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@oh-yeah-just-watch-me
okay i'm gonna be honest i don't like people who are actively looking for a relationship and shooting their shots all around to see who will be most interested, it's weird. literally just wait until you fall in love with someone, it doesn't happen every year, what the fuck. it makes all relationships feel so transactional, like options on a menu, and so often i am considered one of the options and i don't flirt enough fast enough but i think to myself oh this person has feelings for me let me think let me explore that... and then i'm always given up on for someone who's faster. and i never understand what could make them unhave those feelings for me so suddenly and so fast until i realise there never was any feelings involved they literally just looked at me like i'm on a menu and tried to estimate the price, i.e. how much generic unspecified dishonest affection they'd have to throw at me until i gave myself over willingly and they Had A Relationship, until they Had Obtained Love. i wish people stopped trying to "shoot their shot" and "test the waters" with me, i mean i know i can't demand loyalty before i even agree to anything but i'd really rather they not show any interest in me at all if they don't mean me at all. i'd rather not have people attracted to me than have people be so open about it me and then so open about changing their mind about me once i turn out to not be digestible enough. idk something about a person LOOKING for a relationship (and you can always tell when they desperately are) is so off-putting to me like are we talking about falling in love or investing in a new pair of shoes. why do you think about this like acquiring something. the concept of looking for love itself is insane to me i'm sorry i can't respect that.
no way girl fr
You know it
Husbands at Hermes, can’t wait until someday I get mine👜🛍️
Credit to @ss on tiktok
How & Why Gatekeep Yourself
I loved this tweet so much that I sat down and brainstormed how to gatekeep myself. ✨💋🍷
This is something that has been on my mind since entering the business world and representing our family business at events, in negotiations and meetings.
As a naive 20-something, I had to make a conscious effort to learn not to share too much about myself and family.
Even if I had a row with my sibling that same morning, at the afternoon industry mixer I'll only talk about how harmoniously we work together.
People in business, as well as any acquaintances, are not your friends. Most people you encounter daily as a young woman don't have your best interests in mind.
Here are the minor details you can share with anyone that seem personal but don't reveal anything significant about your life:
Favorite foods: Mentioning your favorite snack, dessert, or a specific dish you enjoy.
Music preferences: Sharing a song or artist you’re currently listening to.
Pet peeves: Mentioning small things that annoy you, like loud chewing or slow internet.
Daily routines: Talking about how you like your coffee or a morning ritual like reading the news.
Hobbies: Discussing a hobby you’re interested in, like gardening, knitting, or collecting something simple.
TV shows/movies: Mentioning the show or movie you’re currently watching or have recently enjoyed.
Childhood memories: Sharing a funny or light story from your childhood that doesn’t reveal much about your personal life.
Weather preferences: Talking about how you prefer rainy days to sunny ones, or vice versa.
Travel dreams: Mentioning a place you’d like to visit one day, without giving away any travel plans.
Favorite color: Sharing your favorite color or type of clothing you like to wear.
These details create the illusion of being open without revealing anything that could be used to deeply understand or analyze your life.
Gatekeep yourself, stay classy. 🎀🪞🩰🦢🕯️
Basics of Understanding Your Colour Palette
Colour theory is really important to understand if you feel like you don’t look good in your clothes. Sometimes the way a garment looks online on a model/ on a mannequin vs when we wear it look different, because of the difference in skin colours.
To understand what looks good on us, we need to figure out our colours. And in order to understand our colours, we need to therefore understand our colour palette, for which we need to know our complexion and undertone.
Now, I’m no expert on this. But I’m sharing how I found out about my colours and what worked for me.
So step 1: what is your complexion and undertone?
For this, we look at three things:
1. Skin
2. Hair
3. Eyes
A. SKIN
Complexion refers to the color of your skin, while undertone is a specific shade within that color.
1. Undertone:
See if you have cool or warm undertones by looking at your wrist.
The colour of your veins can help you determine your undertone.
Look at your wrist veins in natural light. If they’re green or greenish-blue, you have a warm undertone. If they’re blue or purple, you have cool undertones.
2. Complexion:
Hold a sheet of white paper next to your skin to find your complexion. Double-check your undertone color by looking at your arm next to a piece of white paper. You have a warm complexion if your skin looks yellow, green, or golden. If it looks pink, red, or blue, you have a cool complexion.
