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@ogrebattler
Hugh~! HUgh~! GuAH~! F-Fuck~! Me~! HHUARDER~!
Send it, i dare you....
I double dare my followers
Since Iām randomly getting followers haha
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This was made by me for our NSFW users, better than the one i reblogged.. At least we have hot busty anime girl for that replacement.. šššš
Iām Real User who posts nsfw stuff, from real life to animes and i heart/like lot of stuff.. Answer questions as well.
so reblog away!
Yep not a bot
100 procent humen
šÆšÆ
There is no unskilled labor, only undervalued skills.
Humans AreĀ Weird
So there has been a bit ofĀ āwhat if humans were the weird ones?ā going around tumblr at the moment and Earth Day got me thinking. Earth is a wonky place, the axis tilts, the orbit wobbles, and the ground spews molten rock for goodness sakes. What if what makes humans weird is just our capacity to survive? What if all the other life bearing planets are these mild, Mediterranean climates with no seasons, no tectonic plates, and no intense weather?Ā
What if several species (including humans) land on a world and the humans are allĀ āSCORE! Earth like world! Letās get exploring before we get out competed!ā And the planet starts offing the other aliens right and left, electric storms, hypothermia, tornadoes and the humans are just ⦠there⦠counting seconds between flashes, having snowball fights, and just surviving.Ā
To paraphrase one of my favorite bits of aĀ āhumans are awesomeā fiction megapost:Ā āyou donāt know youāre from a Death World until you leave it.ā For a ton of reasons, I really like the idea of Earth being Space Australia.
Earth being Space Australia Words cannot express how much I love these posts
Alien: āIām sorry, whatĀ did you just say your comfortable temperature range is?ā
Human:Ā āHonestly we can tolerate anywhere from -40 to 50 Celcius, but we prefer the 0 to 30 range.ā
Alien:Ā āā¦ā¦. Iām sorry, did you just list temperatures below freezing?ā
Human:Ā āYeah, but most of us prefer to throw on scarves or jackets at those temperatures it can be a bit nippy.āĀ
Other human:Ā āNah mate, I knew this guy in college who refused to wear anything past his knees and elbows until it was -20 at least.ā
Human:Ā āHeh. Yeah everybody knows someone like that.ā
Alien:Ā āā¦ā¦. And did you also say 50 Celcius? As in, half way to boiling?ā
Human:Ā āEugh. Yes. It sucks, we sweat everywhere, and god help you if you touch a seatbelt buckle, but yes.āĀ
Alien:Ā āā¦ā¦. Weāve got like 50 uninhabitable planets we think you might enjoy.āĀ
āYouāre telling me that you have⦠settlements. On islands with active volcanism?ā āWell, yeah. Iām not about to tell Iceland and Hawaii how to live their lives. Actually, itās kind of a tourist attraction.ā āWhat, the molten rock?ā āWell, yeah! Itās not every day you see a mountain spew out liquid rocks! The best one is Yellowstone, though. All these hot springs and geysers from the supervolcanoāā āYou ACTIVELY SEEK OUT ACTIVE SUPERVOLCANOES?ā āShit, man, we swim in the groundwater near them.ā
Sounds like the āDamnedā trilogy by Alan Dean Foster.
āAnd you say the poles of your world would get as low as negative one hundred with wind chill?āĀ
āYup, with blizzards you cant see through every other day just about.ā
āAmazing! when did you manage to send drones that could survive such temperatures?ā
ā⦠well, actuallyā¦ā
ā⦠what?ā
āā¦we kindaā¦ā¦. sentā¦ā¦ā¦.. peopleā¦..ā
āā¦ā
āā¦ā
āā¦what?ā
āwe sent-ā
āno yeah I heard you I just- what? You sent⦠HUMANS⦠to a place one hundred degrees below freezing?ā
āy-yeahā
āand they didnāt⦠die?ā
āWell the first few didā
āPEOPLE DIED OF THE COLD AND YOUR SOLUTION WAS TO SEND MORE PEOPLE???!?!?!?ā
My new favorite Humans are Weird quote
āPEOPLE DIED OF THE COLD AND YOUR SOLUTION WAS TO SEND MORE PEOPLE?ā
aka The History of Russia
aka Arctic Exploration
aka The History of Alaska
Being from Alaska, this was sort of how I felt going to college in the lower 48ā²s and learned that no one else had been put through a literal survival camp as a regular part of their school curriculum, including but not limited to:
1. Learning to recognize all forms of animal tracks in the wild so you can avoid bears and moose and search out rabbits and other small animals to eat.
2. Extensive swimming and climbing on glacial pieces with competitions to see who could last the longest, followed by a group sit in the sauna so we wouldnāt get hypothermia (no, not kidding, I really did this many times as a kid!)
