can you delete my number?
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@oliosis
can you delete my number?
This child who came to my house tonight is literally the funniest human being on the planet. She complimented me on having both lollipops and mini Three Musketeers available because "a lot of houses these days don't give you a fruit flavor option." She was very solemn about this.
You’ve been sentenced to 400 years for multiple murders. It’s been 399 years and your jailers are starting to get nervous.
I was twenty… twenty-five, I think?… when I was sentenced. Four hundred years was a length of time I couldn’t even imagine. It was a length of time I don’t think anyone could imagine, even the judge. It was just a big showy number that let everyone know I’d never see the light of day again. The mages who cast the spells were dramatic about it, practically shouting the part about ‘until death claims you, or four hundred years hath passed, forsooth, thou shalt be imprisoned here’. They don’t waste that kind of magic on most prisoners, but I was special.
The Slayer, they called me then. The Monster of Sentan. I’d killed nineteen people… I remember that number because I was so furious that they stopped me so close to my goal of twenty-one. And I didn’t just kill ordinary people, no, but the Chosen of the Gods. The Great and Good. They were terrified of me. So they locked me away, to die forgotten.
It had been a little less than a hundred years when the king died without heir, and a civil war tore the country apart. When the fighting was all over, the losers were dragged down to the deepest cells under the castle, and the new king and his soldiers stopped and stared at me. “Who… who is this?” he asked, frowning. “Some victim of the usurper?”
People like cooks and jailers and scrubbers don’t change as easily as kings. The same man who’d been bringing me my meals since there was still brown in his hair and beard shuffled forward, hunched and grey now. “No, yer majesty,” he said humbly. “That be a special prisoner, from before the old king died.”
“Special? Special how?” He frowned, moving closer to my cell. “The old king died more than ten years ago. This woman must have been a child then. What could she have done to - “
“Don’t get too close, yer majesty,” the old man said sharply. “That’s the Monster of Sentan… an’ she bites.”
That was true. I do bite.
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she knocked that smug look off my face but luckily i was wearing a second, smaller smug look underneath
This post is so incredibly dumb and everytime I come across it I just can’t help but laugh. This site is just magical. Where else will you get this nonsense?
Honestly my sense of humor is just based around those fake tombstones with puns on them you see around Halloween like that's it
Fake tombstone: "Barry D. Alive" "Rattle M. Bones"
Me in line for the haunted house at the amusement park:
ahsgdjhsagladgksadghsadgjsadgkhasdkghsag
yes
[source]
This is the best one I’ve seen yet.
I was putting away the laundry that my baby had done earlier today while she cleaned in the other room and as I was matching socks to put away I thought this maybe is boring or normie or just, not very sexy, but isn’t it so sweet how we both tend to this home of ours together, and isn’t that a kind of love too? sweeping the floors, washing the sheets that you lay on with the person you adore, the two of you caring for a space that’s yours, and maybe it isn’t fun to do, I know I don’t eagerly anticipate the day of the week that I’ve got to mop the bathroom, and yet seeing us both taking care of our place really warmed me in a way I never expected simple tasks on a regular adult to-do list could. here we are, making sure we are building a nest that comforts us and makes us happy, safe, cleaning it and organizing it for each other and ourselves, maybe you don’t love doing it but you do it because it’s also the place where the person you love lives too and you want them to walk in the door at the end of a long day and think thank god I’m here now
in times of uncertainty the answer is love and community, now and always
Please check out this item in my Etsy shop. Hopefully the link works.
Wonderfully Witchy Crystal Ball art work to display where ever you choose. Embroidery design measuring approximately 6x8 inches, and mounte
What do you think?
bitches will bring a million things to do on a train ride or long car trip and then spend the entire time looking out the window and daydreaming. i’m bitches
Advice to live by
When a gay goth girl walks by
y’all be like ‘I should be able to ghost for months with no communication or effort and then return and expect the friendship to be exactly as it was’ and I’m sorry but that’s not how real life works. people have every right to feel distant from you or not want you in their life if you’re inconsistent and unavailable all the time. if you can recognise that relationships require a level of effort and time, then understand friendships are the same