Astralis @ofstarsandroses - Tumblr Blog

Open Hand or Closed Fist - Chapter 4

The walk back home is a hazy memory, eluding my mind. Night was falling slowly, and the first stars were already twinkling in the darkening sky. As I made my way down the path leading me home, the last orange glow of the dying sun receded in the horizon, disappearing behind the trees that made up the forest west of the village.

Many incohenrent thoughts were fighting inside my mind, each more complex and convoluted than the previous one, but all were centered around one person. Bathilda vanished from my mind, relegated to a side character in the much more interesting play I conjured of the afternoon. Only his words remained, swirling in my head. It should have made no sense, that I kept replaying the conversation, that I kept seeing his face, his expressions in my head as if I was still sitting in that living room, on that sofa were I sank. Nonetheless, I was reeling, noble to make heads nor tails of what had happened.

I tried not to think too much of the way he said 'lovely debate', or the purr in his voice, that I was half sure I'd dreamed, when he whispered 'See you soon, Maus'. Even that awful nickname didn't enrage me as much as it used to.

I hadn't realized when I'd gotten to the front door, but when I came to my senses, I was standing on the step, my free hand on the handle. I pushed it open, and the strong smell of onion soup greeted me. Ariana was sitting on the couch, right over the patch mother had sewn countless times already but kept tearing itself open, always ending up glaring at us. She'd despair and shout and curse at it, but always ended up sitting and quietly mending it.

Ariana wore a pair of pants I had never seen her in and her wet hair created a dark spot on a shirt that looked suspiciously like one of mine. As always, Aberforth was grumbling alone in the kitchen.

Ariana saw me first. Her gaze went from me to the bundle I held in my hands. I raised it slightly towards her and brought a finger to my lips.

She glanced at the kitchen door, where Aberforth's grumbling could still be heard, before whispering "What is in it?"

"Cauldron cakes," I whispered back.

Her eyes twinkled and a smile crept up her face, "No way."

"Shh!"

She dropped her knitting work and her hands shot out to grab the bundle. She unfurled her legs one by one like a stealthy cat and padded soundlessly through the living room and towards the stairs. I glanced at the kitchen, Aberforth was nowhere to be seen. Soon, Ariana came back downstairs and resumed her position on the couch, knitting the skein of yarn as if she had never left.

I sat down at the table and crossed my hands. I tried to unravel the day's events, to find a single thread of understanding that I could grab to try to understand what caused me to start speaking like that and what caused him to change his behaviour towards me so suddenly. That same morning he was taunting me, making fun at me in that merciless way he has of reaching inside your ribs and poking at them until you're visibly uncomfortable, and after that he'd changed completely; not so much in his words but in his whole demeanour. It was as if my words had been a spell that finally unlocked something. Unless he was just pretending. Perhaps I will see him tomorrow and he'll laugh at the way I almost believed that he'd changed his opinion of me.

Aberforth appeared at the kitchen door. He crossed his arms and looked at me. I held his gaze until he gave up and asked "How did it go?"

I hesitated, unsure whether I should tell him about the whole conversation, about Grindelwald and what I said. Finally, I spoke up, revealing what little I could to satisfy his curiosity without saying too much. He seemed unsatisfied with my recounting of the afternoon but that has to be attributed to the curiosity that seems to be a characteristic of his age. Teenagers feel like everything is owed to them, while being unwilling to give anything away of their own. Such a contrarian age, I thought while rolling my sleeves up to help him prepare for dinner.

Ariana joined us soon after. She had put her blond hair into a messy ponytail and left droplets of water in her wake. Aberforth scolded her for putting water everywhere, but she only stuck her tongue out at him and proceeded to whip her head left and right, sending even more drops of water around.

Dinner was almost ready, but there were no clean dishes. Everything was in the sink, still dirty from the day's lunch and the previous night's dinner. When he saw me look in that direction, Aberforth turned around. The tips of his ears were red. He scratched the back of his neck and mumbled something I couldn't quite catch.