3. How to navigate using the stars to get back to civilization.
4. How to select the right type of moss from the trees to start a fire with damp wood (because, yāknow, youāre in a field of snow. Nothing is dry.)
5. How to carve out a small igloo-like space to sleep in the snow to preserve body heat and reduce the windchill so you wonāt freeze to death in the arctic.
āIām telling you, I donāt think we need to worry about territory conflicts with the humans. You know all those deathtrap hell-worlds in the Argoth Cluster?ā āThose worthless rocks? Yeah.ā ā80% of them are considered āresort destinationsā by those freaky little primates.ā
āIām telling you, they terraform for fun!ā āDonāt be ridiculousā āNo, seriously. Some of their most celebrated cultural loci are built on swamps. They have an entire city that is literally in a body of water. Not, like, an artificial pontoon city, they literally sunk the foundations into water. For Grilpās sake, they build elaborate structures out of frozen water AND THEN SLEEP IN THEM.ā āDear Thilak. Think we could get them to terraform our moons?ā āPsh, theyād probably pay for the privilege.ā
Eventually, it occurs to someone that humans are the perfect terraforming shock troops, as it were. They think itās fun to be sent to horrible planets! Theyāre really good at surviving and then taming them! All you have to do is sit back and wait until the planet is habitable, and then move there yourself! Itās genius.
It only takes one try before the reality of the situation sets in: human definitions ofĀ ātamingā and āhabitableā are woefully incomplete.
āWhy did you not eliminate the venomous plant life?ā Grahsskāti moans, clutching one limb.
āThose?ā The human laughs.Ā āWhy bother? Theyāre not that bad. And they eat the mosquitoes.ā
Grahsskāti shudders. TheĀ āmosquitoesā are⦠not to be mentioned. Just one swarm of them caused a landing shuttle to crash three planetary daylights ago.
āAnd the acid storms? Why did you not warn us of them?ā
āI mean, theyāre annoying,ā the human says, shrugging,Ā ābut we figured the cool sunsets made up for it.ā
Grahsskāti flails helplessly. āWhat about the ten-meter tall Fanged Death Bringers? They can eliminate an entire settlement in under an hour!ā
āTheyāre so cute!ā the human says, brightening.Ā āHave you met mine? Her name is Spot!ā
Humans are told of some planet or region of space that is consideredĀ ācompletely and utterly inhospitable - it would be folly to try and settle there.ā
Without fail, a decent number make it a point to settle there becauseĀ āFuck You Thatās Why.ā It doesnāt matter how uneconomical it is, how difficult the conditions are, how utterly ridiculous it may seem, there will be at least one human who will attempt to do it only because someone else regardless of species says it is improbable or WORSE impossible.Ā
āThis moon is still forming as such it is primarily soft - by that I mean most of the magma is close to the surface and-ā āOH BADASS you mean its like Mustafar right!?!?!?! Iām totally going to build a castle there.ā āWhat. I mean. There is NO fertile ground there whatsoever. No ecosystem. It is molten rock and minerals only.ā āWhich will make my castle there look METAL AS FUCK am I RIGHT!?!??! Come on. COME ON. I TAUGHT YOU HOW TO FISTBUMP COME ON.ā āā¦.youā¦.you are going to die, you know this right?ā āIām getting the feeling you donāt want to come to Lava Castle for some reason?ā
āListen, lad. Iāve built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was molten magma. All those aliens said I was daft to build a castle on a molten planet, but I built it all the same, just to show āem. It sank into the magma. So, I built a second one. That sank into the magma. So I built a third one. That spontaneously combusted, turned to ash, then sank into the magma. But the fourth one stayed up. Anā thatās what your gonna get, lad ā the strongest castle in this solar system.ā
āIām gonna need for you to explainĀ āhurricane partiesā to me again. Ā You humans have the technology to track these apocalyptic storms of wind and rain and predict where on the landmass theyāll hit up to a week in advance. Ā And youā¦have social gatherings during them?ā
āWell yeah, but only up to about Category 3 strength. Ā Then itās time to pack the car and head inland for most people, although a few hardy souls stick around and ride them out.ā
āOh good. Ā Category 3 is what again? Ā Winds up to 75 kilometers per hour?ā
āNo no, Category 3 starts at 175 kilometers per hour. Ā You left off the one.ā
Iām sure Iāve reblogged some version of this before, but I needed the STRONGEST CASTLE IN THIS SOLAR SYSTEM on my blog.
