have lingered since morning — low, green ribbons against a dim sky. They’re beautiful. You want to scream.
The seal is still in your coat pocket. You touched it once. Didn’t look. Didn’t dare.
You’ve been unraveling since morning. No, before that.
Since the girl smiled at you like she knew you. Since Zayne’s eyes refused to meet yours when your hands shook. Since you saw her eyes — your eyes — looking out from someone else’s face.
You want to scream again. You want to sleep for a year. You want to claw your way out of this body and this life and these feelings you tried so goddamn hard not to keep.
By afternoon, the clouds thicken. The wind picks up. You realize — vaguely, distantly — that you haven’t eaten. Your fingers are numb when you finally reach the base of the lift. It’s closed for the day. The town has shut down early. Weather advisory.
A bored attendant is locking the gate. “Slopes are off-limits,” he says. “Storm’s rolling in.”
You nod, smile thinly, and turn back like a good citizen. But you don’t leave. You wait.
You wait until he disappears back into the office. Until no one’s watching. Then — like it’s nothing — you climb over the fence and start walking up the service trail. Skis abandoned at the side rack. Rental. Yours now.
You don’t know what you’re doing. You just know you need to get higher.
Need to outrun the noise in your head — the thudding, rising, tightening thought that something isn’t adding up. That maybe it already added up and you’re just too afraid to see the sum.
That child. That seal. Those eyes. That look on Zayne’s face like he owed you something and didn’t know how to pay.
You reach the crest of the slope as the sky turns the color of a fresh bruise — deep violet, heavy with snow.
The wind howls. And still — you don’t turn back. You clip into the skis with fingers stiff and shaking. The trail beneath you is untouched. No tracks. No sound.
Just you. And the storm. You push off.
Zayne waits until the girl arrives — Noah’s niece, the one with calm hands and a patient voice, the one you mistook for something she wasn’t. She greets him with a warm smile and a quick update: oatmeal was eaten, hot chocolate spilled, the child is brushing her teeth. He nods, hands her a list with quiet instructions, then pulls on his coat without a word.
He tries your hotel first. The front desk confirms what he feared — no sign of you since morning. Your room untouched. Key not returned.
Something in his chest shifts.
He checks the ridge path. Nothing. The café. The overlook. Still nothing. His movements are methodical — too calm. It’s not control. It’s containment. If he slows down, even for a second, something in him will crack.
And then — near the rental stand — he finds it.
A glove. Dropped. Half-buried in snow, already stiff. He picks it up, turns it over. Recognizes the tear at the seam. Yours.
He asks the attendant without raising his voice.
Did anyone come through this afternoon? Alone? Female. Dark coat. Grey hat.
The man squints. "Yeah. Kinda reckless. Took off before I could stop her. Trail’s closed. She climb the ridge?”
Zayne doesn’t answer. His eyes have already locked on the faint trail of ski tracks, just visible past the fence. The wind’s been at them, but not enough to hide them completely.
He doesn’t ask to borrow the gear.
He takes the skis, the poles. The boots he forces on with too much pressure, and when the attendant stammers something about policy, Zayne pulls out his wallet and empties it. A week’s wages in a handful of bills.
“Keep it,” he says flatly. “If I don’t come back, file a report.”
Then he moves.
The snow is heavier now. The light fractured and thick. The trail beneath him vanishes in places, reappearing in erratic, uncertain intervals.
Zayne cuts across the slope with practiced economy — no hesitation, no excess motion. Just angles, just speed. His breath steady, heart loud in his throat.
He tells himself he isn’t afraid. He doesn’t allow that.
But every time the wind screams through the trees, he hears your name in it.
You shouldn’t be out here. Not alone. Not after what your body’s already been through. The last time he saw your vitals, they told him you were compensating — tightly, dangerously. He knows how you move. How far you can push. And how far you go past that, every time.
You’ve always mistaken endurance for strength. Always carried pain like it was proof of something noble.
He hated you for that once. He thinks, maybe, he still does. But it doesn’t stop him.
Then he sees it.
Two skis. Sticking upright from a drift.
And his body stops moving before his mind does. He’s off his own skis in seconds. Ripping off gloves. Digging.
He calls your name once. Quietly. Pointlessly.
The snow is deep. Heavy. He can’t move fast enough.
His fingers spark, and he lets his Evol loose — concentrated cold that carves through the snow in clean, precise arcs, exposing the shape beneath. A coat. A shoulder. A hand.
You’re there. Unconscious.
Face pale. Skin far too cold. But breathing. Your mouth parts in slow, shallow rhythm. The line of your pulse is barely visible in your throat.
He checks your pupils. Taps your cheek. You don’t stir.
Zayne exhales — not relief. Not yet. Just... air.
He pulls off his coat. Wraps it around you. Scarf next. Then his gloves. He doesn’t think. Just works. Every layer he has, onto you. Your pulse is slow, but consistent. Fingers pinkening. No slurring at the mouth, no skin rupture. Early-stage exposure. You’ll feel it later — pain like fire. But you’ll live.
You’ll live. You’ll live.
He cradles you upright, gathering your limbs in careful precision.
Turning back isn’t an option. The trail’s too steep, visibility falling. Wind rising.
But he remembers.
Three miles east. Maybe a little more. Tree line drops. Cabin near the base. Old ranger post. No electricity, but shelter. Wood. He’d seen it once, riding out on the snowmobile. Just a marker in the cold. Never thought he’d need it for real.
He adjusts your weight. Lifts you fully.
You don’t stir.
The snow stings his face like glass. He takes one step forward.
Then another. And another. And another…
Every muscle is screaming. But he doesn't stop.
Not even when the storm closes around you like a fist. Not even when his legs buckle slightly under the weight of you. Not even when he has to bite down on the inside of his cheek to stay upright.
Because this — this is the only direction that exists.
This is the cost of silence. This is the body he still remembers carrying once before. This is everything he couldn’t say compressed into the weight of you against his chest.
You open your eyes when the spoon touches your lips.
It’s not a dream, though your vision is still clouded. There’s something herbal and scalding and sharp on your tongue, and the taste cuts through the fog like citrus through smoke. You swallow reflexively.
The light around you is amber and low. Firelight.
There’s a crackle to your left — the sound of wood shifting in a stone hearth. You realize you’re lying on something soft, uneven. Furs. Blankets. The floor is warm beneath your back, too warm for snow.
Everything aches.
But it’s the hands you feel first. One bracing the back of your head, the other steadying the cup.
Zayne.
He’s kneeling beside you, his face cast in that flickering glow, brow furrowed but calm. He always looks calm. Even when he's breaking.
“Easy,” he murmurs, the same tone he uses with terrified patients. “One more sip.”
Your throat is raw when you speak. “Zayne…”
It comes out as a croak. Foreign. Barely yours.
His hand shifts, adjusting your weight. “You're okay,” he says. “You're safe. Just drink.”
You blink again, harder now. The room begins to resolve.
Rough-hewn walls. Low beams. A wooden table covered in old gear and folded wool. Two chairs. A rack of kindling. The window rattles in its frame, wind clawing at the glass.
You’re in a cabin.
The middle of nowhere. Snow hammering against the dark.
“I found you on the south slope,” he says. “Passed out. Cold to the core.” His voice stays even. “You should’ve been dead.”
You don’t respond. Not with words.
Your body is still catching up to the idea that it hasn’t been left behind.
“I need to get you warmer,” he says. “You’re not shivering anymore. That’s bad.”
You start to sit up. He stops you with a touch. His fingers are cold too — not numb, but close. You can feel the tremor under his restraint.
“You need to strip,” he says. “Your clothes are soaked. You won’t retain heat like this.”
You want to argue. Your brain wants to rebel. But your body betrays you — you’re shaking now, from the inside, from the marrow.
“I’ll help,” he says, already undoing the clasps at your coat.
You let him.
There’s no shame in the gesture. Only efficiency. Only silence.
He peels your clothes back layer by layer — coat, sweater, base layer — each one discarded near the fire. He’s methodical, but his fingers stumble once at the side of your ribs. You don’t flinch. Neither does he.
When he’s done, he does the same to himself. His hands are slower now. He’s soaked too. You see it in the way his shirt clings, the way his skin is flushed in patches, raw in others.
He says nothing. Neither do you.
The wind screams outside.
Then he lifts the furs. Slides in beside you.
Everything feels... detached. Like you’re still behind glass, still half-buried in snow. His body is there — you know that — but your skin won’t admit it yet. Cold lives in the marrow. It doesn’t release easily.
He doesn’t ask when he pulls you closer. Doesn’t explain as he hooks one leg over yours, his thigh anchoring you with clinical precision. Contact — pure and total. Every inch of skin aligned.
It’s about warmth. Nothing more.
You believe that. For now.
Your foot finds his under the covers. Slides along the ridge of his shin, searching. You lay your hands on his chest. Flat, tentative. He takes them in his — large, too cold — and brings them to his mouth. Breathes. Warms them with both palms, slowly rubbing life back into your fingers.
And then — you begin to shake.
Violently. But not only from the cold.
He starts to rub your back. Brisk. Practical. Hands flat, pressure deliberate. Not tender. Not yet. Just enough to pull you back into your body.
You respond without meaning to. You press against him — again, just for heat. That’s all. Your hands move instinctively, over his shoulders, his throat, lower. You start to trace the vertebrae at the center of his back.
Just to ground yourself. Just to hold on.
Your breasts are against his chest. Your nipples — hard to the point of pain — brush bone and breath.
He shudders.
From the cold? You don’t ask.
Because you’re no longer cold. Not really. But you’re not warm either. There’s only this flicker — a kindling at the base of your spine.
Not desire. Not yet. But something trying to become it.
His hand moves to your hair, finds the elastic, slides it free. Fingers comb through the strands, rough, reverent. His palm cups the back of your skull. Massages gently. The tension spills from your scalp like something breaking.
You make a sound — quiet, involuntary.
Your breath lands against his throat, hot, uneven.
He stills.
Then he shifts your face upward, thumb beneath your jaw. Not rough. Not asking. Just guiding. Until your eyes lock.
His gaze — green, always green — reflects the firelight in flickers. Cold forest. Flickering coals.
You can’t look away. You let him all the way in. Because he remembers the way. Because your walls were never walls with him — only doors you forgot how to close.
His voice is low, at your mouth: “You have no sense of self-preservation.”
You whisper back, “I forgot how to feel anything.”
Your throat tightens. “My heart’s been a shard of ice for years.”
He doesn’t blink. Doesn’t soften.
“You didn’t even leave me that,” he murmurs. “Only the empty space where it used to be.”
“Zayne, I —”
But he hushes you, barely a breath. “Don’t speak. Not now. If we don’t warm up, we won’t make it to morning.”
“Then warm me,” you breathe.
Something in him breaks then — quietly.
His arms tighten around you. No hesitation. His fingers dig into your skin with bruising honesty. You feel it — the pressure, the edge, the claim — and it’s the first time pain feels like presence.
You welcome it.
“Harder,” you whisper. “Don’t hold anything back. Just… not now.”
He doesn’t.
In one breathless motion, he flips you onto your back — his body covering yours entirely, anchoring you to the furs and the warmth and the terrible, steady thud of his pulse.
He hovers over you, braced on his elbows, the lines of his frame drawn taut above yours. For a moment, he doesn’t move. Doesn’t touch. Just studies your face like a map he’s not sure he has the right to read.
It’s not hesitation. It’s a final warning.
But your body has remembered how to feel again. Heat has bloomed across your skin — from your neck to your cheeks, now flushed and electric — then lower, spiraling into your belly, blooming with a weight that has nothing to do with cold.
He leans in, and his lips graze the pulse at your throat. Light. Measured. Then lower — the slope of your collarbone, the hollow of your shoulder — his breath leaving heat where ice had lived.
When he speaks, it’s soft. Directive. “Hold me tighter.”
Not a plea. Not an invitation. An order. The doctor, still.
You obey.
Your legs curl around his waist, locking him in place. Your arms wrap across his back, palms flattening against tense muscle, nails dragging instinctively down the blades of his shoulder, then lower — to his waist, the arc of his hips.
Your skin sings where he touches you.
His body over yours is no longer just weight — it’s voltage. It cracks through the ache and the shame and the frost, down to the deepest, most feral part of you that only ever belonged to him.
You dig your fingers into the curve of him — familiar, lost, found again too fast. Too desperately.
And still, he doesn’t kiss you.
You want him to. God, you want him to. You want the taste of his mouth. You want to remember what it felt like when kissing him made the world disappear.
But he doesn’t give you that. Because that would make this real.
Too real.
And you’re both still pretending this is about the cold. About survival. About anything but what it is.
So instead, he moves lower — mouth against your throat, fingers tightening at your waist, and your whole body arches up to meet him, wanting more, needing more, aching toward the inevitable.
And still — no lips on yours. Still that one small distance held like a line neither of you dares to cross.
His hand slides lower. Fingers between your thighs, slow and certain — finding you already wet, already aching. His touch is careful at first. A question. A warning.
Then he moves — stroking, circling, teasing — and you arch, sharp and sudden, breath caught on the edge of a moan.
Your hands clutch at his back, your hips rising to meet him, the last of your resistance dissolved into heat and want and memory.
“Zayne,” you whisper, voice broken and close to prayer. “Please. I need you now.”
Your lips brush his ear. The words land soft, but strike hard.
He doesn’t answer. Just shifts — deliberate, sure — as his knee presses yours open wider, as his body finally, finally finds yours.
The first moment of him inside you is too much and not enough. A slow, deliberate stretch. He’s holding back — you feel it. Every inch a battle between restraint and collapse.
When you are completely joined, your eyes fly open. So do his.
You both stop.
Breathless. Still. Time folds in on itself.
It feels like the first time. Like a dream pulled too close to waking. Like you’ve spent years underwater and have just now broken the surface.
He begins to move. Barely. Slow. Torturous. Deep.
And you watch him. Because this is the moment you see it — his detachment cracking, his control unraveling. Each movement chips away another piece.
Then his hands seize your hips harder, pulling you closer, holding you down as he thrusts deeper, faster — no longer gentle. His mouth finds your shoulder, your throat. His teeth graze your skin, just shy of pain.
You match him.
Your legs wrap around his back. Your hips rise to meet every stroke, faster, harder. Sweat beads at his temple. A low sound slips from his throat — one you’ve never heard before, and never want to forget.
You’re not cold anymore.
There’s heat building in your belly, pulsing, tightening. Each movement pushes you closer to something unbearable.
You can’t stay quiet. You don’t want to.
Your moans rise with the rhythm, faster, sharper, and when he angles just right, when his name leaves your mouth like a gasp turned to flame —
“Zayne — !”
The world shatters.
Pleasure crashes through you in waves — violent, relentless. You bite down on his shoulder, legs trembling, body clenching tight around him.
He groans — low and guttural — and flips you both, pulling you on top of him, still joined, still inside you.
You collapse against his chest, panting, ruined.
Your thighs still locked around his hips. Your pulse frantic. His heartbeat thunderous beneath your cheek.
You don’t move. Neither does he.
And in that stillness, something settles. Not comfort. Not safety.
But the truth of it: he’s not indifferent. Not detached. Not after all this time.
He still holds you like he remembers how you once broke apart beneath his hands — and how you came back, not even realizing it was for him.
The sound of his heartbeat, and the low, steady howl of the wind outside, lulled you eventually. Your body relaxed — finally — into sleep. But it wasn’t rest. Just disjointed images: whiteness, blurred edges, something aching and incomplete. A dream without a shape, just cold and distance and something you couldn’t reach.
When you woke, he was gone.
You were still wrapped in the weight of layered furs, tucked with clinical precision, your body cocooned like something fragile. You could still feel him on your skin — the imprint of his hands, the echo of his breath.
“Zayne?” you rasped, your throat dry and raw.
His voice came from somewhere behind the fire. “I’m here.”
A second later he emerged, bare-chested beneath a heavy wool throw slung over one shoulder like a makeshift toga. He held a steaming mug in both hands.
“How do you feel?” he asked. “Headache? Nausea?”
“I’m fine.” You sat up, pulling the blanket to your chest. He handed you the tea. You took it without meeting his eyes.
That ridiculous throw was the only thing he’d bothered with — aside from the wool socks. And now that you noticed, the matching pair was on your feet too.
Your clothes hung near the fire, dripping onto the wooden floor in slow, defeated rhythms.
It was still dark outside. The blizzard had dulled to a whisper, snow tapping now instead of screaming. The only other sound was the slow collapse of wood in the hearth.
“Everything should be dry by midday,” he said evenly, eyes fixed on yours — calm, too calm. Doctor-Zayne calm. “Once it is, I’ll hike to the base. Should only take a few hours. I’ll bring back a snowmobile.”
“I can walk,” you muttered, wrapping the furs tighter.
“No,” he said flatly. “You’re one sneeze away from pneumonia.”
You sneezed.
Took a sip to hide it. The tea was bitter and hot and exactly what your throat needed. It didn’t help your pride.
He watched you for a long beat. Then, carefully:
“Tell me what possessed you to take the slope in a storm. Especially considering you’ve never been a particularly good skier.”
There was no judgment in his voice. That’s what made it worse.
You turned your head, eyes fixed on the fire. You didn’t want to talk about his daughter. You didn’t want to ask. Not while your body still remembered his breath on your neck. Not while your thighs still ached from being wrapped around him.
“You could’ve died,” he said. Softer now. There was a tremble, just barely.
“It’s not the first time,” you replied. Dry. Flat. “I didn’t ask you to follow me.”
His silence was sharp.
Then: “What does that mean?”
You shrugged. Shrugging was easier than explaining. Shrugging let you pretend this wasn’t tearing you open in layers.
His spine straightened. You knew that posture. You’d seen it in surgery. In argument. In loss.
“You think I wouldn’t care?”
“Do you?”
Still silence.
“Do you think it wouldn’t matter to me if you didn’t come back?” His voice was harder now — not loud, but precise. Measured like a scalpel.
You met his eyes, finally. “Do you care as my doctor? Or as Zayne?”
He stepped forward, just enough to catch the light on his face.
“Both.”
The word dropped between you like a stone.
“I deserve answers,” he said, tone cooling. “You’ve had seven years of silence. You don’t get to keep hiding.”
You flinched. “I’m not a puzzle for you to solve.”
“You’re not a stranger either.”
Your jaw clenched. “I have the right not to explain myself.”
“And I have the right to ask,” he said, his voice suddenly sharper — controlled, but frayed at the edges.
You looked at him then. Really looked.
He wasn’t the man you left behind. He wasn’t even the man you remembered.
His face was sharper now. Carved from something colder. His beauty had always been precise, but now it was almost inhuman — every emotion hidden behind faultless structure. The lines of him harder. His silence heavier.
He looked like someone who had survived something quietly. Someone who had burned and chosen to freeze instead.
And suddenly you wondered if he was asking because he was angry — or because he was afraid the answer would ruin him.
You set the cup down and rubbed your forehead — the gesture unconscious, familiar. The kind of motion you only made when faced with something unpleasant that required a decision.
You didn’t want to do this sitting. It made you feel small, like the version of yourself you’d spent the last seven years trying to grow out of.
So you rose, pulling the furs around you tightly, dragging their weight like a second skin, and stepped closer to the fire. You didn’t look at him. You couldn’t. You stared at the flames instead — at the way the heat licked the logs and flared in quiet, devouring patterns.
Your palm stretched toward the warmth. The skin was hot, but inside you still felt the cold — like your bones had absorbed it, like it had settled somewhere marrow-deep.
A tremor passed through you.
“I’m not eager to dig up the past,” you said softly, the words barely louder than the crackle of the fire. “But I imagine you’re owed some kind of answer. Maybe I’ll even admit now that leaving the way I did was reckless. But at the time, I wasn’t thinking. I was reacting. Instinct, not intention.”
He said nothing. You kept your eyes on the fire.
“I’m actually surprised you didn’t put it together yourself,” you added. “But if you want me to say it out loud, then fine. I left because you fell in love with someone else. Because you cheated on me.”
Silence. And then —
“Excuse me?”
Zayne’s voice snapped across the space like the crack of a snapped branch. Not loud — but edged with something so sharp and disbelieving that it startled you into turning.
His face was a picture of stunned clarity. Not guilt. Not evasion.
Shock.
You’d seen Zayne process grief. Rage. Even loss. But not this.
“I can assure you,” he said with that same cold precision, “neither of those things ever happened. But by all means, continue. I’d love to know what led you to such an absurd conclusion.”
Your breath caught. He wasn’t lying.
He never had been good at lying — not even white lies, not even to protect someone. If you’d asked him then, directly, all those years ago… He would’ve told you the truth.
No matter what it was.
But you hadn’t asked.
“Do you remember Caroline?” you said, voice thinner now. “Dr. Sharp, I think. She came to town for the fellowship project. You spent over a month working side-by-side. You were gone every night, back after midnight, gone before I woke. We barely saw each other.”
“That project was critical,” he said quietly. “And yes. I’ve often wondered if that’s what it was. That I didn’t make enough space for you.”
You laughed, but there was no humor in it.
“I wouldn’t have left over time or distance,” you said. “That’s not me. Worst case, I would’ve had a meltdown. I would’ve yelled. Slammed doors. But what got under my skin… what stayed…”
You swallowed.
“We had dinner. All of us. One night. I watched the way she looked at you. The way she touched your hand like it was second nature. And the way you didn’t flinch. You were relaxed. Easy. Like she belonged next to you.”
He was quiet for a long beat. Then, lower: “She was my closest friend. For years.”
Was.
You didn’t miss the tense. Something final in it.
“I spiraled,” you admitted, voice cracking. “I started imagining things. Inventing whole conversations you never had. And then —” you drew in a breath, “— you were in the shower. And your phone lit up. I shouldn’t have looked. I know that. But I did.”
His face didn’t move.
“She texted you. Something about… a kiss. I couldn’t unlock it, couldn’t read the rest. But I didn’t need to. That was enough.”
Your words hung between you like ash.
When you finally met his eyes, what you saw there wasn’t the same fire as before. It was rage now. Cold. Controlled. Ancient.
He didn’t speak. But his hands were clenched at his sides, the tendons tight. Not shaking. Just contained.
And that, more than anything, frightened you.
Finally, Zayne found his voice again. When he spoke, it was quieter — colder. Like he was holding himself together with wire.
“She kissed me,” he said. “I didn’t kiss her back. I asked her to leave. I never saw her again. End of story.”
You opened your mouth, but —
He raised a hand. “No. Don’t.”
You froze.
“Let’s summarize, shall we?” he said, and his tone was so steady it hurt. “You accepted my proposal. We were making plans. Booking venues. Looking at rings.”
He took a step toward you.
You stepped back. The fire was too close now — too hot. Your skin prickled.
“And then,” he continued, “you disappeared. No warning. No explanation. No note. Nothing. Just… gone.”
His eyes were locked on yours. And you’d never seen him like this — not in battle, not in chaos, not even in the quiet moments when he looked like he might finally break.
“You vanished because of a kiss that never happened. Because you saw something you didn’t understand. Because you didn’t ask.”
The silence that followed was thunderous.
“I searched for you,” he said. “Do you know that?”
He didn’t wait for an answer.
“I looked in every city I thought you might go. Called hospitals. Asked colleagues. Filed missing persons reports in seven countries. I didn’t sleep for weeks. I had to be pulled off rotation because my hands wouldn’t stop shaking.”
Your breath hitched.
His voice was breaking now — not loud, not emotional. Just… broken. Controlled devastation.
“I thought you were dead.”
He let that hang there.
“I imagined you in rivers. In morgues. I dreamed it. Night after night. And every time the phone rang, I hoped it was you. I hoped you’d changed your mind. That it was all just a mistake, or a test, or a nightmare.”
Another step closer. His face was inches from yours now.
“And then at some point,” he said, voice dropping to a whisper, “I had to stop hoping. Because hoping was killing me.”
Your knees almost gave out.
“And now you stand here,” he went on, “telling me you left because you were jealous of a woman who meant nothing. Because you couldn’t bear to ask me a question I would’ve answered in one breath.”
His mouth twisted, just slightly — a flicker of something savage behind the calm.
“That’s not heartbreak. That’s cowardice.”
You said nothing. There was nothing to say.
His eyes didn’t soften. “I would’ve forgiven almost anything. A betrayal. A lie. Hell, even if you had loved someone else.”
A beat.
“But I don’t know how to forgive being erased.”
The final word landed like a gavel.
You looked at him — the man you loved, the man who once memorized the rhythm of your breath in sleep — and you didn’t see a stranger.
You saw someone who had carried your absence like a scar he didn’t let heal.
And now he was bleeding in front of you. But the blood wasn’t red. It was ice.
It came slowly. Too slowly.
Like thaw in the deepest part of winter — not warmth, but the ache that comes with returning sensation.
You’d spent so long clinging to the version of events you built inside your own head — a brittle, pathetic mythology — that you hadn’t once thought to challenge it.
You’d believed he betrayed you. And carried that lie like a wound for seven years. You let it harden inside you, let it dictate the terms of your survival.
You cried for him. Night after night, in rooms that never felt like home. Until you convinced yourself he had moved on. Married. Loved again. Raised someone else’s child in the light of a future that was supposed to be yours.
You tried to fill the space he left. But nothing fit.
And now that you knew the truth —
There was no relief. Only horror.
It crashed over you all at once — a cold so deep it numbed thought. Your throat tightened. You couldn’t speak. Could barely breathe.
It was like being buried again — not under snow this time, but under the weight of your own choices. The grief of what you did, of what you undid.
“Zayne…” you managed. “I— I made a mistake.”
He laughed.
Not loud. Not cruel. But sharp. Icy. Surgical.
