Probably Biting Back A Pun Right Now

ATTENTION

If you see this you are OBLIGATED to reblog w/ the song currently stuck in your head :)

[oldlight117]

#RAWFEAR by Twenty One Pilots

[contractedcontractor]

Why are bad things happening to mutuals. Nothing bad should ever happen to mutuals. Stop. #ilovemymutuals

[teaboot]

The only downside to talking to small children like they’re normal people and treating them like normal people (as per my mom) is that as they develop into bigger children they are viscerally aware of every single moment in which they are pandered to like stupid little accessories (as per my dad, my teacher, the special ed aide, every adult in my middle school) and you end up getting a lot of phone calls from people reporting your kid for (checks notes) “undermining authority”, “disrupting the classroom environment”, “disobeying elder peers”, and “unionizing the grade eleven gym class with intent to incite a mutiny” (as per me) and you end up with a Grown Adult who will absolutely encourage and enable other people’s children to fuck the sustem

[teaboot]

Anyhow the most empowering shit you can say to a kid in my experience has to be

“Wow that adult was being a jerk”

“That sounds really frustrating”

”Good job handling that, I would have lost my mind”

“It’s cool, I don’t expect you to remember me”

“You don’t have to hug me if you don’t want to”

“Yeah sometimes (authority figure you can’t avoid) doesn’t know what they’re talking about, it’s not your fault, just do your best”

“I don’t totally understand what you mean but I get that you’re upset, is there anything I can do?”

”Wanna go yell and break stuff with me?”

“You don’t need to be friends with that kid as long as you can still be polite”

“If an adult tells you to do something that will get you hurt, you don’t have to listen.”

“My number one goal is to keep you safe, but I don’t know everything and sometimes I’m wrong, so let me know if I make a mistake.”

“Man. Today sucked.”

“Yeah I also kinda wanna cry right now”

“Whoops, yeah, my bad”

“I don’t know the answer to that but we can probably figure it out”

[omegaversereloaded]

The funniest thing about biphobia is that when it's directed towards men it's just homophobia and when it's directed towards women it's just misogyny. But the woke kind so it's actually okay

[melonisopod]

Oh you're definitely one of the "woke kind" of misogynists.

[bm-pancake]

Your tags have passed peer review thank u for your service

[queen-mihai]

Thank you thank you thank you

[memorycycle]

i hope a ceiling fan falls on the empty spot in the bed next to you and it starts understanding your needs

[rosetower]

this post always makes me so emo... here's me next to my ceiling fan that i turned off for the first time in months to draw

[memorycycle]

stop reblogging this post without the art this is the only version that exists now

[oldlight117]

I’m a fan of this

[fridayiminlovemp3]

bro she’ll text you back in a minute she’s just naming 5 things she can see, 4 things she can feel, 3 things she can hear, 2 things she can smell, and 1 thing she can taste

[robinyourcreator]

WIP Whenever

@defira85 has bravely tagged me once again and I can no longer coyly avoid the fact that I'm writing omegaverse smut.

if anyone doesn't mind acknowledging they've read this, consider yourself 🫵 tagged so I can coo over your progress

and without further ado, have a little snippet of praise kink and handjobs under the cut ✌️

***

"Good girl," you decree, clipped and professional if you do say so yourself, and you're fairly certain her answering noise is a choked off sob.

...Noted.

“Is that what you want, Taveth?” you goad her, trying the same tack again. “To be a good girl for me?” 

“Yes,” she says immediately, clearly preening under the praise even as she's shaking with the effort of keeping herself still, her hands at her sides and clinging to the bedroll with a pale-knuckled grip. 

“Some alpha you are,” you scoff, even as pure satisfaction coils in your own belly like a contented cat. You quite literally have her in the palm of your hand. 

“Your alpha,” she presumes to correct you. 

Yours, yours, yours. 

“We’ll see about that,” you say softly, tucking that thought into a box in the deepest, darkest corner of your heart where it belongs. “We’ll see.”

“Let me-- let me touch you. Prove it to you,” Adana begs, sweating and shivering like a fever patient with sheer desperation. “I’ll be good for you. To you. To you.” 