B. HAIR
1. Cool:
Black
Grey
Ash-y brown
White blonde
Ash-y blonde
2. Warm:
Brown
Red
Auburn
Strawberry blonde
Yellow blonde
C. EYES
1. Cool
Grey
Green
Blue
2. Warm
Hazel
Brown
Black
Step 2: understand your score
Out of these three categories, how many warm/ cool toned features do you have?
Hair: warm/ cool
Skin: warm/ cool
Eyes: warm/ cool
Use your score to figure out your type:
1. Cool leaning: 2 cool features and 1 warm feature
2. Warm leaning: 2 warm features and 1 cool feature
3. Completely warm: 3 warm features
4. Completely cool: 3 cool features
Step 3: skip if you’re completely warm or completely cool. If you are cool/ warm leaning, you need to then understand your contrast:
High contrast: hair is significantly darker than skin tone
Low contrast: hair and skin colour aren’t too far apart
Step 4: now, let’s understand the four seasons.
1. Spring (warm)
2. Summer (cool)
3. Autumn (warm)
4. Winter (cool)
Anuschrees explains it well with these photos:
If you feel like you don’t fit in these categories perfectly, there is a further explanation on 6 secondary factors:
1. Light: light hair, light skin, light eyes. Recommendation: soft, light and muted shades of your colour palette, e.g. peach (Spring) or a pale lavender (Summer).
2. Deep: Dark hair, warm eyes (brown/ hazel/ green). Recommendation: deep, vivid shades of your palette, e.g. deep terracotta (Autumn) or black (Winter).
3. Warm: Warm undertone, warm hair (golden blond- brown, strawberry blond to deep auburn). Warm eyes. Recommendation: the mid-range colours in your palette that are neither too intense nor pale, e.g. a medium tomato red (Autumn) or a soft aquamarine (Spring).
4. Cool: overall colouring has an underlying cool quality to it. Recommendation: you look best in the mid-range shades of your palette, e.g. emerald green (Winter) or periwinkle (Summer).
5. Clear: high contrast, warm hair, cool eyes. Recommendation: saturated, clear colours, e.g. a bright, warm pink (Spring) or hot pink (Winter).
6. Soft: little contrast between your skin, hair and eyes, hair is in between warm and cool, eyes are green, grey-blue, hazel or brown. Recommendation; soft, muted shades, e.g. olive green (Autumn) or blue teal (Summer).
Step 5: online research
Once I figured out my basic palette (autumn) I went online and began researching celebrities and colour palettes for it. I went through more colour palettes, celebrities and eventually felt that I was more true to a Warm Autumn. Pinterest was a great tool for that.
I also used this chart initially:
Sources:
1. Wikihow
2. Headcovers unlimited
3. Cladwell
4. Anuschkarees
Table Etiquette
A crash course on fine dining/ being invited to dinner at someone’s place. Even if you don’t fine dine, I’d recommend you start practicing these habits in any establishment so that they come to you naturally.
Remember : A typical four-course meal consists of a soup, an appetizer, an entrée, and dessert.
If you’re standing at some sort of a networking session/ mixer:
Keep at least one hand free. If you are standing, have only a drink or food in one hand, never both. Hold a drink in your left hand so that you have a clean hand for a handshake. You can eat and drink while sitting, but it is always better to stand and greet.
Sitting/ dining out/ invited to dinner:
1. Wait to be seated by the staff/ host.
2. Napkin on your lap the minute you sit down at the table.
3. if you're looking at the menu, make sure to have the bottom, or at least one part of it, still touching the table, even if your impulse is to bring it closer to your face. Don’t lift the menu off the table to your nose.
4. Once you sip from a glass, you must sip from the exact same place on that glass for the rest of the evening.
5. If there’s a breadbasket and butter on your table - don’t dip the bread in the communal butter plate. Take a piece of the butter with your butter knife, put it on the side plate, then spread that butter on your bread. Don’t double dip! Your bread plate is the one on your left, by the way. And your glass will be on your right.
6. If your table has a lot of silverware - start from the outside and work your way in.
7. Dishes should be passed in a counter-clockwise flow. Don’t reach across the table.
8. Lay you fork and knife diagonally across the plate, side by side, pointing at 10:00 and 4:00 on a clock face. This signifies to the wait staff that you have finished.
