also me: has a laptop that literally doesn't connect to the internet so I'm stuck on mobile 99% of the time (because forcing a hotspot succs ass)
I'm trying my dudes !! in other news, if y'all are cool with no icon/formatting rps (and sorry but I can't cut posts either!! i hate this!!!) then feel free to poke my DMs
or if ya wanna ping me on discord @ Kiril || Sethsy MFer#4501 go ahead
āHehe, looks like I keep forgettinā how ta say these kinds aā things. Would ya mind reblogginā this if ya donā mind interactinā witā a rebooted OMAKE AU Hakuba Saguru? Thatās me, by tha way!ā
Iām only online for the splittest of seconds, but like/reblog this if you want a present from omake hakuba. mutuals only pls and thank (but we can be mutuals on omakuba too).
Sorry for the activity of this blog. I really have no motivation for anything other than what Iāve already got going on with Allie and Tashi, thoseĀ interactions are sparse in and Ā of themselves, and honestly Saguru feels uncontrollable sometimes, like heās not even canon for the AU anymore, if that makes sense. I might end up remaking the blog and try to see if I can spur his muse into gear again.
Iām just not sure at this point. Itās not like heās lost, but heās not exactly here, either.
Sorry for the activity of this blog. I really have no motivation for anything other than what Iāve already got going on with Allie and Tashi, thoseĀ interactions are sparse in and Ā of themselves, and honestly Saguru feels uncontrollable sometimes, like heās not even canon for the AU anymore, if that makes sense. I might end up remaking the blog and try to see if I can spur his muse into gear again.
Iām just not sure at this point. Itās not like heās lost, but heās not exactly here, either.
[1:40:29 AM] Totallie a MEME: FUCK
[1:40:36 AM] Totallie a MEME: SETH YOUR FUCKING ICON
[1:40:37 AM] || Š½Ī¹sŃĻŃŅÆ Š¼Ī±ŠŗĪµŃ ||: :3c
[1:40:40 AM] Totallie a MEME: OH MY GOD
[1:40:50 AM] Totallie a MEME: WHAT THE HELL
Iām going to take a moment to apologize to people; some who Iāve wronged, others who Iāve felt have wronged me. Maybe you have, maybe you havenāt, but Iām more guarded than you realize, even if it may not seem that way.
This is going to be long.
I often tell the story of how I (almost) single-handedly destroyed half of a popular (if toxic) fandom. I do so, usually while laughing or faking pride at it, but it really does hurt sometimes.
You might be wondering why I start off with this off-topic anecdote when it has nothing to do with the DCMK fandom, but it all stems from here. Ā No, it probably stems from a time even before that.
Going even further back, I....donāt have a good track record with making friends. My father was in the military, so we moved around a lot while he was still on active duty. This meant that, basically for the first six years of my life, I had no close friends. I would try to make some, but within a year or two, we would move, and I would have to start over. Even when we finally moved to where I live now, it was so hard to make friends up through middle school. I would fit in with a group, but eventually I would be considered weird, and they would start to move on without me. I grew used to it, jumping from one group to another, but honestly that didnāt make it hurt any less. Those early years of mine could easily be described with the wordsĀ āabandonment issuesā; this is half the reason why I have such a hard time making and keeping friends.
The other half, of course, is social anxiety, which has gotten better since college but had done nothing to help me make friends until I finally started taking my medications approximately a year and a half ago.
This is why I have to apologize to everybody Iāve pushed away, or have made feel uncomfortable. When somebody doesnāt talk to me, when somebody seems to have time for all of their other friends but never bothers saying hello to me, I push them away because Iām used to being pushed away first. When I feel somebody encroaching on my territory, I push them away because Iām afraid theyāre going to come in and take something before leaving like everybody else does.
When a group of people breaks apart and threatens to never talk to each other, then damnit, Iām going to throw myself into the middle of it and make sure everybody understands who was wrong and why, because Iām so used to being left behind that the least I can do is make sure lessons are learned before I become the bad guy.
When somebody hurts one of my friends, I get hyper defensive to the point of almost being a bully, because I have so few people who are precious to me, and I donāt want to lose even one more of them because of Ā what somebody else did to them.
And when somebody does something that makes me feel any of these ways, then I hold a grudge. I can hold a very, very long grudge. Sometimes, an apology is really all it takes. Usually, I never receive an apology anyways so it doesnāt matter. Other times, I lick my wounds and hide, never wanting to talk to that person again because I canāt trust them not to do the same thing again. It really depends, and if you fall under the latter category, I just hope you understand that itās not you. Iām just too defensive for my own good.
So I guess what Iām saying is that Iām sorry for making anybody feel bad, or ostracized, or whatever. These might all just be excuses, but theyāre how I honestly feel, so I hope you understand.
And.......I guess if youāve ever felt hurt because of something Iāve done, this is an open invitation to tell me. I may try to justify it, I may not. But Iām going to try not to push people away anymore.
A nod, and he visibly melts at your small grin, eyes softening around the corners before he laughs.Ā āI will. And I wonāt.ā He waves at you, and heās glad you gave him a small smile at least; for him, itās a huge victory. Ā Thereās no teasing involved this time, just words of soft affirmationā he doesnāt need you focusing on something he said when youāre acting.
He doesnāt watch you retreatā itās not the time. Make up was waiting for him, and he had to do something about his hair. Maybe theyād be able to talk later, after their sceneā¦ or before it.
Three hours- thatās how long his own scenes take. Nobodyās surprised, really, considering heās usuallyĀ a bumbling mess, but maybe thereās also a small thought in his mind making it hard to focus. Itās probably pretty obvious what it is, to the rest of the crew, even if Saguru doesnāt want to admit it.
He finally stumbles out of Set B, tired as all get out and slightly dreading the scenes that heāll have to film with you. Still, itās a job he has to do whether he likes it or not, and he creeps into Set A quietly- heās not sure if youāve finished filming (you probably have more to shoot than him, all things considered), and doesnāt want to disturb you if you arenāt.
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