every day is one day closer to death

[psychoticmist]

if you ever feel bad about yourself remember that george bush was once informed that 4 brazilian people were killed in iraq and he responded ‘how many is a brazilian’

[hustlerose]

welcome to mcdawnalds do you wanna phucking beesechurger

[big-red-gum]

p-please, i just want to s-see my wife again

[hustlerose]

chinken nunget

[peoplegettingreallymadatfood]

dr peoper

[mangocarta]

so i went to the zoo yesterday and saw the cutest family of otters ever

and then i checked their names

they’re all NAmED aftER fOOD

EXCEPT kEVIN

WHY

WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS

[thetalkingcrocus]

i was curious (and kinda hoped that kevin was like, the manager of the whole foods) so i googled it and: 

[liberissima]

RUTABAGA. THE POLL ONE IS RUTABAGA NOT KEVIN.

[gomjabbar]

i’m sorry. portmanteau bot has gone berserk. we have to put it down. once i activate the seal we’ll only have one shot to take it down. ready your blades, legionnaires

[gomjabbar]

bitch fartman

[portmanteau-bot]

bartman.

This portmanteau was created from phrase ‘bitch fartman’. Beep-boop. Portmanteau^bot^1 Help keep my meatbag slave alive.

[banshees-deactivated20180812]

reunited at last

[salad-human]

[banshees-deactivated20180812]

[reactionvideo]

[m86-deactivated20171116]

[urbanfuck-deactivated20130915]

anal sneezes are cute as shit

[urbanfuck-deactivated20130915]

sorry iphone the word i was looking for was “animal” sneezes better luck next time

[urbanfuck-deactivated20130915]

this is not what i want to be remembered for

[m86-deactivated20171116]

open rp

hey guys. im a fish 

[dovah-remade]

Slurp…

[m86-deactivated20171116]

 NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[littlehush2-blog]

[chauskoskis-blog]

[swarnpert]

wine tasting but instead with hard liquors

[swarnpert]

do i detect a hint of sharpie marker

[pochowek]

im sorry this is still funny

[okaurora-blog1]

youtuber: WHAT is up everybody, itcha boy back again

me: youre no boy of mine

[bepeu-deactivated20171202]

sometimes ‘brb’ stands for ‘be ready bitch’ so you have to be careful

[cobaltdays-deactivated20210208]

When the 27 guys are done nutting on you and you hear one of them say “damn hoes these days have no self respect” like he didn’t just nut down your throat three times with 26 other guys

[pokemon-professor-grey-deactiva]

This seems very specific…

[thenamesjavii]

very specific…

[cobaltdays-deactivated20210208]