added a graphic to elaborate on the specifics of what i’m trying to say.
basically, everybody changes all the time for all sorts of reasons. don’t let the myth of static selfhood trick you into thinking you’re unworthy. the only way to go is forward, which would be the case no matter what, and that’s okay.
⟢ sam feels that your shyness, your quiet demeanor and gentle personality, is so comforting. you soothe and calm him and his nerves without even trying, you don't expect anything of him, including conversation. he loves talking with you, but he also really enjoys being in your presence without needing to say anything at all.
⟢ he loves to call you cute names, like honey or baby, because you always smile all soft and bashful at them and he thinks it's the sweetest thing ever. you'll be in bed, him tracing soft patterns against the skin of your side as you tuck against his chest. he'll murmur, "did so good on the hunt today, honey." he grins when you hide your fluster.
⟢ you're not too big on pda, and sam is perfectly okay with that. but if you ever reach for his hand or link your pinkie with his while you're walking in public, he loves that, too. thinks it's so cute and makes him feel all warm and fuzzy. he'll give a chaste kiss to your cheek if you're not opposed.
⟢ he's so incredibly patient with your attempts to open up to him, or to start conversations. you always feel a little awkward, like you aren't articulating your thoughts well or stumbling over your words, but sam is there. he smiles at you, gaze soft and assuring and so attentive. never impatient or rushing you.
"go on, it's okay. i'm listening, baby."
⟢ in short, he loves you so very much and would really do anything to see you happy and safe :( he feels so understood by you, so seen and safe amidst your gentleness and love. he gives you all the hugs he can muster!
pairing: dean x gn!reader
genre: fluff, dash of angst if you squint
to note/warnings: set around season 10, mentions of the mark of cain, dean being a grumpy old man, cute first meetings, miscommunication
word count: 2.8k
a/n: this is random, i just wanted to write more fluff, since you guys were so nice about the last one. thank you again, i didn't expect so much positive feedback!
He swore that that giggle of yours could soften a demon’s black heart. He should know, having been one himself not too long ago.
You flashed him one last mesmerizing smile and slid something across the counter before you turned around and left the bar. His eyes lingered on you until you were through the door and out of sight. Only then did he dare to glance down towards your little goodbye gift, which he swiftly grabbed and carried back to Sam’s booth.
“Seriously?” Sam scoffed, the crooked grin on his lips reflecting a mixture of disbelief and belittling. “What is this, the 2000s?”
None of that seemed to bother his older brother, who was all toothy, boyish grin and lit up eyes as he proudly flaunted the napkin in front of Sam’s nose. Numbers were scribbled on it in black ink, clearly a phone number.
Was it a little old-fashioned? Maybe, but didn’t that make it all the more charming? Dean certainly seemed to think so and even though it must’ve been about 10 years or so ago since he last had anyone write their number down for him like this, he thought he deserved a sliver of joy.
“They even wrote ‘xoxo’ next to it, dude,” Dean boasted. “What’s that mean again, love and hearts or whatever?”
“Hugs and kisses, Dean. It means hugs and kisses,” Sam corrected him with a sigh. His brother was a lost cause.
The little symbols were about as cheesy as the act of the whole number on a napkin thing and Dean was eating it up with a giddiness that could only be matched by a lovesick teenager. You’d think after about two decades of acting like a flirtatious heartthrob, he’d either mature or be harder to impress.
“Either way,” Dean beamed proudly, “I’m still in the game.”
Sam’s eyebrows shot up, but he refrained from any witty remarks and settled for a snort instead. It’s been a while since he’s seen Dean’s lips curled upwards – after a couple of rough weeks and many setbacks, it was good to see him smile again.
He’s been to hell and back, literally and figuratively, and after all the worrying about the Mark of Cain, recovering from being a literal demon, and the usual apocalyptic sense of dread, who was Sam to deny him his fun?
Turns out he’d have his little moment ruined hours later anyway, and not even by Sam or any of his teasing comments.
He must’ve slept horribly or maybe the lack of leads in this case was starting to frustrate him.