"I'm sorry, can you repeat?"

He repeated his incoherent mumbling.

"I…no I'm really sorry I didn't understand."

"I couldn't get it either," Ariana said.

"I said I forgot to do the dishes !" He finally said, louder than was necessary. "I meant to do them this morning but I got distracted."

I could swear I saw the tips of his ears turn even redder, and I chuckled. "That's quite alright. I know just the spell."

I took out my wand from my back pocket and waved it around a little before pointing it at the pile of dirty dishes in our sink.

"Tergeo."

As I cast the spell, the grease began to vanish from the plates and pans, disappearing into nothingness and leaving not even the smallest trace. Before long, everything in the sink was clean and spotless. Then, I waved my wand once more and the dishes levitated from the sink and neatly placed themselves in the shelves and cabinets, whose doors closed right after.

Behind me, I heard Ariana's soft claps and Aberforth's mumble, loud enough for me to hear, "Show-off. Why the hell did you learn cleaning spells for anyway?"

"To impress his boyfriend Elphias', I'd wager," Ariana answered him in a whisper.

"Elphias is not my boyfriend!" I tried to sound convincing, but my outburst only served to comfort them in their delusions even more.

That was true, Elphias wasn't my boyfriend – nor had he ever been. There had been something I had a hard time naming between us, but nothing that ever led to a developing of our relationship from best friends. He was my closest friend and confidante, the one I knew I could trust with the darkest secrets, but a spark of love? That was unthinkable.

At any rate, thinking of Elphias won't do any good.

I slid my wand into my back pocket and helped Aberforth serve dinner. We all shared something we found interesting during our day, just like our parents used to do when we were younger. Ariana said she learned an intricate stitch mother use to do with ease, though she still found hers crooked. Aberforth said he'd ventured in the village and talked with Mary Emerson, whose father had just recently learned that both his wife and his daughter were witches and found himself in quite the predicament. Apparently, the girl found the whole situation amusing. I had already shared most of my day with them earlier so I didn't feel the need to add more to the conversation.

I took care of the dishes and Aberforth mumbled a quick thanks before running to his room and closing the door behind him. Ariana stayed with me and worked on her embroidery while humming.

Once I finished the dishes, I went to collect her to put her in bed. She shot me a bemused glance.

"I'm not five, you know. I can sort myself out."

"Ah, you are right. My apologies."

She gathered her supplies and left the dining room.

I wiped my hands on a rag before throwing it on the counter, deep in thought. How had I not seen how big she'd grown already? Time passed me by without me even taking notice. My baby sister was almost a teenager and Aberforth was well past that phase, already taking decisions about his future. All the while I spent my time whining about my travels and my studies, inflating my own sense of self-importance by forbidding my brother from making his own decisions.

I climbed the stairs back into my room and crawled under the covers after I changed my clothes.

I woke up at first light the next morning. Mr. Cravensworth had exceptionally entrusted me with opening the shop, insisting that I should be there no later than 6:45, just in time for Mr. Bramblebee to stop by with the Daily Prophet under his arm, on his way to the tea shop. I knew he didn't like me much, and he'd surely be disappointed to find me behind the counter instead of his old friend. Mr. Cravensworth never told me where he went during his expeditions, but he always came back with a rare tome or a work that hadn't previously been translated to English. Those usually disappeared within a week of being in the shop.

As always, the shop remained empty for a good part of the morning — bar the usual visit from Mr. Bramblebee, who sighed loudly when he saw me — and I was dozing off when I heard the bell jingle. I hadn't had time to sit up straighter when I heard that Eastern European lilt that made my hairs stand on edge.

"Sleeping during work hours? Is that what you are paid to do, Maus?"

That shit-eating grin always on his face, Gellert stood in the middle of the shop, clad in black despite the summer heat. His hair had been slicked back this time, though a single strand remained curled on his forehead. His eyes weren't on me, they darted left and right in the shop and I was suddenly very aware of the dust on the shelves. I should have wiped them a little before opening.