āThis planet is so cool!ā
āItās a planet completely made of ice.ā
āYeah! Letās send some scientists! Or I could be the youngest person there!ā
āYouād die, itās below freezing level!ā
āBut the blizzards are so pretty!ā
āThe storms of dEATH ARE NOT PRETTY!ā
āPEOPLE DIED OF THE COLD AND YOUR SOLUTION WAS TO SEND MORE PEOPLE???!?!?!?ā
āNo, of course not.Ā NobodyĀ āsentā anyone, they just went up there on their own.ā
āThey WHAT?ā
Oh my fuck nuggets, the actual thread
@hellsite-hall-of-fame
I found this gem
I love everything about this
HOW TO SUCK DICK
If you simply wanted to get a guy off as quickly as possible, all you need to do is lock your lips at the base of his cock and suction them up and down the bottom ¾ of his shaft at a quick, steady pace while pressing your flattened tongue against the underside of his dick. Make sure you are applying pressure with both your lips AND tongue. Keeping your tongue engaged at all times is key. I try to keep mine moving at all times. This is how you get 90% of guys off. It helps me keep from gagging to hold his cock steady at the base and bring my lips down to meet my fingers. You can do this very slowly for a more intense feeling, but make sure you move at a steady rhythm. Some guys like it faster or slower; you may have to ask, or more likely, heāll tell you. This is your power move, the one that is actually going to bring him to orgasm. A true hooker blowjob needs only this one move; if scientists were to create a blowjob machine, this is what it would do. The other moves Iām going to teach you are artistic flourishes; you use them to add flair and style to your blowjob or to slow down the action a little. SALIVA Donāt be afraid to just slobber all over his love muscle. It should be as wet and sloppy as possible, especially during your power move. A good blowjob makes loud, gross suction-y noises. When Iām done, Iām usually covered in my own drool and leave a wet spot on the bed. USING YOUR HANDS If his dick is too big for you to take the whole thing in your mouth, youāll need to use your hand too. Slobber all over his cock for awhile first so your hand will slide easily up and down instead of just catching on his dry skin. The most important hand move is the twister. When you slide your hand up his shaft, twist your wrist. A twisting motion gets you into a smoother rhythm than the straight up and down. Slide your hand up and down on the base of his cock in conjunction with your mouth moving up and down on the rest of it. The hard part is finding the correct grip: again you may want his guidance. Another good trick is to wrap your hand around the top of his cock and put your mouth over your hand. Then slide your hand down the shaft and your mouth down on top of it in a fluid motion until your hand meets the base of his cock. It will feel like youāre sliding your mouth all the way down him even if you canāt. Itās times like these I wish I could draw; Iād make little diagrams. THE BALLS I usually start out by paying some attention to the balls. There are three basic ball moves: you can put them in your mouth and suck them (LIGHTLY), lick them with a flattened cow tongue, or tense your tongue into a point and run the tip of your tongue all over them. I alternate between all three. Sometimes I lift them up and lick underneath his balls. Also, if you cup them while you are entering the home stretch, youāll be able to tell heās about to cum as they get higher and tighter. THE HEAD My next move is usually to give his shaft several long licks from base to tip. This is the ice cream cone move; it looks sexy, itās a nice touch, but itās not going to make anybody cum. While conducting the power move, I come up from time to time to give the head a little attention: sucking on it, moving my tongue in a circle around it, and flicking my tongue over that spot on the underside that all the sex websites tell you is el sensitivo. In my experience, guys donāt really go that wild over attention to that spot, but these are just flourishes anyway. I tend to get a bit wrapped up in my work that I forget to make eye contact, so head action is a great time to look up at him with puppy dog eyes and his cock in your mouth. FACE SLAPPING I mentioned this in my tips to get him to cum faster, but at least once during the beej, I usually pop his dick out of my mouth and slap it against my tongue or face, then look at him while I rub his cock against my cheeks and lips. Guys are visual, this is just a little something dirty for him to look at. DEEP THROAT I canāt really teach you how to deep throat, thatās between you and your gag reflex. The important thing, I think, is to make an effort to take him in as deep as you can, even if itās only for a few seconds. Itās hard to explain exactly how I do this: try concentrating on relaxing your throat and jaw. As I mentioned before, it helps me to steady his cock with my hand when I go deep, and breathing in instead of just holding your breath also helps abate that āgonna pukeā feeling. THE BIG FINALE When youāre ready to finish him off, go into the power move and donāt vary your pace for anything. If youāre cupping his balls, youāll often be able to tell when heās about to cum as they tighten up. I speed up a little bit at the end, and when I feel him start to come I push my head down as deep as it will go and suck slowly and intensely at the base, letting his cum just shoot down my throat.
Go for it. And always thank him afterwards.
I need to practice this, any lone in Phoenix interested?
Good advice!
Ladies take note šššš
Practice makes perfect
Happy New Years!!!
I hope everybody has a great year!!!
Oh dear
Hey guys. EVERYONE, and I mean EVERYONE who reblogs this post BY MAY 5TH 2019 will be getting a small monster design based on your blog theme, name, or profile picture. Letās go.
YāALL PLEASE
That would really be Awesome
I need this app.
anyone that reblogs this will get a surprise in there inbox!
Try why not
Hells yeah
It definitely is
Yeah