“A mistake,” he repeated, voice dry as ash. “Of course.”
He took a slow step toward you, his expression unreadable, his tone too calm to be safe.
“Just a minor lapse in judgment. Nothing serious. Nothing irreversible.”
You flinched.
“Just —” he continued, tilting his head slightly, as if mocking even his own patience, “— disappearing without a trace. Letting me believe you were dead. Watching me lose everything. My sleep. My mind. My future.”
His gaze pinned you. “But hey. Who hasn’t made that kind of mistake?”
“Don’t say it like that —”
“What? Like it’s nothing?” His smile was thin, brittle. “Like it’s not the single most devastating thing anyone’s ever done to me?”
Your breath caught.
“You want me to be kind, is that it? After seven years of silence, you want — what? Mercy? Grace?” He gave a small, mirthless laugh. “I’m sorry. I seem to have misplaced those somewhere around year two.”
You closed your eyes, shaking. “Please, Zayne…”
He didn’t move.
“You want me to say I understand?” he asked. “That I forgive you?”
You didn’t answer.
He leaned in, just slightly.
“You didn’t just leave,” he said. “You rewrote me. You made me the villain in a story I didn’t even know I was in.”
That was when something inside you cracked.
Your fists clenched at your sides, breath coming short. Rage rising not at him — not fully — but at yourself, and at him, and at everything you didn’t understand and didn’t ask and didn’t say.
And then you said it. Low, sharp, shaking.
“Oh, and what about you, Zayne?”
His brows lifted, almost imperceptibly.
“Let’s talk about you and your daughter.”
A flicker. Barely visible. A shift in the air.
You stepped closer. Voice rising.
“Let’s talk about why the hell she looks exactly like me.”
“Don’t you dare drag my daughter into this,” he said — clipped, sharp.
But his voice had shifted. You knew that tone. The one he used when he was cornered. When the truth was already rising in his throat, demanding release.
And that gave you strength.
You stepped forward, jabbing a finger into his chest.
“Oh, no. Not this time.” Your voice was shaking. Not from fear. From fury. “You don’t get to bury this under silence.”
He didn’t move.
“Why does she have my eyes, Zayne?” Your voice rose. “Why does she and I share the same Evol signature? Why do I look at her and feel —” You choked, breath catching. “— nothing, when I should’ve felt everything?”
He met your gaze without flinching.
“She has nothing to do with you.”
That was the lie that broke you.
“Zayne!”
You almost screamed it. And finally — finally — he answered.
“I created her,” he said.
Each word landed like a fracture.
“I created her from the only part of you I had left. I broke every protocol, every ethical law, every barrier between grief and madness. I did it knowing exactly what it was. A moment of desperation. Of agony. Of self-destruction. Call it what you want.”
His voice trembled once, barely. Then steeled again.
“But once she existed — she was alive. And I was responsible.”
You couldn’t breathe.
It all clicked into place, hideously fast.
There had been a time — after a fight, after a wound — a battle that had torn more than just your skin. The damage to your abdomen had been bad. Serious enough that your fertility came into question. And so, in a haze of pain and fear and future-thinking, you and Zayne had made a decision.
You’d frozen your eggs. Just in case. Just in case there was ever time for life.
And then you vanished. And he —
Your knees gave out.
Because it wasn’t just theory now. It wasn’t data in a file. It wasn’t a long-ago clinic visit or a box ticked on a form.
It was her.
Your daughter.
A child you hadn’t known you’d had. Who’d taken her first breath, first steps, spoken her first word — all without you. A child whose face you’d looked into and seen nothing but unfamiliarity.
Because the thread between you was never tied.
Your vision blurred. Your hands clenched. And then, with a clarity that burned through the haze, you lifted your arm and slapped him.
Hard.
His head turned with the force of it.
But he didn’t step back. Didn’t retaliate. Just stood there, breathing. Something behind his eyes shifted — regret, maybe. Or something darker. Disappointment.
You didn’t care.
“You had no right,” you whispered.
“I know,” he said, just as quietly. “But we can’t unmake what we did.”
Your legs were shaking. Your body had stopped regulating heat again — not from trauma, but from exhaustion. The flu or something close to it now tightening your throat, buzzing behind your eyes.
You didn’t speak again.
You just turned. Pulled the furs around your body. Curled up on the floor, facing away.
Everything inside you was vibrating. Screaming. And still — you didn’t make a sound.
Behind you, you heard him move. A step, maybe two. The start of a word, maybe a breath.
But then — silence.
The kind that didn’t soothe. The kind that hollowed.
You drifted in and out of a fevered half-sleep, somewhere between dreaming and remembering, while the sun crept higher in the sky.
You weren’t fully conscious, but you knew he was there.
You felt his hand on your forehead now and then — clinical, measuring. You remembered being lifted just enough to drink something warm, bitter. His arm braced behind your shoulders. His voice low, instructing, coaxing.
You remembered his arms around you when the shivering got worse.
Not tender. Not romantic. Just practical.
Because you were freezing. And he wasn’t going to let you freeze alone.
He didn’t crawl beneath the furs again. But he lay beside you, fully dressed, silent, a barrier against the cold.
Even now — after all the damage, all the wounds neither of you could cauterize — he still gave what little warmth he had left.
When your eyes opened again, the room had changed. The light was golden, brighter. Fire still burned in the hearth, lower now. The air felt clearer.
You tried to sit up too fast. A hand pressed gently against your shoulder, stopping you.
Zayne.
His face above yours — alert, shadowed by worry, but composed.
You looked at him, and what surprised you most was the stillness inside yourself. Not peace. Not comfort. Just… an absence of fight. A numb kind of calm.
It wasn’t forgiveness. And it wasn’t closure. It was the breath after the collapse.
“How long was I asleep?” you asked, or tried to — the sound barely made it out.
Your voice cracked, nearly gone. You reached for your throat.
He shook his head once. “Don’t talk.”
No gentleness. Just clarity.
“About six hours,” he said. “It’s nearly noon. The fever’s dropped. Your clothes are dry.”
You noticed now — he was fully dressed. Jacket zipped, gloves on, boots laced tight. Efficient. Ready.
“I need to hike out,” he said, crouching beside you. “Snowmobile station’s a few miles. I’ll be back within two hours.”
You didn’t answer. Just watched him — the way his brows stayed furrowed, the way his jaw kept clenching and unclenching like there was something in his mouth he didn’t trust himself to say.
Then he reached for your hand. His palm was warm. Solid.
“Listen to me,” he said. “We’ll talk. Properly. We’ll get to all of it. But right now — I need to know that you’re not going to do something reckless while I’m gone.”
You didn’t grip his hand. But you didn’t pull away either. Your fingers just rested in his — a neutral stillness that said not yet, but also not no.
“I promise,” you whispered.
Zayne lingered for half a second more. Then he did something you didn’t expect. He brought your hand to his mouth. Touched his lips to the tips of your fingers. Barely there.
And then he stood. Crossed the room and walked out into the snow.
The door closed behind him with a clean, final click. And you were alone.
But this time, not entirely lost.
Four hours later, Zayne was carrying you back through the doorway of Dr. Noah’s house.
The fever had returned somewhere on the snowmobile ride down. Your skin burned, and the world had begun to tilt. By the time he stepped through the threshold, your voice was gone again.
He didn’t speak. Just moved with quiet certainty.
Helped you out of your damp clothes. Pulled a fleece pajama set from the linen closet — a pale blue thing that smelled faintly of cedar — and dressed you with swift efficiency. You didn’t protest. Couldn’t.
He laid you down in one of the guest beds, layered with thick quilts, and disappeared only for a moment. When he returned, it was with a bag of supplies already slung over his shoulder, a prepped IV in one hand and a throat spray in the other.
Every motion was muscle memory. Smooth. Intentional. Engraved in his bones.
At one point, as he propped your head up to give you a sip of raspberry tea, your hand slipped forward, fingers closing weakly around his wrist.
“Zayne…” you rasped. “You have a fever too.”
He didn’t look at you. Just adjusted the angle of the mug.
“I’m fine,” he said.
He gathered your hair gently — fingers threading through the strands with ease — and twisted it into a loose knot, securing it with a black elastic he must’ve pulled from his pocket.
You stared at him, eyes glassy with heat and a kind of wounded awe.
He remembered.
You never liked sleeping with your hair down. He hadn’t forgotten.
He met your gaze briefly. Something flickered — not tenderness, but something heavier, older.
“I took something earlier,” he said. “But you, on the other hand, have pneumonia. So rest. You’ll feel better after the fluids.”
The next few days blurred.
You slept. Mostly.
Woke only for medicine, for slow sips of broth, for Zayne’s quiet instructions. You tried to get to the bathroom alone. Failed. Tried again. He never mocked you for it. Just kept close enough to catch you if you fell.
Sometimes he sat in the armchair across the room, reading. When you were lucid enough to focus, you asked — weakly, half-asleep:
“Read it out loud?”
He didn’t ask why. He just turned the page. Cleared his throat.
And began.
East of the Sun and West of the Moon.
His voice — calm, measured — filled the room like something remembered, not new. You watched him as he read. The cadence. The precision. The way he breathed between sentences like it mattered.
He read the whole thing. And when it ended, neither of you spoke for a long time.
It was you who finally broke the quiet.
“She breaks the rule,” you whispered. “Lights the candle. Looks at him when she wasn’t supposed to.”
Zayne rested the book on his knee, fingers still hooked between the pages.
“She ruins everything,” he said. Not accusing. Just observing.
You didn’t flinch. “And still goes after him.”
“She wouldn’t have had to, if she’d just listened.”
“She wanted to know him,” you said. “Not just love a shadow.”
He looked at you then. Something unreadable in his expression.
You swallowed, voice barely audible. “She made a mistake. A big one. And she didn’t wait for forgiveness. She fought to make it right.”
Zayne’s gaze dropped. “It was still selfish.”
“So is love,” you murmured.
The fire cracked between you — a sharp snap that echoed through the stillness.
“It’s a strange story,” you added. “The girl disobeys. The prince stays silent. They both fail. And then they both change.”
“And still find each other,” he said, finally. Quiet. Measured.
“But not the same way,” you whispered.
“No,” he agreed. “They come back different. Burned. But still… together.”
Neither of you moved. Neither of you looked away.
A week later, you felt strong enough to make it down the stairs.
The house still smelled like cedar and lemon soap, the way it always had. Dr. Noah’s niece — the woman you had once mistaken for Zayne’s wife — introduced herself properly over herbal tea and folded laundry. Her name was Marianne. She was kind. Warm in that easy, effortless way you’d never mastered.
She adored his daughter.
Your daughter.
They spent hours together — drawing, baking, building tiny snow forts that collapsed within minutes. And every time you watched them, a strange hollowness twisted in your chest.
You studied the girl constantly.
The resemblance, now that you knew, was undeniable. Your eyes. Your cheekbones. Your ridiculous inability to sit still for more than five seconds. But her hair — that inky black — was Zayne’s. And her quiet concentration when she built things from ice with pinched fingers? That was his too.
She was loud. Expressive. Curious. Always moving, always knocking something over. She danced through the house like a falling star — burning too fast, leaving marks.
And she wouldn’t leave you alone.
Every morning, she burst into your room like it was hers. Climbed up beside you. Chattered about everything — school, snow, cartoon cats, some child named Max who was apparently insufferable. And home.
God. Home.
That word stabbed deeper than anything else.
You let her talk. You smiled when you could. But you never reached for her. Never called her by name unless you had to.
You didn’t know how to feel.
Curiosity? Yes. Recognition? Slowly. Love? No. Not yet.
Maybe not ever.
And wasn’t that its own kind of crime?
You moved around her like glass. Like she might break. Or worse — you might.
Then one morning, she stopped mid-sentence. Sat very still beside you, swinging her legs.
“Are you my mommy?”
It hit like a blow.
You froze. Words caught in your throat, the reflex to deny already gathering in your chest.
But you didn’t have to say it.
Zayne appeared in the doorway. One look — that infamous stillness — and the girl backed out of the room, cheeks red, eyes wide. She closed the door softly behind her.
But not before looking at you one last time.
And you knew you’d remember that look for the rest of your life.
You couldn’t breathe.
“I’ll talk to her,” Zayne said, not looking at you. “Make sure she doesn’t bother you again.”
Then — practical, brisk, clinical: “Your labs are stable. Lungs are clear. I scheduled a follow-up ultrasound downtown. As for your heart —”
“Stop.” Your voice cracked. “Just stop.”
You pulled your knees up to your chest, wrapped your arms around them, and began to rock. A motion you didn’t recognize in yourself. Uncontrolled. Unmoored.
“I can’t do this,” you whispered. “I can’t.”
Zayne dropped to his haunches beside you. His hand settled on your knee.
“What was I supposed to say to her?” Your voice was rising now, frantic. “What am I even supposed to feel? I didn’t carry her. I didn’t raise her. I didn’t know she existed. She’s mine but not mine.”
You were trembling now.
“She has my DNA, but I’m not her mother. I’m a stranger. What am I supposed to do with that?”
Zayne didn’t speak. Just stayed there. Then — slowly — his hand slid away from your leg, and he bowed his head, pressing his palms to his face.
He stayed like that for a long time.
And when he finally spoke, his voice was hoarse, uneven.
“Every day,” he said, “I live knowing I did something beautiful and unforgivable at the same time.”
You didn’t move.
“I carry the guilt in every breath,” he said. “But I’d do it again. I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world. Not my career. Not my name. Not even forgiveness.”
He looked up at you then.
“If you want to file a complaint,” he said, voice steadying, “if you want to take my license, ruin me — do it. I won’t fight. I’ll take it.”
“But I won’t ever be sorry she exists.”
Your mouth opened. But no words came.
Because something inside you had begun to thaw — not into love, not yet — but into something uglier.
Jealousy.
Jealousy of your own child.
Of how easily she clung to him. Of how naturally he held her. Of the years they’d had.
Without you.
The thought disgusted you. You wanted to slap yourself for even thinking it. You wanted to vanish again, just to avoid what that meant.
But it was there. And it was real.
“What kind of monster do you think I am, Zayne?” you asked, your voice raw, barely more than breath. “You think I came here to file reports? Tear your life apart on principle?”
He didn’t look away. Didn’t flinch.
“You already did that once,” he said, flatly.
You closed your eyes.
“Let’s not start listing sins,” you whispered. “We’ll be here until spring.”
Silence.
You exhaled slowly. “Yes. I left. And not just your life — I detonated my own. There’s no version of this where I walk away clean.”
You glanced toward the door, where her laughter had echoed just minutes ago.
“And if there’s a tiny version of me running through this house, it’s not just your doing. I lit the first match. I made the first cut. Maybe this is the price. The life that formed in the crater we made.”
Zayne turned, finally. Met your eyes.
There were no tears on your face. There hadn’t been for days. But in your chest, you were drowning. He knew it. He saw it.
“I don’t have an answer,” you said. “I don’t know how to stay. And I don’t feel like I have the right to leave. This —” your voice caught, “— this little family of yours… I’m not part of it. I’m just the fracture everything grew around.”
He didn’t argue. He didn’t reach for you.
He just studied your face for a long time, then said, “I can’t choose for you.”
A pause. And then —
“But if you decide to stay… even just to be near her, or me, or neither — on your own terms — then I won’t stop you.”
His voice was steady, but something caught in his throat at the end. Like he almost said more. Like he almost crossed a line that neither of you were ready to touch.
You nodded. You understood.
The door had opened.
Just a little.
And it would’ve been easier, if it were only him. If all you had to do was unlearn the years of distance, relearn the way he breathed, the way he touched, the shape of his voice when he said your name.
If it were only Zayne, you could try. You would try.
But there was her.
The girl who looked like you. Who trusted too easily. Who ran through the house with joy you hadn’t earned.
And she changed everything.
Because love with him had once been fire and failure and rebuilding.
But love with her… It required something else.
Patience. Forgiveness. Humility.
A different kind of bravery.
And if you failed again — you wouldn’t be the only one who paid for it.
So you sat there, still, the weight of the choice pressing against your chest, and thought:
What if I break her? What if I can’t be enough?
Another week passed. Your strength returned. So did the calls.
Work wouldn’t stop. Messages stacked in your inbox like pressure building behind a dam. You extended your leave. Zayne signed the clearance form. You knew he didn’t agree. But he didn’t protest. He just handed it over with that same stillness — the kind that told you: this is your decision now.
Physically, you were fit for the field. Emotionally, you were splinters.
He never said it, but you felt the way he watched you — not with judgment, but with expectation. Waiting. Hoping, maybe, that you'd stop wandering the halls like a ghost with a packed suitcase in her chest.
But the noise in your head never stopped. Not during the day. Not when you slept.
Especially not when you didn’t.
That night, you came down the stairs barefoot, the house asleep around you. Poured yourself a glass of wine. Stared at it. Sipped once.
No.
That wasn’t what you needed.
You left the glass untouched on the counter.
Walked the familiar hallway. Opened his door without knocking.
He was asleep on his back, face turned slightly toward the window. The moonlight cut through the blinds in silver bars, catching in the strands of his hair, casting lines across his throat.
You reached down. Brushed the edge of a curl from his forehead.
His hand caught your wrist before you could blink.
His eyes opened.
He didn’t speak. Your face said everything.
He pulled you down into him without hesitation. No questions. No ceremony.
His hands slid across your skin like he'd never forgotten its topography. His mouth moved from your neck to your shoulder, to the curve of your breast, the lines of your ribs, the hollow of your hip, and lower still.
But not your lips. Still not your lips.
And that — that was the answer.
At dawn, you dressed quietly. Zipped your bag. Didn’t wake him.
Your presence here had been a rupture. But now the world would settle again.
Zayne had his life — built carefully from grief and duty and love. You were an earthquake. He’d survived you once. He didn’t need to do it again.
At the door, your hand on the knob, a small voice stopped you.
“Are you going somewhere?”
You turned slowly.
She stood barefoot in her pajamas, hair a mess, eyes too wide. Her voice held no accusation. Only fact.
You swallowed. “Yes. I… I have to go back.”
“To the hotel?” she asked, stepping closer.
You crouched, tried to smile, tried to hold your own ribs together.
“No. I have a home. A job. Somewhere else.”
She nodded, thinking hard, then: “Then I’ll come with you.”
You blinked. “What?”
She didn’t hesitate. “I’ll come too.”
“No, sweetheart. You can’t. Your dad would be really worried —”
“But you’re my mommy,” she said.
Soft. Certain.
Her small hand came up to your face. Her palm on your cheek burned hotter than the fever ever had.
“I heard you. You and Papa. I saw your picture.”
She reached into her pajama pocket, pulled out something worn and folded.
A photograph.
You and Zayne. Seven years younger. Arms around each other, faces pressed close, eyes alight. You didn’t even remember the moment it was taken.
But she had carried it. Hidden it. Believed it.
You stared at her. At the picture. At those impossible, familiar eyes.
And something inside you cracked.
“Baby,” you said, your voice breaking. “I’m not — I can’t be the mom you think I am. I want to. I do. But I didn’t raise you. I wasn’t there. And I don’t know how to do this right.”
Her lower lip trembled. But she nodded. Like she understood, in the way only children do — by feeling it.
You reached out. Brushed a tear from her cheek.
“Be happy, little one,” you whispered. “That’s all I want for you.”
Then you stood. Opened the door. And walked into the snowlight, where the car already waited.
Zayne couldn’t remember the last time he drove this fast. Especially not with his daughter in the back seat.
She’d been there before he was even fully dressed. Still in socks, wide-eyed, breathless.
“She left,” she said. “Mommy left.”
She’d been crying.
And her tears — that — he would never forgive you for.
He didn’t know what he expected to do when he got there. Look into your eyes? See if your soul was still inside them? Drop to his knees and beg?
A few hours ago, you had still been in his arms. He’d almost believed. Almost let himself be happy again.
He parked illegally, didn’t even glance at the signs. Checked his daughter’s jacket, zipped it tighter, then scooped her into his arms and ran.
The platform was already half-empty.
The train was gone. Five minutes too late.
And something inside him gave way — not with noise, but with silence. A collapsing lung. A skipped heartbeat. A life rerouted.
This was what it would be, then.
A life with a hollow in it. Until the universe finally had the decency to take him.
He heard a soft sound, like water breaking on glass.
At first he thought it was her — his daughter — but she was quiet now. Blinking up at him.
He followed her gaze.
And saw you.
Sitting on your suitcase. Face in your hands. Sobbing like something inside you had torn loose. The tiny snow seal rests on your knees — absurdly delicate against the wreckage of you.
For a heartbeat, he wanted to strangle you. The next — he only wanted to hold you and never let go again.
But he wasn’t alone anymore.
“Go,” he said gently, lowering her to the ground. “She needs you.”
She ran without hesitation.
You didn’t hesitate either — just opened your arms and pulled her in, holding her like you could fold the whole world into that embrace.
He couldn’t hear what you said. It was yours. It was between you.
He waited. Waited until the tears began to fade from your cheeks.
Then stepped closer.
“You chickened out?” he asked softly.
“Yes,” you half-laughed, half-hiccuped. “I got scared you’d never kiss me again.”
He arched a brow, and his look said everything: What, exactly, do you think I spent all of last night doing?
You licked your lips. His shoulders trembled with silent laughter.
“All that?” he said. “A full-scale emotional catastrophe for one unfinished kiss?”
“It’s worse,” you muttered, deadpan. “It’s agony.”
Zayne looked at your daughter, who still clung to your coat. Her eyes darted between you — between home and hope.
He bent down, pressed a folded note of cash into her palm.
“Two hot chocolates,” he whispered. “Get them inside. Mama loves hers with cinnamon.”
She bolted. No questions.
And then his hands were on your face, warm and certain.
“I don’t make a habit of kissing strangers,” he said.
“Zayne —”
“I only kiss one woman.” His voice caught, barely — but it did. “Mine.”
Then he stepped in — deliberate, steady — and kissed you. Not like a doctor. Not like a ghost from your past.
But like a man who remembered every breath you'd ever stolen from him. Like someone claiming what he'd mourned for too long.
His hand slid to your jaw, fingers anchoring just enough to say: You’re not leaving again.
His mouth was warm and certain and slow, like the end of winter breaking. And when you kissed him back — really kissed him — something locked into place.
Not resolution. But return.
He drew back just enough to speak, thumb brushing the wet beneath your eyes.
“Remember this,” he whispered. “These lips aren’t just for kissing. They’re for questions. Even the scary ones.”
You nodded. Then, just barely —
“Then let me ask one.”
Your hand rose to his jaw, your fingers brushing that impossible edge.
“Is there any chance,” you whispered, “that you could… ever love me again?”
Zayne looked at you.
Then shook his head — not in denial, but disbelief. At the question. At you.
“I never stopped.”
He took your suitcase. Slipped his arm around your waist.
Together, you walked back to your daughter. To cocoa. To warmth. To the beginning.
The fourth in a series of stories exploring MC’s return after five years of silence. Others are coming soon — links will be added as they’re published.
⚠️ Important
This story is different. It’s for adults — not just because it contains an intimate scene, but because it deals in gray morality, layers, and choices that aren’t clean or easy. There are no clear heroes here, no black-and-white answers, no simple characters to love or hate. It hits hard.
I’m more than aware this won’t be for everyone — and it’s definitely not a light bedtime read. Please take a moment to read the CW/TW carefully before diving in. Proceed at your own risk.
The structure might feel a little odd at the beginning — I may have gone overboard, and Tumblr wouldn't let me post it with that many paragraphs, so I had to compress things a bit.
Original ask that sparked this continuation.
Sylus | Rafayel | Caleb | Xavier (coming soon)
CW/TW: emotional trauma, unresolved grief, morally gray relationships, abandonment, guilt, forgiveness, explicit sexual content (consensual, emotionally intense), medical trauma, physical injury, parental estrangement, bio-child created without consent through stored genetic material, complex mother-daughter dynamics, identity crisis, ambiguous morality.
Pairing: Zayne x ex-lover!you
Genre: Cold-burn angst, medical intimacy, slow unthawing, grief-forged love, second chances carved from ruin.
Summary: Seven years ago, you left without a word. Now, in a snowbound mountain town, fate hands you a child with your eyes, a man with your pulse, and a wound that never really healed. What begins with a lost glove and an impossible resemblance ends in a cabin, a scar, and the kind of truth that doesn’t ask for forgiveness — only a place to stay.
Word Count: 16K
Snowcrest
You hadn’t meant to stay this long.
The wind is starting to pick up, curling around your ankles, stealing the warmth from your coat sleeves. The sun has dipped just behind the ridge, casting a deep, bruised blue across the snowbanks. Below, the valley falls away into a soft blur of pine and frost. Somewhere down there is the road you took seven years ago. Somewhere down there is the part of yourself you buried like contraband.
You cradle the paper cup tighter in your hands, now lukewarm. A snowflake melts against your knuckle.
Behind you, the wooden rail of the overlook creaks gently, just once. You don’t turn. Not at first.
“Your eyes,” a small voice says beside you, bright and matter-of-fact, “look like my mommy’s.”
You glance down. A girl — maybe five, maybe six — stands a few feet away, all pink puff and wool layers. Her beanie is lopsided, a ridiculous pompom tilting to one side. Her cheeks are wind-bitten, her boots dusted white.
“Do they?” you say.
She nods seriously, then frowns a little. “But you’re not her. Mommy’s not here. I came with my dad.”
“Where is your dad?”
“He went to get hot chocolate. I wanted to see the mountains first.” She says this like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Her mittens are too big. One slips halfway off as she points toward the café.
You smile, soft and automatic. “You shouldn’t wander off. He might get worried.”
