OK Cupid Fails

The witty, sophisticated opening messages I get on the world's top dating site. *swoon* (function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){i['GoogleAnalyticsObject']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){ (i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o), m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m) })(window,document,'script','//www.google-analytics.com/analytics.js','ga'); ga('create', 'UA-43231208-1', 'tumblr.com'); ga('send', 'pageview');

[okcupidfacepalm]

I'm so glad you and my bone structure could get along.

[okcupidfacepalm]

I cry for you.

[okcupidfacepalm]

Where's the gift?

[okcupidfacepalm]

I'm not too fond of your face either, Jackass.

[okcupidfacepalm]

I'm not a zoo animal.

[okcupidfacepalm]

Dude, what? I can't follow your train of thought... a mile a minute, I swear.

[okcupidfacepalm]

Why is everyone so offended that I don't like Chinese food? I am not offending a nation. I simply dislike most Chinese food. Just like there are tons of people out there who don't like sushi. If I dislike all foods except Chinese, wouldn't it be safe to assume I've tried "enough"? Stop questioning my food tastes; I'm pretty fucking sure I don't like Chinese food.

Go eat a worm (and I wouldn't judge you for it. Much.)

[okcupidfacepalm]

Dude... stop talking.

[okcupidfacepalm]

Elitist, much?

[okcupidfacepalm]

Why did we get a divorce? And excuse me, Flatiron? I think I would've gotten a better lawyer than that.

[okcupidfacepalm]

Uh... what needs butter, exactly? Oh, who am I kidding - everything is better with butter. 

[okcupidfacepalm]

Sure.

[okcupidfacepalm]

A nationality. There's this country, United States of America, perhaps you've heard of it? Unless you wanted to get all political on me, in which case, bye.

[okcupidfacepalm]

I am both flattered and insulted that you think I go to Equinox.

[okcupidfacepalm]

Are they now?

[okcupidfacepalm]

I'm sensing that you're a little needy? And no, I'm not sure, but in this instance, I am not single.

[okcupidfacepalm]

Still haven't gotten it yet. Oh well.