Disney’s Manoah

izzy's playlists!

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Jules of Nature

@theartofmadeline

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Sweet Seals For You, Always
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JVL
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roma★
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda

Kaledo Art
cherry valley forever
Show & Tell
YOU ARE THE REASON
todays bird
occasionally subtle
sheepfilms

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@omarxnava
Disney’s Manoah
ONE WEEK FROM TONIGHT!! Night Owl Comedy at @thecomedystore Tuesday Oct 6th 8 pm Belly Room / $5 +2 drink min Featuring: @chasebern @mondaypunday @jokesbycandice @christian_spicer @yassir_lester & @brentmorin
Volunteer Boy: That doesn't look very scary. More like a six-foot turkey. Dr. Alan Grant: A turkey, huh? OK, try to imagine yourself in the Cretaceous Period. You get your first look at this "six foot turkey" as you enter a clearing. He moves like a bird, lightly, bobbing his head. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side, [makes 'whoshing' sound] from the other two raptors you didn't even know were there. Because Velociraptor's a pack hunter, you see, he uses coordinated attack patterns and he is out in force today. And he slashes at you with this... [he produces raptor claw with a large flower budding from it] A six-inch retractable flower, like a magician, on the the middle toe. He doesn't bother to bite your jugular like a lion, say... no no. He tickles you here, or here... [he lightly 'tickles' across the kid's body with the raptor flower] Or maybe across the belly, spilling your laughter. The point is, you are alive when they start to flower you. So you know, try to show a little respect. Volunteer Boy: OK. [Alan leaves the now slightly giddy kid] #jurassicpark #flowers #velociraptor
Spider-Man
INT. LABORATORY - DAY
PETER Parker (High school student, nerdy) watches on as DR. CONRAD performs radioactive tests. A tiny spider crawls down its web unnoticed and directly into the middle of the experiment.
PETER So you think radiation can help cure diseases?
DR. CONRAD Not yet, but given time and research, I believe it can in the future.
The radioactive spider has made its way to Peter’s foot and crawls all the way up to his hand.
PETER Well I’m glad I can help you in the early stages of this resea...OUCH!
Peter, having been bit by the spider on his hand, clumsily knocks over the experiment, exposing Dr. Conrad to the radiation. Peter instantly feels a change to his body.
PETER What’s happened to me? I feel stronger, and more agile!
Peter starts jumping around and doing flips. He jumps on a wall and finds that he can stick to it.
PETER This is incredible! I’m like a “spider-man”.
Just as Peter crawls to the ceiling to “stand” upside down on it, the radioactive Dr. Conrad gets a hold of him and bites Peter’s other hand. Peter instantly falls off the ceiling and CRASHES onto the floor.
PETER Aww man! Why’d you do that? Now I’m just a “man-man”!
DR. CONRAD Well, that’s not all you have to worry about. I’m also diabetic.
FADE OUT
Esther’s Vintage Shop
INT. ESTHER’S VINTAGE SHOP - DAY
ESTHER (70′s, grandma-type) sits behind the counter working on a crossword puzzle. A JINGLE of the bell over the door announces the entry of ED & NINA (20′s, backpackers).
ED This place is so quaint with all the little trinkets and figurines.
NINA Yeah, it reminds me of my grandma’s place.
ESTHER Can I help you?
ED We’re just looking around if that’s fine.
ESTHER Absolutely. Just let me know if you need any help.
ED Ok, we will. Thank you.
Esther goes back to working on her crossword puzzle.
NINA (whispering) It even smells like my grandma in here.
ED Yeah, I think that’s part of the charm. I wonder how they get that scent?
PAN TO: Camera pans down, through the floor and comes out on the other side into...
INT. ESTHER’S BASEMENT - DAY
The basement is a sweatshop of grandmas all sitting at tables working on making the trinkets found in the shop. One MAN, wearing a black, leather mask paces back and fourth between the tables.
MAN Two more hours and you can take your Werther’s Original snack break!
The grandmas all sigh and keep on working. The man cracks a whip.
FADE OUT
Immigrants
Here’s a sketch I wrote a couple of years ago, but it kinda fits with what’s happened in our country the past couple of weeks.
INT. OFFICE - DAY
Four Congressmen sit around a table discussing policies and bills to enact.
CONGRESSMAN RON PETERS The most important bill we can pass is one that will raise funding for our public schools.
CONGRESSMAN RICHARD GRANT Schools can wait! What we need to do is secure our borders. These illegals are stealing our jobs. They’ve BEEN stealing our jobs!
CONGRESSWOMAN SUSAN ROBERTS I agree with Congressman Peters. Our nations future resides in those schools.
RICHARD (Increasingly worked up) We won’t have a future if we keep letting all these immigrants into the country! What we need is more than a fence. A wall. An electrocuting wall! With mines surrounding it!
RON Congressman Grant, that doesn’t seem like a good allocation of the taxpayer’s dollars.
RICHARD Maybe a life-sized roach motel with sticky floors so they can’t escape!
SUSAN Richard! You’re being absurd! These measures are inhumane.
RICHARD Well they’re not human!
RON Rick! Listen, we agree that immigration is a pressing issue, but it sounds like you truly despise illegal immigrants.
SUSAN Yeah, why do you hate them so much?
RICHARD Why?! I’ll tell you why...
BEGIN FLASHBACK
EXT. SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD
A young Richard pushing a lawnmower walks to the front door of one of the homes and rings the doorbell. A man answers the door.
YOUNG RICHARD Hey Mr. Turner! Want me to mow that back lawn too, or just the front?
MR. TURNER Boy, I’m sorry Ricky, but we actually found someone else to take care of our lawn.
YOUNG RICHARD Huh?! Bu..but I’ve been mowing your lawn for 2 1/2 years!
MR. TURNER That’s because you were the only game in town. I’ve got options now.
A beat up, red Toyota pick-up truck pulls up blaring Mexican Norteño music. 4 Mexicans hop out and start unloading their landscaping equipment.
MR. TURNER Sorry Ricky...
Young Richard walks away distraught.
MONTAGE (Norteño music playing):
A) Young Richard sits at a lemonade stand with a sign that reads "Lemonade - 50 cents!" A woman walks by & considers buying one before noticing a crowded taco stand run by the same Mexican that drove the Toyota with sign that reads "3 Tacos y Horchata: $.75!"
