why you treating me like someone that you never loved? || jhs
cw: angst, just angst, university au, toxic relationship, use of alcohol, reader gets drunk, hobi gets drunk, a few curse words here and there, miscommunication, tae, yoongi, jungkook mentioned briefly (idk if that’s a cw but they’re here yay! well, not yay, this is angst), non-idol au, use of y/n and y/f/n, i tried to keep descriptions as neutral as possible so you can imagine reader as you would like <3
“Hello? Hoseok?” You could hardly hear him above the bass thumping from his end.
Your phone was usually on Do Not Disturb around this time but you had a few contacts exempted so when your phone rang, your body was in high alert thinking it was an emergency.
When you saw the familiar name that flashed on the caller ID, your heart lurched itself into your throat.
After four months of no contact, you never thought you’d ever hear from him again.
There was a time where answering his calls around this time was a promised adventure but now it felt like you were entering uncharted waters.
He finally spoke, but you couldn’t make out his slurred speech.
“Are you drunk right now?” You sighed and leaned against your headboard. You were now partially awake but you knew hanging up and chasing sleep again would be a futile endeavour so you might as well find out what it was that made him call.
“Y/nnn.” You hadn’t heard him say your name in so long it felt foreign to your ears. There was a time when the whispered chants of your name from his tongue were a welcomed melody.
“Yeah?” you let out softly, unsure if he could hear it.
“Y/nnn,” was his only response.
To say you were slightly ticked off would be an understatement. “Hoseok, what is it? Do you want me to come get you?”
“Hobi,” he said, you could almost hear his pout through the screen.
You furrowed your brows. “What? What are you saying?”
“You didn’t…you didn’t call me Hobi,” he slurred out.
You fought the urge to roll your eyes, although in slight amusement. “What do you want, Hobi? Are you okay?”
“I miss you, y/n.” You’re simply hearing what you want, you tried to convince yourself. His slurred speech was so indecipherable that your brain had to fill in the blanks with whatever it could manage in your slightly drowsy state. That’s what you told yourself to rid your mind of the possibility you might have heard him correctly and his words were true. Because they simply couldn’t be.
“I miss you so much,” he repeated, this time more coherent than previously.
You clutched your phone tightly and stared at the blank wall in front of you in your dark room.
“I’m sorry. For how I acted. I was so, so, so, soooo stupid.”
Was he aware of the words spilling from his mouth? No, he couldn’t have been. He was too drunk.
He shuffled around for a while and you noticed the music in the background had quietened slightly. You were also well aware that you had barely said anything in response.
You had finally gathered the strength to voice your thoughts, that he was really drunk right now and he’d regret it all in the morning when he’d sobered up and had come to his senses, when his next words halted your attempt.
“I love you. Is that okay to say?” You heard him chuckle. Your breath hitched at the confession.
He didn’t seem the slightest bit aware of just how much his words had shifted your axis. He let out a long breath before you heard more shuffling from his side, as if he were trying to find a comfortable seating position.
“I really, really love you, y/n.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying,” your voice came out small. The fact you could find your voice at all surprised you.
He only chuckled again, you pictured his beautiful smile immediately.
“I love you. Everyone knows I love you. But I’m stupid. So fucking stupid.”
You heard repeated thumping as if he were hitting something repeatedly. You couldn’t let him continue. It would only hurt you more because you knew come morning, he would realise his mistake and you two would return to how you had been for the past four month, albeit now you’d have a heavier heart than before.
You cleared your throat as if to quell the tears away. “Hoseok, is there someone there someone who can take you home?”
He groaned. “Not Hoseok. Hobi.”
You couldn’t help the fleeting smile on your face. “Hobi. Is there someone who can take you home?”
He made a sound as if thinking. “Yoongi’s here. Yoongi!”
You heard brief shuffling and low indistinct arguing before Yoongi’s voice filled your phone speakers.
“Hey. Hobi called me. I’m worried about him, I think he’s had enough to drink for the night, can you take him home?”
Hobi was still audible in the background and you could hear him wrestling Yoongi and asking to speak to you. There was more arguing and shuffling before Yoongi came back on again.
“Sorry abut that. I think you’re right.” He chuckled softly. “Don’t worry, I’ll take him home safely.”
You said your goodbyes and you placed your phone on your nightstand again, aware that sleep had long evaded you by now. You replayed his drunken confession over and over in your mind, a fluttering in your heart that you tried—but failed—to squash. It couldn’t be true. Not after how you had left things.
You shook out of your reverie. He was just drunk. That’s what it was. But you couldn’t stop thinking about him.