She considers this. Then, very formally, she reaches out and takes your hand.
“Okay. Let’s go find him.”
The café’s windows glow faintly, gold against the evening blue. The inside is all timber and condensation, the kind of place that always smells like cinnamon and wet gloves. You push open the door with your shoulder, usher her in.
He’s there.
You see him before he sees you. A tall figure in a charcoal coat, leaning casually near the counter, one gloved hand curled around a paper cup. His posture is the same. That impossible stillness, like he’s already factored every variable in the room. Like he’s never been caught off guard in his life.
And then he turns.
The girl drops your hand without hesitation and runs to him, shouting, “Daddy! I found a friend! She has eyes like Mommy’s!”
He bends to meet her. His hand cups the back of her head automatically, instinctively. Not roughly, not tenderly either — just with a kind of understated precision, the way he does everything.
You stand frozen. Your lungs forget what to do. Your spine loses temperature.
Zayne looks at you. The moment lingers exactly three seconds too long.
Then he nods, once, like a man seeing a stranger on the street who looks faintly familiar.
“Thank you for helping her,” he says. His voice hasn’t changed. Smooth. Controlled. Every syllable clipped clean.
You open your mouth. Only a whisper makes it out.
“She was alone. I thought — her parents might be worried.”
He inclines his head. “I wasn’t. She doesn’t wander far.”
He reaches for the girl’s hand. She looks between you and him, confused but not frightened. Her chocolate sloshes slightly in his free hand.
You stand there, a full seven years collapsing in on themselves. Every hour, every unanswered question, every night you thought about him without letting yourself say his name. All of it rushes into the hollow space behind your ribs.
Zayne doesn’t blink. Doesn’t flinch.
“Come on,” he tells the girl. “Let’s go watch the lights come in.”
And just like that, he walks past you. No hesitation. No second glance.
The door opens, and the wind catches it. Then it shuts behind them, clean as a scalpel stroke.
And you are left inside the warmth, holding nothing.
You don’t remember walking to the hotel bar. Only the sound of your boots on packed snow. The burn in your calves from the climb. The hum of your own name, suddenly useless, echoing somewhere deep inside you.
Now you sit at the far end of the counter, coat still on, fingers red from the cold. The bartender, young and quiet, gives you a look like he’s seen people run from more than just the wind.
You nod at your glass. He refills it without a word.
It’s your fourth. Maybe third. You’ve lost count, and the fact that you’ve lost count is the first real mercy of the night.
You lift it again. Swallow it in one breath.
The heat climbs slow, low. No sting. No flinch. It settles into your chest like a bruise, not a balm.
And still — your hands don’t shake. You keep seeing her face. The girl. Her eyes. Her eyes. Your eyes.
No, that’s impossible. That’s sentimental. That’s the kind of thing people like to believe when they’ve been drinking and when the sky outside is layered in violet and black and stars. That’s not Zayne.
But then again, you saw him.
And there was something about the way he touched her head, about how precisely he measured the moment, how quietly he acknowledged you with nothing but the edge of a nod — as if you were just another polite inconvenience to be managed.
You could’ve handled anger. Recrimination. Accusation.
But that? That… undid something.
You drink again.
The math won’t leave you alone. You’re not even trying to calculate, but your mind does it anyway. That same brutal, automatic clarity you once hated in him — now taking over you like second skin.
She’s almost six. Nearly. Maybe five and a half.
You do the subtraction. You try not to think about it. You fail.
He hadn’t hesitated — as if he’d been waiting for you to leave all along. That’s the thought that lands first. Loud. Stupid. Petty. But there.
You picture her mother. Not a fantasy — a memory. The woman you once saw with him. She looked like she belonged beside him. Like she understood him without needing to try. Smarter. Softer. Prettier than you ever were.
You’ve never been beautiful the way he liked beautiful things. His apartment always looked like a magazine. His meals — artful. His shelves — symmetrical. You always felt like a crooked painting on a perfect wall.
Maybe you never belonged there. Maybe he figured that out too.
You press your fingers to the side of your glass and drum lightly. The bartender glances over. You don’t even have to speak. When he brings the next pour, you cradle it a little longer. Let it rest in your palm like something you’re trying to keep alive.
You told yourself, back then, that leaving was the right thing. That it would give him freedom, space, a life not tethered to your mess.
You left so he could be happy.
And now, with the living proof of that happiness having just skipped across the room into his arms —
Why does it feel like your ribs are folding in on themselves? Why does it feel like punishment?
You tip the glass back again. The burn now feels right. Like penance.
Somewhere behind you, a group of tourists laughs. Glasses clink. The sound’s muffled by the snow-pressed windows, the heavy wood beams, the distant wind howling like something ancient just outside the walls.
You close your eyes. You’re supposed to feel numb. Instead, it feels like your chest is thawing too fast. Like something inside is waking up with a roar.
And the only thing you want is to drown it back into silence.
You were supposed to be up hours ago.
There had been a list. Alarms, laid out meticulously the night before. Layers folded on the chair by the radiator, boots lined up like loyal soldiers. You were going to be efficient. Controlled. Someone with purpose. Someone who didn’t dissolve into whisky and memory and the sharp sting of her own mistakes.
Instead, you wake sometime after eleven, swimming through a haze that isn’t quite sleep and not quite regret. The world tilts gently beneath you, and your mouth tastes of copper and last night.
You don’t take the painkillers. It feels important not to.
The sky outside is blank again, a hard white you’ve only seen in northern places — something between erasure and threat. You dress by instinct: thick jeans, a fleece-lined shirt, the coat with the broken zipper pull. Uggs still damp. You tie your hair back with cold fingers and don’t check the mirror before leaving.
The air outside is heavier today. Crisper. Snow crunches beneath your soles in that particular way it only does in subzero silence. You pass two hikers on the ridge trail — layers too new, faces too red. They nod, friendly. You don’t respond.
Dr. Noah’s house sits on the upper slope, just beyond the last bend, framed by black pines and the wide white hush of the valley. It’s larger than you remembered, but quieter too. A chalet-style lodge, all dark-stained timber and angled glass — broad eaves sagging gently under the weight of accumulated snow. The windows reflect the pale noon light like sheets of ice.
You approach from the side path. The one that wraps behind the slope of the porch and leads up past the kitchen garden, now skeletal and brittle with frost, to the private entrance: a cedarwood door, flush with the planks, unmarked save for a brass pull and the faint ghost of boot scuffs on the stone step.
You hesitate.
The reasons not to knock assemble themselves quickly, efficiently. He may not be here. Or he is, and he brought his family. Or worse: he’s here alone, and still as closed off and surgical and devastatingly calm as he was last night.
You raise your hand anyway. The door opens before your knuckles touch wood. He must’ve been just behind it.
The light hits him square — white coat, wire-frame glasses, the same posture that always made him seem even taller than he was. For a moment, he says nothing. Just looks at you. That stillness hasn’t faded with the years. If anything, it’s calcified.
You see it then — a flicker across his face, something so quick it’s probably nothing. Annoyance, maybe. Or exhaustion. Or some emotion too fast to name.
And then he speaks, voice even, expression impassive. "Not the best time. You should leave."
It’s a clean incision. No edges to hold onto.
You blink, caught between offense and disbelief, and say, “I’m here to see Dr. Noah. Not you.”
A pause. His gaze doesn’t move.
“He’s ill,” he replies, with that mechanical precision you’d nearly forgotten. “I’m covering his patients until he’s discharged.”
Your voice softens, almost without permission. “Is it serious?”
He shrugs. Not dismissively — just finally. The kind of gesture that says this is what it is, and nothing more.
You understand. You always understood him best in these silences.
There’s nothing you can say to that. Not about Noah. Not about age, or time, or inevitability. The snow shifts under your feet. You glance behind him into the house.
Pine beams. Slate flooring. A wide, open room stretching toward a set of panoramic windows that look out over the ridge. The light inside is softer than expected — muted amber, filtered through linen drapes and the faint movement of steam from something on the stove. The air smells like pine and black tea. The kind of house that invites you to sit down and fall apart.
He turns slightly, hand on the doorframe. “You can visit him at the hospital,” he says. “But I’m expecting someone now.”
You exhale, more sound than breath. “Miss Deveraux, I assume,” you murmur, before you can decide not to.
His head tilts. A beat of calculation.
“You changed your name.”
You lift one shoulder. A shrug, a defense. He doesn’t get an answer. He already took all the ones that mattered.
You’re turning to go when something shifts. Not in his face, but in the air between you. Maybe professionalism. Maybe instinct. Maybe something older.
He steps aside. No invitation. Just an opening. You hesitate only a second. Then you walk through it.
Inside, the warmth hits hard. Your skin prickles. The space is wide but not cold — wood, stone, soft textiles in winter hues. A sheepskin throw over the back of a bench. Open shelving with hand-thrown mugs. A pile of well-worn paperbacks in the corner near a slate fireplace, still glowing faintly from a morning fire.
The heat is the kind that seeps under your skin and makes you remember things. Long nights. Herbal tea. The low sound of Miles Davis from the speakers in his kitchen. The kind of quiet that had nothing to do with peace.
Your boots leave wet prints on the floor.
“This way,” he says, and turns.
You follow him down the hall — wide-planked floors beneath your feet, the faint scent of cedar and lemon oil in the air.
The walls here are quiet. Not sterile, like the clinics you grew up in. But not quite lived-in either. Books in every alcove. Some dog-eared. Some untouched. A long-handled snowshoe mounted like art.
You pass a narrow window where wind-scattered shadows move across the snow. And you don’t ask where he’s taking you. You never did. Zayne walks ahead, and you follow.
Then he stops. Opens a door.
It’s the kind of room you’d expect in a place like this — clinical, but softened by the architecture. The walls are a shade too warm to be white. A reclaimed wood desk sits at an angle to a wide window with a view down the valley. There’s a folded wool blanket on the back of the armchair. A stethoscope rests near a mug gone cold.
And under the desk, a pair of small boots peeks out. Purple. Fur-trimmed. Familiar.
A moment later, a girl’s voice — muffled, stubborn — says, “I don’t want to read. Reading is boring.”
She’s curled beneath the desk, arms folded, cheeks flushed. Next to her, crouched on the floor in a cashmere sweater and soft leggings, is a woman — young, luminous, the kind of composed beauty you’ve only ever seen in galleries or dreams. Her hair is tucked into a braid, her voice calm as riverglass.
“Just one story,” she says gently. “Then we can go back to drawing. Promise.”
The child burrows deeper into the corner.
You stand frozen, caught somewhere between the clinical sterility of the room and the scene that could only be described as... domestic. They’re easy with each other, practiced. The woman places a hand gently on the girl’s shoulder, and the girl leans into it, just enough.
You feel something sink in your chest. That’s her, you think. The wife. The mother.
Zayne steps forward. His hand brushes the woman’s back — a touch so natural it’s almost intimate, but not indulgent. More... familiar. Trusted.
“She’s had enough for now,” he says, his voice soft but decisive. “Sweetheart, come on out.”
The girl peeks up at him. “Are you done working?”
He smiles — barely. “Almost. I need to finish this consultation. Then we can go look for rabbits.”
She considers this. Then, without a word, crawls out from under the desk and stands, brushing off imaginary dust. Her braid is loose over one shoulder, a little frayed at the end.
And then she sees you. Recognition flashes across her face — not quite shock, more like a slow realization. A dream remembered mid-afternoon.
“Hi,” she says brightly. “You’re the lady with Mommy’s eyes.”
You smile. “And you’re the girl who looks at mountains instead of drinking hot chocolate.”
She giggles. Then pauses. Tilts her head.
“What’s your favorite story?”
You blink, caught off guard. "East of the Sun and West of the Moon."
She wrinkles her nose, curious. “What’s it about?”
But before you can answer, Zayne cuts in, voice crisp. “A girl trades herself to a bear to save her family. She disobeys one rule, ruins everything, and spends the rest of the story chasing what she lost.”
The girl blinks. “Oh.”
“She finds him again,” you say quietly, stepping closer. “That part matters.”
Zayne doesn’t look at you. “Barely. And only after walking the ends of the earth.”
“Sometimes that’s what it takes,” you say.
There’s a pause. Something drifts in that space between interpretation and indictment.
The girl looks between you both, then smiles. “I want to read it.”
Zayne nods once, briskly. “We’ll find a copy.”
He looks to the young woman — the one whose name you still don’t know — and gives the barest nod. She stands, smooth and silent, and extends a hand. The girl takes it without hesitation, eyes still flicking back toward you.
“She has a thousand questions,” the woman says with a small smile. Her voice is lower than you expected. Kind.
“I imagine she does,” you murmur.
Then they’re gone. The door clicks shut with a soft finality.
You turn back. Zayne’s already pulling the chair into position. His face resets — back into the familiar neutrality of a doctor preparing to deliver something precise.
He gestures toward the patient’s stool.
“Sit,” he says, already reaching for the chart. “Let’s get this over with.”
And just like that, you’re no one again. Just a file. A diagnosis. Another thing to manage.
You sit.
The paper on the examination table crackles beneath you, loud in the hush of the room. Zayne doesn't look at you as he flips open the chart. His fingers move with the same exacting grace they always had — sharp, sure, impersonal.
There is no sign he knows you beyond your name. No flicker of recognition in the line of his jaw, no hesitation in the tone. Just one more consultation on a day too full.
He adjusts the light above you, then gestures. “Shirt.”
You pause.
The heater ticks somewhere behind you. The window throws pale afternoon across the floor — all snow and silence. Your hands rise, slow. The fabric sticks a little at your wrists.
When you unbutton the top three buttons, his eyes stay trained somewhere just over your shoulder. Not out of politeness. Control.
But his hand falters for half a second — just a twitch — when your collar falls open and the scar shows, clean and linear and unmistakable, running diagonally across your chest.
He doesn't comment. Instead, his voice shifts into that lower octave he used with unstable cases. “How long ago?”
You hesitate, eyes still fixed on the wall behind him. “Seven months.”
His gaze flicks up. Direct. Not curious. Clinical. “Cause?”
“Wanderer,” you say, too quickly.
You feel him still. Then the sound of the pen clicks sharply against the clipboard.
“You’re still in the field.”
It’s not a question.
You nod, barely. “I consult with Dr. Noah every month. He monitors me remotely.”
Zayne sets the chart aside with too much precision. “You took a core-impact injury to the thoracic cavity,” he says flatly. “That doesn’t require monitoring. That requires full diagnostic protocol. You should be in a central hospital. Not here. Not with a retired man in a chalet and a teapot.”
You bristle. “Noah’s been treating me years. He knows my profile.”
“His machines are ten years older than that.”
You flinch at his tone — not cruel, but surgical. The truth without kindness.
“I’ll refer you to the Linkon Diagnostic Center,” he continues, already reaching for the console. “They’ll run a complete bio-map and core sync within twenty-four hours. Dr. Reza is —”
You cut in, voice sharp. “You’re not offering?”
That stops him. Just for a moment. He meets your gaze. Something ancient flickers there, then shutters.
“I’m not your doctor,” he says.
He’s still listening to your heart, diaphragm pressed too close to skin, and suddenly you’re too bare. Too known. Too held open under his breath.
You pull back. Fast.
The stethoscope slips. You cover your chest with trembling hands and fumble for the buttons. “I’m not going back to Linkon,” you say tightly. “I’m fine.”
Your fingers shake. The top button won’t catch.
His voice doesn’t lift. “You’re not fine. You’re compensating.”
“I’ve been compensating since I was nine,” you snap.
That lands. You don’t know why you said it. Maybe because it’s the only way to hurt him — to remind him that you were already a scar before he ever touched you.
He steps back. Withdraws. The room feels wider again. Colder. Silence pools between you.
Then you speak, too soft to matter.
“She’s beautiful,” you say. “Your daughter.”
You force a small smile. “She looks like you.”
Zayne’s brow lifts, just a little. “You might want to get your vision checked. She looks exactly like her mother.”
You blink. The words hit like an off-key note.
“I didn’t notice,” you murmur, thinking — of the girl crouched beside her, warm and glowing and precisely the kind of woman you always assumed he’d marry. The kind who makes soup. The kind who waits. The kind who stays.
“She’s sweet,” you add. “And calm. I always thought you’d end up with someone like that. Someone who makes a home feel like tea and cinnamon and a blanket in the storm.”
His face tightens, just enough for you to see it before he hides it again. Then, sharply: “Are you done?”
You nod once. “Yeah.”
He turns, moves toward the desk. The professional mask slips back into place like it never cracked. “Come back tomorrow morning. I want your blood work. When you’re not hungover.”
Your face heats. A slow, miserable bloom. “I’m not —”
“You are,” he says simply. “I can smell it.”
You swallow, hard.
“It’s fine,” you lie. “The injury doesn’t bother me. I’m cleared for fieldwork. I just need you to sign the release.”
He doesn’t look up. “What release?”
You reach into your coat pocket and pull out the crumpled envelope. You place it on the edge of the desk.
He picks it up. Reads.
Then — without a word — he walks to the cabinet and slides it into a drawer sealed with a biometric lock. You hear the soft click as it closes.
“I won’t sign it,” he says. “Not until I’m sure.”
You stare at the drawer. Then at him.
There’s a pulse behind your ribs — not physical, not medical. Just heat. Something dangerously close to humiliation. You hadn’t expected softness, of course. But still, the stark refusal… It lands harder than you meant it to.
Your voice comes out quieter than planned. “You’re not serious.”
Zayne doesn’t look up from the chart. “I am.”
“I don’t need diagnostics,” you press. “I just need a signature.”
He flips to the next page, casually. “Then go ask someone who doesn’t know what they’re looking at.”
That stings. You laugh, a breathless, brittle sound. “So this is how it’s going to be.”
He meets your gaze then. Steady. Cold. "I treat what’s in front of me. And what I see is a patient with an unstable cardiac implant, signs of recent trauma, poor sleep, an irregular heartbeat, and a tendency toward self-endangerment."
You flinch. “Don’t analyze me.”
“I’m not,” he says, tone flat. “I’m reading you.”
The silence sharpens. You push off the exam table, standing fast enough that the paper beneath you rips.
“You don’t get to pretend you still have some claim to how I live.”
He blinks once. That’s it. “I never did.”
Your throat burns. “Then why won’t you sign the fucking form?”
“Because I don’t trust you,” he says, finally. The words are quiet, but they cut with such clean detachment, it almost feels surgical.
And just like that — the guilt in your chest shifts. You’d come here expecting control. Containment. What you weren’t ready for was this: being the villain in your own story.
Your voice cracks, more bitter than angry. “I didn’t ask you to care.”
“I know,” Zayne says. “You made that very clear. Seven years ago.”
That lands differently. Deeper. You close your eyes for a moment. The inside of your eyelids glow red.
“I thought leaving was the right thing,” you say quietly.
He doesn’t move. “For who?”
You look at him. He’s not angry. Not really. His voice is calm, clinical. The same voice he used with parents trying to argue with the numbers on a monitor.
And somehow that hurts worse.
You breathe in through your nose. The air smells like antiseptic and cedarwood and the past.
“I’m not asking you to forgive me,” you say, voice low. “I wouldn’t.”
He sets the chart down. Calmly. No slam, no emphasis. It might as well be a napkin.
“You think this is about forgiveness?” he says. “This is about liability. You walked in here with a barely stabilized core and a goddamn hero complex. Forgiveness isn’t part of the chart.”
You laugh again — short, scorched. “God, you haven’t changed at all.”
Zayne’s expression doesn't shift. “And you have?”
You take a step forward. It feels dangerous — not because you think he’ll hurt you, but because of how much space you’ve already lost.
“You think I wanted to disappear?” you bite. “You think it was easy? You think I didn’t —”
He cuts in, voice colder than glass. “You didn’t.”
A pause.
“That’s the only part I believe.”
Your breath catches. You feel it in your spine, the way you used to feel a storm breaking inside your chest.
“You act like I broke you,” you snap.
“No,” he says, and his voice now is quieter. Worse. “You broke yourself. I just happened to be holding the pieces.”
You stand there, trembling. There are a thousand things you could say. But none of them are clean. None of them come without blood. So instead —
“Go to hell,” you spit, and you’re already at the door.
Zayne doesn’t move. Doesn’t blink. Just watches you the way a surgeon watches a flatline. And as your hand hits the latch, shaking —
“You should’ve stayed gone,” he says.
That does it. You don’t even feel the cold this time as you step out into the white. You don’t zip your coat. You don’t look back. You’re burning from the inside out. And the snow, for once, can’t touch it.
You visit Noah in the hospital that afternoon.
He looks better than he should. Alert. Hydrated. Too pleased to see you. He tries for a weak smile, a raspy breath, a trembling hand — all performative. You’ve known him too long to fall for it.
“Don’t do that,” you tell him flatly, settling beside the bed. “You’re not dying.”
He shrugs, pleased with himself. “Still worked.”
You narrow your eyes. “You invited him the moment you found out I was coming.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
He doesn’t deny it. Just adjusts his pillow like a man deeply proud of a long game finally paying off.
You don’t press further. What would be the point? You're here now. And Zayne — he's no longer a memory. He has breath. Mass. Velocity.
You walk back slowly as the sky folds in on itself, streaked with the shimmer of the aurora. It lights the town in green and violet smears, as though the heavens have been bruised.
At one point, you pause by a square, where someone proposes in the snow. There’s clapping. Flash photography. Squealing. A heart traced in frost by a stranger's boot.
You feel nothing. No. That’s not true. You feel everything.
You don’t sleep that night. You lie awake staring at the ceiling, counting the creaks of the old radiator like heartbeats. You get up at four. Shower. Wash your hair. You wear the least-wrinkled shirt you have and a coat that still smells like smoke from a bar you don’t remember leaving.
You’re not trying to look good. You just refuse to look ruined.
Still — no amount of water or concealer covers the circles under your eyes. You look exactly like what you are: someone who hasn’t let herself feel in seven years and is now bleeding out in quiet, ungraceful increments.
By the time you reach Noah’s house again, the sun has barely crested the horizon. The snow is high and dry, powder that cuts like sand.
And then impact. A snowball straight to your cheek. Hard.
You don’t have time to dodge. It lands just below your eye, wet and sharp and entirely undeserved.
You freeze, lips parted. A bloom of cold shock spreads across your face. A giggle follows. Small, delighted. Merciless.
Your hand rises to your cheek. Already hot, already red. You squint toward the source of your humiliation, ready to unleash something unkind —
Then you stop. It’s her. The girl. Pom-pom hat, mittens half-falling off. Grinning. Victorious.
And behind her, Zayne’s voice. Measured, mildly irritated: “Princess. I told you — not before breakfast.”
You turn, still rubbing your cheek.
He’s in the doorway, hair still damp, shirt sleeves pushed to the elbows. His expression hardens slightly when he sees the welt blooming on your face.
The girl looks up at him, wilting a little. He kneels, says something too low for you to catch. She nods solemnly and disappears inside.
You murmur, “It’s fine.”
He doesn’t answer. Just jerks his head toward the hall. “In the office. Wait there.”
You move past him. Your face still stings. Your pride more.
You sit. The room feels colder than yesterday. The chair, harder. You catch your reflection in the dark glass of the cabinet — the mark on your cheek already darkening. You lean in, touch it with one finger. There's a faint scratch beneath it. You blink. A tear hangs on your lower lash.
Zayne enters just as you wipe it away. You turn your face quickly, offer your arm like it’s a business transaction.
He doesn’t speak. Doesn’t comment.
The needle pricks deeper than necessary. It’s probably your fault — the tension in your muscles, the way your jaw locks when he touches you.
The vial fills in silence. The kind that makes you want to scream or laugh or break something clean in two. You choose the last.
A shaky breath escapes. A strange, quiet laugh follows. Zayne raises an eyebrow.
You don’t explain. Why would you?
It’s not every morning that both a man and his six-year-old daughter manage to draw blood from you before coffee.
He withdraws the needle, tapes you up with clinical speed. “You’ll have the results this evening. Depending on Noah’s system.”
You nod, preparing to leave. Then he moves — slower now — and steps close again. You see the cotton ball and antiseptic in his hand before you feel it.
You pull back instinctively. “It’s nothing. I’m fine.”
He doesn’t argue. But he looks at you in that way he used to. Like every word is a waste of time, and still, he waits for you to finish.
Finally, he says, low: “Don’t be angry with her. She was trying to play.”
“I’m not angry,” you reply, eyes steady. “I just wasn’t expecting to be used for target practice before dawn.”
You’re almost out the door when there’s a knock. Then — she’s there again.
Only now, she’s different. Composed. Hair neatly brushed, her steps careful. No smugness, no bounce. She walks in with both hands wrapped around a large ceramic mug, steam curling from the surface.
“I made you something,” she says, with determined seriousness. “It’s hot chocolate. And I’m sorry for your face.”
Her voice is precise. That same gravity Zayne carries — but undercut by something lighter. A flicker. A spark.
You take the mug. The chocolate is cloyingly thick. Too much sugar. Not enough milk. Like a child’s attempt at comfort.
You drink it anyway. Because no one’s made you something in a long, long time.
And her eyes — when she looks at you like that — they remind you of someone. Not her mother. Not that woman from yesterday. Someone else. Someone in the mirror.
And something you’d buried starts to surface. Not yet. But soon. Very soon.
Behind you, there’s a soft shuffle of feet. The girl steps back, glancing up at Zayne.
“I said I was sorry,” she murmurs.
Zayne raises an eyebrow. "Princess. Did you finish your breakfast?"
She folds her arms, expression thoughtful. Too thoughtful.
“I filled up on guilt,” she says brightly. “It’s very heavy.”
