(This is that one anon that knows fuck all abt ultrakill and was lurking for the funnies. I cackled for several minutes at this, rest your fucken wrists soldier)
Sisyphus scares me. I mean he looks like he’s give great hugs and all but in doing so he’d accidentally crush half the bones in my body. If he actually wanted to, I’m sure he could break every single bone in my body. He’s scary because he can do that. But he’d be lowkey attractive if he just doesn’t.
hi!!! omg i just discovered your blog and i’m in LOVE! could i request yandere stanford pines (platonic or romantic or some other type is up to you) with a reader who is a reincarnated euclidean/flatworlder/dream demon? (i don’t know if you’re familiar with same coin theory, but that’s my inspiration!) preferably with no/limited memories of their past life? i imagine ford would be pretty suspicious at first because of his experiences with bill, maybe even try to kill them… but who knows if those feelings will change… that, or maybe he would get obsessed with them as a replacement muse… lots of possibilities! feel free to change/add anything to the concept, or if it doesn’t interest you, i’d appreciate any yandere ford in general! thank you!!!
Yandere!Stanford Pines x Godling!Reader
this took me a while, but i finally got around to writing it! thank you for your kind words, anon! this one contains continuous drabbles— because this is so long, feel free to point out any mistakes
🌑
You have been summoned.
Even from your deep slumber, the presence of other ghastly beings roaming around the dimension was painfully obvious to you. How curious; they don't seem to belong here.
"You. You grant wishes right? No deals?"
The one who summoned you flinched when you made eye contact. With their chin lifted, they tried to seem intimidating, yet the tremble of their lips and the quaking of their legs gave them away.
"Indeed, but," you replied, smiling to the best of your ability. You hovered around them, critically observing their physical body, and, by extension, their soul.
They are nothing short of terrified. But intriguingly, their fear does not mainly stem from your presence.
"Pray tell," you mused, twirling their hair with your fingers, "what happened here, dear human? I've been asleep for some time, so I request a small favor: answer my question."
Because if you had to be honest, you have no fucking idea what's happening right now. The longer you stay awake, the more you realize that you have no memory of your past.
"Bill Cipher happened. This is the Weirdmaggedon," they answered, their body shaking more intensely. You paused. "I don't know what he wants. Please, all I ask is for you to transfer me and my family somewhere safe. The ones I care about have turned to stone. We just want to be happy. Please."
A giggle escaped you. "A noble wish. Very well, I shall send you and your family to the nearest safe place."
You placed your hand on the top of their head, and they vanished out of thin air.
Humming a tune, you made your way out of the cave where you had been trapped and finally saw the world outside.
...
Swirling colors and chaotic phenomena surrounded you. What a monstrosity. Someone else has taken over this area—Bill Cipher, was it?
Turning your head, you saw an enormous bubble wrapped in chains. A grin stretched across your face.
So that’s where you sent your summoner.
🌒
Weirdmaggedon is officially over.
Stanford knew that. Bill is gone. His brother is slowly but surely regaining his memories back. Everything was going to be... normal again.
As normal as it can be anyway. A sigh left Ford when he rolled over to his side, staring at practically nothing. The room is pitch black.
He closed his eyes.
...
It's bright. With a gasp, his eyes snapped open.
A familiar field. The gentle breeze doesn't calm him down in the slightest. He's back here. Again. Why? Did Bill somehow escape? Is he out for revenge? That stupid dream demon—!!
"Gree—"
Ford shouted, immediately swinging his fist at you. You dodged swiftly in time.
"—tings! Woah!" you huffed, taking extra care to ensure he didn’t land a finger on you. "Is this how you usually greet a higher being, Stanford Pines?"
The human’s heart races uncontrollably. This can’t be happening. "Bill, what twisted form have you taken now? Didn’t we destroy you already?!"
You blinked, then laughed. "I'm not Bill, silly! He's long gone, I'm pretty sure. How should I know?"
Not Bill? What kind of nonsense are you spewing out? Stanford's expression darkened. This might be a dream, but he really didn’t want to deal with you—especially not after everything that had just happened.
You immediately noticed his demeanor.
"...Oh. I'm sorry," you muttered, getting close enough to meet his eyes. They widened at your words. "I didn't mean to laugh at your misery. I've just been so confused lately."
"What?" was all Ford could manage to say.
"I heard all about you," you said carefully, making gestures with your hands. "Human with six fingers. The man who freed Bill Cipher. Who has traveled across dimensions."
"Who told you...?"
You smiled. "I asked many—don't worry about that part. I was wondering if you could tell me anything about myself. You seem to know a lot, Pines."
Ford woke up.
Was that just a dream? Were you even real? Bill is long gone, dead. Isn't he? He won't find the answers to his questions until he falls asleep again.
🌓
Ford doesn't do anything about you until he's sure of himself. You were definitely just a figment of his imagination, right? A dream.
That’s exactly why he couldn’t believe it when you showed up again. A stupid, curious expression on your face.
And this time, Ford took it upon himself to try and kill you.
"Urk! Don’t do this! I understand you're traumatized, but I really am just trying to find my home!" you stammered, flying and dodging every attack he threw your way.
This is weird. You’re saying things Bill would never say. Is he really trying the opposite approach just to manipulate Ford again?
A massive blast from a cannon struck you.
