Hidden Kiss

Olivia Darling-Pan. The nineteen year old adventuress with a jejune disposition.

[oliviaisntlost-blog]

"You're disturbingly short."

“And, you’re… plain disturbing.” 

[pompeloo]

[oliviaisntlost-blog]

princetyrrose

His heart had lost control, it skipped at a speed he was not sure to be normal nor good for one’s health. His stomach had twisted round, tickling him from the insides. His body shook noticeably. The prince had goosebumps all over his body, skin sensitive to her touch as it had never been. His throat was closed once everything had been said, tight knot tied inside it. His eyes could see everything with great definition, surprising clarity, no longer was his look blurred. And his mind -his mind had never been at such peace. Despite thinking it was impossible, his need to be beside her had grown.

For a moment, Tyrian felt fear. Now that they both knew their feelings were reciprocal, now that it was clear that they loved each other, now that there was nothing stopping from being together, Tyr was afraid. He was afraid that after knowing all this, after having each other, he would lose her. Now that he knew it was true, he feared not having her, more than ever. Even if only seconds had passed, it was enough for him to know that that  was the way he always wanted to feel. The simple idea of being taken apart from her scared him to death.

He shook his head. Would he always be this way? Unable to trust, scared to be happy, feeling unworthy of his luck -no. When submerging himself in the thoughts that haunted him constantly he looked up. He looked right up and there she was. A soft smile drew on his lips. Her eyes were there and as long as that remained that way he knew he would be fine, he knew he would be safe. And now, now he knew he would be loved.

Even if he would not say it out loud yet, Tyrian made himself promise he would do anything to have that same effect on her. He wanted her to find safety in him, that same warmth and love she never failed to provide and send to him. He wanted their love to be shared.

Olivia was his shelter. Even if she had kissed someone else, even if she wanted to forget him, even if she did not look for him when he was missing, even with any mistake or flaw, for they made her who she was, and he could never get tired of loving her. Tyr knew her, he knew her too well. Even if she had not said it, he knew she regretted those kisses, it was written all over her eyes. He knew she actually had to make an effort to step thinking about him, he knew he had occupied her thoughts when away. When it came to Olivia words were at times not even needed, they were open, transparent to one another in a way they had learned to read each other. Their attention and care for each other had grown in them the ability to understand their looks, their body language, they knew what was happening even before talking about it.

The room became smaller as they stepped towards the corner. The adventuress made that -Ohlook in which she grins half-surprised and widens her eyes, that look she had given him a number of times. A light chuckle escaped his lips. Tyr’s old insecurity when making eye contact had seemed to vanish and now that he knew what it was, he could not take his eyes off hers. Her rambling returned. It was a sample of her unique innocence, and innocence no one would ever steal away from her, no matter how many kisses she had. The tugging of her bottom lip catching his eye. “I love you Olivia Pan.” How much could one means his words?

The rate of his heart was racing so much it no longer felt like a beat, it rather felt like a buzz. He was so nervous he no longer felt it, he alternatively felt numb, at peace, as if he were floating inside his body. He had never felt this anxious and at such comfort all at once. He felt right, for once, he felt as everything made sense for him. The usual feeling that he was not supposed to be at a place was gone. It was as though a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

It was rare in the most pleasant way how he could sense her lips without actually even brushing them. The role of her eyes along with her reply made him grin at first, then softly laughing before touching her forehead with his. “Maybe bo-” But before he finished the word -their lips met. Feeling her hand on the back of his neck and noticing she stood on the tip of her toes, Tyr wrapped an arm around her waist tightly, making sure she would not fall, making sure she remained close.

Her lips. Tyr was captivated, he was hers. He now took both arms around her, protectively, carefully. An electrifying feeling ran down his back, then he felt at peace. All the time spent together, discussions, laughter, anger and care, it all came down to this and from that moment he was reassured it was all worth it. There was nowhere and no one with who he would rather be.

Another insecurity that riddled Olivia, and always strayed to the back of her mind was that when she had met Tyrian - she was merely the age of an adult. She never minded the age gap they had, because it was only by a year. What made it strained was the lack of maturity Olivia obtained, how seriously she took things, how careless she was. She would have never believed that Tyrian could fall for someone who acted like a child. Little did she know, that over time - he was the full reason for turning her into something he would like.

Someone who was full of wanderlust, who took risks, who didn’t look back, that was Olivia. That was what she had made of herself, and it always troubled her to secure if that was her or the facade she had made for herself. She never liked that, but the glow in Tyr’s eyes that illuminated whenever she suggested adventure, whenever they were together. That alone was the best damn thing ever that she could not change who she was even if she tried. She gave him hope. 

