Let's face it: Jesus' words sometimes feel a bit harsh. While I often think some of the bluntness of Jesus' words in the Gospels is due to the specific version/translation that's being read, it still does seem that Jesus was often very frank – and sometimes even insensitive – about things. Sometimes His words even feel downright unloving and mean.
For example, today I was reading some passages in the book of Luke, where we see some of this language. As Jesus is going along feeding, and healing, and teaching, we see this interaction:
"To another he said, 'Follow me.' But he said, 'Lord, first let me go and bury my father.' But Jesus said to him, 'Let the dead bury their own dead; but as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.' Another said, 'I will follow you, Lord; but let me first say farewell to those at my home.' Jesus said to him, 'No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God." (Luke 9:59-62)
Isn't that kinda wild? In the midst of a person's stressful and heartbreaking loss of a parent, Jesus is essentially telling this man to not bother with providing a burial – something that was not only respectful and proper to do, but also something that could provide healing and closure to this person. No, instead Jesus rather insensitively tells this man to focus on that, and instead focus on the kingdom of God.
In the second example, it's also just as surprising. This person is willing to follow Jesus! He just wants to tell his family goodbye before doing so – probably because he loves his family. So to not honor this person's love for his family is kinda crazy to me. And honestly, if I were that person's family, and they just up and disappeared one day because they decided to just go off and follow someone without even saying goodbye, I don't know how I'd handle that. I'd probably be sad, scared, worried, maybe angry. You'd think the loving and respectful thing to do would be to allow this person to simply go say goodbye to his family, but Jesus doesn't do this. He instead tells this man that, because he wants to go say goodbye, he is not fit for the kingdom of God.
Ouch. What is wrong with burying one's father? And what is wrong with saying farewell to one's family before leaving for (possible) forever? Nothing! There is nothing wrong with these things at all. And in fact, these things are acts of love and care. So why is Jesus being so stern with these people for wanting to do the right thing for their family members?
Honestly, I don't think it has anything to do with the specific actions these people wanted to do. I don't think Jesus had a problem with people burying their dead or wishing their families farewell. Rather, it was these actions in comparison to following Him that were the issue. These men were keeping their families before Christ in their hearts, and THAT was the problem.
Jesus is to come first and foremost before anything else in life – even things that are good and wholesome. If they are placed before Christ in our hearts, it means we aren't full followers of Jesus and therefore are unfit for the kingdom of God. It sounds harsh, but it's what God requires – He wants our full selves. It doesn't mean He doesn't want us to love our families and do right by them, but it means that even they shouldn't come before Him in our hearts.
You know what else is interesting here? If these men truly desired to follow Christ and His ways, why didn't they see that the actions they hoped to do for their families were actually not Christlike? While they weren't bad or harmful actions, they weren't what Jesus would've done. For instance, there was no saving the dead father. He was already gone and "unsaveable" – but there were still others in that man's life that he could influence to bring to Jesus. Likewise, why didn't the man who wanted to say farewell to his family instead ask if he could go invite them to come along with him to follow Jesus? Christ was and is all about bringing others to Himself. If these men truly desired to follow Christ and His teachings, they would have also desired to bring others to Him as well. And the fact that they didn't seem to get that may also have been why Jesus said they were unfit for the kingdom.
So, conclusion? Put Christ first and bring others to Him.