Zayne exhales, but there’s a flicker at the edge of his mouth. Something caught between annoyance and affection.
She leans slightly toward him, lowering her voice. “But if the lady stays for breakfast… I might be able to eat more. For company.”
It’s the kind of manipulation only a child can pull off — just enough honesty to disarm you, just enough calculation to know it’ll work. You glance at Zayne, caught between reluctance and something else — a crack, too thin to be a real opening, but present nonetheless.
“She’s persistent,” you murmur.
“She’s six,” Zayne replies dryly. “That’s their job.”
He doesn’t exactly invite you — but he doesn’t stop his daughter from taking your hand and leading you to the kitchen either.
The kitchen is warm. Simple, but elegant. Dark stone counters, exposed beams. A kettle hisses quietly on the stove. There’s a bowl of half-eaten oatmeal on the table, a spoon leaning precariously against its edge like a forgotten decision.
You sit, because she wants you to, because it’s easier than saying no.
Zayne stands by the counter, pouring coffee. He doesn’t look at you, but the silence between you feels more like thread than ice.
“Do you have a job?” the girl asks suddenly, crawling into her seat.
You nod. “I’m a Hunter.”
Her eyes go wide. “Of monsters?”
You smile. “Of all kinds.”
She leans forward, elbows on the table, chin in her hands. “Do you know my dad?”
The question lands a little off-balance, but you manage, “A long time. Since we were kids. I know Dr. Noah, too.”
She accepts this like a scholar collecting facts. Then, eyes sharper now:
“Do you have Evol?”
Zayne stiffens slightly across the room — not visibly. But you feel it.
“I do,” you say carefully.
“What kind?”
You hesitate. “It’s… not specific. Not like most. Mine adapts. It changes. Depending on the environment. Or the people around me.”
“Like resonance?”
You blink. “Yes. Exactly.”
She lights up, bouncing slightly. “Me too! Papa says it’s rare. He showed me how to make cold. Like little pockets. And seals.”
“Seals?”
She nods furiously, then jumps down from her chair. “Wait here!”
Before you can stop her, she’s gone — the soft thud of her feet disappearing down the hall. You sit in the quiet that follows. Your hands wrapped too tightly around your mug. Zayne still hasn’t spoken. Still hasn’t looked at you.
When she returns, she’s holding something in both palms like it’s sacred.
A small, rounded snow seal — compact and carefully shaped, like a snowball someone almost didn’t want to sculpt. Its body is smooth but imperfect, eyes made of something dark and glossy. It glitters faintly in her palms, but doesn’t melt.
“I made this yesterday,” she says shyly. “You can have it.”
You reach for it. And your hands tremble.
It’s identical. Not just similar — identical. To the one tucked away in a drawer you haven’t opened in years. A smooth, delicate snow seal. The first thing Zayne ever made for you, after that accidental dinner — back when things between you were still uncertain. Still unspoken. And you were trying, very hard, not to fall in love with him.
You stare at her. Then at the seal. Then at him. He’s watching you now. Not guarded. Not indifferent. Guilty.
The thought doesn’t land — it detonates. You can’t breathe.
You stand suddenly. The chair scrapes too loud against the floor. The seal trembles in your hand.
“I have to go,” you say, voice too tight.
“Wait —” Zayne takes a half-step forward, almost like he wants to explain something. But he doesn’t. He never does.
His face falters, just once — an expression you’ve never seen on him. Unspoken. Unnamed. But unmistakably wrong.
You shake your head. “Don’t.”
You don’t know what he was going to say, but you know you wouldn’t survive hearing it. You pull on your coat. Your hands don’t quite work. The zipper catches. You don’t look at him. Or her.
You leave. You leave fast.
The seal stays in your pocket, burning cold against your thigh. And the thought won’t leave you alone — she has your eyes. Not just the color. The shape. The center. The way they narrow when something doesn’t make sense.
You breathe until your chest aches — deeper, faster, like you’re trying to outrun something curling under your ribs. But the thought stays: What if she isn’t like you? What if she is you?
You don’t remember deciding to leave the house.
At some point, your body just moved. One boot. Then the other. Coat half-zipped. Hat forgotten. Gloves in your pocket but not on your hands.
The door behind you closed with a soft latch, and no one stopped you. Maybe they didn’t see. Maybe they didn’t want to.
It’s noon when you start walking.
The streets are half-cleared. Locals move like shadows between wood-framed cafés and ski rentals, their faces red, layered, laughing. You hate the sound. You hate how it makes you feel like you’re the only person in the whole damn town who’s bleeding internally and pretending it’s just the weather.
You drift from block to block without direction. Your breath fogs like smoke. You pass a group of tourists taking photos of the northern lights that have lingered since morning — low, green ribbons against a dim sky. They’re beautiful. You want to scream.
The seal is still in your coat pocket. You touched it once. Didn’t look. Didn’t dare.
You’ve been unraveling since morning. No, before that.
Since the girl smiled at you like she knew you. Since Zayne’s eyes refused to meet yours when your hands shook. Since you saw her eyes — your eyes — looking out from someone else’s face.
You want to scream again. You want to sleep for a year. You want to claw your way out of this body and this life and these feelings you tried so goddamn hard not to keep.
By afternoon, the clouds thicken. The wind picks up. You realize — vaguely, distantly — that you haven’t eaten. Your fingers are numb when you finally reach the base of the lift. It’s closed for the day. The town has shut down early. Weather advisory.
A bored attendant is locking the gate. “Slopes are off-limits,” he says. “Storm’s rolling in.”
You nod, smile thinly, and turn back like a good citizen. But you don’t leave. You wait.
You wait until he disappears back into the office. Until no one’s watching. Then — like it’s nothing — you climb over the fence and start walking up the service trail. Skis abandoned at the side rack. Rental. Yours now.
You don’t know what you’re doing. You just know you need to get higher.
Need to outrun the noise in your head — the thudding, rising, tightening thought that something isn’t adding up. That maybe it already added up and you’re just too afraid to see the sum.
That child. That seal. Those eyes. That look on Zayne’s face like he owed you something and didn’t know how to pay.
You reach the crest of the slope as the sky turns the color of a fresh bruise — deep violet, heavy with snow.
The wind howls. And still — you don’t turn back. You clip into the skis with fingers stiff and shaking. The trail beneath you is untouched. No tracks. No sound.
Just you. And the storm. You push off.
Zayne waits until the girl arrives — Noah’s niece, the one with calm hands and a patient voice, the one you mistook for something she wasn’t. She greets him with a warm smile and a quick update: oatmeal was eaten, hot chocolate spilled, the child is brushing her teeth. He nods, hands her a list with quiet instructions, then pulls on his coat without a word.
He tries your hotel first. The front desk confirms what he feared — no sign of you since morning. Your room untouched. Key not returned.
Something in his chest shifts.
He checks the ridge path. Nothing. The café. The overlook. Still nothing. His movements are methodical — too calm. It’s not control. It’s containment. If he slows down, even for a second, something in him will crack.
And then — near the rental stand — he finds it.
A glove. Dropped. Half-buried in snow, already stiff. He picks it up, turns it over. Recognizes the tear at the seam. Yours.
He asks the attendant without raising his voice.
Did anyone come through this afternoon? Alone? Female. Dark coat. Grey hat.
The man squints. "Yeah. Kinda reckless. Took off before I could stop her. Trail’s closed. She climb the ridge?”
Zayne doesn’t answer. His eyes have already locked on the faint trail of ski tracks, just visible past the fence. The wind’s been at them, but not enough to hide them completely.
He doesn’t ask to borrow the gear.
He takes the skis, the poles. The boots he forces on with too much pressure, and when the attendant stammers something about policy, Zayne pulls out his wallet and empties it. A week’s wages in a handful of bills.
“Keep it,” he says flatly. “If I don’t come back, file a report.”
Then he moves.
The snow is heavier now. The light fractured and thick. The trail beneath him vanishes in places, reappearing in erratic, uncertain intervals.
Zayne cuts across the slope with practiced economy — no hesitation, no excess motion. Just angles, just speed. His breath steady, heart loud in his throat.
He tells himself he isn’t afraid. He doesn’t allow that.
But every time the wind screams through the trees, he hears your name in it.
You shouldn’t be out here. Not alone. Not after what your body’s already been through. The last time he saw your vitals, they told him you were compensating — tightly, dangerously. He knows how you move. How far you can push. And how far you go past that, every time.
You’ve always mistaken endurance for strength. Always carried pain like it was proof of something noble.
He hated you for that once. He thinks, maybe, he still does. But it doesn’t stop him.
Then he sees it.
Two skis. Sticking upright from a drift.
And his body stops moving before his mind does. He’s off his own skis in seconds. Ripping off gloves. Digging.
He calls your name once. Quietly. Pointlessly.
The snow is deep. Heavy. He can’t move fast enough.
His fingers spark, and he lets his Evol loose — concentrated cold that carves through the snow in clean, precise arcs, exposing the shape beneath. A coat. A shoulder. A hand.
You’re there. Unconscious.
Face pale. Skin far too cold. But breathing. Your mouth parts in slow, shallow rhythm. The line of your pulse is barely visible in your throat.
He checks your pupils. Taps your cheek. You don’t stir.
Zayne exhales — not relief. Not yet. Just... air.
He pulls off his coat. Wraps it around you. Scarf next. Then his gloves. He doesn’t think. Just works. Every layer he has, onto you. Your pulse is slow, but consistent. Fingers pinkening. No slurring at the mouth, no skin rupture. Early-stage exposure. You’ll feel it later — pain like fire. But you’ll live.
You’ll live. You’ll live.
He cradles you upright, gathering your limbs in careful precision.
Turning back isn’t an option. The trail’s too steep, visibility falling. Wind rising.
But he remembers.
Three miles east. Maybe a little more. Tree line drops. Cabin near the base. Old ranger post. No electricity, but shelter. Wood. He’d seen it once, riding out on the snowmobile. Just a marker in the cold. Never thought he’d need it for real.
He adjusts your weight. Lifts you fully.
You don’t stir.
The snow stings his face like glass. He takes one step forward.
Then another. And another. And another…
Every muscle is screaming. But he doesn't stop.
Not even when the storm closes around you like a fist. Not even when his legs buckle slightly under the weight of you. Not even when he has to bite down on the inside of his cheek to stay upright.
Because this — this is the only direction that exists.
This is the cost of silence. This is the body he still remembers carrying once before. This is everything he couldn’t say compressed into the weight of you against his chest.
You open your eyes when the spoon touches your lips.
It’s not a dream, though your vision is still clouded. There’s something herbal and scalding and sharp on your tongue, and the taste cuts through the fog like citrus through smoke. You swallow reflexively.
The light around you is amber and low. Firelight.
There’s a crackle to your left — the sound of wood shifting in a stone hearth. You realize you’re lying on something soft, uneven. Furs. Blankets. The floor is warm beneath your back, too warm for snow.
Everything aches.
But it’s the hands you feel first. One bracing the back of your head, the other steadying the cup.
Zayne.
He’s kneeling beside you, his face cast in that flickering glow, brow furrowed but calm. He always looks calm. Even when he's breaking.
“Easy,” he murmurs, the same tone he uses with terrified patients. “One more sip.”
Your throat is raw when you speak. “Zayne…”
It comes out as a croak. Foreign. Barely yours.
His hand shifts, adjusting your weight. “You're okay,” he says. “You're safe. Just drink.”
You blink again, harder now. The room begins to resolve.
Rough-hewn walls. Low beams. A wooden table covered in old gear and folded wool. Two chairs. A rack of kindling. The window rattles in its frame, wind clawing at the glass.
You’re in a cabin.
The middle of nowhere. Snow hammering against the dark.
“I found you on the south slope,” he says. “Passed out. Cold to the core.” His voice stays even. “You should’ve been dead.”
You don’t respond. Not with words.
Your body is still catching up to the idea that it hasn’t been left behind.
“I need to get you warmer,” he says. “You’re not shivering anymore. That’s bad.”
You start to sit up. He stops you with a touch. His fingers are cold too — not numb, but close. You can feel the tremor under his restraint.
“You need to strip,” he says. “Your clothes are soaked. You won’t retain heat like this.”
You want to argue. Your brain wants to rebel. But your body betrays you — you’re shaking now, from the inside, from the marrow.
“I’ll help,” he says, already undoing the clasps at your coat.
You let him.
There’s no shame in the gesture. Only efficiency. Only silence.
He peels your clothes back layer by layer — coat, sweater, base layer — each one discarded near the fire. He’s methodical, but his fingers stumble once at the side of your ribs. You don’t flinch. Neither does he.
When he’s done, he does the same to himself. His hands are slower now. He’s soaked too. You see it in the way his shirt clings, the way his skin is flushed in patches, raw in others.
He says nothing. Neither do you.
The wind screams outside.
Then he lifts the furs. Slides in beside you.
Everything feels... detached. Like you’re still behind glass, still half-buried in snow. His body is there — you know that — but your skin won’t admit it yet. Cold lives in the marrow. It doesn’t release easily.
He doesn’t ask when he pulls you closer. Doesn’t explain as he hooks one leg over yours, his thigh anchoring you with clinical precision. Contact — pure and total. Every inch of skin aligned.
It’s about warmth. Nothing more.
You believe that. For now.
Your foot finds his under the covers. Slides along the ridge of his shin, searching. You lay your hands on his chest. Flat, tentative. He takes them in his — large, too cold — and brings them to his mouth. Breathes. Warms them with both palms, slowly rubbing life back into your fingers.
And then — you begin to shake.
Violently. But not only from the cold.
He starts to rub your back. Brisk. Practical. Hands flat, pressure deliberate. Not tender. Not yet. Just enough to pull you back into your body.
You respond without meaning to. You press against him — again, just for heat. That’s all. Your hands move instinctively, over his shoulders, his throat, lower. You start to trace the vertebrae at the center of his back.
Just to ground yourself. Just to hold on.
Your breasts are against his chest. Your nipples — hard to the point of pain — brush bone and breath.
He shudders.
From the cold? You don’t ask.
Because you’re no longer cold. Not really. But you’re not warm either. There’s only this flicker — a kindling at the base of your spine.
Not desire. Not yet. But something trying to become it.
His hand moves to your hair, finds the elastic, slides it free. Fingers comb through the strands, rough, reverent. His palm cups the back of your skull. Massages gently. The tension spills from your scalp like something breaking.
You make a sound — quiet, involuntary.
Your breath lands against his throat, hot, uneven.
He stills.
Then he shifts your face upward, thumb beneath your jaw. Not rough. Not asking. Just guiding. Until your eyes lock.
His gaze — green, always green — reflects the firelight in flickers. Cold forest. Flickering coals.
You can’t look away. You let him all the way in. Because he remembers the way. Because your walls were never walls with him — only doors you forgot how to close.
His voice is low, at your mouth: “You have no sense of self-preservation.”
You whisper back, “I forgot how to feel anything.”
Your throat tightens. “My heart’s been a shard of ice for years.”
He doesn’t blink. Doesn’t soften.
“You didn’t even leave me that,” he murmurs. “Only the empty space where it used to be.”
“Zayne, I —”
But he hushes you, barely a breath. “Don’t speak. Not now. If we don’t warm up, we won’t make it to morning.”
“Then warm me,” you breathe.
Something in him breaks then — quietly.
His arms tighten around you. No hesitation. His fingers dig into your skin with bruising honesty. You feel it — the pressure, the edge, the claim — and it’s the first time pain feels like presence.
You welcome it.
“Harder,” you whisper. “Don’t hold anything back. Just… not now.”
He doesn’t.
In one breathless motion, he flips you onto your back — his body covering yours entirely, anchoring you to the furs and the warmth and the terrible, steady thud of his pulse.
He hovers over you, braced on his elbows, the lines of his frame drawn taut above yours. For a moment, he doesn’t move. Doesn’t touch. Just studies your face like a map he’s not sure he has the right to read.
It’s not hesitation. It’s a final warning.
But your body has remembered how to feel again. Heat has bloomed across your skin — from your neck to your cheeks, now flushed and electric — then lower, spiraling into your belly, blooming with a weight that has nothing to do with cold.
He leans in, and his lips graze the pulse at your throat. Light. Measured. Then lower — the slope of your collarbone, the hollow of your shoulder — his breath leaving heat where ice had lived.
When he speaks, it’s soft. Directive. “Hold me tighter.”
Not a plea. Not an invitation. An order. The doctor, still.
You obey.
Your legs curl around his waist, locking him in place. Your arms wrap across his back, palms flattening against tense muscle, nails dragging instinctively down the blades of his shoulder, then lower — to his waist, the arc of his hips.
Your skin sings where he touches you.
His body over yours is no longer just weight — it’s voltage. It cracks through the ache and the shame and the frost, down to the deepest, most feral part of you that only ever belonged to him.
You dig your fingers into the curve of him — familiar, lost, found again too fast. Too desperately.
And still, he doesn’t kiss you.
You want him to. God, you want him to. You want the taste of his mouth. You want to remember what it felt like when kissing him made the world disappear.
But he doesn’t give you that. Because that would make this real.
Too real.
And you’re both still pretending this is about the cold. About survival. About anything but what it is.
So instead, he moves lower — mouth against your throat, fingers tightening at your waist, and your whole body arches up to meet him, wanting more, needing more, aching toward the inevitable.
And still — no lips on yours. Still that one small distance held like a line neither of you dares to cross.
His hand slides lower. Fingers between your thighs, slow and certain — finding you already wet, already aching. His touch is careful at first. A question. A warning.
Then he moves — stroking, circling, teasing — and you arch, sharp and sudden, breath caught on the edge of a moan.
Your hands clutch at his back, your hips rising to meet him, the last of your resistance dissolved into heat and want and memory.
“Zayne,” you whisper, voice broken and close to prayer. “Please. I need you now.”
Your lips brush his ear. The words land soft, but strike hard.
He doesn’t answer. Just shifts — deliberate, sure — as his knee presses yours open wider, as his body finally, finally finds yours.
The first moment of him inside you is too much and not enough. A slow, deliberate stretch. He’s holding back — you feel it. Every inch a battle between restraint and collapse.
When you are completely joined, your eyes fly open. So do his.
You both stop.
Breathless. Still. Time folds in on itself.
It feels like the first time. Like a dream pulled too close to waking. Like you’ve spent years underwater and have just now broken the surface.
He begins to move. Barely. Slow. Torturous. Deep.
And you watch him. Because this is the moment you see it — his detachment cracking, his control unraveling. Each movement chips away another piece.
Then his hands seize your hips harder, pulling you closer, holding you down as he thrusts deeper, faster — no longer gentle. His mouth finds your shoulder, your throat. His teeth graze your skin, just shy of pain.
You match him.
Your legs wrap around his back. Your hips rise to meet every stroke, faster, harder. Sweat beads at his temple. A low sound slips from his throat — one you’ve never heard before, and never want to forget.
You’re not cold anymore.
There’s heat building in your belly, pulsing, tightening. Each movement pushes you closer to something unbearable.
You can’t stay quiet. You don’t want to.
Your moans rise with the rhythm, faster, sharper, and when he angles just right, when his name leaves your mouth like a gasp turned to flame —
“Zayne — !”
The world shatters.
Pleasure crashes through you in waves — violent, relentless. You bite down on his shoulder, legs trembling, body clenching tight around him.
He groans — low and guttural — and flips you both, pulling you on top of him, still joined, still inside you.
You collapse against his chest, panting, ruined.
Your thighs still locked around his hips. Your pulse frantic. His heartbeat thunderous beneath your cheek.
You don’t move. Neither does he.
And in that stillness, something settles. Not comfort. Not safety.
But the truth of it: he’s not indifferent. Not detached. Not after all this time.
He still holds you like he remembers how you once broke apart beneath his hands — and how you came back, not even realizing it was for him.
The sound of his heartbeat, and the low, steady howl of the wind outside, lulled you eventually. Your body relaxed — finally — into sleep. But it wasn’t rest. Just disjointed images: whiteness, blurred edges, something aching and incomplete. A dream without a shape, just cold and distance and something you couldn’t reach.
When you woke, he was gone.
You were still wrapped in the weight of layered furs, tucked with clinical precision, your body cocooned like something fragile. You could still feel him on your skin — the imprint of his hands, the echo of his breath.
“Zayne?” you rasped, your throat dry and raw.
His voice came from somewhere behind the fire. “I’m here.”
A second later he emerged, bare-chested beneath a heavy wool throw slung over one shoulder like a makeshift toga. He held a steaming mug in both hands.
“How do you feel?” he asked. “Headache? Nausea?”
“I’m fine.” You sat up, pulling the blanket to your chest. He handed you the tea. You took it without meeting his eyes.
That ridiculous throw was the only thing he’d bothered with — aside from the wool socks. And now that you noticed, the matching pair was on your feet too.
Your clothes hung near the fire, dripping onto the wooden floor in slow, defeated rhythms.
It was still dark outside. The blizzard had dulled to a whisper, snow tapping now instead of screaming. The only other sound was the slow collapse of wood in the hearth.
“Everything should be dry by midday,” he said evenly, eyes fixed on yours — calm, too calm. Doctor-Zayne calm. “Once it is, I’ll hike to the base. Should only take a few hours. I’ll bring back a snowmobile.”
“I can walk,” you muttered, wrapping the furs tighter.
“No,” he said flatly. “You’re one sneeze away from pneumonia.”
You sneezed.
Took a sip to hide it. The tea was bitter and hot and exactly what your throat needed. It didn’t help your pride.
He watched you for a long beat. Then, carefully:
“Tell me what possessed you to take the slope in a storm. Especially considering you’ve never been a particularly good skier.”
There was no judgment in his voice. That’s what made it worse.
You turned your head, eyes fixed on the fire. You didn’t want to talk about his daughter. You didn’t want to ask. Not while your body still remembered his breath on your neck. Not while your thighs still ached from being wrapped around him.
“You could’ve died,” he said. Softer now. There was a tremble, just barely.
“It’s not the first time,” you replied. Dry. Flat. “I didn’t ask you to follow me.”
His silence was sharp.
Then: “What does that mean?”
You shrugged. Shrugging was easier than explaining. Shrugging let you pretend this wasn’t tearing you open in layers.
His spine straightened. You knew that posture. You’d seen it in surgery. In argument. In loss.
“You think I wouldn’t care?”
“Do you?”
Still silence.
“Do you think it wouldn’t matter to me if you didn’t come back?” His voice was harder now — not loud, but precise. Measured like a scalpel.
You met his eyes, finally. “Do you care as my doctor? Or as Zayne?”
He stepped forward, just enough to catch the light on his face.
“Both.”
The word dropped between you like a stone.
“I deserve answers,” he said, tone cooling. “You’ve had seven years of silence. You don’t get to keep hiding.”
You flinched. “I’m not a puzzle for you to solve.”
“You’re not a stranger either.”
Your jaw clenched. “I have the right not to explain myself.”
“And I have the right to ask,” he said, his voice suddenly sharper — controlled, but frayed at the edges.
You looked at him then. Really looked.
He wasn’t the man you left behind. He wasn’t even the man you remembered.
His face was sharper now. Carved from something colder. His beauty had always been precise, but now it was almost inhuman — every emotion hidden behind faultless structure. The lines of him harder. His silence heavier.
He looked like someone who had survived something quietly. Someone who had burned and chosen to freeze instead.
And suddenly you wondered if he was asking because he was angry — or because he was afraid the answer would ruin him.
You set the cup down and rubbed your forehead — the gesture unconscious, familiar. The kind of motion you only made when faced with something unpleasant that required a decision.
You didn’t want to do this sitting. It made you feel small, like the version of yourself you’d spent the last seven years trying to grow out of.
So you rose, pulling the furs around you tightly, dragging their weight like a second skin, and stepped closer to the fire. You didn’t look at him. You couldn’t. You stared at the flames instead — at the way the heat licked the logs and flared in quiet, devouring patterns.
Your palm stretched toward the warmth. The skin was hot, but inside you still felt the cold — like your bones had absorbed it, like it had settled somewhere marrow-deep.
A tremor passed through you.
“I’m not eager to dig up the past,” you said softly, the words barely louder than the crackle of the fire. “But I imagine you’re owed some kind of answer. Maybe I’ll even admit now that leaving the way I did was reckless. But at the time, I wasn’t thinking. I was reacting. Instinct, not intention.”
He said nothing. You kept your eyes on the fire.
“I’m actually surprised you didn’t put it together yourself,” you added. “But if you want me to say it out loud, then fine. I left because you fell in love with someone else. Because you cheated on me.”
Silence. And then —
“Excuse me?”
Zayne’s voice snapped across the space like the crack of a snapped branch. Not loud — but edged with something so sharp and disbelieving that it startled you into turning.
His face was a picture of stunned clarity. Not guilt. Not evasion.
Shock.
You’d seen Zayne process grief. Rage. Even loss. But not this.
“I can assure you,” he said with that same cold precision, “neither of those things ever happened. But by all means, continue. I’d love to know what led you to such an absurd conclusion.”
Your breath caught. He wasn’t lying.
He never had been good at lying — not even white lies, not even to protect someone. If you’d asked him then, directly, all those years ago… He would’ve told you the truth.
No matter what it was.
But you hadn’t asked.
“Do you remember Caroline?” you said, voice thinner now. “Dr. Sharp, I think. She came to town for the fellowship project. You spent over a month working side-by-side. You were gone every night, back after midnight, gone before I woke. We barely saw each other.”
“That project was critical,” he said quietly. “And yes. I’ve often wondered if that’s what it was. That I didn’t make enough space for you.”
You laughed, but there was no humor in it.
“I wouldn’t have left over time or distance,” you said. “That’s not me. Worst case, I would’ve had a meltdown. I would’ve yelled. Slammed doors. But what got under my skin… what stayed…”
You swallowed.