There was a balance that they had. Olivia had provided Tyrian with this never-ending curiosity that she believed everyone should have. Aspiration and desire. Something to look forward to. But, Tyrian provided her with the push she needed to accept that she needed to settle down. She did not need to grow up, that just wasn’t her. Olivia Pan would never actually grow up, it was merely impossible. But, to mature. To develop. She could not imagine of doing so with the one who had taught her that. Who had taught her that it was okay to feel, especially if that emotion was love. There was an equilibrium. They were beautifully opposite and radiated each other so much to make the other shine.

They also had flaws and bad habits that they noticed in each other, but it was different now. Now, she knew - she was certain. The girl would never try to force Tyrian to be someone he wasn’t. Because who he was was who she fell in love with. But, she knew how much pain he had inside of him and what he took it out on. She had just hoped that she could provide so much love that he turned to her rather than alcohol, who could hurt him. She did not want to see Tyr hurt.

All of these thoughts that enraptured her displayed in the passion she took out on him, quite literally. She had found herself leaned against the wall, grabbing his torso to try and be as close as she possibly could with him. It was as if there was even a centimeter apart from them that she would feel herself losing him again, that could not happen - no. And suddenly, nothing else and nobody else mattered - as cliche as it sounded. Because, it was two souls embodied into one who pinpointed the relieved frustrations of what they believed to be unrequited love. Olivia was a trembling mess, she did not think that years of experience would quit the effect Tyrian would have on her. Her cheeks were tinted pink, her hands scrambled to cling onto his shirt because of spastic they were, and she was lucky she was holding her - otherwise, she would be on the floor. It was an electrifying feeling indeed, this... this was her first kiss. Her first real kiss. After what felt as too short of a span of time, she pulled away slowly - lingering enough to see his defined features. “Uh-- I hope... I didn’t... I probably should have asked if that was your first kiss, I hope it was okay. I personally liked it, but... I... That was, it was really nice, in my opinion.” She nodded, admittingly. 

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[oliviaisntlost-blog]

princetyrrose

It felt as though her words were the first genuine breeze of fresh air he had had. He could breathe, fill in his lungs. He could live and actually enjoy life, take part of it and feel for himself. No longer a mere spectator but a true person. Not only flesh and bone but also heart and mind.

The pain caused after watching her cry, how hurt he was because of her kisses with other two, the emptiness of being away from her and the unbearable suffering of not knowing about her for nearly a month. Yet, the bliss of watching her smile, laugh, the instant comfort in watching her bright eyes, the peace and ease that came along as she fell asleep on him, his constant need to take care for her, feeling she cared for him just as much. Olivia had made a sensible man out of the empty body he used to be, she gave him meaning. It was not long until he realised that was it. As simple and as complex. That was love and he wanted to share it with no one but her.

He took a moment to notice how much they now had of the other. They had influenced each other while remaining genuine. Her growing maturity, yet honest innocence, and the way he had grown an appreciation for life he had never imagined for himself.

Tyrian looked back up at her, noticing her concern and later on, proximity as she saw the tear he had shed. He chuckled lightly. Her natural sweetness, care and how adorable she was to his eyes were never taken for granted by him, but instead, and even after all the time they had shared, they continued to catch him unprepared, they surprised him in a way it never failed to warm his heart. When talking he noticed her growing nerves, the way her body trembled even more. He couldn’t help smiling. For once in his life he felt it was real. As she almost tripped, immediate worry was to be shown on his face. Rapidly transitioning back to a relieved smile as she sighed.

Olivia’s joke inevitably caused him to chuckle embarrassed. She enjoyed fooling him and he did not mind one bit, not as long as it was her. Watching her tremble yet again as Olivia started to talk, he slowly stepped towards her. He could not help his eyes being driven back and forth from her lips to her eyes as they now stood close. That was until she looked into his eyes and then -her eyes. It felt as though his look would be caught there, locked, forever. The prince did not shed any other tears but his eyes were indeed weary with emotion, a stupid smile fixed on his lips, one he could not pull down even of he tried.

She loved him. She loved him and he could see that. He could feel the way scars were healed, tears were wiped off, he could feel the way in which pain disappeared to be replaced by her. Tyrian could not hold back a small laughter. It felt as though it was all part of a dream, unreal in the best possible way. He nodded at first, words never coming easy to him. “I do feel that way. I love you, Olivia.”

“And though it might be a little late…” He smiled biting his lower lip for a second. Tyrian cupped her face softly, getting closer to her, stopping less than an inch away from her lips. The prince could feel them even if not touching yet. “May I?” He asked.

Olivia loved Tyr. She loved the way she could remember every detail of their blossoming relationship, she loved the way she could remember the way she felt in every encounter they partook in. She loved how selfless he was, how caring, adorable, levelheaded, and overall - an amazing person he was. Olivia loved his dry humor that never failed to make her laugh, the small quirks he had she had grown to appreciate as well. She loved the way he looked at things, the way he looked at her.  To her, she could classify him as perfect. Despite, his neglect to believe so.

