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ina-gartens-weave

i am absolutely BEGGING yall to watch this scene where catherine ohara laughs without moving her mouth grghsdzuvjsc

hoespice-deactivated20180619

my dance style ranges from white dad at a barbecue to stripper whose rent is due tomorrow

hypokeimena

can you imagine being 26 years old and in marketing and you want to settle down with a rich stupid man who’s crazy about you and you FIND a divorcee who hasn’t talked to his ex in over a decade and has a very forgiving custody arrangement that would easily enable boarding school and is willing to MARRY you after a SIX TO EIGHT WEEK SUMMER ROMANCE with NO PRENUP and then his brat kid comes back from summer camp and it turns out his ESTRANGED OTHER TWIN DAUGHTER came back from camp and they hijack your entire life and put a lizard on you and then your hot old man ditches you for his hot mess of an ex WHO DESIGNED… THE CUSTOM WEDDING DRESS YOU HAD ALREADY PAID FOR. truly. a roller coaster summer…. all that scheming WASTED

pi4nobl4ck

anderwelt

WATCH IT TILL TO END

robinade

Man: “I’ve now created the world’s largest functioning whoopie cushion!” *flops on it, creating a long farting sound*

*camera pans to nearby cat, looking deeply unamused*

oceaniccunt-deactivated20190622

Would you prefer to get fucked by the bigfoot or Jason Vorhees?

Jason!!!! Bigfoot is a big stupid monkey. I hate him

doomkitteee

memescomedy

cobaltdays-deactivated20210208

Be your own daddy, make your own sugar.

natehankz

dragon-in-a-fez

my friend’s four-year-old son wouldn’t go to sleep because he wanted to keep looking at the stars and she tried to bribe him with a piece of chocolate and he just said “would you rather get a reward or be happy” and turned back to the window

jausters

Oh my… God?

lesbianshepard

honey is the only food product that never spoils. there are pots of honey that are over five thousand years old and still completely edible

lesbianshepard

i also want to point out we know it tastes the same even after thousands of years b/c archaeologists who discovered two thousand year old honey tasted it. presumably right after they looked at each other and went “what the hell here goes nothing”

celtic-pyro-deactivated20230725

key--lime--pie

I’m pretty sure they also identify human remains by taste. Archaeologists are straight up freaks.

notaflippinmermaid

No, no no… you identify bone from rock or other substances by touching it to your tongue. If it sticks, it’s bone. The taste itself has nothing to do with it. And most archaeologists won’t lick human bones if they know they’re human.

…and I realize that doesn’t actually do much to prove archaeologists aren’t freaks.