“Everyone knows I love you.”
Was it true? Why didn’t they say anything?
Your friends knew how you felt about him and how much it hurt you every time Hoseok would cancel your plans in the last few months before you drifted apart yet they said nothing. They all saw how much it ate at you seeing him out and about with other people but never you. You two used to be the best of friends, had been that way since the first day if uni and by the end, everything fell apart.
“Whatever. It doesn’t matter anyway,” you told yourself as you prepared to try and fall asleep again but you knew it was only wishful thinking.
You called y/f/n the next morning and told them what happened the previous night.
“It’s crazy, right? I don’t know what got into him. How could you say that to me, especially how we ended things?”
Hoseok and you were never official. You two had always been the best of friends, inseparable–you couldn’t find one without the other and then one drunken night changed everything for you both and suddenly you were blurring the line between friends and more throughout uni.
But you’d always wanted more. You only realised how much after agreeing to your situation. Everyone knew about your…arrangement and you knew most of them didn’t approve (especially y/f/n and Yoongi) but they trusted you two to be mature in your handling of whatever mess you had gotten yourselves into. You two would try convince them all the time that everything was under control and it was. Up until it wasn’t.
When he started to cancel plans all of a sudden or sought ways to avoid you in the last few months of uni, you took it extra hard but you tried to convince yourself he was only focusing on his studies. But when you noticed that he would make time for everyone (and you do mean everyone, including people he hardly hung out with) but you, you knew it was an active decision on his part to ensure he stayed as far away from you as possible. It stung. Greatly.
It might not have been a huge surprise to your friends when you both eventually had a massive blowout, one you were sure you would never recover from. You swore you never wanted to hear from him again and he, much to your dismay, seemed to honour your request.
Your friends had to deal with the after effects, ensuring that you two never crossed paths which was incredibly difficult to do considering how integrated you all were in each other’s lives. It had proven to be difficult on multiple occasions and you’re sure it would only be more difficult moving forward with this sudden revelation and y/f/n’s graduation party coming up.
Your friends had secretly curated an alternating schedule for you both on which events he can attend and which ones you coul but now that you all were graduating, it would only be inevitable that you’d cross paths at all their graduation parties. You had prepared yourself at least for that, but with the new revelation, you weren’t so sure you were fully ready to face him again.
“Well, he’s always liked you so I’m not surprised.”
“What?” You were brought back to reality by y/f/n’s statement.
“Yeah. He’s right. We all knew it and it was so frustrating watching you both be so stupid.” Their cavalier voice caught you off guard, as if they were relaying some other mundane news to you like how the sky was blue.
“I…I was scared of losing him,” you said in defense, rather pathetically. You frowned at your own meek words.
“And look what happened anyway.”
You rolled your eyes but sulked more. “Do you think it’s too late?”
“I don’t know. I mean, clearly you’re still on his mind. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try?”
You thought back to your last fight, but it was quickly overshadowed by the gentleness, the playfulness of his tone when he’d told you he loved you. It reminded you of the myriad of late nights you would both spend together, how he would always look at you adoringly but how you would convince yourself it was all in your head.
Would it be worth the gamble?
As much as there were these beautiful sweet moments, there were also the moments filled with bitter confusion but were you willing to throw caution to the wind and take the leap, believe that his words were true?
If you were being honest, your entire relationship was never built on caution.
“You’re right. At least after, I’ll know where we stand. Maybe it’ll be good for us. To finally air out our feelings and everything.” You didn’t know who you were trying to convince.
“Oh, my God, finally!” they said, a little too excitedly.
“Wow, tell me how you really feel.”
They obviously ignored you. “And you know the perfect time to do it? My grad party.”
You wished they were with you so they would see the look of pure horror on your face.
“Do you not remember the last time we spoke?”
“Yes, he told you he loved you,” they responded cheekily. “Would you please have some optimism in your life? It’ll be fine! I’ll make sure of it.” You snorted.
“This is a good thing. The gang will all finally be together again and you two will work out whatever it is you’ve got going on between you two. I’m so happy this night actually be sorted once and for all.”
You smiled at their optimism, not wanting to rain on their parade and taking their word of advice and choosing to keep your thoughts in the brighter side. “How’s planning going by the way? Do you need help with anything?”
“Nah, I’m almost finished. I just have to figure out how I’m gonna get my cousin there from the airport. Trust her to do everything last minute,” they grumbled the last part. “I think I’ll ask Yoongi to pick her up. He still owes me a favour, anyway.”