She also loved how much he hurt, not because it gave her joy. Hurting Tyr, or even seeing him in pain - that was the worst feeling in the world. But, it gave her reassurance. That he too, was feeling. He too, was not hiding his emotions and helping himself instead of helping others. Self-care and self-assurance, that was all Olivia wanted for him. For him to be able to love himself almost as much as she loved him. He was flawed, but she didn’t look at them as flaws. She looked at them as things he was unable to love about himself she could love for him.

Infatuation. Love. Those were both very complex ideas that Olivia could never comprehend, but she understood. Love was not beautiful, it was quite ugly in the way of how vulnerable and how truthful it was. It was a working process that two people had to commit to, and she was ready to commit to it. She had already done so, by accepting it. Accepting that she was indeed in love. Not with the two boys she had kissed, but with the prince. The first person she had encountered on this forsaken island, the one which whom she could not be selfish with. The one who influenced her in the greatest way possible. The narcoleptic prince she had grown from loving in a platonic way to a completely newfound feeling of love. 

As he took a step forward, she took a small step back with a tremulous grin. Was he looking at her lips? Oh... oh, wow. The walls seemed to close in as she was stopped by a corner of it, having nowhere else to back up. She had been trapped, forced... although not really, as if she did not mind to make eye contact with him. 

I love you, Olivia. Oh, that was... expectant yet a surprise that made her breath get caught up in her throat. It made her feel light-headed and wobbly in the knees that she had to hold onto his shoulder, her natural underlying desire to be close to him evident. “Okay, that’s good... otherwise, you know... this would have took an ugly turn and... very uncomfortable and...” She was rambling, she needed to stop that. Olivia looked at him, her teeth tugging at her bottom lip. “I love you, Tyrian Rose.” She repeated. She had to repeat it, she liked the way it sounded.

That was when she was certain. With the other two, she felt jumpy, caught off guard, unsure of what to do. With Tyrian, it was as if they had done this before. Her heart was beating at rare altitudes, but she felt comfort. She felt at ease and relaxed, and nervous all at the same time. They had not even kissed yet, but she already feel his pouting lips against hers. She had to roll her eyes, looking at him with a grin. “Do I always have to be the instigator for things or do you love seeing me like this? Stop being such a tease and get on with it, prince of the ducklings.” The girl didn’t give him enough time to even retort as she grabbed the back of his neck, tippytoeing and connecting her lips with his.

It was different indeed. It was probably because of how long the both had to wait for this, but that wasn’t true. It was because of the reciprocated love and desire they had for each other was finally unshed. It no longer had to be hidden, and it showed in that. 

[oliviaisntlost-blog]

princetyrrose

He had definitely lost it. He was so oblivious to everything that occurred around him. She was apologising, then him, then she was surprised, annoyed, then laughing? The prince lightly furrowed his eyebrows, mirroring the confusion growing inside him.

What had happened to them? They used to be nothing but laughter when together. Nevertheless each time they met something bigger and bigger seemed to get in the way, but her eyes -those eyes, and her voice, so innocent, even her hands were enough motive for him to feel uneasy whenever they were apart. Stubborn as he could be he would not let anything interrupt their longed for reunion. He felt a need to be beside her. As if the adventuress had become a part of him.

Tyrian did notice how something had changed in her. She seemed more serious, mature. Still herself, but more pensive. Then her voice, her tears. It seemed that Olivia had become a sensitive creature, open, transparent, weaker but yet stronger in the way she looked unafraid to finally be vulnerable enough to feel, to be permeable to emotion and express it.

The prince hesitated between contrasting emotions. On the one hand he could not help falling for her each time she breathed. On the other, however, he felt guilt. How could he leave for so long, forsaking her without explanations? Tyr felt he was slowly, yet surely, hurting her, ruining her in a way. He had hoped to forget her while apart, to finally let her be happy, as she deserved. How could he be so heartless? It was impossible for the prince not to see her in his thoughts every time he closed his eyes, even if for a blink. He was driving himself insane.

He was about to apologise once again as her voice started off, until when she said “stop apologizing”. How clueless could one be? Bewilderment depicting all over his body. As she strolled he stood motionless, only his eyes roamed around the room, following her. Despite physical distance their eyes were fixed reciprocally. Submerged in his guilt, all Tyrian could hear clearly was “and it is because of you that I feel horrible”, the rest seemed to be mere mumbling. As she continued, he heard every word with great attention. Why did it sound as an apologise, why could he see regret, pain in her? He decided not to interrupt, but for once let her speak out. The prince was having the hardest time attempting not to reply, not to hug nor wipe away her tears. Something broke inside him.