"Cute little shop you got there."

"It's not mine. I work here part time, twice a week." I don't know why I volunteered this information. Ha hadn't even asked, and didn't seem all that interested in it.

"Hm. Lovely."

"Can I—" I cleared my throat and tried again. "Can I help you with anything?"

"Hm? Oh, no. I wouldn't want to wake you up."

I could strangle him.

"Those are muggle books," I said.

He turned around and this time, his eyes were all on me. I preferred it before, when he didn't look at me. "You say?"

"I said, those are muggle books you're looking at. We keep them as a front. The magic books are behind."

"Show me those."

I groaned internally, and hopped off my stool. I motioned for him to come closer and he obliged. I took the heavy keychain hanging on the wall and gave it a jangle. Twice, the sound of keys hitting each other filled the room with an unbearable noise, but at th third jangle, the key merged together into one. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Grindelwald's inquisitive gaze as he stepped closer to examine the jade key. It emitted a soft, green light in my hand.

"Interessant. A separating charm, so no one can find the key except those who cast it. Whose idea was it?"

"Mine, as a matter of fact."

I slid the key into the hole and twisted it to the side. The door opened to reveal a room bigger than the surface of the shop could allow. Books extended from floor to ceiling, and a lot were stacked on the floor without ceremony. A few floated in the air above us. ut ceremony. I stepped to the side to let Grindelwald step inside.

I stepped to the side to let Grindelwald step inside. "There you go," I said. "Take your time to explore. If you say a title out loud, the room should be able to find it for you, granted we have it in our catalog. Unlike for muggle books, we do have a lending system for wizard books, though our in-house policy requires that you return it after a week, in the same state in which you found it, and we decline any responsibility in case of injury caused by a book. If that's clear, I'll let you browse in peace."

"You're not coming, Maus?"

"I'm afraid someone has to keep the shop. Have fun."

I closed the door behind him before he could respond. I kept my hand on the doorknob for a long time. I wish I could close the door in his face again.

Immediately, the keys in my hand began shaking until the single jade key turned into several iron ones. I hung the keychain on the wall and sat back on the stool behind the counter.

An hour passed without any sign of Grindelwald. I wondered whether he was alright, but quickly banished the thought. He was more than capable of sorting himself, if his bravado is anything to go by. Still, I couldn't help but worry a little bit that he'd gotten lost in the back library. We've had a few people, unfamiliar with the labyrinthine corridors of the library, get lost. Mr. Cravensworth and I had to go looking for them and obliviate them afterwards so they wouldn't go complain that our library was a trap.

Just as I was about to go search for him, the front door opened. Alfred Froggott stepped inside, eyes bored as he took in the shop as if he'd never been there before.

"Good day, Alfred," I called out to him. "Are you here for the parcel you ordered?"

"Not so loud, Dumbledore!" he hissed. "Do you have it?"

"Of course, it's in the back. If you could follow me."

I opened the door at my back. Instead of a sprawling magical library, we were met with the storeroom, as dark and dusty as usual. Boxes were thrown haphazardly over the floor. Alfred stepped on the tips of his toes, careful not to sully his pristine suit. From the corner of my eye, I saw a shadow pass between us, and had to suppress a smile. The two rooms existed on different planes, but they intersected at moments. Thankfully, Froggott was none the wiser and kept complaining about the cobwebs and dust motes flying around.

"This is where you keep customers' orders? Total joke."

I bent over to retrieve the parcel containing his order and handed it to him. "Here you go, Alfred. I suppose you've already paid for it?"

He said he had and clutched his parcel close to his heart, as if afraid I might guess its contents by sheer force of will. I had no desire to. He departed the shop in a hurry, leaving me to my musings once more.

Soon after, the back door opened and out stepped Grindelwald, arms full of books and the happiest expression I ever saw him harbour, which was a half-smile that didn't look like a sneer or a smirk.

