prompts for emotionally stunted idiots
because my friends muses need therapy. will they get it? absolutely not.
AVOIDING THE TERRIFYING ORDEAL OF BEING KNOWN:
“ yeah i’m pissed off but i’d rather not talk about it. that’s why you’re the one i came to. ”
“ i’m not looking for a friend. i’m looking for someone just as angry as i am. ”
“ i’m not good at caring about people’s shit on purpose. ”
“ i’m not gonna ask if ‘you’re okay’ cause that’s fuckin’ annoying. you wanna get the hell out of here and do something? ”
“ i don’t wanna talk about it. you got a beer? ”
“ upset? why would i be upset? ”
“ so you wanna go find something to break? ”
“ hey you want me to kill that guy for you? ”
“ i just need to get this shit done. and i trust you to help me do that. ”
“ you’re hot. and i’m bored. ”
“ can we just have some meaningless sex we can both pretend didn’t happen tomorrow morning? ”
“ i can think of at least a dozen people that need killing. or a light beating. will that cheer you up? ”
“ i’ve a got job and i think you’d be the perfect fit. so you in? ”
“ yeah i don’t do the whole crying thing. give me something to stab and i’ll be good in a day or two. ”
“ i banged it out and now i feel great. next question. ”
“ if i think about it, i get angry. and i don’t know where that anger stops. so i’d rather not start at all. ”
VARIOUS SENTENCES WITH ABSOLUTELY NO DEPTH U COWARDS:
“ if you’re gonna stay here you can’t be sober so either take the fruity beer or the shitty wine or let me be vibe in peace. ”
“ how much insect essence do you think are in every square inch of chocolate? like just how many cockroach guts have i consumed with my hershey’s? ”
“ you should’ve seen the look on their face. it’s been so long since i’ve made someone that fuckin’ angry it was great. ”
“ i have this neighbor who keeps playing driver’s license at 10 a.m. every morning and i’m starting to question if it’s a sixteen year old getting over a breakup or a 36 year old trying to reclaim their childhood. at this point the mystery is the only thing keeping me going. ”
“ do i trust you? absolutely not. next question. ”
“ if i don’t get a nap in the next hour i’ll probably murder someone. ”
“ you’re getting that look in your eyes like you’re about to ask me what’s wrong so i’m gonna save us both the awkwardness of finding an excuse to leave and just go now. ”
“ i’m here to raid your fridge cause my date went really bad and all i’ve had is lukewarm water and breadsticks. ”
“ i’m making a fake tinder profile to see how gullible guys are, wanna help? ”
“ hey i got something for you look! ” *holds up middle finger*
“ why are you really here? ”
“ i’m not leaving until you tell me what the fuck is going on. ”
“ you can’t solve every problem with your fists. ”
“ i’m not here to talk about me. what the hell is going on with you? ”
“ you think i don’t notice but i do. i can tell something’s wrong. ”
“ i can see beneath your smile. ”
“ why won’t you just tell me the truth? ”
“ what are you hiding? and don’t you dare try to lie to me. ”
“ what the hell did you do? ”
“ so are we gonna talk about it or are we gonna pretend nothing’s wrong here? ”