“We had dinner. All of us. One night. I watched the way she looked at you. The way she touched your hand like it was second nature. And the way you didn’t flinch. You were relaxed. Easy. Like she belonged next to you.”
He was quiet for a long beat. Then, lower: “She was my closest friend. For years.”
Was.
You didn’t miss the tense. Something final in it.
“I spiraled,” you admitted, voice cracking. “I started imagining things. Inventing whole conversations you never had. And then —” you drew in a breath, “— you were in the shower. And your phone lit up. I shouldn’t have looked. I know that. But I did.”
His face didn’t move.
“She texted you. Something about… a kiss. I couldn’t unlock it, couldn’t read the rest. But I didn’t need to. That was enough.”
Your words hung between you like ash.
When you finally met his eyes, what you saw there wasn’t the same fire as before. It was rage now. Cold. Controlled. Ancient.
He didn’t speak. But his hands were clenched at his sides, the tendons tight. Not shaking. Just contained.
And that, more than anything, frightened you.
Finally, Zayne found his voice again. When he spoke, it was quieter — colder. Like he was holding himself together with wire.
“She kissed me,” he said. “I didn’t kiss her back. I asked her to leave. I never saw her again. End of story.”
You opened your mouth, but —
He raised a hand. “No. Don’t.”
You froze.
“Let’s summarize, shall we?” he said, and his tone was so steady it hurt. “You accepted my proposal. We were making plans. Booking venues. Looking at rings.”
He took a step toward you.
You stepped back. The fire was too close now — too hot. Your skin prickled.
“And then,” he continued, “you disappeared. No warning. No explanation. No note. Nothing. Just… gone.”
His eyes were locked on yours. And you’d never seen him like this — not in battle, not in chaos, not even in the quiet moments when he looked like he might finally break.
“You vanished because of a kiss that never happened. Because you saw something you didn’t understand. Because you didn’t ask.”
The silence that followed was thunderous.
“I searched for you,” he said. “Do you know that?”
He didn’t wait for an answer.
“I looked in every city I thought you might go. Called hospitals. Asked colleagues. Filed missing persons reports in seven countries. I didn’t sleep for weeks. I had to be pulled off rotation because my hands wouldn’t stop shaking.”
Your breath hitched.
His voice was breaking now — not loud, not emotional. Just… broken. Controlled devastation.
“I thought you were dead.”
He let that hang there.
“I imagined you in rivers. In morgues. I dreamed it. Night after night. And every time the phone rang, I hoped it was you. I hoped you’d changed your mind. That it was all just a mistake, or a test, or a nightmare.”
Another step closer. His face was inches from yours now.
“And then at some point,” he said, voice dropping to a whisper, “I had to stop hoping. Because hoping was killing me.”
Your knees almost gave out.
“And now you stand here,” he went on, “telling me you left because you were jealous of a woman who meant nothing. Because you couldn’t bear to ask me a question I would’ve answered in one breath.”
His mouth twisted, just slightly — a flicker of something savage behind the calm.
“That’s not heartbreak. That’s cowardice.”
You said nothing. There was nothing to say.
His eyes didn’t soften. “I would’ve forgiven almost anything. A betrayal. A lie. Hell, even if you had loved someone else.”
A beat.
“But I don’t know how to forgive being erased.”
The final word landed like a gavel.
You looked at him — the man you loved, the man who once memorized the rhythm of your breath in sleep — and you didn’t see a stranger.
You saw someone who had carried your absence like a scar he didn’t let heal.
And now he was bleeding in front of you. But the blood wasn’t red. It was ice.
It came slowly. Too slowly.
Like thaw in the deepest part of winter — not warmth, but the ache that comes with returning sensation.
You’d spent so long clinging to the version of events you built inside your own head — a brittle, pathetic mythology — that you hadn’t once thought to challenge it.
You’d believed he betrayed you. And carried that lie like a wound for seven years. You let it harden inside you, let it dictate the terms of your survival.
You cried for him. Night after night, in rooms that never felt like home. Until you convinced yourself he had moved on. Married. Loved again. Raised someone else’s child in the light of a future that was supposed to be yours.
You tried to fill the space he left. But nothing fit.
And now that you knew the truth —
There was no relief. Only horror.
It crashed over you all at once — a cold so deep it numbed thought. Your throat tightened. You couldn’t speak. Could barely breathe.
It was like being buried again — not under snow this time, but under the weight of your own choices. The grief of what you did, of what you undid.
“Zayne…” you managed. “I— I made a mistake.”
He laughed.
Not loud. Not cruel. But sharp. Icy. Surgical.
“A mistake,” he repeated, voice dry as ash. “Of course.”
He took a slow step toward you, his expression unreadable, his tone too calm to be safe.
“Just a minor lapse in judgment. Nothing serious. Nothing irreversible.”
You flinched.
“Just —” he continued, tilting his head slightly, as if mocking even his own patience, “— disappearing without a trace. Letting me believe you were dead. Watching me lose everything. My sleep. My mind. My future.”
His gaze pinned you. “But hey. Who hasn’t made that kind of mistake?”
“Don’t say it like that —”
“What? Like it’s nothing?” His smile was thin, brittle. “Like it’s not the single most devastating thing anyone’s ever done to me?”
Your breath caught.
“You want me to be kind, is that it? After seven years of silence, you want — what? Mercy? Grace?” He gave a small, mirthless laugh. “I’m sorry. I seem to have misplaced those somewhere around year two.”
You closed your eyes, shaking. “Please, Zayne…”
He didn’t move.
“You want me to say I understand?” he asked. “That I forgive you?”
You didn’t answer.
He leaned in, just slightly.
“You didn’t just leave,” he said. “You rewrote me. You made me the villain in a story I didn’t even know I was in.”
That was when something inside you cracked.
Your fists clenched at your sides, breath coming short. Rage rising not at him — not fully — but at yourself, and at him, and at everything you didn’t understand and didn’t ask and didn’t say.
And then you said it. Low, sharp, shaking.
“Oh, and what about you, Zayne?”
His brows lifted, almost imperceptibly.
“Let’s talk about you and your daughter.”
A flicker. Barely visible. A shift in the air.
You stepped closer. Voice rising.
“Let’s talk about why the hell she looks exactly like me.”
“Don’t you dare drag my daughter into this,” he said — clipped, sharp.
But his voice had shifted. You knew that tone. The one he used when he was cornered. When the truth was already rising in his throat, demanding release.
And that gave you strength.
You stepped forward, jabbing a finger into his chest.
“Oh, no. Not this time.” Your voice was shaking. Not from fear. From fury. “You don’t get to bury this under silence.”
He didn’t move.
“Why does she have my eyes, Zayne?” Your voice rose. “Why does she and I share the same Evol signature? Why do I look at her and feel —” You choked, breath catching. “— nothing, when I should’ve felt everything?”
He met your gaze without flinching.
“She has nothing to do with you.”
That was the lie that broke you.
“Zayne!”
You almost screamed it. And finally — finally — he answered.
“I created her,” he said.
Each word landed like a fracture.
“I created her from the only part of you I had left. I broke every protocol, every ethical law, every barrier between grief and madness. I did it knowing exactly what it was. A moment of desperation. Of agony. Of self-destruction. Call it what you want.”
His voice trembled once, barely. Then steeled again.
“But once she existed — she was alive. And I was responsible.”
You couldn’t breathe.
It all clicked into place, hideously fast.
There had been a time — after a fight, after a wound — a battle that had torn more than just your skin. The damage to your abdomen had been bad. Serious enough that your fertility came into question. And so, in a haze of pain and fear and future-thinking, you and Zayne had made a decision.
You’d frozen your eggs. Just in case. Just in case there was ever time for life.
And then you vanished. And he —
Your knees gave out.
Because it wasn’t just theory now. It wasn’t data in a file. It wasn’t a long-ago clinic visit or a box ticked on a form.
It was her.
Your daughter.
A child you hadn’t known you’d had. Who’d taken her first breath, first steps, spoken her first word — all without you. A child whose face you’d looked into and seen nothing but unfamiliarity.
Because the thread between you was never tied.
Your vision blurred. Your hands clenched. And then, with a clarity that burned through the haze, you lifted your arm and slapped him.
Hard.
His head turned with the force of it.
But he didn’t step back. Didn’t retaliate. Just stood there, breathing. Something behind his eyes shifted — regret, maybe. Or something darker. Disappointment.
You didn’t care.
“You had no right,” you whispered.
“I know,” he said, just as quietly. “But we can’t unmake what we did.”
Your legs were shaking. Your body had stopped regulating heat again — not from trauma, but from exhaustion. The flu or something close to it now tightening your throat, buzzing behind your eyes.
You didn’t speak again.
You just turned. Pulled the furs around your body. Curled up on the floor, facing away.
Everything inside you was vibrating. Screaming. And still — you didn’t make a sound.
Behind you, you heard him move. A step, maybe two. The start of a word, maybe a breath.
But then — silence.
The kind that didn’t soothe. The kind that hollowed.
You drifted in and out of a fevered half-sleep, somewhere between dreaming and remembering, while the sun crept higher in the sky.
You weren’t fully conscious, but you knew he was there.
You felt his hand on your forehead now and then — clinical, measuring. You remembered being lifted just enough to drink something warm, bitter. His arm braced behind your shoulders. His voice low, instructing, coaxing.
You remembered his arms around you when the shivering got worse.
Not tender. Not romantic. Just practical.
Because you were freezing. And he wasn’t going to let you freeze alone.
He didn’t crawl beneath the furs again. But he lay beside you, fully dressed, silent, a barrier against the cold.
Even now — after all the damage, all the wounds neither of you could cauterize — he still gave what little warmth he had left.
When your eyes opened again, the room had changed. The light was golden, brighter. Fire still burned in the hearth, lower now. The air felt clearer.
You tried to sit up too fast. A hand pressed gently against your shoulder, stopping you.
Zayne.
His face above yours — alert, shadowed by worry, but composed.
You looked at him, and what surprised you most was the stillness inside yourself. Not peace. Not comfort. Just… an absence of fight. A numb kind of calm.
It wasn’t forgiveness. And it wasn’t closure. It was the breath after the collapse.
“How long was I asleep?” you asked, or tried to — the sound barely made it out.
Your voice cracked, nearly gone. You reached for your throat.
He shook his head once. “Don’t talk.”
No gentleness. Just clarity.
“About six hours,” he said. “It’s nearly noon. The fever’s dropped. Your clothes are dry.”
You noticed now — he was fully dressed. Jacket zipped, gloves on, boots laced tight. Efficient. Ready.
“I need to hike out,” he said, crouching beside you. “Snowmobile station’s a few miles. I’ll be back within two hours.”
You didn’t answer. Just watched him — the way his brows stayed furrowed, the way his jaw kept clenching and unclenching like there was something in his mouth he didn’t trust himself to say.
Then he reached for your hand. His palm was warm. Solid.
“Listen to me,” he said. “We’ll talk. Properly. We’ll get to all of it. But right now — I need to know that you’re not going to do something reckless while I’m gone.”
You didn’t grip his hand. But you didn’t pull away either. Your fingers just rested in his — a neutral stillness that said not yet, but also not no.
“I promise,” you whispered.
Zayne lingered for half a second more. Then he did something you didn’t expect. He brought your hand to his mouth. Touched his lips to the tips of your fingers. Barely there.
And then he stood. Crossed the room and walked out into the snow.
The door closed behind him with a clean, final click. And you were alone.
But this time, not entirely lost.
Four hours later, Zayne was carrying you back through the doorway of Dr. Noah’s house.
The fever had returned somewhere on the snowmobile ride down. Your skin burned, and the world had begun to tilt. By the time he stepped through the threshold, your voice was gone again.
He didn’t speak. Just moved with quiet certainty.
Helped you out of your damp clothes. Pulled a fleece pajama set from the linen closet — a pale blue thing that smelled faintly of cedar — and dressed you with swift efficiency. You didn’t protest. Couldn’t.
He laid you down in one of the guest beds, layered with thick quilts, and disappeared only for a moment. When he returned, it was with a bag of supplies already slung over his shoulder, a prepped IV in one hand and a throat spray in the other.
Every motion was muscle memory. Smooth. Intentional. Engraved in his bones.
At one point, as he propped your head up to give you a sip of raspberry tea, your hand slipped forward, fingers closing weakly around his wrist.
“Zayne…” you rasped. “You have a fever too.”
He didn’t look at you. Just adjusted the angle of the mug.
“I’m fine,” he said.
He gathered your hair gently — fingers threading through the strands with ease — and twisted it into a loose knot, securing it with a black elastic he must’ve pulled from his pocket.
You stared at him, eyes glassy with heat and a kind of wounded awe.
He remembered.
You never liked sleeping with your hair down. He hadn’t forgotten.
He met your gaze briefly. Something flickered — not tenderness, but something heavier, older.
“I took something earlier,” he said. “But you, on the other hand, have pneumonia. So rest. You’ll feel better after the fluids.”
The next few days blurred.
You slept. Mostly.
Woke only for medicine, for slow sips of broth, for Zayne’s quiet instructions. You tried to get to the bathroom alone. Failed. Tried again. He never mocked you for it. Just kept close enough to catch you if you fell.
Sometimes he sat in the armchair across the room, reading. When you were lucid enough to focus, you asked — weakly, half-asleep:
“Read it out loud?”
He didn’t ask why. He just turned the page. Cleared his throat.
And began.
East of the Sun and West of the Moon.
His voice — calm, measured — filled the room like something remembered, not new. You watched him as he read. The cadence. The precision. The way he breathed between sentences like it mattered.
He read the whole thing. And when it ended, neither of you spoke for a long time.
It was you who finally broke the quiet.
“She breaks the rule,” you whispered. “Lights the candle. Looks at him when she wasn’t supposed to.”
Zayne rested the book on his knee, fingers still hooked between the pages.
“She ruins everything,” he said. Not accusing. Just observing.
You didn’t flinch. “And still goes after him.”
“She wouldn’t have had to, if she’d just listened.”
“She wanted to know him,” you said. “Not just love a shadow.”
He looked at you then. Something unreadable in his expression.
You swallowed, voice barely audible. “She made a mistake. A big one. And she didn’t wait for forgiveness. She fought to make it right.”
Zayne’s gaze dropped. “It was still selfish.”
“So is love,” you murmured.
The fire cracked between you — a sharp snap that echoed through the stillness.
“It’s a strange story,” you added. “The girl disobeys. The prince stays silent. They both fail. And then they both change.”
“And still find each other,” he said, finally. Quiet. Measured.
“But not the same way,” you whispered.
“No,” he agreed. “They come back different. Burned. But still… together.”
Neither of you moved. Neither of you looked away.
A week later, you felt strong enough to make it down the stairs.
The house still smelled like cedar and lemon soap, the way it always had. Dr. Noah’s niece — the woman you had once mistaken for Zayne’s wife — introduced herself properly over herbal tea and folded laundry. Her name was Marianne. She was kind. Warm in that easy, effortless way you’d never mastered.
She adored his daughter.
Your daughter.
They spent hours together — drawing, baking, building tiny snow forts that collapsed within minutes. And every time you watched them, a strange hollowness twisted in your chest.
You studied the girl constantly.
The resemblance, now that you knew, was undeniable. Your eyes. Your cheekbones. Your ridiculous inability to sit still for more than five seconds. But her hair — that inky black — was Zayne’s. And her quiet concentration when she built things from ice with pinched fingers? That was his too.
She was loud. Expressive. Curious. Always moving, always knocking something over. She danced through the house like a falling star — burning too fast, leaving marks.
And she wouldn’t leave you alone.
Every morning, she burst into your room like it was hers. Climbed up beside you. Chattered about everything — school, snow, cartoon cats, some child named Max who was apparently insufferable. And home.
God. Home.
That word stabbed deeper than anything else.
You let her talk. You smiled when you could. But you never reached for her. Never called her by name unless you had to.
You didn’t know how to feel.
Curiosity? Yes. Recognition? Slowly. Love? No. Not yet.
Maybe not ever.
And wasn’t that its own kind of crime?
You moved around her like glass. Like she might break. Or worse — you might.
Then one morning, she stopped mid-sentence. Sat very still beside you, swinging her legs.
“Are you my mommy?”
It hit like a blow.
You froze. Words caught in your throat, the reflex to deny already gathering in your chest.
But you didn’t have to say it.
Zayne appeared in the doorway. One look — that infamous stillness — and the girl backed out of the room, cheeks red, eyes wide. She closed the door softly behind her.
But not before looking at you one last time.
And you knew you’d remember that look for the rest of your life.
You couldn’t breathe.
“I’ll talk to her,” Zayne said, not looking at you. “Make sure she doesn’t bother you again.”
Then — practical, brisk, clinical: “Your labs are stable. Lungs are clear. I scheduled a follow-up ultrasound downtown. As for your heart —”
“Stop.” Your voice cracked. “Just stop.”
You pulled your knees up to your chest, wrapped your arms around them, and began to rock. A motion you didn’t recognize in yourself. Uncontrolled. Unmoored.
“I can’t do this,” you whispered. “I can’t.”
Zayne dropped to his haunches beside you. His hand settled on your knee.
“What was I supposed to say to her?” Your voice was rising now, frantic. “What am I even supposed to feel? I didn’t carry her. I didn’t raise her. I didn’t know she existed. She’s mine but not mine.”
You were trembling now.
“She has my DNA, but I’m not her mother. I’m a stranger. What am I supposed to do with that?”
Zayne didn’t speak. Just stayed there. Then — slowly — his hand slid away from your leg, and he bowed his head, pressing his palms to his face.
He stayed like that for a long time.
And when he finally spoke, his voice was hoarse, uneven.
“Every day,” he said, “I live knowing I did something beautiful and unforgivable at the same time.”
You didn’t move.
“I carry the guilt in every breath,” he said. “But I’d do it again. I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world. Not my career. Not my name. Not even forgiveness.”
He looked up at you then.
“If you want to file a complaint,” he said, voice steadying, “if you want to take my license, ruin me — do it. I won’t fight. I’ll take it.”
“But I won’t ever be sorry she exists.”
Your mouth opened. But no words came.
Because something inside you had begun to thaw — not into love, not yet — but into something uglier.
Jealousy.
Jealousy of your own child.
Of how easily she clung to him. Of how naturally he held her. Of the years they’d had.
Without you.
The thought disgusted you. You wanted to slap yourself for even thinking it. You wanted to vanish again, just to avoid what that meant.
But it was there. And it was real.
“What kind of monster do you think I am, Zayne?” you asked, your voice raw, barely more than breath. “You think I came here to file reports? Tear your life apart on principle?”
He didn’t look away. Didn’t flinch.
“You already did that once,” he said, flatly.
You closed your eyes.
“Let’s not start listing sins,” you whispered. “We’ll be here until spring.”
Silence.
You exhaled slowly. “Yes. I left. And not just your life — I detonated my own. There’s no version of this where I walk away clean.”
You glanced toward the door, where her laughter had echoed just minutes ago.
“And if there’s a tiny version of me running through this house, it’s not just your doing. I lit the first match. I made the first cut. Maybe this is the price. The life that formed in the crater we made.”
Zayne turned, finally. Met your eyes.
There were no tears on your face. There hadn’t been for days. But in your chest, you were drowning. He knew it. He saw it.
“I don’t have an answer,” you said. “I don’t know how to stay. And I don’t feel like I have the right to leave. This —” your voice caught, “— this little family of yours… I’m not part of it. I’m just the fracture everything grew around.”
He didn’t argue. He didn’t reach for you.
He just studied your face for a long time, then said, “I can’t choose for you.”
A pause. And then —
“But if you decide to stay… even just to be near her, or me, or neither — on your own terms — then I won’t stop you.”
His voice was steady, but something caught in his throat at the end. Like he almost said more. Like he almost crossed a line that neither of you were ready to touch.
You nodded. You understood.
The door had opened.
Just a little.
And it would’ve been easier, if it were only him. If all you had to do was unlearn the years of distance, relearn the way he breathed, the way he touched, the shape of his voice when he said your name.
If it were only Zayne, you could try. You would try.
But there was her.
The girl who looked like you. Who trusted too easily. Who ran through the house with joy you hadn’t earned.
And she changed everything.
Because love with him had once been fire and failure and rebuilding.
But love with her… It required something else.
Patience. Forgiveness. Humility.
A different kind of bravery.
And if you failed again — you wouldn’t be the only one who paid for it.
So you sat there, still, the weight of the choice pressing against your chest, and thought:
What if I break her? What if I can’t be enough?
Another week passed. Your strength returned. So did the calls.
Work wouldn’t stop. Messages stacked in your inbox like pressure building behind a dam. You extended your leave. Zayne signed the clearance form. You knew he didn’t agree. But he didn’t protest. He just handed it over with that same stillness — the kind that told you: this is your decision now.
Physically, you were fit for the field. Emotionally, you were splinters.
He never said it, but you felt the way he watched you — not with judgment, but with expectation. Waiting. Hoping, maybe, that you'd stop wandering the halls like a ghost with a packed suitcase in her chest.
But the noise in your head never stopped. Not during the day. Not when you slept.
Especially not when you didn’t.
That night, you came down the stairs barefoot, the house asleep around you. Poured yourself a glass of wine. Stared at it. Sipped once.
No.
That wasn’t what you needed.
You left the glass untouched on the counter.
Walked the familiar hallway. Opened his door without knocking.
He was asleep on his back, face turned slightly toward the window. The moonlight cut through the blinds in silver bars, catching in the strands of his hair, casting lines across his throat.
You reached down. Brushed the edge of a curl from his forehead.
His hand caught your wrist before you could blink.
His eyes opened.
He didn’t speak. Your face said everything.
He pulled you down into him without hesitation. No questions. No ceremony.
His hands slid across your skin like he'd never forgotten its topography. His mouth moved from your neck to your shoulder, to the curve of your breast, the lines of your ribs, the hollow of your hip, and lower still.
But not your lips. Still not your lips.
And that — that was the answer.
At dawn, you dressed quietly. Zipped your bag. Didn’t wake him.
Your presence here had been a rupture. But now the world would settle again.
Zayne had his life — built carefully from grief and duty and love. You were an earthquake. He’d survived you once. He didn’t need to do it again.
At the door, your hand on the knob, a small voice stopped you.
“Are you going somewhere?”
You turned slowly.
She stood barefoot in her pajamas, hair a mess, eyes too wide. Her voice held no accusation. Only fact.
You swallowed. “Yes. I… I have to go back.”
“To the hotel?” she asked, stepping closer.
You crouched, tried to smile, tried to hold your own ribs together.
“No. I have a home. A job. Somewhere else.”
She nodded, thinking hard, then: “Then I’ll come with you.”
You blinked. “What?”
She didn’t hesitate. “I’ll come too.”
“No, sweetheart. You can’t. Your dad would be really worried —”
“But you’re my mommy,” she said.
Soft. Certain.
Her small hand came up to your face. Her palm on your cheek burned hotter than the fever ever had.
“I heard you. You and Papa. I saw your picture.”
She reached into her pajama pocket, pulled out something worn and folded.
A photograph.
You and Zayne. Seven years younger. Arms around each other, faces pressed close, eyes alight. You didn’t even remember the moment it was taken.
But she had carried it. Hidden it. Believed it.
You stared at her. At the picture. At those impossible, familiar eyes.
And something inside you cracked.
“Baby,” you said, your voice breaking. “I’m not — I can’t be the mom you think I am. I want to. I do. But I didn’t raise you. I wasn’t there. And I don’t know how to do this right.”
Her lower lip trembled. But she nodded. Like she understood, in the way only children do — by feeling it.
You reached out. Brushed a tear from her cheek.
“Be happy, little one,” you whispered. “That’s all I want for you.”
Then you stood. Opened the door. And walked into the snowlight, where the car already waited.
Zayne couldn’t remember the last time he drove this fast. Especially not with his daughter in the back seat.
She’d been there before he was even fully dressed. Still in socks, wide-eyed, breathless.
“She left,” she said. “Mommy left.”
She’d been crying.
And her tears — that — he would never forgive you for.
He didn’t know what he expected to do when he got there. Look into your eyes? See if your soul was still inside them? Drop to his knees and beg?
A few hours ago, you had still been in his arms. He’d almost believed. Almost let himself be happy again.
He parked illegally, didn’t even glance at the signs. Checked his daughter’s jacket, zipped it tighter, then scooped her into his arms and ran.
The platform was already half-empty.
The train was gone. Five minutes too late.
And something inside him gave way — not with noise, but with silence. A collapsing lung. A skipped heartbeat. A life rerouted.
This was what it would be, then.
A life with a hollow in it. Until the universe finally had the decency to take him.
He heard a soft sound, like water breaking on glass.
At first he thought it was her — his daughter — but she was quiet now. Blinking up at him.
He followed her gaze.
And saw you.
Sitting on your suitcase. Face in your hands. Sobbing like something inside you had torn loose. The tiny snow seal rests on your knees — absurdly delicate against the wreckage of you.
For a heartbeat, he wanted to strangle you. The next — he only wanted to hold you and never let go again.
But he wasn’t alone anymore.
“Go,” he said gently, lowering her to the ground. “She needs you.”
She ran without hesitation.
You didn’t hesitate either — just opened your arms and pulled her in, holding her like you could fold the whole world into that embrace.
He couldn’t hear what you said. It was yours. It was between you.
He waited. Waited until the tears began to fade from your cheeks.
Then stepped closer.
“You chickened out?” he asked softly.
“Yes,” you half-laughed, half-hiccuped. “I got scared you’d never kiss me again.”