B) Donning his boyscout uniform with a "Whittling Badge", young Richard is trying to sell a wooden rocking horse to a couple. The couple shakes their head "No" and point to their daughter riding the back of one of the Mexicans from the Toyota as he rocks back and forth. Young Richard throws his knife at a tree in anger.
C) At a traffic intersection, young Richard (dressed like a character from The Wire) approaches a car’s window only to find the driver has already purchased drugs from one of the Mexicans (from the Toyota) up the street. Young Richard pulls a gun and throws it on the ground in a fit of rage.
INT. SUBURBAN HOME
HANK & ETHEL Grant are arguing in the living room. Young Richard looks on from the staircase.
HANK You know damn well things haven’t been the same since we hired Ésteban!
ETHEL Don’t you dare bring our pool boy into this! This is about your inability to be a real man!
HANK Listen, I only stayed in this marriage for Richard! You think I like lying to myself!? Acting oblivious to what’s really going on?!
ETHEL Well you don’t have to worry about that anymore because we’re going to be happier without you!
HANK Fine! Don’t expect a postcard from Tampa!
Hank storms out of the house.
END FLASHBACK
INT. OFFICE - DAY
RON Wow...well, I’m sorry about your losing those jobs, but you can’t blame illegal immigrants on your parents’ divorce.
SUSAN Yeah Rick, it sounded like your parents were already on the rocks. Is your mother happier with Ésteban?
RICHARD NO! She hates immigrants more than I do because after the divorce, he broke her heart and moved to Tampa.
RON Tampa? I hope he didn’t run into your father.
RICHARD I can’t even imagine how much dad hates him. They were actually pretty close before the div...
Richard has an epiphany.
BEGIN FLASHBACK
EXT. BACKYARD POOL
Hank lays on a lounge chair by the pool, drinking a daiquiri and watching Ésteban clean the pool. Ésteban is the last Mexican from the Toyota. Young Richard is playing in the shallow end.
HANK Ésteban, I think there’s a longer pole in the pool house but it might strain your back. I can show you where it is.
ÉSTEBAN Ok señor.
Hank and Ésteban retreat to the pool house. Young Richard looks puzzled.
YOUNG RICHARD We don’t have another pole...
END FLASHBACK
INT. OFFICE - DAY RICHARD ...Forget the immigrants and forget the schools! We need to put a stop to this gay marriage bullshit!
FADE OUT
A Very UnMerry Birthday
Day 100 of #100DaysOfWriting
EXT. TEA PARTY - WONDERLAND - NIGHT
ALICE stumbles across an open lawn containing a very long dining table with countless chairs situated around it, illuminated by lanterns. On top of the table are dozens of teapots and tea kettles of all shapes and sizes spouting steam and whistling in a musical fashion. At the far end of the table, the MARCH HARE, MAD HATTER & DORMOUSE are animatedly singing.
MARCH HARE (singing) A very merry unbirthday. To me!
MAD HATTER (singing) To who?
MARCH HARE To me!
MAD HATTER Oh you!
MARCH HARE A very merry unbirthday. To you!
MAD HATTER Who me?
MARCH HARE Yes you!
MAD HATTER Oh me!
MARCH HARE Let’s all congratulate us with another cup of tea. A very merry unbirthday to you!
Alice, seated at the opposite end of the table, applauds their performance. The music ends and The March Hare and Mad Hatter notice her presence and rush towards her.
MARCH HARE It is very rude to sit at a tea party without being invited.
MAD HATTER I’ll say it’s rude. Very, very rude indeed!
The Dormouse pops up out of a teapot.
DORMOUSE Very, very, very rude indeed.
The Dormouse sinks back into the teapot.
ALICE Oh, I’m sorry. I was just enjoying your singing.
MARCH HARE You enjoyed our singing?
MAD HATTER Oh what a delightful child.
MARCH HARE You must have a cup of tea.
The March Hare pours a saucer, cup, tea, and sugar cubes out of a teapot and offers it to Alice.
ALICE Why thank you. I’m very sorry I interrupted your birthday party.
The March Hare takes back the cup of tea.
MARCH HARE Birthday? My dear child, this is not a birthday party.
MAD HATTER Of course not! This is an unbirthday party.
ALICE Unbirthday? Why, I’m sorry, but I don’t quite understand.
The teapots begins piping out music again.
MAD HATTER Now statistics prove that you have one birthday every year. But there are 364 UNbirthdays.
MARCH HARE Precisely why we’re gathered here to cheer!
ALICE Why, today is my birthday, unfortunately.
The Mad Hatter drops his cup of tea, SHATTERING it. The music stops abruptly, the lanterns grow dim. The March Hare leans in ominously.
MARCH HARE What did you just say?
ALICE (frightened) Oh, I uh, I didn’t say anything at all.
MAD HATTER LIAR!
The Mad Hatter jumps onto the table, throwing some teapots off in the process, SHATTERING them. Alice cowers into her chair.
MARCH HARE You said today is your birthday, did you not?
ALICE I might have said that, yes.
The teapots begin billowing out black smoke and a dark, ominous music begins playing.
MAD HATTER This is an unbirthday party. It is very rude for someone who’s celebrating their birthday to show up unannounced and crash an unbirthday celebration.
The Dormouse peaks out from under the Mad Hatter’s hat.
DORMOUSE Very, very, very rude indeed.
ALICE No, I wasn’t crashing. I had no idea you were having an unbirthday celebration.
MARCH HARE Well now we can no longer continue with our celebration, now that we have a birthday among us.
ALICE Oh, it’s quite alright. I can leave you three to go about...
Alice tries to get up.
MAD HATTER Sit down!
The Mad Hatter pushes Alice back into her chair.
MARCH HARE We insist.
The Mad Hatter pulls out a knife from his sleeve and begins sharpening it.
ALICE I think I’d like to leave now.
MAD HATTER But you’ll miss the celebration.
The Mad Hatter gets closer, Alice closes her eyes and begins crying.
Everything suddenly reverts back to normal (lanterns brighten, teapots puffing steam to happy tunes, etc...) and the Mad Hatter pulls out a birthday cake out from under his hat with the Dormouse holding a lit candle.