“You don’t understand that all I thought about was you when I decided it was okay for two other boys to kiss me” he could not process her words. For some odd reason time seemed to go by so slowly as he heard those words. As if someone were trying to make sure he understood every single letter. Tyr began to understand. He felt his body grow so weak. Opposite reactions battling inside him mercilessly.

So she had kissed other two boys. It surely hurt him, but, could he really blame her? He had abandoned her, his insecurity had held him back from revealing his feelings towards her, it was him who was to blame. Tyrian had never made clear how much he wanted her, how much he cared. Now he could not dare complain with her, he could not. It was his fault and now she was hurt because of him. Again.

However, six words seemed to have a particular eco in his head. He could not silence them, as if they had a strong effect on him. Selfish once again. “All I thought about was you.” A lagoon found in a dessert, shelter in a storm. Six words were enough for him to find peace in the middle of this chaos.

Olivia continued talking and his heart came back to life. “I wanted it to be you”, a small smile began to find it’s way to his lips, brightening up his dull expression. Despite how strong he had tried to be, the adventuress had always caused him to break any deceitfulness, he could not be dishonest about his feeling around her. Olivia was the single person who never failed to break down his walls and get to him in the most genuine way. He caused Tyr to be Tyr and to be himself freely, mindlessly, she always caught him unprepared, and he loved her.

As she said “it was always you”, the weariness that had built up in his eyes released a tear of joy, one of those he had not shed in so long, maybe never in his life. His smile now more noticeable.

“Olivia Pan.” He finally spoke with his usual mannerisms and elegance, yet a little more carelessly as he was overwhelmed with emotions. “I hope you are willing to care, because” The prince’s smile growing lightly. “Because I do feel that same way for you.”

There had been many emotions that Olivia had hindered for a while, that all of them had begun to spill out spontaneously. It made her feel and probably appear as a complete psychopath. But, feeling... it felt great than feeling nothing at all. Than trying to feel nothing at all, and bubbling these emotions inside of her. Despite the fact that her voice was only weakening by the second, her point had to get across.

This was not them. This was not Olivia and Tyrian. They were both different, individually and as a whole. There was some unspoken maturity that Olivia sensed in herself. She felt weak, yet somehow stronger all at the same time.  Vulnerability was always something she tried to run away from, but due to the out of tune steps caused by her feeble knees, and her small body trembling - she had to be the definition for it.

Tyrian seemed different too, he too seemed more delicate. Tired. Numb. She knew whatever came out of this, she would be sure of her feelings and he would either know about them or reciprocate them. 

It was always you. It was always Tyr. Their relationship had depth to it, something that in indescribable to even the both of them. It was both of them making each other better people, while somehow incorporating their own-- oh, she had made him cry. That was not a good sign, at all. She began to fidget to try and find some way to make physical contact with him, to reassure him. It was subconscious, she had not realized she had done it. It was just something that came naturally. Loving him. Caring for him... loving him. She loved him? She had noticed he was speaking now. Yes, the girl did make eye contact with him throughout her rambles, and yes, she felt confident. But, now that he spoke - she felt small, nervous... and incredibly closer to him than she was before. Olivia had to back away some to almost trip on the rug that she had sworn was not there before. A sigh that she wanted to be a laugh emitted from her, as she heard him mumble his next few words. Oh, yes... she did love him.

Because... I do feel that same way for you. “You... you didn’t... you didn’t let me finish.” She joked, half-heartedly with a stupid smile. It was mostly to stall for the fact that she was a trembling mess, and to clear up her thoughts. “I don’t like you, Tyrian Rose. I am way past that, actually... I have been, for a while...” Olivia paused to look at him, was she really going to... “The reason I wanted you to be my first kiss is because my father and my mother had always said that my first kiss had to be with someone special. With someone I love. With someone that I was okay with taking my last dose of innocence away. It wasn’t them.”  They were close enough to where she could see dilated pupils, his little tears streaming down his face, his petulant lips. “It was you. I love you, Tyr. Do you feel that way too?” She asked, with a tilt of her head - genuinely curious. 

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you’re something special                               you’ve got to know its true could have been anything, but it’s right that you’re you

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I'm so jealous of you, honey. I wish I were an adventuress like you.

“It’s… it’s not that great, sometimes…” Olivia’s lips pursed into a timid smile, brushing some of her messy strands out of her face. Usually, when met with a compliment - she would burst into joy or develop a haughty attitude. But, Olivia was insecure lately and the littlest things that were said to her were taken the wrong way. They were turned into something that was insulting. Olivia didn’t deserve compliments. “This adventuress’ light has been dimmed lately… if that makes sense.”

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[bookish-insanity]

Never is an awfully long time…

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