"Interesting collection. It's quite…extensive," he said as he placed the books in front of me on the counter.

"Mr. Cravensworth is very proud of his selection. He's been working at it for about a hundred years."

He kept silent for a moment, studying me. I tried not to shrink under those unsettling eyes and slid the tomes towards me. I focused all my attention on carefully noting the reference for each book as well as the date.

"There you go." I handed him a sheet of paper containing his titles and the date by which he should have them back. "Please, try to bring them back by July 31st."

He hummed and picked them up. I called out to him just as he was about to pass the door.

"Grindelwald, before I forget, I suggest you close your mind before opening Ceremonies of the Unseen. Just in case."

"Occulumency you mean?"

"Exactly."

"How cute of you to worry about me. Do not fret, I can handle myself."

With that, he closed the door behind him.

I could strangle him.

Mr. Cravensworth came back in the late afternoon, way later than he should have. I gave him a quick account of the day and departed as quickly as I could, finding that the sun was setting in the horizon.

By the time I arrived home, Aberforth and Ariana were already seated and discussing in hushed tones, bent towards each other. They straightened when I appeared at the door and ate their broth in silence. I tried not to show my irritation as I sat down, pulling the chair with a loud noise. They didn't resume their whispering but kept glancing at each other as if I couldn't see them. Very well, let them think their circus is clever. I ate my broth slowly, pretending I saw nothing. Then, Ariana spoke up.

"We heard you made a new friend."

I let my spoon fall into the bowl with a clatter and looked at her. Judging by the way they giggled, I assumed my face turned red.

"Who the hell told you that?"

"Albus, language," Aberforth interjected.

"Sorry. Who told you that?"

"Whispers go fast, in such a small village," Ariana said simply. When I asked her to elaborate, she refused and pretended to be focused on her bowl.

"For your information," I said after I regained my composure, "Grindelwald is definitely not my friend. Far from it. He is—"

"We know, Bagshot's cousin or something," Aberforth interrupted me.

"Her nephew, actually."

"Oh. Wow. I didn't know you were so well-versed in his lineage," Aberforth scoffed with a smirk.

"Look at him! His face is as red as his hair!"

Ariana and Aberforth burst out laughing until tears formed in their eyes. As much as I hated being the butt of the joke, seeing them so happy sent a flutter through my heart, and I thought of father. He was always the one cracking a bad joke to make us all laugh. Even mother, with her stern demeanor, couldn't resist him.

I miss my parents.

I miss them so much that I fear nothing can ever fill the gap they left, both physically and mentally.

"Where have you gone?" Ariana asked softly. "Is everything alright?"

I snapped out of my wistful reverie and smiled at her. "Nothing to worry about, sister."

I stood and picked up the empty bowls. "I'll take care of the dishes tonight. You can rest, Aberforth."

Aberforth looked like he was about to protest but decided against it and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Alright, but don't use magic. It's cheating."

I didn't use magic for the dishes, and instead scrubbed them clean from the leftover food. I couldn't shake the image of my parents from my mind. I thought of the last time we were together, almost ten years ago, before father's imprisonment. Ariana was four, I was barely ten and Aberforth was around six. We'd decided to spend the summer with mother's family in Wales, near Holyhead. We'd spent the summer meeting cousins even mother had no idea existed, sampling all of grandmother's food (I gained twenty pounds in the span of two month), and visiting Wales with father. That was probably the last time we were happy.

A tug on my shirt made me jump out of my skin, and I almost dropped the plate I was holding. I turned around but saw nothing but a halo of dirty blond hair, and felt the press of a much smaller body against mine.

"Ariana? What are you doing?"

"Were you angry?" Her words came out somewhat muffled by my shirt.

I didn't understand what she was talking about, but she sounded so dejected in that moment, I gently stroked her head.

"I am not mad at all."

"No? Not because we were making fun of you? Because we didn't mean anything by that, it was just in good fun. Sorry if we made you angry."