It was unclear what exactly caused the switch to flip, but the grin from last evening that had reached from one ear to another was nowhere to be seen anymore. Ever since they left the motel and drove into town, he was back to his grumpy self.
Sam nearly flinched as Dean slammed the door of the Impala shut a little harsher than necessary. Dean’s brows were furrowed in frustration as he practically stomped into the diner. His little brother followed suit, barely making it through the door while it was still open. They took a seat and ordered some breakfast.
Despite knowing he wouldn’t get an explanation, Sam tried anyway.
“What’s up with you today?”
Dean shot him a glare that not only signaled he’d refuse to answer, but could also suffice for straight up daggers. He took a demonstratively large gulp of his coffee. “Can we just focus on the case, Sammy?”
Focus on the case was rarely what Dean wanted to do, not when he had a potential fling going on anyway. Which could only mean one thing.
“No luck with your napkin sweetheart?” Sam teased, seemingly hitting a sore spot as Dean slammed the coffee cup back onto the table with a clatter.
“The case, Sam,” he repeated insistently.
Right on the money then. What else would rile him up into such an irritable mood?
Giving in — albeit he did a terrible job at concealing a gloating grin —, Sam booted up his laptop and went through the files. It was all pretty straightforward: Bunch of people went missing over the past few days, one of their bodies having turned up with their blood drained. Vampires, likely, though Sam and Dean had yet to find the nest or talk to anyone in relation to the victims.
“There’s this one college student that went missing two days ago, usually never misses a class or a shift at their part-time-job,” Sam spoke and turned the laptop around for Dean to look at the missing person alert. “We could split up, talk to one of their professors and a coworker.”
“Fabulous,” Dean grumbled, using his fork to stab holes into his slice of pie. His mind was clearly elsewhere. Presumably on a certain someone he had met last night – and was stood up by, apparently.
“Seriously, what happened?” Sam half-groaned, half-grinned. There was some genuine concern in his voice. Even if the situation was kind of amusing – it didn’t happen often that someone was able to humble Dean like this –, he knew his brother was on edge already.
Anger and bottling up feelings were always his specialty, but with the Mark of Cain still attached to his arm, they should probably not risk any major stress.
Dean grumbled something inaudible, half of his words swallowed by the coffee cup, the rim of which was pressed against his lips. Sam only thought he heard something along the lines of ‘wrong number’ and gave a confused “What was that?” in response.
“Whatever,” Dean groaned. “Any contacts, an address?”
Sam nodded and told him the address of the coworker. With Dean’s shitty mood, he’d rather not bring him to campus to scare away any freshmen. So, they separated for the time being, Sam heading to the university while Dean made his way to that address downtown.
On his way there, he fished for his phone again. And the napkin.
He had tried to dial the number earlier this morning and (much to his obvious dismay) the call had not gone through. He typed it in again, number for number, double-checking each digit individually. Maybe he had somehow gotten it mixed up in his half sleepy state earlier?
‘The number you have called is not available. Please check the number and dial again. The number you have called is n–’
Dean definitely didn’t get it wrong, comparing the number on his screen and the napkin again.
With a scoff, he shoved his phone back into his pocket, exchanging it for his F.B.I. badge instead. Grumbling to himself, his feet dragged him past a picket fence – each step heavy-footed – and up a porch, where he rang the doorbell.
As for why you’d trick him like that by giving him a wrong number, was beyond him. You could’ve just said no when he asked for your contacts, so why go through the hassle to be this mean about a rejection?
Unless he somehow had made you uncomfortable last night, although he could not for the love of it remember anything but your bright smile throughout the whole conversation. In fact, you had eagerly nodded when he offered to buy you another drink.
The soft creaking of the door disrupted his thoughts. By default habit, he already held up his badge, deciding to focus on the task at hand. Sam would be giving him a handful if he got too distracted during a case.
“Special Agent Murray, could I–?”
His introduction died on his tongue as his gaze fell upon a dazzling and oddly familiar smile. A heartbeat later and said smile vanished from those lips, which then twisted into a surprised O-shape.
