Insert witty title here

Whatever pops into my head about whatever subject. Mostly roller derby, my one man book club and my absurd inside head thoughts.

[ohnokoko-blog]

Date day! Also decided that I'm going to make more of an effort with myself and wear make up again and shizz. Fuck, I even just painted my nails.

[ohnokoko-blog]

Date day! Also decided that I'm going to make more of an effort with myself and wear make up again and shizz. Fuck, I even just painted my nails.

[ohnokoko-blog]

BFF and I chit chatting the night away. #fiance #bff #love #hopesanddreams

[ohnokoko-blog]

I made this for my class as our monthly board on "changes". Then I was bitched out by a three year old German boy, because "the moon isn't blue, it's yellow." Sorry Simeon.

[ohnokoko-blog]

Oh hello there!

It’s been a while, so long intact I forgot my log in details. So, hello there! Let me fill you in on stuff!

I still live in Shanghai, it’s coming up to two years. I am a teacher of small people and I am getting married.

Yes, I said that. I’M MOTHER FUCKING GETTING MARRIED Y’ALL!!!

I met my manfriend after living in Shanghai for about six months. He’s American Chinese and he’s awesome. We are ridiculous with each other and I love him. So. Woooooo!

I am shit at Chinese. I try, but I am embarrassingly bad at the language.

I started skating again. I co founded Shanghai Roller Derby, then got scared of it all and backed off. I’ve now backed on again and testing it with baby steps. It’s fun to skate again, I’m not that bad actually!

I have another blog, on wordpress, I used that a bit and now I don’t know where to post stuff.

Um…. Yeah. My life is full of normalcy these days. I’m still unwell but it’s managed on the day to day and all is good.

So… Yeah!

I guess I’m back!

[did-you-know]

Source

[ohnokoko-blog]

I did it.

I'm in China. I live here. I actually did it. Crazy!!!!

[authentic-boredom]

[ohnokoko-blog]

Been there, seen these - beautiful

[ohnokoko-blog]

I am moving to China in 5 weeks!

AHHHHH MAAAAAHHHH GHAAAAAD!

Shanghai be warned. 

[ohnokoko-blog]

Bad dreams are made of these

For the past.... 4 months I have had bad dreams every night. Some silly, some devastating but really... Every god damn night. How can I get this to stop?

[ohnokoko-blog]

My tortoise just farted on me.

What more can I say?

[ohnokoko-blog]

Sat in a broken down car.

Whilst the title sounds a bit like a country song it is in fact the truth. I was on a day out and driving into the city I used to live in (which is an issue enough as it always fills me with dread) and the engine light pinged on and the engine started over revving like a bad ass boy racer in his nova. Not fancying the risk of trying to get home on the motorway I am sat waiting for the nice recovery man to come and save me. So.. I have time to kill. So let's discuss my phobia of my old home town. It's a weird one. I moved here 4-5 years ago, coming back home after being in Oxford living in an abusive relationship. So I came back a little fragile, angry etc and sweetly enough I met a nice boy. There were a few family dramas to contend with, which meant the boy and I progressing quicker than usual and we were living together reasonably quickly. The relationship was a mix of happy and sad. I loved him more than anything, but I knew it was one sided. He was sometimes too blunt with stuff and it wore me down, yet I was scared to go at it alone. I had money worries, I found the lifestyle a bit tricky to maintain so I was constantly worrying about it. When I realised he hadn't the L word in over a year I knew inside I was collapsing a bit, but I tried to hold it together and not show it. Last year was tough, lots of people I loved died in a short space of time, money was at its lowest and I was treading water. I was constantly trying to please at home and not quite succeeding. I had a panic attack at work , had two more within an hour and was sent home. There my boy told me he was unhappy and called a stop to the relationship. It sounds weird but since then i felt very "unsafe" around the familiarity of the city. I became a afraid of bumping into him or my "old life". The panic attacks continued and I knew I had to move. It's been 5 months and I am still deeply uncomfortable returning there, I feel anxious and the whole fight or flight scenario kicks in. I feel like I need to watch my back all the time. I know, due to this, I will never move back. It is irrational I know, but everything I see reminds me of that stress and pain. And it still hurts even now. It's like I get over the split and I come back and someone scratches at the scab. Plus with being ill it's not been great to come back. I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone. So. Here I am. In my broken down car. Looking around. I am trying to work out what is scary. I can't see it but I know it's there. It's my monster under the bed.

[odd-boy]

Did this one a little while ago , never got round to sharing . Bit different for me ! (Taken with instagram)

[ohnokoko-blog]

I adore this.

[ohnokoko-blog]

Words that annoy me

For some reason the following words really piss me off. There's no rational reason except they make me feel icky. This list will be added to as and when. -moist -swab -squelch -aroused -milicule -buxom

[ohnokoko-blog]

This is my tortoise, Pebbles. On her exercise jaunt round the living room she climbed on me and slept a bit. (don't worry, ordinarily she has access to uv lights and heat lamps and what not, she's just having some family time).

[ohnokoko-blog]

Blood tests update!

Ok I can talk about it now as I have got the tests back and I got the all clear.

Last week I was told that I was displaying symptoms of ovarian cancer and they wanted to check my CA125 protein count (a protein women have in the body but can be higher if ovarian cancer is present). So being already ill this was like a whack to the body, but strangely enough I kept quite calm about it all. I read up on the symptoms and it's true I was similar (they are below). They took some blood and I had to wait, and I can assure you every cramp, every swelling, every pain made me think it was true. But i told myself that unless they told me it was true, then there was nothing that worrying would solve so I got on with my life.

When I found out today, it was like I was given a birthday present. But it made me realise how secretive this cancer is and how the symptoms can fool you into thinking it's a gastro issue. 

So here are some facts I discovered. 

It is the 5th most common cancer for women.

Although it can occur in younger women, it is usually in women of menopausal age. 

Women who have been on the pill 5 years or more are seen to be more "protected". 

Women (like me) who suffer from endometriosis, are slightly higher at risk

If caught early, the chances of recovery are good, however due to the symptoms being decieving some women may miss it. they are:

loss of appetite

indigestion, nausea, excessive gas (wind) and a bloated, full feeling

unexplained weight gain or an increased waist size

swelling in the abdomen – this may be due toa build-up of fluid (ascites), which can cause shortness of breath

pain in the lower abdomen

changes in bowel or bladder habits, such as constipation, diarrhoea or needing to pass urine more often

lower back pain

pain during sex

abnormal vaginal bleeding, although this is rare.

Obviously if you are displaying any of the above symptoms it would be wise to get checked out. It could be many things and in most instances NOT cancer. 

This has been a nerve wracking wait, I am very lucky. I will include some websites at the bottom if you would like to do some further reading, I'm not a doctor so I can only repeat what I have read. The following sites are very helpful

http://www.macmillan.org.uk/Cancerinformation/Cancertypes/Ovary/Ovariancancer.aspx (UK based)

http://www.ovationsforthecure.org/indexAwareness.php 

[ohnokoko-blog]

There is nothing shameful about being female. Or male infact.