"You didn't. It was amusing. Now go to bed, it's getting late."

She let go of me and disappeared around the corner. I followed soon after, though I wasn't sleepy at all.

The air was pleasantly warm when I opened my window, a nice breeze raised goosebumps along my flesh. I looked out eastwards, where the poppy field was though I could see none of it. The night was too dark, only the last crescent of the moon glowing in the sky like a wicked smile. The sky itself was pitch black, and the moon disappeared and reappeared behind the clouds rolling above us. I took of my shirt, brought a stool and gave my back to the window. The cool air against my spine sent shivers down my body and cooled me better than any cold bath ever could. I sighed, pleased. I was still a little embarrassed by my siblings joking and laughing, unsused as I was to being the one laughed about. Father wouldn't have minded, as long as it put a smile on our faces, but I was not father, and I didn't like being made fun of.

"What is going on in that head of yours, Maus?" came a voice behind me.

I shot out of my stool and immediately pointed my wand at the window. There, on the ledge, Grindelwald was sitting right at the edge, left knee bent to allow his arm to rest while his right leg dangled in the void out of my window. He turned his head towards me.

"Don't point that thing at me it's useless."

"What the fuck are you doing here? Get out!"

"After I went through the trouble of climbing the window?"

"How the hell did you get up here anyway? Did you fly?"

I tried looking out the window but saw no broom. He couldn't have apparated since that makes a lot of noise. Which left only one option.

"Did you climb?"

"I just said I did?"

I remained silent for a long while, and the only sound between up was the wind picking up and the owls hooting in the night. "But…why?"

Slowly, like a cat stretching its limbs after a nap, he unfolded his leg, brought the other one inside, and stepped in my room. "Well…what about a walk?"

"A…walk? At this ungodly hour?"

"It's only midnight. At Durmstrang, the professors could wake us up at two in the morning and quiz us on the contents of any lesson through the year."

"That sounds like…torture."

"It was stimulating. Are you coming?"

My shoulders sagged, my wand hung limply in my hand. "What the hell…sure…"

I put on the nearest shirt over my back and buttoned it haphazardly before glancing at the door. I had to pass in front of Aberforth's room to reach the stairs and answering his questions if he happpened to wake up was the last thing I wanted to do. Grindelwald seemed to havee picked up my hesitation.

"What's the matter, Maus?"

"Nothing that concerns you, Grindelwald."

"Afraid your little brother might forbid you from leaving the house?"

This was true, but said in such a condescending tone I couldn't possibly allow him to ever think it was true.

"Absolutely not!" I stammered.

He gave me a hum that could either mean 'I am thinking and I have no time for you' or 'If you think for one second that I believe you, you better reconsider.' I hoped for the former, but expected the latter.

"There is always a solution," he said, and glanced downwards. "You have a broom, do you not?"

"Yes, but…the village is full of muggles, in case you didn't notice."

I saw his expression shift. "And?"

"And there's only so many things you can say to explain yourself if they happen to see you."

"Why would we need to explain ourselves to them?"

It took me a while to realize he was genuinely asking the question, though there was nothing genuine in his eyes at that moment. Just like a cloud passing over the moon and concealing its shine, his eyes were the coldest I'd ever seen seen them, and the white one especially was freezing me on the spot, as if I was the reason for this development of things. Then, the cloud passed over and I saw that mischievous look in his eyes again.

"A shame," he said. "I was hoping for a nice flight. I heard you were a good quidditch player."

"Who told you that?"

"My aunt of course, who else? Come."

He motioned me over his shoulder and then disappeared from the frame. When I glanced from the window, I saw him standing right in front of the kitchen window, his golden hair alight in the moonlight and that same grin on his face. His wand was in his hand, pointing at me.

I gripped the sill one last time and climbed over. My hands were raised by my sides, holding the frame before I let go, letting my body tumble down.

#grindeldore1899 #grindelwald x dumbledore #grindelwald #gellert #albus dumbledore