Impending Enlisment
Some part of me knows that the end was coming. But I just pushed the impending doom to the back of my mind because it seemed so far away. But days turned into weeks and before I knew it, the letter came. He wasn’t home when it arrived. I was in the midst of my research, prepping for my class’s simulation. Getting into the head of the Israel foreign minister was tiring and I was thankful for the doorbell for the distraction. Since his birthday, the sound of the doorbell often left me anxious. “It could be the postman, with your letter,” I said one day. It was a few days after his birthday, and Seunghyun had just received a call from the post office regarding a package that I had not opened the door for. His returning smile was a sad one, the one that would appear involuntarily when the subject of his conscription arise. “Not answering the door would not solve that problem sweetheart.”
But I still refused to answer the door, foolishly believing that my little act would save him from the hands of South Korea’s military. Except today. My heart dropped when the door opened to our mailman. He was biting his lip in guilt and I knew. “I was really hoping you weren’t home,” he said. The old man handed me the letter before patting me on the head. He left me to be but I had turn into stone. I stood by the archway in my shorts, oblivious to the winter wind for God knows how long. All I could feel was this heavy letter, as if the envelope carried more than his conscription notice. The envelope probably carried the rock to break my heart with and a small note that echoed mother’s words: This is what you get for dating a Korean man.
The sound of my phone ringing brought me back to reality. The wind had left me shivering so I hurried inside, the letter still in my hand. My phone continued to ring but all I could see myself doing was tossing the letter into our raging fireplace. But that would be just as useless as singing to the deaf so I walked over to the living room to answer my phone. It was him – how fitting
“Have you come to an agreement with Palestine, Israel?” He was laughing, teasing me. I could hear the sound of Seungri’s obnoxious laughter in the back. Their MV shooting has probably ended.
I swallowed the heavy lump in my throat. “It came.”
His laughter halted. “What?”
“Your conscription.”
The phone call ended there.
Twenty minutes later, I heard our front door open. “Baby,” he called. “Babe?”
My mouth was too heavy to form some sort of reply. How many more times will I hear him call me that? Seunghyun found me in the living room, sitting cross-legged on the sofa with the tv on.
“Babe?” Seunghyun rushed over to my side, kissing my forehead with slight desperation. His cold hands caressed my cheeks but I couldn’t elicit a response to subdue his worries. “Honey, we knew this was coming, didn’t we?”
I continued to stare at him blankly.
“Don’t worry, okay? It’s gonna be okay.”
His words were not at all reassuring. How would he know it would turn out okay? He’s no God. A lot of things can happen in two years. I didn’t even know where I would be in two years. I could possibly be dead. Ironically, death did not sound as terrible as our imminent separation.
“You’re a strong woman. It’s one of the reasons why I fell in love with you.” I rolled my eyes at his attempt to comfort me. His face brightened at my reaction and he let out a huge sigh of relief. “I thought you were gone there.”
“Don’t lie to me. You said you only thought I was strong and that after dating me, you realized I was weak and clingy and needy,” I responded angrily, as if getting angry at him would fix anything. But I was angry at the situation thus I’m allowed to get angry.
Seunghyun smirked. “Right, I said that.”
I pushed his hands away from my face and pulled out the letter. “Ugh… let’s just get this over with. Open it.”
He teared open the letter and unfolded its content. He read it to himself first before handing the letter to me. “Yeah, you were right. It’s the letter to inform me that I am healthy enough to become a police officer.”
I looked at him, confused. “Police officer?”
He smiled – grinning almost, as if he is carrying some kind of secret. “I applied for the police sector.”
“What?” My heart was beating faster than I could count. If he does enlist a policeman…
“I enlisted as a policeman because I know you can’t live without me. So, I would come back home every night to you.” He was standing now, his face beaming. “Surprise.”
As much as I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me smile, I couldn’t help but do so. “I fucking hate you,” I said instead whilst he grabbed me by the hand and pulled me into an embrace.
“No, you don’t. You fucking love me.” With that stupid smug smile on his face, he leaned down to kiss me.
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a/n: I couldn’t sleep thinking about TOP leaving for military so as an effort to calm my self down, I wrote this after finding out he was to enlist a policeman. I hope you guys enjoy this and find some comfort in it.