MARCH HARE (singing) A very merry birthday...
Alice slowly opens her tear-filled eyes to find the Mad Hatter using the knife to slice the cake.
ALICE To me?
MAD HATTER To you!
MARCH HARE A very merry birthday
ALICE For me?
MAD HATTER For you!
The music reaches a crescendo as Alice takes the slice of cake that has the Dormouse on it and blows out the candle. The music ends.
MAD HATTER Now get the f*ck out!
FADE OUT
Tattoos
Day 99 of #100DaysOfWriting
INT. BAR - NIGHT
CODY and DAVE sit at the bar watching the game.
CODY There’s no doubt that the US is better when Wambach starts.
DAVE And now that Morgan is back from that bone bruise, watch out, Germany!
Cody and Dave high-five. ALEX enters the bar and joins his two friends.
ALEX You guys, I just hooked up with THE HOTTEST girl.
CODY Oh yeah?
ALEX Dude, it was insane. She’d probably normally be an 8 if it weren’t for this SEXY tattoo she has that makes her an 11.
DAVE What’s the tattoo of?
ALEX She’s got these wings tattooed on her back.
CODY Dude, I’ve heard of girls that have those tattoos!
DAVE So they looked hot, huh?
ALEX I’m not sure about hot, but definitely sexy.
Cody and Dave look at each other with confusion.
CODY What do you mean?
ALEX They actually looked like they might’ve been mild. Maybe even BBQ.
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT - (FLASHBACK)
Alex makes out with the sexy woman standing next to the bed (still clothed). Her face is concealed.
ANGLE ON - WOMAN’S BACK
The woman throws Alex onto the bed. She disrobes to reveal her back tattoo is of Buffalo chicken wings.
INT. BAR - NIGHT
Cody and Dave stare at a smiling Alex for a beat.
CODY Amazing.
DAVE (to bartender) Let me get 3 shots over here!
FADE OUT
The Philosopher
Day 98 of #100DaysOfWriting
INT. PARTHENON - DAY
SOCRATES, PLATO, & ARISTOTLE, amongst other philosophers, lounge about, submerging their minds into deep thoughts of politics, metaphysics, and astronomy. Socrates, the leader, interrupts their thinking.
SOCRATES Tell me, Plato, what deep thoughts have you stumbled up on today?
The philosophers all turn to Plato in anticipation of his philosophy.
PLATO I was deep in thought over whether a city can truly be ruled by a king who is not also a philosopher.
The group of thinkers all MURMUR in discussion over Plato’s statement but fall silent once he continues.
PLATO Though rule by the wise would be ideal, the wise ruler simply cannot avoid being judged by the unwise, and so it is necessary to rule by law.
The group of thinkers MURMUR in agreement.
SOCRATES Yes, yes, that is a very good thought indeed. Well done, Plato.
Plato bows to Socrates and kisses his hand.
SOCRATES How about you, Aristotle? What sort of thoughts have taken up residence in your mind this morning?
ARISTOTLE My mind was occupied with the thought that people should desire to become good and to do good rather than simply knowing what good is.
More MURMURS from the other philosophers.
SOCRATES Interesting... you seem to favor a practical take on our conventional theoretical notions.
ARISTOTLE What good is having thoughts if they do not lead to justifiable actions?
The MURMURS grow louder in discontent but grow quiet with the raise of Socrates’ hand.
SOCRATES Indeed, that is a very good thought.
ARISTOTLE Thank you.
Aristotle bows to Socrates.
SOCRATES This morning has been very productive already, but I wonder if we can’t discuss another deep thought.
Socrates looks around the crowd and settles his gaze on a pudgy, scrappy bearded fellow.
SOCRATES Hmm...How about you, Jeff?
JEFF steps forth from the crowd looking stoic and regal.
SOCRATES What deep thoughts consumed your wits, this morning?
JEFF I was thinking...
Jeff trails off and looks off in the distance. The other philosophers are captivated.
JEFF I was thinking about what day today is?
Everyone remains silent. The group of thinkers looks dumbfounded. Socrates breaks the silence after a BEAT.
SOCRATES An interesting thought to have, Jeff.
PLATO Indeed, for a day is a measure of time. And if time is limitless without beginning or end, how can we be sure that it moves at all?
ARISTOTLE And practically speaking, if we measure our days by the motions of the celestial bodies such as the sun and the moon, how can we be certain that they correlate to time and are not simply in motion independent of time?
SOCRATES For we have bestowed upon time our humanly definition of what it is and how it moves, but that would make it merely a construct of our feeble minds, which are unable to fully comprehend the full magnitude of how the cosmos truly work.
The other philosophers all MURMUR with the sounds of confusion.
PLATO And so we must ask ourselves...
ARISTOTLE Is it time that is abstract to us...
SOCRATES Or we that are abstract to time?
The crowd of thinkers make GASPS of comprehension. They’ve all just had their minds blown.
SOCRATES Jeff, you truly have a most incomparable depth to your mind and thoughts.
The philosophers erupt in a thunderous APPLAUSE. Socrates, Plato and Aristotle bow to Jeff. The remaining thinkers follow suit.
JEFF Ok, but does anybody actually know what day it is? I have a doctors appointment and I don’t really know if that’s today or tomorrow.
Socrates stands and hugs Jeff.
SOCRATES Oh, sweet, beautiful Jeff! Please, save your deep thoughts for tomorrow. I’m afraid my mind can’t endure another Earth- shattering revelation as you’ve shown us today.
Everyone else stands and hoists Jeff up on their shoulders chanting his name.
JEFF (shouting) But seriously! What day is it?!
FADE OUT
Too Many Comics
Day 97 of #100DaysOfWriting
INT. MARTY’S - NIGHT
STAN enters to find a CROWDED open mic. He sees BECKY, the host, and goes up to her.
STAN Hey, is the list full?
BECKY Yeah, sorry dude.
STAN Geeze! Where did all these people come from? It’s already late February. They can’t all be New Years resolution comics.
Stan looks around and begins to notice a vast majority of the new comedians are Asian. Becky gives him an eyebrow shrug and it clicks.
STAN/BECKY Chinese New Years comics.