“I don’t remember writing my address down,” you chuckled. Nervously. But not the kind of nervousness he would’ve expected from someone who had practically dumped him in the shittiest way possible.
The quip itself was somehow unfitting, considering those circumstances.
Who knew the coworker of the victim would be you, of all people, in a rather big town like this?
“Special Agent, huh?” Your smile was back on your lips, the intrigued spark in your eyes resembling that of last evening, and confusing him only further. “Am I in trouble, did I commit a crime?”
If handing out false numbers was a crime—
Dean cleared his throat and averted his gaze. He briefly fidgeted around with his badge, struggling to put it away again. Maybe that extra cup of coffee at the diner earlier was a mistake. As if it wasn’t already awkward enough. He wasn’t keen on making a fool out of himself further, so he decided to get this job over with as quickly as possible.
“I have a few questions about Daniel Anderson,” he said, tone dry as bone and honestly, rather hostile. “I take it you are his coworker?”
You blinked up at him, your smile fading once more. It was almost as if you were half-intimidated by his grumpy demeanor, but did you really expect a warm reunion?
“Uhm, yeah,” you mumbled, almost meekly, and opened the door further, stepping aside to make room for him. “Come on in, please. Would you like some coffee?”
Dean was led to the living room, where you gestured towards the seating options – a small couch and an armchair. Even though he just had about a gallon of it, he accepted your offer and settled on the couch.
While you were busy in the kitchen, he glanced around the room. A small but cozy living space and a pair of shoes kicked into the corner of the entrance that he definitely recognized. So you weren’t some lost twin of last night’s encounter.
“Excuse the mess,” you chuckled shyly, again with a warmth that exceeded his expectations. “I mean, you know how it is, I got home pretty late last night and have not had the chance to clean up yet.”
How come you were able to brush off this palpable tension with such ease? He was practically dying on the inside here while you, without hesitation, sat down next to him instead of the armchair and handed him the cup of coffee.
Dean once again cleared his throat, taking a sip of your coffee – as if somehow the caffeine could counteract his nerves instead of fray them further.
“About Mr. Anderson,” he began, clearly not wanting to dive into the topic of last night. If he didn’t know it any better, he swore he could see a flicker of disappointment in your eyes.
Your answers to his questions matched what Sam already found out. Your coworker was last seen coming to work three days ago, punctual as always, then wasn’t seen again. Apparently he had been the last to leave the office, which wasn’t unusual, since he’d often work overtime. A diligent guy, from the sounds of it, despite working only minimum wage and managing his studies at the same time.
“I thought I haven’t seen you around town before,” you hummed, eyeing him up and down briefly in a way that made him feel naked despite his suit. “No wonder, if you’re a federal agent working a case here. I gotta say, you can pull off a tie just as much as the flannel.”
That caught Dean off guard for several reasons. One being the fact that you were even more assertive when sober, apparently. The more obvious one, however, remained your previous rejection of course. He could not wrap his head around the concept of you flirting with him now.
You in no way looked anything remotely guilt ridden or embarrassed. If anything, your responses to his gruff attitude were mellow in fashion. And you still subtly brushed your knee against his despite everything. Were you messing with him?
“I’ve been meaning to ask,” you mumbled, hesitant for the first time today. “You can show up at my doorstep, but you can’t give me a call?”
Huh?
His widened eyes and the deadpan silence in the room seemed to go straight over your head.
“Well, I guess you’re busy with work,” you sighed with a crooked grin on your lips. “You should’ve told me, giving a special agent your number is kind of embarrassing.”
That was your problem, his line of work? Well, in that regard, he couldn’t be too hypocritical. He was as much of a special agent as your number was real, after all. Still, he was done with your games.
“I did give you a call,” Dean huffed. “Or tried to anyway, but you already figured that, I bet.”
Now it was your time to look all puzzled, at least until Dean pulled out phone and pocket. He dialed your number and put his phone on speaker. If in some twisted joke the third time would be the charm now, he’d feel really stupid.