“I’m sure you will be,” you murmur, never stopping your slow, teasing strokes even as you shift to lay down on your side next to her on the bedroll so your next words will be directly into her ear. “You’re being such a good girl for me already.”

Pressed together as close as you are, you feel it as it seems every individual muscle in Adana’s body locks up at once, held completely rigid with a truly unholy amount of restraint. 

“I am,” Adana insists, even as she drenches the bedroll in sweat with her efforts. “I will be!”

[oldlight117]

[that-house]

[yuriartillery]

bad things shouldn't happen to my friends. i should be the worst thing that happens to my friends

[robinyourcreator]

no, brain, we are not going to nuke all our relationships just because we're on our period and haven't eaten for eight hours 💀

[yaoiblackmold]

Nothing more embarrassing than accidentally using a big word wrong because now I'm simultaneously both stupid and pretentious, the worst combination of all time

[oldlight117]

Tries to instantiate this scenario and then wonders if that was the correct use of the word.

[robinyourcreator]

sometimes I find myself trapped somewhere with white fluorescent lighting and slightly too loud music playing and I think to myself, no, no, I totally Get why pre-tadpole Durge wanted to end the world.

[oldlight117]

Robin and Alde are relatable af

[cheap-pack-of-cigarettes]

Ive had this saved in my phone since April

[ryanlewisandclark]

i cannot hate myself into a version of me i will love.

[ryanlewisandclark]

i cannot punish myself in any way that will unmake the past.

[baldurs-writers-3]

Happy Labor Day!

Today have some fic recommendations where romance is NOT the focus, the wide and lovely world of Gen Fics, Enjoy!

If the Cross on the Door Doesn't Scare You by Aylwyyn228 (19113, Mature) Content Notes: None Pairings: Astarion & Gale, Astarion & Karlach

Astarion gets outed by the shadow-cursed lands and discovers that his companions (friends?!) don't mind.

Reccer says: I'm always partial to the boys, but I love stories about A&G and about A&K - and this has both! A well-written, lovely look at genuine friendships developing.

Night Light by sayler_antimony (1930, General) Content Notes: None Pairings: Astarion & Gale, Gale & Karlach

Gale creates a little light to help a friend make it through a night in the shadow-cursed lands.

Reccer says: I love stories that take place in Act 2 - it's such an unforgiving place, and I love this little fluffy moment of hope. And the way Gale uses Karlach's own "sigils" to do it is so sweet!

I'll Write to You in Flowers by writesoftheratt (841, General) Content Notes: None Pairings: Lae'zel & Wyll

Wyll exercises his knowledge of flower language. Lae'zel learns from him. Mutual recognition happens.

Reccer says: I liked it!

Big Spender by ArchduchessGabrielle (4082, General) Content Notes: Harassment at work Pairings: Enver Gortash & Reader

An unfortunate clerk helps an important client, Lord Gortash, with his business at the bank.

Reccer says: This is a gen fic, but it feels like it's something higher rated solely because of how much of an asshole Gortash is. The despair and dependence of a person in a low-paid, low-respect job is described masterfully.

Dried Oleander by daring_elm (5917, Mature) Content Notes: None Pairings: Astarion & Shadowheart

After Cazador's death, Astarion doesn't understand why he's drawn back to that point in his life. Shadowheart wants to help him overcome what he's faced.

Reccer says: one of my favorites. a really poignant examination of Astarion and Shadowheart both trying to navigate life after freeing themselves of their abusers, and all the complicated feelings that come with it

King's Gambit by librarypirate (1474, General) Content Notes: None Pairings: Gale & Enver Gortash

Gortash approaches Gale at his pre-coronation party. Two overly clever ambitious men seem to have met their match, and neither of them are willing to back down.

Reccer says: I really liked the exchange between these two very similar and at the same time very different overly ambitious men.

Adventures of a baby Dhampir by ShandoraTheExplorer (2224, General) Content Notes: None Pairings: Tav/Vaseid (but only in the background)

Dorian is a dhampire born at Rosymorn monastery and he's up to all manner of shenanigans, Dezarae, the daughter of Lathander has to "rescue" him from a chandelier and the two go for a short flight.

Reccer says: It's really sweet, just a nice little moment between a little Dorian and his Auntie Dezarae!