STAN Well, at least the dick jokes will be short.
BECKY This is why you still do open mics.
FADE OUT
Paul Blart
Day 96 of #100DaysOfWriting
EXT. MOVIE THEATER - NIGHT
LAMAR & SHARON (high school students) walk out of the movies holding cups of soda.
SHARON That movie was so dumb.
LAMAR I didn’t get it.
SHARON What is there not to get? It’s a mall cop who’s name is Paul Blart.
LAMAR Paul Blart? I thought it was Paul FART!
Lamar rips a loud, obnoxious fart.
SHARON Ok, now that’s actually funnier than what we just saw.
FADE OUT
Cyberspace
Days 94 & 95 of #100DaysOfWriting
INT. COMPUTER LAB - NIGHT
A decal on the wall says “UC Santa Barbara” and a clock hanging above it shows the time to be 4 AM. JOSH, MARCO & CANDICE (college students) work on a computer, Candice typing, Marco & Josh being backseat programmers.
JOSH You forgot the semi-colon.
CANDICE I didn’t forget, you’re just impatient!
MARCO Relax, you two. We’re almost there so let’s just get this done and then we can celebrate getting through CompSci 432.
Candice types away a little longer before emphatically hitting the last key. They’re done.
CANDICE Well, that’s it for the coding.
JOSH Everything looks right to me.
MARCO I don’t see any errors.
CANDICE Shall we run it?
They all look at each other with an eager smile. Candice clicks on the “Run” button. Cheesy graphics (flashing lights, squiggly screen, everything collapsing into a “hole” in the middle of the screen) imply that they’ve been downloaded into the computer.
EXT. CYBERSPACE - DAY
Scrolling code makes up the floor that Josh, Marco & Candice find themselves standing on. Overhead, the clouds are dense accumulations of pictures with tweets flying through them. Entire buildings and houses are made up of Facebook walls and Pinterest Boards.
JOSH Holy shit! Where are we?
MARCO Did our code work?
CANDICE By the looks of things, I’d say we’re inside the internet.
JOSH Is that what we were going for?
MARCO Well, we were trying to write a program that could visually represent data into more recognizable form factors, but I don’t think we intended for the graphical user interface to be an actual user interface.
CANDICE You know what? I don’t think I added that semi-colon that Josh pointed out.
JOSH Great! Now how do we get out of here!?
A “MAN” colored in blue, red, yellow, and green walks up to them.
CANDICE Excuse me, do you know how to...
MAN ...how to speak turkey ...how to pronounce these words ...how to copy this disk
MARCO Hey, that must be Google!
Google suddenly turns into a pointillist version of itself.
GOOGLE Today is Georges Seurat’s 156th birthday. Georges-Pierre Seurat was a French Post-Impressionist painter and draftsman. He is noted for his innovative use of drawing media and for devising the painting techniques known as chromoluminarism and pointillism.
JOSH Ugh, this is annoying.
CANDICE Hey, I have an idea!
Candice pulls out her iPhone.
CANDICE Siri, can you help us out?
Cheesy graphics (flashing lights, squiggly lines, “exploding” instead of imploding from the phone) imply that SIRI has come out of the phone.
SIRI Of course. What can I help you with?
CANDICE Are we actually in the internet?
SIRI Yes. You are in what us programs refer to as the “White Light District”.
MARCO “White Light District”?
SIRI Unlike in the real world, where the term “Red Light District” is used to designate areas where adult-centric activities occur, in here, the majority of the internet is adult-centric so we designate the “clean” areas as “White Light District”.
JOSH That actually makes a lot of sense.
CANDICE How can we get out of here?
SIRI It seems you’ve been digitized into computer files and the best way to move files is by e-mail.
JOSH And then what?
SIRI The attachment has to be opened.
MARCO But how can we e-mail ourselves, if we’re in here?
JOSH Siri, can’t you e-mail us?
SIRI Yes, I should be able to do that.
CANDICE But who do we e-mail ourselves to? We’re all in here and I have my phone in my hand so even if Siri opens the attachment, I’m assuming we’ll all just pop back up in here.
SIRI It should be to someone who always opens up attachments because I’m afraid that if the email is deleted, so will you.
MARCO Jesus! This is some heavy Tron-type shit!
JOSH What extensions will we have? If we get sent as image files then most people should open us, right?
SIRI Image file extensions won’t work. It seems that you need to be sent as executable files in order to get out of here.
CANDICE I got it! I’ll send us to my mom! She’s always getting viruses because she opens every single email and attachment that comes her way!
MARCO Worth a shot.
JOSH “Worth a shot”?!? This is our lives we’re talking about here!
CANDICE It’s fine. The email will be coming from me. Plus, I’ll explain in the body that we’re some sort of greeting card or something.
JOSH Ok, but you better not get us deleted! I have big plans to lose my virginity this summer.
Candice and Marco share a glance and a giggle.
CANDICE Siri, e-mail us to my mom with the message “Hi Mom! Thinking of you! Hope you enjoy these greeting cards!”
SIRI Sending...
Lights flash as Candice, Marco, and Josh get Star Trek beamed up past the clouds.
INT. WORMHOLE - NIGHT
The three speed along in what looks like the wormhole from Stargate.
MARCO Whoa! This is kind of cool!
CANDICE! Wooo Hooo!
JOSH I hope I didn’t read all those Maxim’s for nothing!
INT. WAITING ROOM - DAY
Marco, Candice and Josh get beamed into a waiting room with other emails.
CANDICE We must be in my mom’s inbox.
JOSH Can we get Siri in here?
CANDICE Let me try. Siri? Are you there?
Candice speaks into her phone but there’s no response.
MARCO She probably can’t be in emails.
CANDICE I guess we just play the waiting game.
The three have a seat and start “people watching” the other emails. One email sitting across from them looks like a Nigerian Prince who smiles a devilish smile.
JOSH Scam emails are so creepy in person.
One email appears to be an innocent old woman wearing gardening gloves who smiles politely at the three.
CANDICE My mom subscribes to “Better Homes & Gardens”.
A line of other, heavier emails leads to a room that is shaped like a giant can of Spam.
MARCO Well, at least her spam filters are keeping some stuff out.
A door slides open and a “NURSE” pokes her head out.