But as expected, the error announcement came through the speaker once more: ‘The number you have called is not available. Please check the number and dial again.’
The color drained from your face first, before a redness crept up your neck. Your gaze flickered back and forth between Dean’s phone and his glare.
Then you burst out into laughter. Your cheeks were flushed in a bright pink while you hastily scrambled to find your own phone.
“You think this is funny, sweetheart?” Dean sighed, damn near pouting.
You didn’t reply, just snatched the napkin out of his hands. Your fingers were warm against his, since you had them wrapped around your own coffee mug moments earlier.
“Double-awkward, I gave a special agent the wrong number, oops,” you giggled and facepalmed.
Oops?
Dean was about to retort something, clearly unappreciative of the way you were still trying to make up excuses.
But you remained unfazed. More than unfazed: You reached out to his lapel, those warm fingers of yours wrapping around the pen in his chest pocket. All he could do was stay frozen in place as you crossed out the last two digits on the napkin and rewrote them above – in reverse order.
“You switched them up,” he mumbled, more of a realization than a question.
“I get clumsy when I’m nervous,” you smiled softly, rubbing the back of your neck and nodding apologetically.
You did not fail to notice how Dean’s eyes lit up again. That scowl, the harsh line on his forehead, they melted away. Some of that boyish, cheeky grin replaced his gruff facade.
“Nervous,” he echoed and his smug smirk confirmed his returned confidence. He had made you nervous last evening, huh?
“What did you think I needed that second whiskey sour for,” you giggled with that gentle edge that turned his heart into mush.
He knew right away that he wanted to see you like this more often, flustered, because of him no less. Enough to give you trouble thinking straight.
“How about you run a test-call, just to make sure I didn’t mix it up again,” you suggested.
It took him a solid three or so seconds to process your words and then he flinched, fumbling around with his inner pockets in too obvious of a desperation. Once again, he cleared his throat, realizing this must’ve been the dozenth time or so you got him this flustered. You really knew how to keep someone on their toes, whether it was on purpose or not, huh?
Dean dialed the updated number and surely enough, the buzzing vibration of your phone eased his anxiety once and for all.
“And here I was, thinking you were trying to mess with me,” he laughed breathlessly, to which your smile softened into a pout. Clearly you weren’t fond of the idea of upsetting him in this manner.
At least for a split second, before it widened into a mischievous smirk.
“I don’t know if that would go against the law,” you hummed teasingly, “But I’m an upstanding citizen and if you were to arrest me, I’d hope it would be under different circumstances.”
With that and a wink, you took the empty cups from the coffee table and made your way to the kitchen again. Like last night, Dean was left letting his gaze follow you until you weren’t to be seen anymore. As he snapped out of it, he stood up and headed towards the entrance.
“Call me if you hear anything from Daniel,” you smiled at him as you hurried to open the door for him. “Or, you know, in general.”
Dean chuckled briefly, the first time he’s laughed properly today, and gave you a nod. On his way out, he practically skipped his steps down the porch, to which you couldn’t help but grin.
By the time Dean met up with Sam again, he was humming happily to himself. Sam raised an eyebrow at his sunshine-giddy brother, scanning him up and down.
“What happened to you?”
“I’m still in the game, Sammy.”
links/credits: ao3 ──〃★ dividers ──〃★ request here
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𝑭𝑰𝑹𝑬 𝑺𝑰𝑮𝑵𝑺 ♈︎ 𝖆𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖘 ♌︎ 𝖑𝖊𝖔 ♐︎ 𝖘𝖆𝖌𝖎𝖙𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖎𝖚𝖘
𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐧 ⭑ marry the leo !
๋࣭ ⭑ you match his fire and his pride, and neither of you ever backs down—it's loud, loyal, forever
𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐚𝐦 ⭑ marry the sagittarius !
๋࣭ ⭑ you pull him out of his head and remind him life isn’t just survival
𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐧 ⭑ kiss the sagittarius !
๋࣭ ⭑ it’s reckless, spontaneous, and absolutely not planned—but he’s grinning after
𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐚𝐦 ⭑ kiss the aries !