9. Keep the rim of your plates as clean as possible, as a sign of respect to the staff.
Cultural differences:
1. Whilst eating Indian food/ in India, always eat with your right hand. The left hand should never touch the food. This is also seen in the Arab world - use only the thumb, index finger and middle finger to pick up food.
2. In Korea, one waits for the senior most person in the room to sit and eat, and is followed suit. Sharing is caring - food is often ordered to share with each other rather than individual plates.
3. Chopsticks etiquette (general): don’t stick and leave your chopsticks in your food perpendicular to the table, it signifies death. Don't set your chopsticks down pointed at another person at the table. Don't point your chopsticks at other people around the table.
4. France: bread on the table is meant to accompany the main dish, not as an appetiser.
What are some table manners that one should keep in mind if they’re eating food/ eating with someone of your culture?
Start
How do you ACTUALLY network? Like the idea of a coffee chat always baffled me. Like a stranger would agree to get coffee with me for me to essentially interview and then what? I guess my bigger question is how do I provide value to them besides buying them coffee? And the whole concept just feels cringe and transactional
I’ll give you two recent examples, one of work and one of a social event.
A friend invited me to a party. I don’t know said friend very well, but we’re on good terms. I said yes cause why not.
I met a girl there who happened to do some very interesting things and had similar interests to me. How did I find that out? I asked her about herself, I found out where she was previously residing, I learned what she did for a living, and I began associating it to the things that I do. She’s from the same city that I want to move to, she now lives 20 minutes from me, and she’s interested in spirituality. My work happened to organise a similar event a week later, which I immediately invited her for. I asked her for her number so that I could send her the invite.
What she immediately liked about me and expressed, was that I don’t use social media, when we agreed to exchange contact info. I explained to her that I’d have to connect her on iMessage/ WhatsApp and not instagram. That allows us to stay in touch much better than on social media.
I left the party earlier than everyone but I looked for her and told her that we should catch up next weekend or whenever she was free. She agreed.
So this is what you learn from example 1:
1. Learn to associate.
When someone tells you that they work in XYZ company, in B city, start by connecting things in your head. Who else do you know works in the same field, could they know each other? What do you know about the work that they do, and if you don’t know much, can you find out more? Most people, including myself, love to talk about what we do at work and what our job entails. Has their work allowed them to travel a lot? If yes, where?
In order to associate, you need to read a lot and learn a lot. You have to understand what’s happening in the world, what the latest news is, because how the hell are you going to continue that conversation?
2. You have to snowball the conversation. The goal is to try and understand WHO this person is. If someone asks you, have you met CSB and you have, you should be able to say yes, this is what she’s interested in, this is what she works in - you should be able to pitch CSB to another person.
Not every single conversation has to be valuable. You also have to decide whether the person in front of you is worth your time.
3. Exchange numbers, not social media. Nothing is going to come out of exchanging instagram or LinkedIn.
4. When you’re leaving the event, look for the person you met and tell them that you’re leaving and that you guys should catch up sometime. If you haven’t exchanged contact info yet, that’s the best way to do it. “Oh let’s catch up again soon! Can I have your number? We can grab a coffee or drink whenever.”
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Example 2. I’d gone to a conference a few months ago. I met a young guy, around my age, who works in an accelerator. I’m very interested in the start up world, and he’s working in one of the best ones in the world, at a decent position. He immediately began telling me about recent funding that they did, what sort of start ups they’re looking for, etc. I asked him for more information, which he was super happy to talk to me about.
We’re on very good terms but we live in different cities. I often send him reports because I work in media, and he sends me PDFs and pitch decks. Whenever we’re in each other’s town, we message each other. Otherwise, I make it a point to reach out to him once a month, just casually, to find out what’s happening.
Takeaways from example 2:
5. Scratch each other’s backs. You can’t just get value from the other person, provide them with the same. It doesn’t have to be work related. Let’s say the person you’ve connected with is interested in indie music and you learn that an indie band is playing somewhere - send them a link to the event and tell them that you remembered that they like this genre, and you just wanted to share the info.
6. What’s important to learn is maintaining relationships. I reach out to all my mentors, all my latest connections once a month. That doesn’t mean that I’m necessarily going to meet them face to face, but I just check in and ask how things are going.
So.
Approach. Associate. Snowball. Exchange info. Maintain.
upgrade your life by taking note of the objects you use most and slowly replace them with the most beautiful and high-quality versions of those things you can find.