He arched a brow, and his look said everything: What, exactly, do you think I spent all of last night doing?
You licked your lips. His shoulders trembled with silent laughter.
“All that?” he said. “A full-scale emotional catastrophe for one unfinished kiss?”
“It’s worse,” you muttered, deadpan. “It’s agony.”
Zayne looked at your daughter, who still clung to your coat. Her eyes darted between you — between home and hope.
He bent down, pressed a folded note of cash into her palm.
“Two hot chocolates,” he whispered. “Get them inside. Mama loves hers with cinnamon.”
She bolted. No questions.
And then his hands were on your face, warm and certain.
“I don’t make a habit of kissing strangers,” he said.
“Zayne —”
“I only kiss one woman.” His voice caught, barely — but it did. “Mine.”
Then he stepped in — deliberate, steady — and kissed you. Not like a doctor. Not like a ghost from your past.
But like a man who remembered every breath you'd ever stolen from him. Like someone claiming what he'd mourned for too long.
His hand slid to your jaw, fingers anchoring just enough to say: You’re not leaving again.
His mouth was warm and certain and slow, like the end of winter breaking. And when you kissed him back — really kissed him — something locked into place.
Not resolution. But return.
He drew back just enough to speak, thumb brushing the wet beneath your eyes.
“Remember this,” he whispered. “These lips aren’t just for kissing. They’re for questions. Even the scary ones.”
You nodded. Then, just barely —
“Then let me ask one.”
Your hand rose to his jaw, your fingers brushing that impossible edge.
“Is there any chance,” you whispered, “that you could… ever love me again?”
Zayne looked at you.
Then shook his head — not in denial, but disbelief. At the question. At you.
“I never stopped.”
He took your suitcase. Slipped his arm around your waist.
Together, you walked back to your daughter. To cocoa. To warmth. To the beginning.
sometimes fanfic writing with english as your second language is “oh no! looks like I’ve ran out of english” or “that’s it, I give up english” half way through your fic. and then you continue writing in english.
◟♡ ˒ ʾʾ 𝗄𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗈 𝗇𝖺𝗇𝖺𝗆𝗂 hated himself every time he ended up arguing with you.
hell, even if it’s unintentional, he couldn’t bear to see you isolate yourself instead of communicating, knowing it was when you just want to be alone. but the awful thoughts in your head (like he had another woman) making him wish he could take them all out of your mind.
even though you told him to go away, and used his full name, nanami wouldn’t stop. he’d hold you and reassured you with kind, soothing words.
and if you did, he’d just hold onto you and speak soothingly to calm you down. he brought you to the bed and made sure you both got cozy. he leaned against the headboard while you were in his lap.
he’d wipe away the tears on your face and the ones gathering in your eyes. his other hand would softly brush your cheek, as he apologized for the hurtful words he didn’t intend.
he’d take your knuckle and kiss the marriage ring on your index finger. your heart fluttered, even though you couldn't stand him. kissing every spot on it, he would later rest your hand on his chest so you can feel his heartbeat, making sure you know he’s yours; all while looking at you with affection as his hand gently caressed your hair.
if he successfully comforts you, he won’t let you go, not even to use the bathroom. he’s refuse to sleep by himself, worried you might escape. he’d sleep on the couch, the bathtub, or even the cabinet, but for you? don’t expect too much.
and when you wake up tomorrow, you would notice a breakfast is already prepared beside the coffee table, with a little note “i’m sorry for yesterday’s occurrence, my love. i've to go to work, but i already kissed your forehead beforehand.”
zayne's thumb hovers over your name on the screen. he wants to call you, but he's hesitating for a few reasons. it's late, you're probably already asleep, and both of you have just started going out exclusively and seriously. he's not sure if you've reached the stage of your relationship where he can call you in the middle of the night without it being a burden. but he's feeling restless from his shift at the hospital. there's a small sense of comfort that you can bring him just by talking to him, even if it's just for a few minutes.
he presses down on the screen. the line starts to ring. his heart is beating quickly, and he feels guiltier as each ring finishes. he's about to hang up and just leave it be when your voice comes through from the other end, croaky and thick with sleep.
"zayne? hello?"
"sorry," he mutters. "did i wake you?"
"well, yes," you chuckle. "it's almost two in the morning. what's wrong?"
"forget it," he says quickly. "sorry to disturb you. go back to sleep."
"no, it's okay. i'm awake now anyway. what's up?"
silence. zayne is thinking of what to say.
"i just... wanted to hear your voice."
you pause for a moment.
"like... like this?"
he smiles to himself. "yes. just like this."
"tough shift at the hospital?"
"yes."
"well, i'm glad you called me."
"you are?"
"sure. it's nice to know that i'm the first person you thought to call."
his smile grows wider. his shoulders feel lighter, his chest feeling less tight. "thank you," he whispers. "i'll let you go back to sleep."
"are you sure? i don't mind staying on the line a little longer."
❥ pairing: established professor!zayne li x new prof!f reader
❥ summary: “Some loves are built in sandboxes and starlight, in pink macarons and ice sculptures that melt too soon. When fate brings two people back together after years apart, they’ll have to decide if the feelings preserved in an undelivered letter still hold true—or if some things are better left in the past.”
❥ genre: fluff + angst + smut (18+ mdni)
❥ word count: 23,8k (oops!)
❥ warnings/tags: childhood best friends to strangers to lovers. fools/idiots to lovers. this is an au!, forced proximity (not physical). hurt/comfort, mutual pining that they think is unrequited. misunderstandings, miscommunication in terms of thinking the love is unrequited, yearning/longing, very momentarily mild harassment but reader is being saved by zayne, reader is shorter than zayne. inexperienced/virgin!reader. loss of virginity, unprotected sex, piv sex, soft!dom zayne, sub!reader, vaginal fingering, oral (f!receiving), multiple orgasms, creampie, overstimulation, size kink, slight praise kink, pet names (love, sweetheart).
⟶a/n: OMG finally !!! I wrote and finished a fic about zayne! it’s been a long time coming tbh! 🥺 I am so happy to finally share this fic with the world. writing this fanfic kinda brought me out of my comfort zone because it’s very angsty in the beginning. I am used to writing angst but more like yearning/longing type of angst with a bit of fluff? but this is a bit painful in the beginning but it will get better I promise 🩷 this story has a happy ending and they will be together forever <3 anyways thanks for reading my ramblings and I hope you have fun with reading this fic as much as I loved writing it! (the title of the fic is inspired by ICU by coco jones) also sorry... but because I don’t wanna post it in parts you’ll have a sneakpeek on tumblr but to read the story in its full length you’ll have to head to ao3.
this goes without saying, but if you don’t like it don’t read it <3
AO3 • masterlist
Teaching was already going to be challenging enough without the universe deciding to test you further by placing your childhood best friend—the one you’d harbored feelings for since before you even understood what feelings were—directly in your path.
You’d done everything right, hadn’t you? Stayed focused through school, earned grades that made your parents proud, followed every rule, celebrated every milestone. High school graduation with honors, an undergraduate degree you’d worked yourself to exhaustion for, and now—finally—a position teaching art history at one of the country’s most prestigious universities. Your dream job. The culmination of years of hard work and sacrifice.
So perhaps someone could explain why fate had decided that your colleague, the person whose office sat just three doors down from yours in the faculty wing, had to be him.
Dr. Zayne Li.
Not just any version of Zayne, but this one—the one who’d grown into someone so accomplished it made your chest ache. A professor in the medical program, specializing in cardiology of all things, because of course he’d chosen the field that dealt with hearts. Of course he’d become the kind of person who saved lives with those steady, capable hands. Of course he looked like he’d stepped out of some impossible dream, all quiet brilliance and devastating competence.
And of course— of course —he was the same boy you’d loved since you were five years old, building castles in the sandbox while he told you about the clouds.
The same boy you hadn’t spoken to in over a decade.
The same boy who, judging by the way he’d looked straight through you during this morning’s faculty meeting—his green eyes sliding past you like you were made of glass—wanted absolutely nothing to do with you now.
⋆❆˚｡✴︎₊⊹❅⋆
The faculty meeting had been held in one of those beautiful old seminar rooms, all dark wood paneling and tall windows that let in slants of golden September light. You’d arrived early, nervous energy making it impossible to sit still in your new office. The other faculty members had trickled in gradually—friendly faces, warm introductions, the kind of welcoming atmosphere that should have put you at ease.
You’d been talking with Dr. Mariella Chen, a warm woman in her fifties who taught Renaissance art, when he walked in.
You felt it before you saw him. That shift in the air, the way your body seemed to know before your mind caught up. Your hands had gone cold around your coffee cup.
He’d entered quietly, the way he always used to—no announcement, no fanfare. Just suddenly there, filling the doorway with his presence. Taller than you remembered, broader in the shoulders. He wore dark slacks and a crisp button-down in deep blue, sleeves rolled to his forearms. His hair was still that same black silk, though styled differently now, shorter at the sides. Professional. Distant.
Beautiful in a way that hurt to look at.
Dr. Chen had noticed your sudden silence. “Oh, that’s Dr. Li,” she’d said warmly. “Cardiology. Brilliant man, though a bit reserved. I’m sure you two will get along—you both have that same dedication to your work.”
You’d managed some kind of response. You weren’t sure what. Your heart was doing something complicated and painful in your chest, a rhythm that felt all wrong.
Zayne had scanned the room with those keen green eyes, and for one breathless moment, you thought—
But no.
His gaze had passed over you without the slightest pause. No recognition. No surprise. Nothing at all.
Just a polite nod to the room in general before he’d taken a seat near the back, pulling out his phone to check something with the kind of focused attention that suggested the rest of the room had ceased to exist.
The rest of the meeting had passed in a blur. The department head had introduced you to everyone, mentioned your dissertation on Baroque portraiture and emotional representation in art. A few people had asked questions. You’d answered automatically, your voice steady even as something in your chest kept cracking.
Because Zayne—Zayne who you’d known since you were children, Zayne who used to walk you home from school, Zayne who’d taught you the names of constellations and let you fall asleep on his shoulder during long car rides—hadn’t even acknowledged your existence.
When the meeting finally ended, you’d watched him leave. First out the door, his long stride carrying him away before you could even think about whether you should try to speak to him.
Maybe he hadn’t recognized you. Maybe you’d changed too much. Maybe—
But you knew that wasn’t true. You could see it in the careful way he’d avoided looking in your direction again. In the precise timing of his departure.
He knew exactly who you were.
He just didn’t care.
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You’d made it through the rest of the day on autopilot. Organized your office. Reviewed your syllabus for the semester. Tried not to think about the fact that somewhere in this same building, three doors down, Zayne was doing the same thing.
Tried not to wonder if he was thinking about you at all.
By four in the afternoon, you needed air. Needed to move, to think, to do anything other than sit in your office staring at the same paragraph in your lecture notes.
The hallway was quiet, most faculty members already gone for the day. You’d grabbed your bag and turned toward the exit—
And nearly collided with him.
“Sorry, I—”
The apology died on your lips.
Zayne stood less than two feet away, a stack of folders in his arms, his expression carefully, perfectly neutral. Up close, you could see the fine lines at the corners of his eyes, the slight shadow along his jaw. The way his lips pressed into a thin line when he recognized you.
Because he did recognize you. You could see it in the fractional widening of his eyes, the minute tension that entered his shoulders.
“Excuse me,” he said quietly.
His voice. God, his voice—deeper than you remembered, but still with that same careful cadence. Each word measured, precise.
You stepped aside automatically, your back hitting the wall. Your heart was doing that complicated thing again, beating too fast and too hard. “Zayne—”
His name escaped before you could stop it. Quiet, almost hesitant. A question and a plea all at once.
He stopped. Actually stopped this time, his back still to you. You watched the line of his shoulders tense, watched his grip tighten slightly on the folders he carried.
For a moment—just a moment—you thought he might turn around. Might finally look at you properly. Might say something, anything, that acknowledged what you used to be to each other.
“I should—” His voice was quieter now, strained in a way you’d never heard before. “I have a lecture to prepare for.”
He didn’t wait for a response. Just continued down the hallway, his stride perhaps a fraction faster than before, until he disappeared around the corner.
You stood there for a long time after he left, your back against the cold wall, trying to remember how to breathe.
It would have been easier, somehow, if he’d been angry. If he’d said something cruel or cutting. At least then you’d know he felt something.
But this—this careful distance, this polite erasure—felt like being told you’d never mattered at all.
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The walk back to your office felt longer than it should have. Your legs carried you on muscle memory alone, your mind somewhere else entirely. Somewhere years away, in a different season, when things had been simple and bright and full of possibility.
You closed your office door behind you and sank into your chair, staring at nothing.
And despite yourself—despite knowing it would only make everything hurt more—you let yourself remember.
⋆❆˚｡✴︎₊⊹❅⋆
The first time you met Zayne Li, he was sitting alone in the sandbox, looking smaller than he should have.
Not crying—Zayne never cried, even at five years old—but quiet in that way that suggested loneliness. He had the kind of face that looked serious even then—dark hair that fell into his eyes, a solemn set to his mouth.
You’d been spinning on the merry-go-round with the other kids, dizzy and laughing, when you’d noticed him. Something about the careful way he kept his head down, like he was trying to be invisible, made you stop.
Your mother had always said you had too much empathy for your own good. That you felt things too deeply, cared too much about people you barely knew.
You’d hopped off the merry-go-round and walked over to him, your light-up sneakers leaving small prints in the sand.
“Hi,” you’d said, plopping down next to him without waiting for an invitation. “I’m gonna build a castle. Wanna help?”
He’d looked up, startled. His eyes were the most unusual color—green like sea glass, like the marbles your dad kept in a jar on his desk.
“Okay,” he’d said quietly.
You’d started piling sand together, chattering about your plans for towers and moats. After a few minutes of working in companionable silence, you’d asked, “How come you’re always by yourself?”
Zayne had pressed his lips together, considering his answer the way even little kids sometimes did when they were trying to be brave. “My parents are doctors. They help people in other countries. So I live with my grandma.”
“Do you miss them?”
“Yeah.” His voice had been small. “A lot.”
Your small heart had squeezed. You didn’t fully understand what it meant to have parents who were always gone, who chose important work over being home. But you understood lonely. You understood the ache of wanting someone who wasn’t there.
So you’d done the only thing that made sense.
You’d reached out and taken his hand, getting sand all over both of you.
“I’ll be your friend,” you’d announced. “So you don’t have to be alone.”
He’d stared at your joined hands like he’d never seen anything quite so strange. Then, slowly, his fingers had curled around yours.
“Okay,” he’d whispered, and this time there was something like hope in his voice.
You’d smiled, bright as the sun. “Good! Now help me with this tower—it keeps falling down.”
And just like that, with sand under your fingernails and his small hand in yours, Zayne Li became your best friend.
⋆❆˚｡✴︎₊⊹❅⋆
The winter Zayne’s Evol manifested, you thought it was the most magical thing you’d ever seen.
You’d been walking home from school together—something you did every day now, your small hands bundled in mittens, your backpacks bouncing against your shoulders. It had started to snow, fat flakes drifting down from a pale gray sky.
“I’m cold,” you’d complained, even though you loved the snow. Loved the way it made everything quiet and clean.
Zayne had frowned, that little crease appearing between his eyebrows that you were already familiar with. “You should have worn your warmer coat.”
“But this one is prettier!”
He’d sighed—already so exasperated with you, even at seven—but there’d been fondness in it. There was always fondness when it came to you.
“Here,” he’d said, starting to unwind his own scarf.
“No, you’ll get cold—”
But then something strange had happened. The air around Zayne had seemed to shimmer, and suddenly the snowflakes near him began to move differently. Deliberately. They swirled together, condensing and shaping, until he held something in his palm.
A tiny seal, no bigger than his hand, made entirely of ice and snow.
Your eyes had gone huge. “Zayne! How did you—”
He’d looked just as surprised as you were, staring at the small sculpture like it had appeared from nowhere. “I don’t… I just thought about making you something, and…”
“It’s beautiful!” You’d reached out carefully, touching the little seal with one mittened finger. It was perfect—you could see the details of its flippers, the curve of its nose. “Can you make more?”
That had been the beginning. Once Zayne discovered his Evol, he’d practiced constantly, always trying to make new things. Small animals, mostly—creatures he could show you that would make you smile. Rabbits and birds and cats. Each one more detailed than the last.
Your favorite was always the seals, though. Something about their round faces and gentle eyes reminded you of Zayne himself—quiet and watchful and kinder than anyone knew.
He’d made you hundreds of them over the years. On bad days, when you’d struggled with a test or fought with another kid at school, you’d find a tiny ice seal waiting on your desk. A reminder that he was thinking of you. That he was there.
You’d kept one in your freezer for years, refreshing it every time it started to melt. A small piece of Zayne’s heart, frozen in time.
⋆❆˚｡✴︎₊⊹❅⋆
Sundays became sacred when you were ten.
That was the year your mom started making pancakes every Sunday morning—not just any pancakes, but towering stacks with chocolate chips and fresh berries, whipped cream and maple syrup. She’d set the table with your good plates, the ones with the blue flowers around the edges, and she’d always, always make extra.
Because Zayne would be there.
It had started casually enough. He’d come over one Sunday to work on a school project, and your mom had insisted he stay for breakfast. He’d been so polite, so careful with his utensils, thanking her about six times for the food.
Your mom had taken one look at this serious little boy with his impeccable manners and his quiet voice, and she’d decided right then and there to adopt him.
“You’re welcome here anytime, sweetheart,” she’d told him, ruffling his hair in that way that would have annoyed you but made Zayne’s ears go pink. “Our door is always open.”
After that, Zayne showed up every Sunday without fail.
He’d help your mom in the kitchen, measuring ingredients with scientific precision while you set the table. You’d talk about everything and nothing—school and friends and the books you were reading. Your mom would ask about Zayne’s grandmother, and he’d answer in that careful way he had, never saying anything bad but somehow conveying that home was complicated.
Those Sunday mornings were golden. Warm and safe and full of the kind of easy love that you didn’t know to appreciate until it was gone.
Your mom would always make Zayne’s pancakes slightly smaller than yours because she’d noticed he had a more delicate appetite. She’d add extra chocolate chips to yours because she knew you loved them. And she’d sit at the table with both of you, nursing her coffee and smiling like she’d won the lottery.
“My two favorite people,” she’d say sometimes, reaching over to squeeze both your hands.
You’d roll your eyes, embarrassed.
But Zayne would smile—that rare, soft smile he saved for moments like these—and squeeze back.
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The year you turned thirteen, Zayne discovered macarons.
He’d been at some formal event with his grandmother—something medical-related, stuffy and adult—and they’d served French pastries. Most of the food had been lost on him, but the macarons had caught his attention.
The next week, he’d shown up at your house with a small white box tied with ribbon.
“What’s this?” you’d asked, eyeing the elegant packaging suspiciously. Zayne didn’t usually bring gifts randomly.
“Try them,” was all he’d said.
Inside were six perfect macarons in different colors—pale pink, soft yellow, mint green, lavender, cream, and chocolate brown. They looked almost too pretty to eat.
You’d picked up the pink one first, biting into it carefully. The shell cracked delicately, giving way to a sweet, fruity filling that tasted like raspberries and summer.
“Oh my god,” you’d mumbled around the mouthful. “Zayne. Zayne. These are amazing.”
He’d watched you with that quiet intensity he had, like he was cataloging your reaction for later analysis. “You like the pink one?”
“I love it. It’s perfect—it tastes like berries! And it’s pink, obviously it’s my favorite.”
Something had shifted in his expression then. Something soft and determined all at once.
After that, macarons became your thing.
Whenever Zayne saw them—at a bakery, at an event, even once when he’d convinced his grandmother to drive forty minutes to a specialty shop—he’d get some for you. And he always, always made sure to get extra pink ones. Raspberry, strawberry, rose—if it was pink and berry-flavored, it was yours.
“You don’t have to keep buying these for me,” you’d told him once, embarrassed by how much he spent on the expensive treats. “They’re so pricey, and—”
“I want to,” he’d interrupted, his voice firm in that way that meant the discussion was over. “You like them. That’s enough.”
And that was Zayne, wasn’t it? Quiet and reserved with the rest of the world, but with you—with you, he paid attention to every detail. Remembered every preference. Made sure you knew, in his own careful way, that you mattered.
The pink macarons became a language between you. I’m thinking of you. I care. You’re important to me.
You never told him, but sometimes you’d save one for last, eating it slowly just to make the feeling last longer.
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The summer you turned fifteen, Zayne taught you the names of stars.
It started because you’d failed your astronomy unit in science class—not badly, but enough that you’d been frustrated with yourself. You’d always been better with art and history, subjects that dealt with human emotion and creativity. Science felt too rigid, too absolute.
“I just don’t get it,” you’d complained, sprawled on a blanket in your backyard while Zayne sat beside you, his back straight despite the casual setting. “Who cares about stars? They’re just… there. Pretty to look at, but what’s the point?”
Zayne had been quiet for a long moment. Then: “The point is understanding. Context. Those stars you’re looking at—some of them don’t exist anymore. Their light is still traveling to us, even though the star itself died millions of years ago.”
You’d turned your head to look at him. His profile was outlined in silver from the moonlight, his expression thoughtful.
“That’s kind of sad,” you’d said softly.
“Maybe. Or maybe it’s beautiful. That even after something ends, it still leaves something behind. Still matters.”
There’d been something in his voice then—something heavy and old that shouldn’t have existed in a fifteen-year-old boy. It made your chest hurt in a way you didn’t fully understand.
“Teach me,” you’d said impulsively. “The constellations. I want to know what you know.”
So he had.
Every clear night that summer, you’d meet in your backyard or his, lying on blankets and staring up at the vast sprawl of stars. Zayne would point out patterns—Orion’s belt, the Big Dipper, Cassiopeia’s chair. He’d tell you the myths behind them, the stories humans had invented to make sense of the infinite.
His voice would go soft when he talked about the stars, almost reverent. Like they were something precious.
“There,” he’d say, his arm extending past your field of vision to point at some distant cluster. “That’s Cygnus. The swan. In the myth, Zeus transformed into a swan to—”
“I don’t care about Zeus,” you’d interrupted, turning to look at him instead of the sky. “Tell me why you like it.”
He’d lowered his arm slowly, considering. “Swans mate for life,” he’d said finally. “They’re loyal. Constant. I like that.”
Your heart had done something strange in your chest. A flip, a skip, a sudden awareness of how close he was, how the moonlight caught in his dark hair.
“Zayne,” you’d whispered, though you weren’t sure what you were asking.
He’d turned his head then, meeting your eyes. For a moment—just a moment—something had flickered across his face. Something intense and yearning and quickly buried.
“We should go in,” he’d said abruptly, sitting up. “It’s getting late.”
You’d let him pull you to your feet, confused by the sudden distance. But you’d held his hand the whole walk back inside, and he hadn’t let go until he absolutely had to.
That summer, you’d learned the names of thirty-seven constellations.
You’d also learned that Zayne looked at you sometimes like you were the only star that mattered.
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Something had shifted in the spring of your senior year, and you couldn’t quite figure out what.
Zayne had started pulling away.
Not dramatically—he was too careful for that, too controlled. But you’d noticed it in small ways. The way he’d make excuses not to come over on Sundays sometimes. How he’d grown quieter during your constellation sessions, more distant. The way he’d avoid your eyes when you tried to figure out what was wrong.
It had started in March, right after lunch one day when you’d been sitting with Emma and your other friends.
Emma had been teasing you, the way she always did. “I still don’t understand how you and Zayne haven’t figured it out yet.”
“Figured what out?” you’d asked, stealing a fry from her tray.
“That you’re completely in love with each other. It’s actually painful to watch at this point.”
Your face had burned. “We’re not—Em, we’re just friends. That’s all we’ve ever been.”
“You can’t actually believe that.”
“I know that,” you’d insisted, maybe too forcefully. You’d been so scared of ruining things, of losing him if you admitted the feelings that had been growing for years. “Zayne doesn’t see me that way. And even if he did, I can’t—I won’t risk our friendship. He’s too important.”
“So you’re just going to pine forever?”
“I’m not pining. I’m being realistic. Some things are better left alone.”
What you hadn’t known—what you couldn’t have known—was that Zayne had been walking past your table at exactly that moment. Had heard just enough of the conversation to break something inside him.
“Zayne doesn’t see me that way.”
“Some things are better left alone.”
He’d kept walking, his face carefully blank, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. And he’d made a decision right there in the cafeteria, between the smell of bad pizza and the sound of your voice saying you didn’t think he could love you:
He’d pull back. Protect himself. Start letting go before the inevitable hurt of losing you completely destroyed him.
Because that’s what would happen, wasn’t it? You’d go to college, meet someone new, someone better. Someone who wasn’t awkward with emotions, who could tell you how they felt without freezing up. And he’d be left behind, the childhood friend who’d never been brave enough to say the words that mattered.
Better to start the process now. Better to learn how to exist without you before he didn’t have a choice.
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You’d noticed the distance growing, and it terrified you.
Zayne had always been reserved with others, but never with you. You were supposed to be the exception, the one person he let in. So when he’d started canceling plans, responding to your texts hours late, finding reasons to be busy whenever you asked to hang out—
It hurt. More than you wanted to admit.
In late April, you’d finally had enough.
You’d written him a letter because face-to-face he’d just make excuses, and texts felt too easy to ignore. You needed him to really hear you, to understand that whatever was happening, you wanted to fix it.
But more than that—you needed to be honest. Completely honest, in a way you’d been too scared to be out loud.
Because Emma had been right that day at lunch. And you’d lied. And maybe—maybe that’s what had driven him away. Maybe he’d heard you deny it and thought that meant you didn’t care, that you’d never cared, that twelve years of friendship was all it would ever be.