๋࣭ ⭑ it happens fast, heated, and he pretends it didn’t mess with him (it did)
𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐧 ⭑ exorcise the aries !
๋࣭ ⭑ you clash too hard—no one’s listening, and suddenly it’s a power struggle
𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐚𝐦 ⭑ exorcise the leo !
๋࣭ ⭑ he respects you, but your need to lead everything? yeah, no
𝑬𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑯 𝑺𝑰𝑮𝑵𝑺 ♉︎ 𝖙𝖆𝖚𝖗𝖚𝖘 ♍︎ 𝖛𝖎𝖗𝖌𝖔 ♑︎ 𝖈𝖆𝖕𝖗𝖎𝖈𝖔𝖗𝖓
𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐧 ⭑ marry the virgo !
๋࣭ ⭑ you keep him steady, patch him up, and call him out without breaking him
𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐚𝐦 ⭑ marry the taurus !
๋࣭ ⭑ you’re the closest thing he has to peace, and he clings to that
𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐧 ⭑ kiss the taurus !
๋࣭ ⭑ slow, grounding, a little too easy to get lost in
𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐚𝐦 ⭑ kiss the capricorn !
๋࣭ ⭑ tension, restraint, the kind of moment that almost becomes something more
𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐧 ⭑ exorcise the capricorn !
๋࣭ ⭑ you’re too closed off—he can’t read you, and that makes him snap
𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐚𝐦 ⭑ exorcise the virgo !
๋࣭ ⭑ you’re in his head too much, and he already lives there rent free
𝑨𝑰𝑹 𝑺𝑰𝑮𝑵𝑺 ♊︎ 𝖌𝖊𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖎 ♎︎ 𝖑𝖎𝖇𝖗𝖆 ♒︎ 𝖆𝖖𝖚𝖆𝖗𝖎𝖚𝖘
𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐧 ⭑ marry the libra !
๋࣭ ⭑ you soften his edges without dimming him, and he doesn’t even notice it happening
𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐚𝐦 ⭑ marry the gemini !
๋࣭ ⭑ you meet him intellectually, keep him curious, keep him alive
𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐧 ⭑ kiss the gemini !
๋࣭ ⭑ chaotic, teasing, a little addictive—he won’t admit how much he likes it
𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐚𝐦 ⭑ kiss the libra !
๋࣭ ⭑ soft, mutual, almost romantic—but it fades before it roots
𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐧 ⭑ exorcise the aquarius !
๋࣭ ⭑ you’re too unpredictable—he can’t control the situation, so he shuts it down
𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐚𝐦 ⭑ exorcise the aquarius !
๋࣭ ⭑ you detach when things get real, and he needs you to stay
𝑾𝑨𝑻𝑬𝑹 𝑺𝑰𝑮𝑵𝑺 ♋︎ 𝖈𝖆𝖓𝖈𝖊𝖗 ♏︎ 𝖘𝖈𝖔𝖗𝖕𝖎𝖔 ♓︎ 𝖕𝖎𝖘𝖈𝖊𝖘
𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐧 ⭑ marry the cancer !
๋࣭ ⭑ you care for him in a way that makes him feel safe enough to stay
𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐚𝐦 ⭑ marry the cancer !
๋࣭ ⭑ you understand him without questions, and that’s rare enough to keep
𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐧 ⭑ kiss the scorpio !
๋࣭ ⭑ intense, consuming, the kind of kiss that lingers in his head for days
𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐚𝐦 ⭑ kiss the pisces !
๋࣭ ⭑ soft, emotional, a little too intimate for something fleeting
𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐧 ⭑ exorcise the pisces !
๋࣭ ⭑ you’re too open, too vulnerable—he’s scared you won’t survive his world
𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐚𝐦 ⭑ exorcise the scorpio !
๋࣭ ⭑ you go too deep, too fast—he’s not risking getting pulled under again
the bosses are allowed creampie while the workers are punished for a simple little hickey. in this essay i will examine sexual politics through the lens of Marxian analysi-
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