“I would’ve offered but, you know…” You heard them snort on the other side. “Hey, maybe fourth time’s the charm.”
“If it’s taken me four tries, I’m just gonna take that as a sign.”
They laughed and you both hung up after saying your goodbyes. It was only then that it hit you: you would be seeing Hoseok again.
The big day had finally arrived. You fretted over what to wear for a good portion of your morning but finally settled on the perfect look and did a once over in the mirror, satisfied with what you saw. You’d even practiced your speech in your head numerous times for when the big moment would come.
Hoseok had yet to talk to you again after his call and that only made you more nervous to see him. You were relieved to see you weren't blocked but his silence didn’t bode well for you either. Maybe it would be best if you tried to avoid him tonight?
No, you told yourself. Even if it might not end well, you at least owed it to yourself to close this chapter once and for all and if the end of your story was tonight, then so be it. You would face him tonight, even if it hurt you.
You finally arrived at the venue for the grad party with your gift in hand. The party was already in full swing when you entered. You immediately searched for your friend amongst the crowded room. You finally spotted them and rushed over.
They beamed once they spotted you. “Y/n, you made it!” They greeted you with a warm hug. “And you got me a gift. I wonder what it is,” they mused as they unburdened you with the gift.
They knew exactly what it was, having hinted to you for the longest time what it was they would like for you to get for them.
“Congratulations! I’m so proud of you.”
“Thank you. I’m just glad it’s finally over. The best and worst years of my life.” You giggled and agreed as they slung their arm around your shoulders, moving you through the crowd.
“Go have fun! Mingle.” They leaned in close. “Hobi said he’ll be late but he’ll definitely be here.”
Your anxiety heightened at the mention of his name. Y/f/n left your side and you realised you needed to find a way to calm down if you were ever to approach Hoseok again.
There was an open sliding door that led to the outside area and there you found Taehyung preparing a shot by the outside bar. “Mind pouring me one?” you asked, sneaking up behind your good friend. He got a slight fright but calmed once he saw you and greeted you warmly.
“It’s a little strong.” He looked at you teasingly. “Can you handle it?”
“The stronger the better right now, honestly.”
He raised his eyebrows in amusement but said nothing more before handing you a shot and you both drank at the same time. You both winced as it travelled down your throats
“It’s good,” you said hoarsely and he chuckled. “You want another one?”
You shrugged and held out your shot glass for him to refill. “What the hell?”
And so you took another, and another and another until you lost count but realised you no longer felt as anxious as before.
You don’t remember when you and Tae were joined by y/f/n and Jungkook but you were all in hysterics as you now played beer pong. Jungkook and y/f/n were in the lead but you doubted Taehyung cared about losing as he was clearly lost in his own world as he danced to the music while flimsily taking aim for his next shot. He missed by a great margin and your two opponents cheered. You didn’t seem to care either as you laughed and joined Taehyung in moving to the tempo of the current song you recognised as a Charli XCX song.
You heard a familiar laugh coming from inside as a fluttering of butterflies filled your stomach.
You made your way inside, hurriedly swerving through the brush of partygoers in search of the owner of the laugh that somehow carried over the noise. When you finally spotted a glimpse of him, you couldn’t stop the smile from forming—all of your last painful memories with him gone because you finally had a chance to paint over them with something new.
Finally, he fully appeared in front of you. But he was not alone. At least that’s what his arm around a girl you’d never seen before indicated.
When looking back on this day, you wouldn’t be able to fully remember what happened next. You didn’t remember approaching him, nor did you remember speaking, but you must have from how everyone near you turned to face you, him included. The smile he had worn had been replaced with a frown, or at least it was what you remembered.
“Y/n.” You must’ve looked at the girl who looked between you two, puzzled.
“Did you know he confessed he loves me last night?” was what you had allegedly said.
The girl furrowed her eyebrows and looked at Hoseok.
“But of course I should’ve known you didn’t mean it. I’ve always been a joke to you.”
You pushed through the people and walked out of the venue. You didn’t know where it was you were going but the air inside was suddenly extremely suffocating and you needed to see yourself out of there.
“Y/n! Wait!” You recalled he tried to grab your arm and turn you to him but you shook him off.
You spun around so fast you were dizzy. He held out his arms to steady you but you still fought him off. “This has all been some kind of game to you, hasn’t it?”
“It really isn’t what it looked like,” he said trying to explain but you cut him off.
“Does it make you feel better about yourself, Hoseok?” You heard your words coming out clearly in your head, whether that translated in real life you weren’t so sure. “If you hurt someone else then maybe, just maybe it’ll fill that black hole you have for a heart, right?”