See Thyself And Be Loved by ElReyCiervo (10437, Mature) Content Notes: Graphic Depictions of Violence Pairings: Astarion & Astarion, Astarion & Party Members

Post-Canon, Astarion pays a visit to his past self.

Reccer says: I'm a sucker for time-travel - but wouldn't you love the chance to go back and offer hope to your past self? Astarion gets that chance here, and the comfort and love he shows himself is so sweet. And the tadpole gang is all here, too! Loved it.

The Vampire's in the Details by Gally (10000, Mature) Content Notes: One incident of alcohol use due to PTSD flare up Pairings: Astarion & Jaheira

Ugh, it’s time for a High Harper meeting. Jaheira hates going to these boring wastes of time, but misery does love company, so she drags Astarion along with her this time. Harpers are used to unusual people, after all. Thus, she is very surprised when they demand he stay locked away the whole meeting. Astarion truly didn’t even do anything this time! Something must be going on with these Harpers... Time to avert another threat to the realm… poor Jaheira just can never catch a break. Hey do you like Astarion and Jaheira interacting? Same! They banter back and forth for thousands of words here, yippee!

Reccer says: Jaheria and Astarion are such good banter buddies, the sass never stops. Sure, they're going to solve this mystery but first they have to snark at each other for a while. Also Astarion is so pissy at being stuck in the room.

Countdown to Destruction by librarypirate (1077, Not Rated) Content Notes: None Pairings: None

The Shadow Druids seek her out first, thinking that Kagha will be a chink in the Grove's armour with Halsin gone. Kagha, tired and holding the Grove together by a thread, is not entirely unmoved.

Reccer says: Beautiful language and such a sympathetic view of Kagha

The Ballad of the Prince of Cats by SnowKiter (6556, Teen) Content Notes: None Pairings: Us & Tav, Us & The Emperor, The Emperor/Tav

The story follows Us as they befriend the cats of Baldur's Gate, thwart the plot of the self-proclaimed Prince of Cats, and learn how to be a good kitty.

Reccer says: It's so fun and adorable! Us truly is the best kitty <3

Wanderlust by yrstruly (2756, General) Content Notes: None Pairings: Astarion & Gale

Post-canon, a restless Gale goes on a little adventure and stumbles on an old friend.

Reccer says: Cute and unexpectedly funny. That Gale's enchanted mailbox caused the whole misunderstanding is so very Gale, and Astarion's palpable relief at seeing him alive and well is so sweet.

Fire, Ash and Metal by AlrendriaBlaze (Current Word Count: 11,155, Explicit) Content Notes: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Pairings:

This is Dammon's story of what he endured while in Avernus. It's a prequel to the events of Baldur's Gate 3 and vaguely follows the Descent Into Avernus campaign, starting when Elturel gets swallowed up.

Reccer says: I liked it!

Choreomania by bonechilling (1039, General) Content Notes: None Pairings: None/Gen fic

Wyll and Karlach help Shadowheart create a joyful memory.

Reccer says: It’s nice to see a strong friendship between Wyll, Karlach and Shadowheart while showing a wholesome aspect of starting a new life and getting a chance to fill it with new, happy memories.

The Nocturne Letters by eldritchelf (4657, General) Content Notes: It is marked F/F but that is for the background Shadowheart/Tav; her relationship with Nocturne is platonic. Pairings: Shadowheart & Nocturne

After the events of the game, Nocturne and Shadowheart correspond with each other through letters. Shadowheart shares news of her cottage life, while Nocturne relays what is taking place in the Sharran religion after Viconia's death.

Reccer says: The story being told entirely through shared letters is a unique twist that makes for a very intimate read as you infer details about their lives through their writing. Shadowheart is very sweet, and I just love seeing Nocturne given some hope and love!

[oldlight117]

So pleased to see @bonechillen and @eldritchelfwriter getting the love they deserve for their fics mentioned here 🥰

[oldlight117]

BEAUTIFUL PERSON AWARD! Once you are given this award you're supposed to paste it in the asks of 8 people who deserve it. If you break the chain nothing happens, but it's sweet to know someone thinks you're beautiful inside and out 🫶🧈✨️🫀

Robin, you sweet monster. I love you so much 🥹

[esthermika]

This random reply is such a good reaction image