NURSE Grace Jackson will see you now.
All the emails get up and make their way through the door. Candice, Josh, & Marco follow to...
INT. CRANE GAME - DAY
All the emails are bundled up in a crane game box. One wall has boxes with different labels on them. On the other side of the glass stands GRACE and her living room.
CANDICE Alright, we should be out of here in no time.
The crane follows Grace’s eyes as they glance over the group of emails. Once she sees the old lady (Better Homes & Gardens), the crane descends and picks her up, dropping her off in the “Open” box.
JOSH Aww what the hell?!
MARCO How often do you email your mom?
CANDICE (guiltily) Not often...
JOSH You said she’d open us because it was from you!
CANDICE Calm down! I’m sure she will. She’s probably just cleaning out her inbox before she gets to us.
JOSH I might as well throw this condom away.
Josh pulls out his wallet and takes out an old, flattened condom wrapper. Clearly expired.
MARCO Eww, you should’ve thrown that away years ago!
JOSH I should’ve used it years ago!
CANDICE Shut up! She’s back!
Grace looks over the emails once more, the crane moving back and forth. She spots the Nigerian Prince and the crane drops.
NIGERIAN PRINCE Hahahaha!
CANDICE (shouting) No! Mom! Don’t open that!
The Nigerian Prince continues to laugh as the crane carries him to a box marked “Delete”. He notices too late.
NIGERIAN PRINCE Hahahaha...Aggh!! AGGGGH!!!!
He gets obliterated. Josh looks on in fear before angrily ripping the condom package apart and throwing its contents to the ground.
CANDICE She’s going to open us. I know she will.
Grace’s eyes finally settle on Candice, Marco & Josh as the crane hovers over them and lowers to pick them up.
CANDICE You see? I told you so!
MARCO We’re not out of the woods yet!
The crane carries them towards the wall of boxes.
JOSH (sotto) I swear, if I get out of this alive, I promise to never hack Jennifer Lawrence’s iCloud account again.
CANDICE That was you!?
Candice slaps Josh across the face.
MARCO She’s not going to delete us!
Candice and Josh look up to see that the crane has hovered past the “Delete” box and heading towards the “Open” box. The three hug each other and celebrate until they realize that the crane has hovered past the “Open” box as well.
JOSH Wait! Where is she taking us?
CANDICE I don’t know! (to Grace) Mom! It’s me! Open us!
The crane hovers to a box marked “Forward” and drops the three inside. They enter the wormhole once more.
INT. WORMHOLE - NIGHT
JOSH Where are we going?!
CANDICE I don’t know!
MARCO At least she didn’t delete us!
The three of them suddenly stop, as if hitting a brick wall and they realize they’re now in a...
INT. ALLEY - NIGHT
Candice, Marco & Josh slowly get up from the ground.
MARCO Where are we?
CANDICE I don’t know.
JOSH We’re stuck!
VOICE O.S. (deep, baritone) You are in the place where all lost emails go.
JOSH Who said that?
CANDICE Where did that come from?
MARCO Who’s there?
VOICE O.S. I am the Mailer-Daemon.
A giant, devilish man/beast (think Tim Curry from “Legend”) appears out of the shadows. The three college students cower at the sight of it.
CANDICE (quivering voice) Where are we?
MAILER-DAEMON You have been forwarded to an email address that doesn’t exist. That is why you have come to find yourselves here in this dead end.
MARCO (scared) Is there anyway to get out?
MAILER-DAEMON There is only one way out...
The Mailer-Daemon draws near and reaches out its hands for them. Josh lets out a “Scream Queen”-esque cry.
JOSH AAAAAAAAAAAA....
MAILER-DAEMON I shall return you from whence you came.
JOSH ...AAAAGGGHHH, oh. That makes sense.
CANDICE Sorry we were so scared of you.
MARCO Yeah. You look a lot scarier than you actually are.
MAILER-DAEMON (wincing) I know...
The Mailer-Daemon puts his arms around the three students and beams them back into...
INT. WORMHOLE - NIGHT
Josh now looks nauseous from all the sending.
JOSH I don’t know how much more of this emailing I can handle.
They arrive back at the ...
INT. WAITING ROOM - DAY
Candice, Marco & Josh stand in the waiting room, noticing they have new clothes on that says “DSN return to Sender”. The door leading to the crane game box is open so they walk through.
INT. CRANE GAME - DAY
The crane game box is now empty. Grace looks as if she’s about to turn away but then notices Candice, Marco & Josh pop up.
GRACE V.O. Oh darn. I must’ve misspelled the email address.
The crane starts moving over to the three cyber-travelers.
GRACE V.O. I’ll just open this here.
The crane positions itself over Candice, Marco & Josh, lowers and picks them up.
MARCO Yes!
CANDICE Finally, we can get out of here!
JOSH Let’s just hope your mom doesn’t mess this up.
The crane, carrying all three, heads towards the “Open” box and drops them into...
EXT. CARNIVAL - DAY
Candice, Marco and Josh find themselves perched on collapsing seats of their own dunk tanks. Grace, through a glass wall, sits at her desk with three pairs of buttons in front of her staring at them. Each pair of buttons consists of one green & one red and corresponds to each student.
GRACE Greeting cards? But these are executable files.
CANDICE How do you know that, mom?
Grace’s hand hovers over Marco’s red button...presumably the delete button.
MARCO Guys, I just want to say, if this is it, I’m really proud of what we accomplished.
CANDICE Don’t talk like that! She’s not going to delete you!
Grace pauses, then pulls out her phone.
GRACE I better text Candice and make sure she didn’t get hacked.
Grace types on her phone and hits send.
MARCO Will you even be able to receive the text?
JOSH How would you reply if you’re in here?
CANDICE I don’t know...
After a beat, Grace’s phone BEEPS. She looks at the screen and reads aloud...
GRACE No, Mom, I didn’t get hacked. You can open those files. I think you’ll like what happens.
MARCO But how?
The three of them look at each other, thinking.
CANDICE/MARCO/JOSH Siri!
GRACE Well, if she says so.
Grace hits Candice’s green button and she gets dunked in the water.
The camera takes on Candice’s point of view as water swirls all around her. We see a drain through which all the water is passing through. Candice circles around it a few times, getting closer on each turn until she finally falls through into...