You saw him blink, clearly hurt but still determined to speak which only infuriated you more. “Would you let me explain–”
“No! No. I’m tired. You had so long to explain. I’ve given you so many opportunities before and you’ve always brushed me off.” You remembered all the endless excuses he’d always give you, further fuelling the rising fire within: ‘It’s not a big deal’, ‘just leave it’, ‘stop making it a big issue’. You could go on forever if you had to. “You’ve never explained yourself or told me the truth so why would you start now? You tell me you love me and then nothing, Hoseok. Nothing!”
You couldn’t remember if you’d started crying, your face numb from the cold and your inebriated state.
“That’s what I want to talk to you about. I’m sorry.”
You laughed coldly. “What do you want to say? That it was all a mistake? That you didn’t mean it and you’re sorry? I know you didn’t. I was just the fool once again, believing your stupid lies like when you told me you’d never hurt me, or how you cared about me. It was all lies.”
You staggered back but found your balance and approached him again as steadily as you could manage.
“You never checked up on me. You just dropped me like it was so easy for you but maybe it’s because it was. Because you don’t love me, Hoseok. You could never love anyone but yourself.”
Hoseok’s arms fell limp next to him and he gave you a blank look. That was what you remembered. “Is that what you think?”
“I’d like to think I know you well enough now to know that that’s true. I’m done, Hoseok. I never want to see you again. And I mean it this time.”
You staggered away, unsure of your final destination. You weren’t even aware you were unabashedly crying as you went on, causing onlookers to eye you with concern as you walked by.
A car slowed next to you. You noticed it was Yoongi’s car and the driver rolled their window down. It was only then you saw it was Hoseok. He didn’t look at you as he spoke, “Let me at least take you home and we won’t ever speak again after.”
You almost refused his offer, knowing you couldn’t bear being in the car alone with him but your feet were killing you so unfortunately you had no choice. Looking back, it could’ve been a helping hand from the universe. Or maybe that’s what you’d like to think.
You got in the car. The drive was quiet. You angled your body as far away from him until he finally stopped outside your place. Before he could even unbuckle his seatbelt, yours was off and you were already out before he could gather himself, the last time you’d ever see him.
You ended up in your room, crying into your pillow until you undoubtedly passed out because the next thing you clearly remembered was the next day when you were woken by an incessant buzzing and the pounding of your head.
You aimlessly searched for your phone and answered once it was located not too far from you.
“Hello?” you spoke groggily.
“I hope you’re happy now.”
The sharp voice of your friend in invitingly pierced your eardrums and you groaned.
“What the hell did you say to him? He won’t speak to anyone.”
You sighed and rolled over onto your back. You couldn’t remember the night before clearly, only in snippets but you knew enough to know that you and Hoseok would never be. The arm around the girl’s shoulder was clearly captured in your mind.
“Forget it, y/f/n. It’s over. He’s found someone else.”
“What are you even talking about? My cousin? That was my cousin. I literally told you she’d be coming over.”
The pit in your stomach grew larger with every word she spoke. You sat up in your bad, ignoring the nauseated feeling you got from the quick action. You weren’t sure whether it was from the fast action or the thought that you had gotten it all wrong. “Yeah, with Yoongi.”
You heard them scoff. “Hobi came with Yoongi. Who came with my cousin. Hobi was only making her feel welcomed, you know how he is. She’s literally seeing someone.”
You groaned and slumped backwards. “Oh, God. I’m so stupid,” you said more to yourself.
“Yeah. You are. I don’t think you can come back from this one.”
“You’re not helpful right now.”
They scoffed again, clearly disappointed in whatever it was you had done. “Good luck with that.”
They hung up before you could get another word in and you were left alone with what you had done. The night slowly came back to you in a hazy fog. You couldn’t remember a huge bulk of it but you recalled what you had said to him the final time you’d spoke. You gasped in shock and embarrassment.
You knew you didn’t mean those words, you were only hurt. It was no excuse but maybe it wasn’t too late to help him see?
Reaching your phone again, you typed:
You pressed send. But to your dismay, the text bubble had changed colour. You stared at the different colour as your new reality dawned on you. Your last moments in his car played out clearly in your head. Could you have said something then to change the outcome?
You cried, doing nothing to stop the tears from coming out. Because your friend was right, there was no coming back.
this is so late to the trend lmao but i’m still obsessed with the song and have been so, so glad everybody else has finally been obsessed with it too 🫧