But it wasn’t all it was. Not for you. Not anymore. Maybe not ever.
So you’d poured everything into three pages of careful handwriting—all the fear and hope and love you’d been carrying for years. Every feeling you’d been too terrified to name out loud. Because if you were losing him anyway, at least he’d know the truth. At least he’d know that he mattered. That he’d always mattered.
That losing him would break something in you that might never fully heal.
You’d sealed the letter with shaking hands, addressed it in your neatest writing, and walked it to the post office yourself. Had stood there for a long moment before dropping it in the slot, your heart pounding, knowing that once it was gone, there was no taking it back.
Please, you’d thought. Please let this reach him. Please let him understand.
But that was the week Zayne’s grandmother had been preparing for their move to a house closer to the hospital where she worked. In the chaos of packing and organizing, she’d forgotten to set up mail forwarding.
Your letter had arrived at the old address after they’d already moved. It had been marked “Return to Sender” and sent back to the post office, where it had gotten lost in the system.
Zayne never received it.
He never knew you’d tried to reach out, that you’d wanted to fix things between you.
All he knew was that you’d seemingly accepted his distance. That you’d let him pull away without fighting for him.
It confirmed what he’d already believed: that he mattered to you, but not in the way he wanted. Not in the way he’d dreamed about since he was fifteen years old and first realized that friendship wasn’t enough anymore.
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Senior year ended in a strange, melancholy way.
You and Zayne didn’t fight. Didn’t have some dramatic falling out. You just… drifted.
He still nodded at you in the hallways. Still said hello when you passed each other. But the closeness was gone, replaced by something polite and distant that hurt worse than anger would have.
You’d tried a few more times to bridge the gap—texted him about a constellation you’d seen, sent him a photo of pink macarons from a bakery, asked if he wanted to meet up before graduation.
His responses had been kind but brief. That’s nice. They look good. Maybe, I’ll let you know.
He never let you know.
At graduation, you’d watched him accept his valedictorian award—summa cum laude, headed to a prestigious pre-med program on a full scholarship. The golden boy with his whole brilliant future ahead of him.
He’d looked so composed up there. So perfectly in control.
You’d wondered if he was hurting too, or if letting you go had been easy for him.
(It hadn’t been. But you didn’t know that.
Just like he didn’t know that you’d cried the entire night before graduation, mourning the loss of your best friend. Mourning all the words you’d never been brave enough to say.)
That summer, you’d left for college across the country. Art history at a small liberal arts school, a fresh start far from all the complicated feelings you didn’t know how to process.
You’d told yourself you’d move on. That college would be different, full of new people and new possibilities. That eventually the ache of losing Zayne would fade into something manageable.
And it had, mostly. Life moved forward the way it always did. You’d made new friends, dated a little, built a life that didn’t have room for ghosts from your past.
But twelve years later, sitting alone in your university office with his words still echoing in your head and his careful distance still burning in your chest—
“I should—I have a lecture to prepare for.”
—you realized you’d never really let him go.
And based on the careful, painful distance he’d put between you?
summary: you and zayne make the most of your time in the northern territories.
cw: nsfw (18+) - mdni!!, smut, fluff, kissing, vaginal fingering, masturbation, oral sex, hand job, p in v, praise kink, loss of virginity, historical au, entwined kites continuation
wc: 9.7k
a/n: this is kinda late but zayne was so scrumptiously perfect in it that i had to! i hope you enjoy!! <3
also on ao3!
“Are you making it a habit to lounge on every roof we come across?”
You shift, head poking over the edge of the snow-laden roof to find Zayne peering up at you. He raises his brows, eyes twinkling with amusement when you simply sprawl over the roof a little more, perched on the rafters contentedly.
“They are quite comfortable,” you say, fingers gliding through the snow, pushing it towards the edge, watching as it falls, snow dusting over Zayne’s hair delicately.
He huffs out a soft laugh, brushing the snow from his hair, his hand reaching out for you soon after.
“Be that as it may be,” Zayne murmurs, “I should not wish for you to become ill, my beloved. It is too cold. Come down, won’t you?”
You hum, sitting up and letting your legs dangle over the edge. Zayne’s warm fingers slip through yours, holding tightly before he tugs gently, stepping closer when you slide off of the tiles of the roof, his arms wrapping around your waist to catch you.
“You’ve become more comfortable saying that,” you tease airily, flushing lightly when his hands smooth over your robes, brushing the snow from the thick, woven fabric. “Am I truly that precious?”
“You still doubt that?” he sighs, his hands reaching for yours once he’s satisfied with your robes. “We flew a kite together, did we not? The Lady of Anlan should know by now how she is worth to me.”
Pouting, you lean into him, eyes fluttering shut when he cups your hands with his, squeezing and rubbing to warm your chill-ridden hands. Zayne mutters something under his breath but you can’t catch it with the way the wind picks up around you, howling loudly.
It’d only been two days since you’d arrived in the Northern territories, winter having already set in whilst you had made your journey here from Anlan. You thought you’d be staying in some sort of lavish inn, but when the hours had passed and you’d travelled deeper into the North, Zayne had informed you that this territory was also his – a generous gift provided to him by the Imperial Court.
Zayne’s efforts during the war must have been second to none, given the fact that this mansion was almost the same size as the one in Anlan, erected atop a snow-covered clearing, deep into the mountains. You’d never seen anything so beautiful. Anlan’s spring was often windy, the air laden with the scent of blossoming flowers and ripe fruit. The air here though, was crisp and so startlingly fresh that every time you took a breath, you were sure you could taste the snow on your tongue.
“Stop moving.”
Zayne’s voice is low in your ear as he pulls you inside the warmed quarters, his brows knitted together as he pulls gloves onto your hands, the fine garment patterned with different colors of layered cashmere.
“I’m fine,” you insist, trying to pull your hands free only to receive a stern look from Zayne, his fingers lacing with yours. “I won’t fall ill, I am much stronger than you think me to be.”
“Any self-respecting husband would not allow his wife to catch her death,” he replies just as stubbornly, a smile pulling at his lips as you tug him through the hallways, towards your shared quarters.
The maids have a penchant for staring, you’ve realized. Unlike Anlan, the maids here seem more brazen, emboldened by the harshness of the cold. Still, they hadn’t bothered you and Zayne, hadn’t done anything in particular other than stare when they could, so you let them.
There’s a bath drawn for you behind the patterned screen the moment you step inside. Your gaze darts to Zayne’s, fingers tightening in his grasp, refusing to let him go when he moves towards the fire.
Your cheeks flush lightly as you pull at his robes, tugging him down to your height. “Would– would you like to join me?” you ask, feigning innocence as your fingers splay against his chest, eyes lighting up when you feel the stuttered beat of his heart through the fabric. You lean into him, voice lowering, “you were right, my lord. I am quite cold… perhaps you ought to keep me warm.”
Zayne’s brows shoot up in surprise, a noise rumbling low in his throat. His hand slips over yours, pulling it away slowly.
“Is that so?” he murmurs, his head lowering, nose brushing against yours. “I thought you were well? You said you would not fall ill.”
Your eyes narrow when you see the mirth in his eyes. “I– I might!” you sputter, glancing around to watch the last of the maids filter out of your quarters with a polite bow. “They say body heat is the best remedy for–”
He interrupts with you an amused huff, his hands moving to stroke your sides. You frown when he shakes his head, tugging the gloves off irritably before moving begrudgingly when he pushes at your back with an insistent touch.
“The bath water was drawn from the springs nearby,” Zayne says, standing behind you when you flop down onto a daybed. “It is said to be blessed by the gods.”
“The gods?” you echo, face twisting with discomfort when you feel a twinge of pain from pulling out the ornate hair pins buried firmly in your hair.
“Yes,” he replies, his ministrations gentle as he brushes away your hands, beginning to pull out the pins himself. “The gods are said to dwell in the mountains nearby. We are quite close to them, so naturally it has been thought that the springs that come from them are also blessed.”
“I think I may be blessed,” you sigh dazedly, eyes drooping shut every now and then as Zayne runs his fingers through your hair, soothing away the tangles and knots. Your head lolls back when he strokes your hair, bleary eyes blinking up at him as you smile sleepily.
Your gaze flickers to his lips, breath hitching when his fingers smooth over your cheeks, tracing the curve of your jaw. You’d thought that Zayne would have kissed you by now, but he had become strangely artful in avoiding your advances. Perhaps he wasn’t ready yet for such a relationship… perhaps his assessment of you had changed… the very thought is brushed away as soon as it comes, your distracted mind now latching onto the soft, fleeting press of his lips against your forehead.
“Indeed,” Zayne whispers, voice deep and lilting, his lips skimming over your skin to kiss your cheek. “You must be if I have been led to you.” He smiles against your cheek. “The gods have been particularly generous.”
His words have you swallowing harshly – a weak attempt to dispel the rapidly swelling lump in your throat.
“You… you think I am a blessing from the gods?”
Zayne hums, his head tilting as he stares down at you. “Yes,” he says bluntly, his brows furrowing as though concerned by the breathlessness present in your voice. “You may very well be more auspicious than my jade seal.”
“Have you lost your mind?” you hiss, moving up onto your knees, leaning towards him. “If someone were to hear,” you lower your voice further, “not to mention relay such words to the Imperial Court of all things–”
“Then I would be glad,” he retorts, his hands cupping your cheeks once more, head dipping to let his nose brush against yours. “The Lady of Anlan holds a revered position within my heart, after all.”
A desperate, violent shudder racks through your body and you reach for his robes roughly. Zayne’s eyes widen in surprise, and you can hear the way his breath stutters, his lips parting. They look so terribly inviting – pink and unblemished – and you can’t resist the way your head tilts just enough to–
He pulls away.
“You always do that!” you protest, throwing your hands up as frustration sparks in your eyes. “You cannot just say such things and not expect to want something from you.” Your voice dips into something demanding, back straightening as you stand. “Kiss me, Zayne.”
“We… we mustn’t,” Zayne says, sounding hoarse. He distances himself, hands clasping behind his back, cheeks faintly dusted with a light shade of pink.
“And why is that?” you ask testily, stepping towards him. “You had me sit in your lap, Zayne. You said that I was near and dear to your heart. You–” it’s embarrassing the way your voice wavers, “you brought me here so we could watch the aurora.”
“I know,” he rasps, looking stricken. “I did all of those things because I wanted to. And now, I cannot help but think I may overwhelm you.”
“Overwhelm me?”
“There are many things I want from you,” he murmurs, reaching for you, his arms slipping around your waist. Your breath hitches when he nudges his nose into your cheek before he nuzzles closer, pressing his face into the crook of your neck. “Terrible, wicked things,” Zayne whispers, “I cannot stop my mind from wandering when it comes to you. Every thought is consumed by your presence.”
You stand, completely and utterly frozen. The depth of his words leave you reeling, your fingers twitching at your sides helplessly. You had had passing romances before, when you were younger and naive and easily enraptured by a handsome smile, but this– Zayne has your heart lurching and racing unsteadily, the blood in your veins blistering newly with an unfamiliar sense of longing.
He lifts his head a few moments later, warm, calloused hands sliding over your cheeks with a gentle caress. Zayne mutters your name – softly, slowly, ardently – every syllable rolling from his tongue like the sweet nectar from flowering jasmines.
“Zayne–” you choke out desperately, “I–”
A knock on the door of your chambers interrupts you, an attendant’s voice filtering through the crevices to request Zayne’s presence elsewhere. You begin to shake your head, an irritated noise leaving you when he begins to pull away once more.
“I shall accompany you,” you say, still slightly breathless and frazzled, “and perhaps then we might finish this conversation.”
“Later,” he promises, giving your hands one final squeeze. “You are still cold to the touch. Go and bathe, if you wait any longer the bath will have cooled.”
You huff out an irritated breath. “You aren’t being very agreeable.”
“No,” Zayne agrees, a small smile pulling at his lips, “I suppose not.”
When the attendant calls for him again, you sigh, pushing at his chest lightly. “Go then. But I will be waiting for you.”
Your eyes widen when he suddenly moves, hands settling against his chest when Zayne spins you around, crowding you in against the wall. Lips parting in confusion, you suck in a sharp, stuttered breath when his hand slides over the nape of your neck to cup the back of your head.
“You tempt me too much.”
And then he’s kissing you, lips pressing against yours feverishly. You stiffen, just for one startled moment, before you’re drawing him closer, fingers curling into his robes. Zayne groans, his body shifting to press flush against yours until the hardness of the wall digs into your back.
Zayne kisses you like he’s been starved, soft, pillowy lips slotting over yours again and again until your head spins. You can’t move with the way he’s cornered you, can’t breathe with the way he’s kissing you. It doesn’t matter, you think hazily, managing to wrap your arms around his neck, dazed eyes fluttering open when he draws away, panting heavily.
His forehead rests against yours, and the heat of his body does nothing but set you alight. Leaning in, you capture his lips once more. It’s slower this time as you tilt your head, guiding the kiss until he’s tipping your head back to deepen the kiss, tongue brushing against yours fleetingly. You sigh into his mouth, fingers slipping into his hair when Zayne breaks away to trail heated kisses down the length of your neck, his hands squeezing at your waist.
“I must go,” he rasps between kisses, his thumb digging into the underside of your jaw to feel your unrestrained, racing pulse. You jolt at the scrape of Zayne’s teeth over your skin, his tongue following soon after, soothing the bruised skin. “I… I really must go, my beloved.”
“Then go,” you murmur dazedly, any sense of urgency lost on you as your back arches, head tilting to offer up more of your neck. “I said– ah– I would wait.”
He hums, mirroring your languidness as his hands move deftly, pulling your robes apart until he’s able to see the curve of your body through the thin slip of your undergarments. His jaw works, a muscle in his temple fluttering as he stares.
“You are welcome to stay,” you whisper, biting your lip. “After all, I am in need and is it not a Lord’s duty to take care of his wife? To cherish her?” You move, letting your robes fall from your shoulders, the heavy fabric pooling at your feet.
Zayne swallows, his hand coming to cover the lower half of his face. You smile faintly, your hands brushing against your breasts, drawing his attention to your hardened nipples. The low hiss he lets out is barely audible and you whine softly, batting your lashes.
“You may very well drive me to madness,” he mutters, reaching towards you, letting his thumb brush the underside of one of your clothed breasts before his hand jerks back like he’s been scalded.
A soft laugh escapes you and you step closer until it's you that’s crowding him, breasts squishing against his robes. “Perhaps touching me more… thoroughly would alleviate such an ailment?”
“I know what you are doing,” Zayne scoffs amusedly, shaking his head, “have you employed such tactics before?”
You smile, eyes twinkling. “Only on handsome, royal lords who are exceedingly stubborn.”
“Is that so?” Zayne’s voice deepens, his nose brushing yours. “The thought does displease me.”
You raise your brows, eyes sparking with mirth. The hint of jealousy in his voice has nothing but hot arousal swirling in your stomach, your thighs clenching together involuntarily. Your smile grows wider when you spy the restless flex of his fingers by his side.
“That will not do,” you murmur, reaching for his hand. “I am your wife, after all.”
Blinking up at him innocently, you guide his hand under the hem of your undergarments, between your thighs until his palm presses against where you want him. Zayne’s breath hitches, his brows furrowing when he feels the heat of your bare pussy, his lashes fluttering uncertainly.
“You…” Zayne sounds choked, “you are this aroused?”
“Mhm,” you watch him carefully, a soft gasp leaving you when his fingers move suddenly, slipping through your damp, puffy folds.
You try to keep your eyes open but it’s difficult with the way he’s taken to exploring you, lithe fingers gliding and rubbing, pressing and caressing. His fingers circle your clit experimentally, his brows raising minutely with interest when your hips jerk towards him.
“Here, then,” he whispers, lowering his head to rest his forehead against yours. “Is this where you need me, my beloved? Or perhaps…” Zayne trails off, his fingers moving until they prod against your fluttering hole, “here?”
“Y– yes,” you whimper, shoving your face into his chest as your hips rock against his palm, clit catching along his calloused skin. “Yes, anywhere, just– just please touch me!”
“How desperate you’ve become,” he clicks his tongue, his fingers tangling in your hair. “Have I reduced my wife to begging?” He lets out a heavy sigh, lips pressing against your ear. “How unbecoming of the Lady of Anlan.”
A needy whine leaves you, your hazy eyes finding his as he circles your clit faster, the pads of his fingers brushing over the swollen bud. You try to speak but the words are stuck in your throat, a moan sounding through the chambers instead. Cheeks flushing with embarrassment, you blink blearily when you see a smile playing on Zayne’s lips.
“I– nghh– suppose you are enjoying this, husband,” you grit out, panting against his mouth when he kisses you roughly.
“I am giving you what you want, am I not?” Zayne rasps, a finger pushing against your clenching pussy once more, gently easing it in. “I am abandoning my duties for you, my beloved.”
You paw at his robes, eyes widening when he slips another finger inside, beginning to thrust them in and out of your pussy lazily.
“Zayne–”
“Do you think they can hear us?” he asks, lips dragging over your neck once more. “The debauched noises that you are making? Perhaps that is why they have not called for me… because they know that I must stay to satisfy my insatiable little wife.”
You manage a poor attempt at a scoff. “I am not insatiable! I simply wanted you to–”
“Bed you?” Zayne interrupts, his arm winding around your waist when your knees buckle as his fingers curl and thrust into you harder.
“Ah– fuck–,” you mewl, stumbling backwards as he walks you towards the wall, pressing you against it once more. Your eyes roll back when he bites your neck, chest heaving uncontrollably as his lithe digits crook further inside of you.
“Tell me,” he murmurs against your throat, thumb finding your slippery clit. “Is that what you want, love? For me to bed you? To take you until you know nothing but me?” He groans when your hand slides down to grip his wrist, desperately trying to deepen the press of his fingers into your leaking cunt.
You nod jerkily, faintly embarrassed by how wet you are, thighs dripping with your slick and Zayne’s knuckles coated with it.
“P– please,” you gasp, rocking up onto the tips of your toes to kiss him sloppily. “You have teased– ngh– me enough have you not?”
“I had no such intentions,” Zayne whispers, tugging your head back to kiss you deeper, his lips capturing yours in a feverish kiss, one that leaves you gasping for air. “I… I was waiting,” he admits softly, brushing the strands of hair clinging to your sweaty skin, his fingers never slowing their pace. “I thought perhaps after seeing the aurora it would be more,” he trails off, flushing pink, “romantic.”
“Romantic,” you echo breathlessly, nodding dazedly as he fucks his fingers in and out of your aching pussy, his fingers finally brushing right where you need him, the ministration making your eyes roll back. “Right– fuck– of course.”
“Alas, you could not wait so now here we are,” he rumbles, thumb brushing over your lower lip as he watches you intently. “The Lord of Anlan with his fingers inside of his desperate, lovely wife’s cunt.”
You shoot him a scandalous look, unused to such words from a man who is usually so stern and composed and above using such language.
“I spent years at military camps,” Zayne explains when he sees your expression, his breath hot against your forehead. “Naturally, stories become abundant and imaginations begin to wander.”
“Did– ahhh– did you ever take a lover?” you ask, brows furrowing irritably at the thought.
“Never,” he sighs, his hand moving to cup one of your breasts through the thin undergarment, squeezing. “You are the first, my beloved.”
Zayne smiles when he sees the shock flickering across your face, continuing to squeeze your breast, his thumb brushing over your pebbled nipple with ease. He lowers his head without warning soon after, mouth latching onto your breast through the fabric. You moan loudly, fingers sliding through his hair as he sucks, tongue flicking against your nipple, his fingers slipping from the hold of your clinging cunt to press against your swollen clit.
“I–” you choke out, toes curling against the soft rug underneath you. “I– ah! am going to cum!”
“Then cum,” Zayne says softly, guiding his fingers back into your fluttering cunt with ease, curling them before he plunges them into you at an unforgiving pace. “I should like to watch my sweet wife come undone.” His mouth finds its way to your other breast, sucking it into his mouth, his tongue swirling and flicking and teeth scraping lightly, just enough to have you seeing stars behind your closed lids.
You pull at his hair roughly drawing a wince from Zayne, but he doesn’t seem to mind when you do it again, instead mouthing at your clothed breast, his fingers scissoring inside of you when he feels you clench around him uncontrollably.
“Show me,” he murmurs hoarsely, “show me how I make you feel. Fall apart for me, love. Let me see what I have reduced you to.”
You can’t think straight, not with the way he’s taken to whispering into your ear, filth and sweet nothings pouring from his mouth as he fucks your cunt with his fingers and plays with your swollen clit. You try to peel your eyes open to watch him but it’s too difficult with how close you are, with how good it feels to have his fingers inside of you, reaching places that you never could.
“Let me hear you,” Zayne coaxes, his voice low and soothing. “You feel so lovely around me, my beloved. My sweet wife.” He kisses your cheek delicately and then your mouth, huffing amusedly when a ragged moan tears its way out of your throat. “That’s it, love. Just like that. Cum for me.”
You don’t need further instruction, squeaking when he pinches your nipple, thighs trembling violently and legs shaking as you fall into him. The force of your orgasm isn’t like anything you’ve experienced – so violent, so consuming that you can barely feel the stroke of his hand on your hair.
“Good girl,” Zayne whispers, kissing your cheek as his fingers slow their movements, slipping out of your pussy carefully.
You whimper when he rubs your clit gently, drawing out the last few aftershocks that rack through your body. Breathily heavily, you use Zayne’s arms to steady yourself, shivering when he kisses your forehead. Just when you tilt your head, you catch the movement of his arm, jaw slackening with disbelief as you watch his fingers disappear into his mouth. Your throat feels uncomfortably dry when Zayne sucks his fingers slowly – the very same ones that you had made a mess on earlier – cleaning them thoroughly while he stares down at you.
“Oh,” you breathe out, staring blankly when he licks his lips.
A surprised yelp escapes you when he picks you up suddenly, your arms wrapping around his neck as he walks behind the partitioning screen, setting you back onto your feet. He helps you into the bath and by some miracle it’s still hot, steam curling from the surface as you undo your ruined undergarment and sink down into the heated bath.
“You won’t join me?” you ask poutily, nuzzling into his palm when his thumb strokes over the curve of your cheek.
“I’m afraid you have made me avoid my duties for long enough,” Zayne sighs, shaking his head. “We may not be at war but there are still certain things I must look after as the lord of this territory.”
“That was hardly my fault,” you protest, although you’re unable to stop the smile from spreading across your face before you lean over the edge of the bath and kiss him sweetly.
“No,” he muses, standing up to straighten his dark robes, “I suppose I cannot blame you for befitting your role as the Lady of Anlan.”
You watch him quietly, stifling a laugh when he shifts uncomfortably, catching his narrowed gaze. He drops a fleeting kiss to your forehead before he turns to leave, his hair swaying prettily.
“And when you come back,” you call out teasingly, sitting up in the bath, “will you do all those terrible, wicked things to me, Zayne?”
He pauses mid-stride, glancing back at you. You don’t miss the way his gaze drops – just for a moment – to take in the swell of your bare breasts before he turns, striding towards the doors.
“Yes.”
–
“Where is it?”
You grumble under your breath, rifling through your garments and robes that had been brought here, shoving your head into the cabinet to try and find the offending garment.
You were sure you had brought it, especially following the knowing glances your maids had shot you, their giggles soft as they had helped you pack. A few more frantic rummages later, you find what you’re looking for, the sheer, silk nightgown nearly slipping out of your hands.
Zayne had to be returning soon, you were sure of it. At least an hour had passed since you had bathed, the lanterns outside glittering prettily in the growing darkness of the night. Shedding your robes, you slip into the nightgown, adjusting the straps before smoothing your hands over the thin garment.
It left little to the imagination, similar to your undergarments, although the fit was far more flattering. You crawl onto the bed, positioning yourself carefully, trying to channel an air of grace as you wait for Zayne to return.
But when the hours pass and Zayne is nowhere in sight, you groan, slumping back against the pillows. There’s a dull ache in your shoulders from trying to stay upright in that awkward position, although it’s nothing compared to the ache between your thighs.
You squirm, still aroused even after the bath, pussy clenching longingly as you feel the phantom brush of his fingers against your skin. Glancing at the door, you will for him to come striding through the doors, eyes narrowing in concentration. The doors stay stubbornly shut, unbending against your will and you huff out a breath, unable to wait any longer, hand disappearing under the hem of your nightgown.
You’re already wet, slick beginning to drip through your folds as you slide your fingers between them, eyes fluttering shut in bliss. The press of your fingers against your clit is enough to take the edge off for now, hips bucking when a thrill of pleasure shoots down your spine.
It’s already warm inside your chambers, but when the image of Zayne’s face materializes behind your eyes, you feel hot. Arousal curls around your body – heady and unforgiving – drawing a soft whine from your lips as you rub at your clit desperately. It’s nothing compared to Zayne’s fingers though, his lithe digits knowing as they had explored you despite his inexperience.
Even so, the thought of Zayne being all yours has a moan escaping you, your pussy clenching as you slip two fingers inside, beginning to pump them in and out. They don’t reach as deep, don’t satisfy you the way Zayne’s had.
“Z– Zayne,” you whisper, cheeks flushing with slight mortification at being so wanton.
But when your clit pulses, throbbing for attention, you whimper and move your fingers, letting them slip back up to rub at the swollen bud feverishly.
“Zayne,” you gasp, eyes squeezing shut. “Zayne… ah– I need you.”
“I see you have begun without me, my beloved.”