INT. GRACE’S OFFICE - DAY
A soaking wet Candice falls down next to her mother’s chair. Grace is completely startled!
GRACE What in the hell?! What are you doing here?
CANDICE I’ll explain in a minute.
Candice reaches over her mom to grab the mouse and click on Marco and Josh.
EXT. CARNIVAL - DAY
Marco and Josh both get dunked into their tanks.
INT. GRACE’S OFFICE - DAY
The two boys appear right next to Candice, also soaking wet.
JOSH I’m alive!
MARCO We made it!
The three of them hug.
GRACE What are you three doing here? Is this some sort of joke!
CANDICE Thank you, Mom!
Candice hugs her mom, followed by Marco and Josh.
GRACE Stop it! You’re ruining my outfit!
CANDICE Mom, we were in the internet and you saved us!
JOSH Barely!
CANDICE Yeah, who were you trying to forward us to?
Grace looks at them like they’re crazy.
GRACE I was trying to forward the message to my personal email address so that I could open it at home. If I knew this was gonna happen, I would’ve tried again.
CANDICE Well we’re glad you didn’t!
MARCO Yeah, I can’t imagine having to sit in that waiting room for another...wait, what time is it?
JOSH Yeah, where are we?
CANDICE Oh crap! Guys, my mom lives in New Jersey!
The three look at each other, horrified.
CANDICE/MARCO/JOSH Our finals!
FADE OUT
Das Auto
Day 93 of #100DaysOfWriting
INT. OFFICE - DAY
HANS Krause, a very eccentric German, and FRITZ, an engineer carrying a briefcase, enter the office.
HANS On behalf of all of us here at Volkswagen, I’m glad to promote you to the position of Chief Engineer for reinventing the Beetle.
FRITZ Thank you very much Mr. Krause! I’m excited start my position. I have a lot of ideas I’d like to start working on.
Fritz sits down at his desk. Hans stands behind him.
HANS You know Fritz, this new Beetle is a huge success. It’s slick, it’s sporty, it’s sexy. It’s flying off the showroom floors! You have revitalized our sales!
FRITZ Well, I just thought it was time to revamp this classic.
HANS Ya, everyone loves the Bug. It’s classic for a reason!
Hans lets out a loud laugh. Fritz humors him and chuckles. Hans gets serious.
HANS Fritz? Are you familiar with our company’s history?
FRITZ Wasn’t it founded by the German Labour Front?
HANS Ya. Not a lot of people like to mention it because it was the Nazi trade union, but I think it is important to remember where we come from.
FRITZ Uh...yeah, it’s good to keep those things in mind.
HANS Exactly! Did you know that it was Adolf Hitler himself who commissioned development of the Beetle? "The People’s Car!" he called it.
FRITZ I did know that, actually. Guess he had at least one good idea.
Fritz starts to chuckle as Hans shoots him a daring glare.
FRITZ I mean, I’m sure he had a couple others.
HANS (a little angry) Adolf had thousands of good ideas! Great ideas! Not many people remember Adolf the innovator. Everyone has a sour taste in their mouth because of the whole Eva Braun thing.
FRITZ Well, there was that, and the other thi...
HANS Anywho. I’ll let you get to work now. You have a lot of designs to work on.
FRITZ Ok. Thank you again for the promotion Mr. Krause.
Hans exits the office.
FRITZ Well...back to the grind.
Hans KNOCKS on the door and peaks his head in.
HANS Did someone say Third Reich? Haha, I’m just kidding. I forgot to leave this here with you.
Hans walks back in to place a thick envelope on Fritz’s desk along with a copy of Mein Kampf.
FRITZ What’s this?
HANS Oh, just some light reading for inspiration along with some paperwork, designs and project ideas left behind by Adolf. Maybe you could take a look at them? See what stirs up in that brain of yours.
FRITZ I was just gonna work on my own designs, if that’s ok.
HANS Absolutely! I just figured since you share his passion and design aesthetic that you would find some of his other ideas interesting.
FRITZ Listen, I just gave the car a face lift. It’s still the exact same. I wouldn’t say that Adolf and I think alike.
HANS No, not alike, silly. I’m not saying that you are Hitler incarnate. Are you? Haben Sie zurückgekehrt? Bist du es wirklich?!
Hans looks deep into Fritz’s confused eyes.
HANS (laughing) Of course you’re not! What I’m saying is, that car remained untouched for nearly 70 years until you came along and found a way to take Adolf’s vision and update it for modern times.
FRITZ Yeah, I guess I did.
HANS That’s the spirit! So I’ll just leave these here in case you get stuck on a problem or want to "change gears", if I may. Feel free to thumb through these and see if there are any of Mein Führer’s projects you’d like to start...(or finish).
FRITZ Hang on. Are we still talking about cars?
HANS Ya, cars, autos, national socialist movements...
FRITZ Alright, I’ve had enough. Good day.
Fritz gets up and walks out with his briefcase.
HANS Scheiße! I almost had him!
FADE OUT
Traffic Stop
Day 92 of #100DaysOfWriting
EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY
CHAD (30′s, yuppie) drives along the highway in his Maserati, barely going 5 MPH over the posted speed limit, but still being passed by other cars.
INT. CHAD’S CAR - DAY
He’s listening to Chicago when a police siren interrupts the jams and flashing lights mirror into Chad’s eyes.
CHAD What’s this all about?
Chad brakes and pulls off to the shoulder. The police car parks behind him and an OFFICER (30′s, stern) exits to approach Chad’s window.
OFFICER License and registration.
Chad gets the items and hands them to the Officer who looks them over for a second.
OFFICER Do you know why I pulled you over?
CHAD No, honestly.
OFFICER Can you take a guess?
CHAD Uhm... I guess I was going 5 over, but I feel like I was keeping pace with the flow of traffic.
OFFICER Guess again.
CHAD Is there something wrong with my car?
OFFICER Getting warmer.
CHAD Is one of my taillights outs?
OFFICER Getting colder.
CHAD Can you just tell me why you pulled me over?
OFFICER Whoa, whoa, whoa, just calm down sir. I’m going to tell you why I pulled you over. There’s no need to get aggressive.