To both of your surprise, the attack did absolutely nothing to damage you.
"I'm alive!" you exclaimed with glee, up in the air, comically rotating from the impact. "Done yet, Pines? I simply want to talk, you know!"
... Of course. Both of you are untouchable in the dreamscape. While you can imagine anything within both the mind and the dream, a being like Bill isn't stupid enough to enter with his actual body. Guess it worked the same way for you, too. It was still worth a shot.
Ford woke up.
🌔
"Finally ready?"
You tittered at him up from above. Ford narrowed his eyes at you.
"What do you want?" he deadpanned. "You're not here to make a deal, are you?"
"Deals are not my forte," you said, showing him a negative gesture. "I do wishes. But if I have to admit, I wouldn't wish something from me either."
"So you trick people," he replied, gritting his teeth. "Why do you feel the need to do that? What benefits do you gain?"
You glanced at the side before looking back at him, shrugging. "I don't remember."
"Is that so? How many wishes?"
"One."
His eyebrows furrowed. "Bill—"
"I am not Bill," for the first time since you've met him, your voice finally sounded firm. "As far as we both know, he is gone."
"... What is your name, then?"
"I don't remember."
🌕
A frustrated huff left Ford as he rubbed between his eyebrows. You giggled, pushing your hand through his hair. It's soft.
"You're not being helpful at all," he said.
"Apologies," you replied, looking sheepish. "It's hard to answer your questions if I know nothing."
"There must be something you know," the man insisted, stepping away from your touch. He doesn't like how gentle it was.
You hummed, crossing your arms as you floated away. "Do you know how Bill looks like? Am I of similar physique, perhaps?"
Ford paused as his eyes glanced up and down at your form. You can't help but feel uneasy under his tenseful gaze.
"You don't know what Bill looks like?" he asked, his eyes narrowing.
This man sure is suspicious of you. Not that you blame him. "No. I believe I never met him."
"You believe?" he scoffed. "I hope you know it's hard to trust you."
"Well," you drawled, "would it convince you if I said you can wish for my memory to come back?"
His eyes widened.
You chuckled. Maybe this is too shocking for him. Take it slow, you thought.
"Before anything else, though, how about we enjoy a nice cup of dream tea?"
🌔
You stared at the chess board in between you and Ford, confusion filling your face. "Wait, how does the knight move again?"
"Think of this shape," Ford explained, forming a black marker with his thoughts and drawing the letter 'L' in mid-air. "The knight moves to the end of this point. Just try to visualize it on the board."
"Oh, I think I understand," you muttered, choosing to move your knight in the corner of the board.
Ford grinned. He placed his queen right next to your king. "Checkmate."
"What?!" you gasped, your eyes rambling around the whole chest board. "I mistook my king for the queen! I say rematch!"
A hearty laugh escaped Ford's lips. If this was in the physical world, he's sure that his cheeks would start hurting from smiling so much.
He still wasn’t sure if you were dangerous or not. Really, he should know better than to mess with otherworldly beings.
But maybe this time, you're different. Because, as far as he knows, you're currently powerless.
🌓
"Pines," you said as Ford roamed his hands across your body. He said this was his way of observing how different you were from Bill. "Aren’t you going to use your wish to help me regain my memory? Or do you want to use it for something else?"
He rubbed his thumb over the side of your body shape. Interesting. You're just as two-dimensional as Bill is. "I only have one chance of using my wish, don't I?"
"Indeed," you murmured, shifting slightly under his touch. "I won't stop you if you use it for yourself, but I'll have to find someone else who might use the wish for me."
Ford halted all his movements.
"What?"
You drifted away from his fingers. He stared at you, wide-eyed.
"I said I'll find another to grant my wish for me," you explained. "Anyway, how was your assessment? Am I anything like Bill?"
Ford continued to stare at you, looking as if he were lost in thought.
...
"Pines?"
"Sorry," he coughed, "But, yes, you're quite similar to Bill."
You beamed, floating over to him and ruffling his hair. "Another step closer to figuring out who I am! Thank you, Pines!"
Ford woke up.
He stared at the dark ceiling. The sun has barely risen.
You had no memories. If he helped you get them back, would you be indebted to him? Or would you turn out like Bill, who wanted to rule the world?
Ford can't let you meet up with another human.
There's only one way out of this.
🌒
"You're ready to use your wish?" you gasped, placing your hands on his shoulders. "That's excellent news! However—"
"Question. Do you have limits in your wishes?" Ford asked deliberately, careful with his every word.
You hesitated before replying. "I suppose not."
His large hands held yours over his shoulders. You glanced at his six fingers before meeting his gaze again.
"Then I wish to be your master."
You felt your soul fall to the deepest depths of the dreamscape.
"You'll do anything I ask for. Be under my will. There is no turning back, dream demon."
EDIT: ok guys, ive seen a few people being rude about this, totally get not liking this or being uncomfortable with this joke. BUT you guys could stand to be a bit nicer, some of you could just be saying you dislike this with humor attached but its a bit hard to tell :’) just be wary of the fact that i see all of your comments and they do effect me, as much as i dont want them to
I am a sisyphus enjoyer and it is so painful to see people disgustingly mischaracterize him as like blindly insanely violent and ax crazy or smth like that and i think the reason for that is probably racism to be honest. Either that or a horrible read of his character
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