You shriek, flailing as you sit up, pulling your hand free from between your thighs. He stands at the edge of the bed, somehow looking like a heavenly vision, his hair loose and flowing over his shoulders, the black robes a stark contrast against his pale skin.
“Zayne, you’re here,” you laugh breathlessly, brushing your hair out of your face, “I… I was waiting for you.”
“Wearing that?” he murmurs, gaze dark as it travels over your body hungrily. “You truly have no shame, love.”
“Shame?” you echo indignantly, crossing your arms over your chest. “You did not have any shame when you were sucking my breasts through my undergarments!”
Zayne hums, his head tilting as he watches the way your thighs squeeze together. Your arms drop, the mattress dipping under your weight as you crawl towards him, settling near the edge of the bed.
“You need not stop on my account,” Zayne says finally, his hand reaching out to caress your cheek. “I want to watch you. May I?”
“You… you want to watch?”
“Yes.” Zayne’s voice is soft when he answers, a pretty flush of pink sitting high on his cheeks, the tips of his ears reddened.
His request has heat pooling low in your stomach, your fingers tightening into the blankets before you nod slowly, moving to sit back against the pillows, spreading your thighs for him.
Zayne inhales sharply when he sees you, nightgown pulled up to your hips, pussy spread open for him.
“Only if I can watch you,” you whisper, biting your lip as you let your fingers drift over your puffy folds.
You half-expect him to protest, but you receive a curt nod instead, your eyes widening as you watch him shed his robes and silks, breath catching when you finally see him bare.
A few scars litter his muscled chest and abdomen, similar to the ones streaking across his forearms. You swallow harshly as you follow the lines of his body, gaze dipping down to find his cock already hard. It’s longer than you’ve ever seen and thick too, pre-cum glistening at the tip as it bobs gently, struggling with its own weight.
“I do not think it kind of you to hide something like this from me,” you manage out, unable to look away from his fat cock, your fingers beginning to move against your own will, rubbing at your clit.
“My body?” Zayne murmurs, his hand wrapping around his cock as he begins to stroke his length, pace lazy and relaxed. “The opportunity never arose.”
You whimper softly, hips beginning to roll as your fingers move, circling your clit faster, hazy eyes watching as Zayne’s hand tightens around his cock, the muscles in his forearm and bicep flexing with every stroke.
“You look beautiful like this,” he whispers hoarsely, watching as you squeeze your breast through the nightgown. “Spread open and wanton for me to gaze upon.”
“Only for you,” you mewl, thrusting your fingers inside your aching cunt with a needy moan. “I need your fingers, Zayne,” you gasp, beginning to rub at your clit with your other hand, trying to spread your legs open wider, “mine– nghh– do not reach deep enough.”
“I am too weak to resist you,” Zayne groans, stepping forward, his fingers brushing yours aside as he sinks two digits inside of you without pretense.
Your toes curl, hands pawing at his thighs before you find his cock, fingers greedily curling around the fat length. “I like it,” you murmur, hips rocking into his hand as you stroke him uncoordinatedly, “your cock.” Your eyes light up when it twitches, gasping softly when a glob of pre-cum beads at the tip, rolling down the side of his cock.
You surge forward without thinking, tongue dragging up along the length of his cock to catch the glob, lashes fluttering at the heady taste that spreads over your tongue. Zayne’s moan startles you, his chest rising and falling heavily as he stares down at you.
“I thought you were innocent,” he rasps, pushing your hand away when you reach for his heavy balls with interest. “I thought you were sweet, my beloved. But it seems as though…” Zayne trails off, leaning over you as he quickens his pace, fucking his fingers in and out of you, his eyes glinting when you cry out, thumb pressing hard onto your clit, “my wife is a temptress.”
“Then– ahh– fuck– you ought to be glad I am wed to you, Zayne.”
A low snarl tears its way out of his throat. “Eternally, love.”
You squeal when he drives his fingers into you roughly, the snap of his wrist audible before he’s kissing you eagerly. Your noises are muffled by his mouth, Zayne’s lips searing as he kisses you, his hand sliding up to settle around your throat loosely. He licks into your mouth the moment your lips part, stroking and taking until you’re left dazed and breathless.
“I wish to taste you,” he mutters gruffly, his nose brushing against yours as he kisses you again. “Will you let me, my sweet?”
“Yes,” you slur, nodding and whining at the loss of his fingers, “I need you, Zayne.”
As though he’s been waiting for this very moment, Zayne drops to his knees, guiding your legs over his shoulders. Your fingers slide into his hair when he kisses your thighs, cleaning the slick smeared over your skin messily with a broken groan.
“Are– are you sure?” you squeak out, thighs trembling when his hot breath fans over your fluttering cunt. “You need not– Zayne!”
His name leaves you in a wail, your elbows giving out underneath you when he buries his face into your pussy. Your back arches, toes curling as you try and cling onto something – his hair, the sheets, anything – eyes rolling back when his tongue glides through your warm folds.
“You taste divine,” he rasps, thumbing apart your folds, his lips pursing before he spits down onto your messy cunt. “Like the finest nectar.” A low groan escapes him as he presses his face into your pussy again, the bridge of his nose shoved against your clit, his tongue lapping at the velvety skin of your pussy before his lips move, suctioning around your clit.
Your hands slam against the bed, hips bucking uncontrollably as your inhibitions are pushed aside with every movement of his tongue, every squeeze of his hands around your thighs.
“You– oh– you said you did not take a lover,” you whisper dazedly, fingers fisting his hair to pull, one of your hands moving to press his face harder into your throbbing pussy, head tipping back when he moans. “How did you learn such things, Zayne? Your tongue– fuck!”
“The Imperial Library holds a great wealth of information,” Zayne murmurs, kissing your clit gently, drawing back to watch the pitiful clench of your pussy around nothing. “And a royal education covers… many things.” He glances up at you, the lower half of his face shining with your arousal, your cheeks flushing when he smiles up at you tenderly. “I only want the best for my wife.”
“The best,” you echo, mouth dropping open when he spits once more, spreading it all over your cunt as though it were something normal, “of course.”
“Are you not pleased with my efforts, my beloved?” he whispers, his voice lilting as he laps at your pussy, tongue prodding against the fluttering hole.
“Quite ahhh– the contrary, dear husband.”
It is wicked, you realize, the way he’s able to draw such debauched noises from you, to have your body moving so wantonly to his ministrations. The coil of pleasure in your lower stomach keeps winding tighter and tighter, your breathing growing more violently ragged, thighs squeezing around his head.
Your legs jerk when he presses his tongue into your pussy suddenly, eyes flying open in a panic to find him watching you, always watching, his tongue beginning to fuck in and out of your cunt.
“Oh my–” you whimper, sweat beading over your skin, your body shaking as he holds you down by your hips, rising up to shove his face between your thighs deeper as though trying to force his tongue in further. “Zayne– Zayne!”
“Are you close?” he asks, words slurred with how his tongue is still buried into your cunt. “Hm? Will you cum for me once more? Fall apart on my tongue, my sweet?”
You let out a strangled noise in response, trying to grab for his hand, guiding it to your clit. Zayne understands immediately, his fingers beginning to rub in quick, tight circles while his tongue works into you, his free hand sliding up over your chest, long fingers pressing into your mouth.
Your lashes flutter at the unexpected intrusion, but you suck before you can stop yourself, grasping his wrist as you let your tongue swirl over the digits, hips rolling to meet his mouth. Zayne grunts when your thighs tighten around his head involuntarily, feet slipping over his back until his mouth finds its way back to your clit.
The harsh suck he delivers to the throbbing bud of nerves sets you alight, a hoarse scream echoing through your chambers as your back arches off of the bed, your teeth sinking into his fingers as you writhe on the bed. You can vaguely hear Zayne’s wince and a slight tug has you releasing his fingers in a daze.
“If anyone is driving another to madness, it is you,” you mumble, refusing to look at him when he kisses your cheek, your body hot with embarrassment.
“There is no reason to be shy,” Zayne whispers, smiling against your sweat-slick skin, his hands rubbing over your sides and back when you curl up.
“No reason to be shy?” you retort, swatting his chest. “Everyone must have heard!”
“It is snowing,” he soothes, his fingers adjusting your nightgown, “the wind is deafening and no one is stationed outside our chambers, my beloved. You may be as loud as you wish.”
“That is not the issue!”
“You were not concerned with propriety earlier,” Zayne counters, his eyes shining when you sputter.
“Propriety is one of my greatest concerns,” you say indignantly. “I am extremely passionate about propriety, Zayne.”
He laughs, pulling you up into his lap, your eyes widening when you feel the brush of his cock against your thighs. “Is that why you infiltrated my home?” he asks, his arms wrapping around you to draw you closer to his chest. “Hm? Is that why you scale walls and–”
You surge forward, shutting him up with a kiss, mewling when he sighs into your mouth. His hands can’t seem to sit still, wandering over your body but never straying as he deepens the kiss, fingers tangling into your hair.
“Be quiet,” you whisper, your hand slipping between your bodies to grasp his cock, still hot and hard.
“As you wish, my love,” Zayne murmurs, his head tipping back when you begin to stroke his cock.
You follow the length of his neck, down his muscled chest and abdomen, biting your lip as his cock twitches in your hand. Leaning forward, you kiss his neck delicately, smiling when you hear his breath hitch.
When you squeeze his cock, drawing out a spurt of pre-cum, a whine slips free from Zayne, his eyes fluttered shut and cheeks darkening in color. You click your tongue, teeth scraping over his neck in chastisement when he whines again, glancing up to find his teeth buried into his lower lip in an attempt to muffle the sound.
“Are you have a hard time staying quiet?” you ask teasingly, your free hand reaching down to cup his throbbing balls, smiling when his abdomen tenses and his hips buck. “It is almost as though you are… desperate, Zayne.”
“Gods,” he groans, his hand cupping the back of your head when you kiss his neck again, your breasts pressed against his chest through the sheer, silk fabric. “How is one to stay quiet when his wife plays with his cock?”
“You do make such pretty noises,” you coo, smiling up at him when he glances down at you with half-lidded eyes.
Not looking away, you let your tongue loll out, spit dripping lewdly from the tip of it, coating the head of his cock. Zayne moans, his fingers tightening around your hips as he pants, his forehead pressing against yours heavily.
“That’s it,” you murmur when Zayne whimpers, his eyes squeezing shut when you pump his cock faster, taking in the unbidden pleasure flickering across his face. “You’re doing so well, my love.”
“You– hahhh– you are using my own words against me.”
“And you are enjoying it,” you muse, spitting down onto his cock again, your pussy clenching when his cock throbs and leaks with heavy globs of pre-cum.
It coats your hand, his cock slick with his own arousal and your spit, leaking over your knuckles and down to his balls, staining the sheets below you. His cock twitches and you can feel his thighs tremble beneath you, the press of his fingers into your flesh becoming almost painful.
“You’re making such a mess, Zayne,” you sigh, kissing him sweetly, mewling when he whines into your mouth. “How unbecoming of a royal lord.”
“You– ahh– are wicked,” he rumbles, inhaling sharply when you squeeze his fat cock hard. “Such a wicked wife.”
A contented hum leaves you, your face nuzzling into the crook of his neck as you lick and suck, your hips rolling with need as you continue to play with his cock, your thumb swiping over the head of it. Zayne groans loudly, lurching into you as your wrist twists, dragging your hand along the length of his thick, hot cock.
“Fuck,” he breathes out, his hand finding yours, trying to slow your movements. “You ought to stop.”
“Why?” you pout, teeth scraping along his jaw roughly, tongue laving over the fine stubble that lays across his skin. “Do you not wish to cum?”
“Not like this,” Zayne rasps, a ragged gasp leaving him when you massage his balls eagerly, letting them sit in your hand as you rub your thumb over the silken skin. “My beloved– hahh– I… I wish to be inside of you.”
You blink up at him, hands settling on his shoulders when he moves you, laying you down onto your back. Zayne’s fingers move deftly, rucking your nightgown up until it’s up over your head, his hands smoothing over your waist and hips.
You squirm on the bed, swallowing nervously when he settles between your thighs, his cock brushing against you briefly. He pauses when he sees your conflicted expression, his hands reaching for yours, fingers lacing together tightly.
“Do you wish to stop?” he murmurs gently.
“No,” you say, shaking your head, heart thudding in your chest. “I just… I… I like you a lot,” you mumble, biting your lip. “I did not think you would feel so affectionate towards someone like me.”
“You saved me,” Zayne says, his words sincere. “It was you that delivered the keepsake. Without you, everything would have been lost.”
Your lower lip trembles for a moment, your fingers slipping over his chest tentatively before your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him down towards you. Zayne’s lips find yours, soft and sweet as he kisses you, his long hair brushing along your skin.
“The gods have blessed me with your presence,” he continues, lips drifting over your jaw to place a gentle kiss to your fluttering pulse. “Do not doubt my affection towards you, my beloved. I–” he clears his throat, pressing his face into the crook of your neck, muttering your name. “I love you.”
“Oh.”
The air is punched out of your lungs as you register his words, gaze flickering as Zayne presses himself closer, like he can’t bear the thought of being kept away from you. Your stomach flips when he kisses your neck, arms tightening around his neck whilst your heart beats so violently that you can hear it in your ears.
“I…” you stare up at him when he draws back, eyes fluttering shut when he strokes his hands over your hair and down the sides of your cheeks. “I love you too, Zayne.”
He lets out a heavy breath, a small, affectionate smile playing on his lips. You smile back, allowing yourself to let out a shaky laugh when he kisses your forehead.
“Then I shall be yours,” Zayne whispers, his hands finding your hips, squeezing gently, “for as long as you wish to have me.”
You watch hazily as he grasps his cock, sliding it through your folds before he presses the head against you, his hips moving forward minutely. You bite back a whine when the head of his cock slips inside, already having begun to stretch you. Zayne groans, his heady gaze watching as your pussy stretches around the thickness of his cock, his brows drawn together as he rocks his hips forward.
“It–” you gasp, hand reaching for his blindly, your fingers entwining together, “it is too big, Zayne.”
Zayne growls, spurred on by your words as he thrusts experimentally, burying more of his fat cock inside of you. “And yet you take me so well, my love. Look at how well we fit.”
You glance down, watching with dazed eyes as his cock disappears into your pussy, inch by inch, gasping when you clench around him and realize how utterly full you are.
“Sucking my cock in so greedily, hm?” he murmurs, shifting his hips until he’s buried to the hilt inside of you, massaging your waist as your walls flutter around his fat length, trying to accommodate him. “What a pretty, greedy little cunt.”
You whimper, words failing you as he draws his hips back, his hazel-green eyes watching your every expression intently.
“Feels– nghhh– good, Zayne,” you hiccup, nails digging into his broad shoulders, eyes rolling back when he drops some of his weight down onto you, his chest pressed firmly against yours.
“You’re so tight,” he groans, his hand sliding over your hair to hold you in place as he begins to snap his hips harder. “So warm– fuck– entirely and utterly perfect.”
“For you,” you cry out, feeling the bed sway with every thrust. “Only– only ever for you.”
That seems to encourage Zayne more than anything, his lips pressing against your ear as he snarls deep and rough, his thrusts beginning to grow quicker. You think you may very well be seeing the aurora, let alone stars as he grips your hips, drawing back before lowering his head, mouth latching onto your breasts.
You shake when he thumbs and pinches at one of your nipples, hands flying to his hair as his tongue swirls around an areola, flicking against your hardened nipple without abandon. The dark, coarse hair at the base of his cock scratches along your clit with every thrust, his balls slapping against your ass rapidly, the lewd noises erupting through your chambers.
“I want you– oh– forever,” you slur out, cock-drunk and warm under his affectionate motions, a dopey smile spreading across your lips as he kisses your cheek. “May I have you forever, Zayne?”
“May the gods have mercy,” Zayne mutters under his breath, nodding against your cheek, a disbelieving laugh slipping out of him. “Yes, my beloved,” he replies, thrusting hard, burying his cock inside of you, a groan leaving him when your pussy clenches desperately around his throbbing, fat cock, “you may have me forever.”
A satisfied coo leaves you at his answer, your legs tightening around his hips as he rocks his hips, finding an unforgiving rhythm that has you whining uncontrollably. He muffles your noises with a rough kiss, hissing when your nails rake down his back.
“That’s it,” he rasps in between kisses, fingers cupping your jaw to hold your head still, spit leaking from the corners of your mouths. “Mark me, my sweet. Make me yours, forever. Show me what I mean to you.”
In a sudden surge of boldness, you push at Zayne’s chest, shoving until he moves, falling onto his back. You’re crawling atop him before he can protest, relishing in his broken, hoarse moan as you sink down on his cock, rolling your hips without abandon.
“Gods– are you trying to kill me?” Zayne murmurs, his voice strained as you shift, shins coming to rest across his thighs as you place your hands on his chest, using him as support to let your hips rise and fall.
“I… I want you,” you slur, mewling when his hands move to squeeze your breasts, his nimble fingers toying with your nipples as you ride him. “Zayne– nghhh!! I want you, I want you, I want you!”
You jerk in his lap when his hand comes down on your ass, arms wrapping around his neck when he sits up, crushing his mouth to yours. It’s filthy and so terribly unbecoming for a royal lord and lady to be acting in such a way – so lewdly, so uninhibited.
“Then have me,” he says roughly, hands clamping onto your hips before he’s guiding your movements, dropping you down onto his cock before lifting you and repeating the motion. “Fuck– have me, my sweet. Take my cock, that’s it, good girl… take everything I give you.”
You pant against his mouth, clinging to him, hands lost in his long tresses, pulling at his soft hair as you lick into his mouth messily, letting him jerk you up and down on his impossibly thick cock.
It’s all so overwhelming, especially with the way his cock is hitting exactly where you need him, against that sensitive spot that has you moaning loudly.
“It’s too much,” you whine, face pressed into the crook of his neck, the pleasure in your stomach growing with every press of his cock inside of your dripping cunt. “Zayne, I– I’m close!”
“So am I,” Zayne whispers, an arm wrapping around your waist, his biceps flexing with every motion. “You’ve done so well for me, my beloved. Let go, hm? Cum on my cock like a good girl.”
You pull back to look into his eyes, stomach swirling in a shy, flustered daze when you see the warmth in his eyes and the soft smile that plays on his lips.
“I love you,” you mumble, hips rolling to meet every press of his cock inside of you, your brows furrowing as you watch his eyes flutter shut. “I love you, Zayne.”
“Forgive me.”
Your mouth opens to ask whatever for, but he’s moving you onto your back, hands finding yours, squeezing tightly as his hips pound into you. A sharp scream tears its way out of your throat, your knuckles whitening as you hold his hands, eyes rolling back when he buries himself to the hilt with a particularly harsh thrust.
“Cum,” Zayne snaps lowly, his lips pressing against your cheek. “Cum for me, my sweet wife. Cum on my cock and I shall make you mine in every possible way.”
You don’t need any more encouragement, body thrashing under his when his fingers rub against your clit in one brief circle, the coil of pleasure snapping as you cry out and moan. Zayne groans at the sight, his hips stuttering when your pussy clenches hard, stubbornly keeping him inside.
“My beloved, we mustn’t–” Zayne gasps, his head falling forward as a long-drawn groan leaves him, his cock twitching inside of you.
You mewl, squirming when he spills inside of you, hot, thick cum flooding your pussy as your walls continue to flutter around his fat cock, the grip on his hands loosening. Zayne pants, his head falling against your shoulder, hair sticking to his back and arms, his breathing ragged.
His softening cock slips out of you a few moments later and Zayne manages to draw himself off of you, both of you exchanging dumbstruck glances when you notice his thick cum leaking out of you slowly.
“I…” Zayne swallows, brushing his hands over your aching thighs gently, “was not intending on an heir so soon.”
You flush, thighs squeezing shut. “Perhaps it will not take?”
You poke your stomach with mild interest, squealing when Zayne drapes himself over you, arms wrapping around his neck as he peppers kisses all over your face.
“And if it does?” he murmurs, nuzzling into your cheek.
“If it does,” you sigh, cupping his cheeks, thumbs stroking over his skin tenderly, “I should expect my husband to take the utmost care of me.”
“Naturally,” Zayne smiles, his lips soft as he kisses you, a hand smoothing over your stomach.
You run your fingers through his hair when he shifts, biting your lip when he kisses your stomach. He glances up at you, and you smile, brushing his hair out of his eyes. You yawn as the heady, lustful atmosphere fades, replaced by something slow and syrupy in the aftermath of your intimacy, enough to have your eyes drooping shut sleepily.
But perhaps the wind was never as deafening as Zayne thought because something loud thumps against the doors to your quarters, a flurry of hushed whispers following before someone mutters something about keys.
Your eyes snap open, mortified, while Zayne pulls himself off of you, tripping over his discarded robes before he’s grabbing at them and draping the thick robes over you. You try and sit up, to make yourself look at least a measure more presentable, Zayne cursing under his breath as he finds a new set of robes, pulling them over his body.
“My Lord! My Lady! Do not fret! We have heard your distress–”
A group of maids and guards alike stumble into your chambers, their panicked expressions fading as they digest the scene before them – Zayne leaning against a wall awkwardly, you sprawled over the bed, sheets rumpled and an utter mess and you engulfed in Zayne’s robes no less.
“We are perfectly well,” Zayne manages out, pinching the bridge of his nose irately.
You smile wanly at them, your hands moving belatedly to smooth down your tousled hair.
“Perfectly well,” a maid echoes, staring between the two of you before she’s ushering everyone else out of the chambers, her head poking inside before she shuts the doors. “I shall have a bath drawn. Would you perhaps like some tea? Cake? Sweet tea? I seem to recall we had–”
You bury your face into the pillows.
Zayne sighs aggrievedly. “Please leave us.”
–
The new novel is delivered to you past midday.
You stare down at the title, rolling your eyes irritably. “The Cold Lord’s Boundless Affection: The Thrilling Sequel?” you scoff, beginning to flip through the pages agitatedly, skimming through the passages. “Why is a sequel needed? The first two were already bad enough.”
“Now, now,” Zayne murmurs, his lips brushing over your forehead as you squirm in his lap uncomfortably, “you mustn't be so easily vexed, my beloved.”
“You should be more concerned about this,” you hiss, waving the novel in his face. “This– this is a farce!” You scan a passage, finger pressing against the page roughly. “Upon noticing his wife’s distress,” you read aloud, “the cold lord swept her into his arms with such affection that she began to swoon.” You shake your head vehemently. “That is simply untrue!”
Zayne smiles up at you, his hand rubbing against your stomach. “Is it?” he asks, feigning confusion as his brows furrow, “I do seem to recall some swooning on your part.”
“I did not swoon, dear husband,” you grouse, tossing the book aside as you shift in his lap once more, trying to ease the dull ache permeating through your lower back. “If anything I was in charge of the situation and you were the one overcome with emotion.”
He laughs at that, his body shaking beneath yours and you huff out a breath, feeling warm with your own feelings of affection as he kisses your cheek.
“In any case,” Zayne says, helping you stand as you sway unsteadily on your aching feet, “my affection towards you is boundless, is it not?”
“Is that why you have given me another child?” you mumble, staring down at your swollen stomach, rubbing your hand over it gently. “I cannot do with another set of twins, Zayne.”
“You did this all on your own, my lovely wife,” Zayne muses, his hand pressing over yours, eyes shining when he feels the baby kick gently. You smile faintly, leaning back into his chest, head tipping back as he dips his head, kissing you. “Was it not you who stormed into my chambers and demanded another?”
You huff out a breath, chasing after his lips when he tries to pull back, tugging him down to kiss him deeper.
“I hardly demanded,” you whisper against his lips, eyes fluttering shut as he cups your cheeks, calloused fingers stroking over your skin soothingly. “I very cordially requested that you take care of me, Zayne. You took it upon yourself to bend me over your desk.”
He hums, lowering his head to whisper into your ear. “You were wearing my favorite nightgown, my beloved. One might have been inclined to think that his wife may have been tempting him.”
You bite back a whine, pressing your face into his chest to breathe him in. “I cannot fit in it anymore,” you mumble sullenly, playing with his robes.
“And yet you look as radiant as ever,” Zayne whispers, his fingers sliding under your chin to tip your head up, forcing you to meet his gaze. He smiles when he sees you pout, kissing you gently.
You sigh when he rubs your stomach again through your robes, the tension in your shoulders beginning to bleed out slowly. It’s short-lived however, the sound of a maid’s alarmed shriek making you jolt as a blur of color rushes past you.
“Young Master! Young Miss!”
Blinking owlishly, you watch as your twins – only four – laugh and run away from their maids and tutors, darting through the middle of the courtyard and behind pillars and trees.
“Again?” you sigh exasperatedly, unable to stop the fond expression spreading across your face as your children wave at you both, their little heads poking out from behind a statue, chubby cheeks rosy and eyes glittering with mischief.
Zayne smiles, his arms wrapping around you carefully, holding you tighter against him.
“They seem to take after their mother, no?”
You swat his arm, rolling your eyes. “You encourage them too much.”
A soft wince escapes you when the pain in your lower back worsens, your hand flying to your swollen stomach when you feel a strangely familiar wave of pressure beginning to press downwards.
“Zayne, I think…” you trail off, sucking in a sharp breath of air as you stagger, clinging to his arm tightly.
Concern flickers across his face, his hands moving to keep you upright as you gasp, feeling something wet rushing between your thighs until you glance down to find a small puddle of water at your feet.
You blink up at Zayne, watching as his composure wavers when he sees your dampened robes. The slight tinge of pallor to his skin and look of panic flaring through his eyes would make you laugh if not for the rapid waves of pain currently racking through your body.
You smile bemusedly, feeling the baby kick with renewed vigor.
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