CHAD Ok.
OFFICER (beat) I pulled you over for having a small dick.
CHAD Excuse me?!
OFFICER I pulled you over for having a small penis, sir.
CHAD What are you talking about? You said it had to do with my car.
OFFICER You were caught trying to overcompensate with a Maserati.
CHAD This is ridiculous!
The Officer begins to write out a ticket.
CHAD Are you giving me a ticket?
OFFICER Just a fix-it ticket, sir. You have 90 days to change vehicles to something more appropriate for your penis size.
CHAD I don’t have a small dick!
OFFICER Then why are you driving this vehicle?
CHAD Because I make good money! This is absurd. I’m leaving.
OFFICER (radios in) Be advised, I have a routine traffic stop that might become a car chase. Driver is threatening to flee.
CHAD You can’t make me get a different car!
OFFICER Sir, do you know how many traffic accidents could have been avoided if the driver just drove a dick-appropriate vehicle?
CHAD That’s not a thi...
OFFICER Thirty-thousand accidents a week.
CHAD That can’t be real! You made that up!
The Officer tries to hand Chad the ticket but he refuses.
CHAD I’m not changing my car! I don’t have a small dick!
OFFICER Alright sir, step out of your vehicle.
CHAD Why?
OFFICER I’m going to perform a sobriety test.
CHAD This is ridiculous.
OFFICER (assertive) Step out of your vehicle, sir!
EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY
Chad gets out of his car. The Officer leads him through a series of tests, which Chad passes easily.
OFFICER Ok. Not drunk. Lucky break.
CHAD Of course I’m not drunk.
OFFICER Alright, now I’m gong to perform a length and girth test.
CHAD Are you out of your mind?!
OFFICER Sir, that is a Class D vehicle and I need to make sure you are licensed to handle a Class D!
CHAD I refuse. I refuse to take part in anymore of whatever this is.
OFFICER That’s fine. It’s your right. But now I gotta take you downtown.
The Officer pulls out some handcuffs.
CHAD (fed up) You know what? Fine! Here, take a look for yourself!
Chad drops trou. The Officer assesses the sight for a beat before putting away the handcuffs and ripping up the fix-it ticket she had written.
CHAD Thank you.
Chad starts pulling his pants up when the Officer begins to write out another ticket.
CHAD Now what?!
OFFICER Sir, I’m citing you for public indecency which comes with a $500 fine.
The Officer slaps the ticket on Chad’s chest, returns to the police cruiser and takes off.
CHAD (beat) At least I don’t have a small dick.
FADE OUT
Peter & the Wolf
Day 91 of #100DaysOfWriting
INT. BRAD’S HOUSE - NIGHT
BRAD is hosting a party. Tens of guests mingle and drink throughout the house. SASHA joins Brad at the snack table.
SASHA Fun party, Brad!
BRAD Thanks! Pretty good turnout, huh?
SASHA Yeah, I haven’t seen Eddy and Blake since they got married.
SASHA waves at Eddy & Blake who appear to be in the middle of a lover’s quarrel.
BRAD Do you want some more punch?
SASHA Sure.
Brad takes Sasha’s cup and starts pouring her some more punch just as the faint sound of STRING INSTRUMENTS begins to play.
BRAD What’s that?
SASHA Oh, I think Peter’s here! I hope you don’t mind that I invited him.
The music gets louder and louder until it stops just outside the house and someone KNOCKS on the door.
BRAD You invited Peter?! Why would you do that?
SASHA What’s wrong with Peter? He’s a nice guy.
BRAD Look, there’s nothing wrong with Peter, it’s just that wherever he goes...
The sound of FRENCH HORNS is heard going from faint to loud. The front door is thrown open to reveal PETER and the WOLF standing on the doorstep.
WOLF What’s up you fucking assholes?! Where’s the beer?
BRAD ...the Wolf is sure to follow.
The Wolf enters the home and immediately makes a beeline to the coolers. Peter spots Sasha and walks over to her. Their corresponding music plays as each walks.
PETER Hey Brad, thanks for having me.
BRAD Hey Pete...
SASHA Hey Peter. I see you brought the Wolf.
The Wolf is busy challenging people at shotgunning beers and “beating” them because they refuse to participate. French horns playing in the background.
PETER Yeah, he kept hounding me to tag along so I figured it wouldn’t hurt.
SASHA Do you want a drink?
PETER No, thanks. I’m the DD tonight.
BRAD (sarcastic) Perfect.
PETER Brad, do you not like the Wolf?
BRAD No, I don’t like “the Wolf”. For one thing, he calls himself “the Wolf”.
SASHA Well, he is a wolf, Brad.
BRAD So?! We’re humans. None of us calls ourselves “the Human”! Plus he goes to parties and eats and drinks everything!
The Wolf walks over to the snack table and begins shoveling cheese and tiny wieners into his mouth.
PETER Well here he is, Brad. Why don’t you tell him exactly how you feel?
WOLF Whoa! You guys talkin’ ‘bout The Wolf?
BRAD (nervous) No, I was just asking Peter...
PETER Brad here doesn’t think I should’ve brought you?
The Wolf’s French Horns slow down to a somber tone.
WOLF Brad... is this true?
BRAD (beat) Yes, Wolf.
WOLF The Wolf.
BRAD See? This is exactly what I’m talking about! You’re rude and obnoxious and crass and, frankly, I would prefer it if you left.
SASHA Brad! Don’t be a dick!
WOLF No, no. It’s fine Sasha. I know when I’m not wanted.
The Wolf slowly turns as if to make his way to the exit but then suddenly lunges at Brad and bites his arm off. Peter grabs hold of the Wolf’s tale and pulls him off of Brad.
WOLF Ok, so who wants to do shots?!
FADE OUT
Stay At Home Boyfriends Ep. 3
Days 89 & 90 of #100DaysOfWriting
INT. APT 1/BATHROOM - DAY
KELLY sprays some perfume in front of her and walks into the cloud. OSCAR applies anti-wrinkle cream to his crows feet and smile lines.
KELLY I’m going to be working late tonight so can you make dinner?
OSCAR Yeah, not a problem.
KELLY Thank you so much, sweetheart.
Kelly gives Oscar a kiss, which he barely reciprocates, to avoid wrinkling his face.
INT. APT 2/BATHROOM - DAY
JEREMY, hair wet and wearing only a towel, brushes his teeth. MARIA puts on her earrings in the mirror.
MARIA I don’t really feel like cooking tonight so do you mind if I just grab some Veggie Grill on my way home?
JEREMY (gargled gibberish) Yes, I mind.
MARIA Good, I’ll call you when I’m there to see what you want.
Jeremy tries to finish up so he can rinse out his mouth but Maria kisses him before he can. Maria exits, mouth covered in toothpaste.
INT. SPLIT-SCREEN (APTS 1 & 2) - DAY
Oscar grabs his phone and dials a number. Jeremy’s phone RINGS. He rinses out his mouth and answers.
OSCAR Hey, have you ever seen Bedknobs & Broomsticks?
JEREMY No, but I hear it has a 63% on Rotten Tomatoes.
OSCAR Come on over and we’ll watch it.
JEREMY Ok, let me put on some pants.
INT. APT 1/LIVING ROOM - DAY
Jeremy (wearing only pants) and Oscar sit on the couch watching the credits roll.
JEREMY I think I like Mary Poppins better.
OSCAR Yeah, I prefer David Tomlinson’s early stuff.
Oscar turns off the VCR and TV.
OSCAR Alright man, I gotta go get some groceries to cook dinner tonight.
JEREMY Dude, don’t remind me. Maria’s gonna bring home vegetarian food for dinner.
OSCAR Why?
JEREMY She doesn’t feel like cooking.
Oscar thinks for a second.
OSCAR Hey, why don’t you tell Maria to come over tonight and you can help me cook dinner?
JEREMY Oh, that would be way better than Veggie Grill. You sure that’s cool with Kelly?
OSCAR Let me text her and ask.
JEREMY Ok, I’ll call Maria.
Oscar takes out his phone and composes a text. Jeremy makes a call on his.
JEREMY Hey babe, instead of picking up food on your way home, do you just want to go to Oscar & Kelly’s?... Yeah, I’m gonna help him cook... He’s finding out right now.
Oscar’s phone BUZZES. He reads the screen and gives Jeremy a thumbs up.
JEREMY Kelly says it’s ok... Ok, I’ll see you at 7... Bye, love you! (to Oscar) Yesss!!! What are we gonna make?
OSCAR I don’t know. Let’s go to the grocery store and figure it out.
Jeremy puts on a shirt then he and Oscar exit.
INT. GROCERY STORE - DAY
MONTAGE - OSCAR AND JEREMY HORSING AROUND
A) Jeremy rides on the front of the shopping cart as Oscar rides the back.
B) Trying a free sample of sushi.
C) Oscar rides on the front of the cart as Jeremy rides the back.
D) Getting another free sample of sushi.
E) Having a sword fight with a carrot and a tube of ground beef.
F) Shirts swapped, they get another free sample of sushi.
The two proceed to the self-checkout where they see KURT Russell having trouble with one of the kiosks.
KIOSK Please remove the item from the bag and scan it.
KURT Aww c’mon you piece of sh...
JEREMY Hey Kurt!
KURT Oh hey Jeremy & Oscar! What are you guys up to? (to Jeremy) Can you hold this for a second?
Kurt takes a bottle of whiskey out of his checkout bag and hands it to Jeremy before he can answer.
OSCAR We’re buying groceries to make dinner tonight for Kelly and Maria.
Kurt finishes scanning and pays.
KURT Awww man, you guys are having dinner together? That sounds awesome.
Kurt takes the checkout bag off the scale/sensor, grabs the whiskey from Jeremy’s hand and puts it in his bag.
KURT Goldie and I haven’t had a double (or triple) date in ages.
OSCAR Why don’t you guys come over tonight?
KURT I don’t want to eat all your guys’ food.
JEREMY It’s ok. I think Oscar and I got enough food to feed an army!
Jeremy points to the cart full of bratwursts.
KURT You sure it’s ok with Kelly?
OSCAR I don’t see why not. You can come help too if you want.
KURT Ok. I’ll make the desserts. That work for you guys?
OSCAR/JEREMY Yeah, that sounds great!
KURT Great! I’ll see you guys in a little bit.
JEREMY See ya Kurt!
Kurt rushes to the exit as Oscar and Jeremy start scanning their items.
INT. APT 1/KITCHEN - DAY (EVENING)
Oscar and Jeremy wearing aprons stand by the stove and counters which are covered in dirty pots, pans and dishes, as if an elaborate meal was just cooked. On one counter is a platter of cooked bratwursts and french rolls.
JEREMY I wonder if Kurt’s going to have time to make his dessert.
OSCAR I don’t know. Kelly and Maria are going to be here any minute.
Someone KNOCKS on the door and OPENS it.
KURT O.S. Hey, sorry I’m late.
Kurt enters the kitchen holding a tray full of brownies.
OSCAR No worries, we were just wondering if you’d have time to cook.
KURT I figured it’d be pretty crazy with three guys trying to cook in here...
Kurt looks at the aftermath of Oscar’s and Jeremy’s cooking.
KURT ...so I just made these at my place.
JEREMY These look amazing!
KURT They’re my special recipe.
Kurt knocks some dirty dishes off the counter and sets his brownies down.
OSCAR What time is Goldie coming by?
KURT She should be here any second.
A BEEP is heard coming from Kurt’s pocket. He reaches in and pulls out his pager.
KURT It’s Marlo. I gotta go run an errand real quick. Don’t wait for me to start eating.
Kurt exits in a rush.
JEREMY How many brats should we save for him?
INT. APT 1/DINING ROOM - NIGHT
Oscar, Kelly, Jeremy, Maria & GOLDIE Hawn sit at the table, empty plates in front of them, biting into Kurt’s brownies.
GOLDIE ...and so I told Kurt, "I’m not getting you two BMW’s so you have to pick just one," and he threw such a fit. He held his breath so long that I ended up buying him the other one just so he would breathe again.
Kelly and Maria wait to see what the appropriate response should be.
GOLDIE (laughing) We ended up selling both of them because Kurt decided he wanted a truck instead.
KELLY Oh that’s funny?
GOLDIE Isn’t it? What a little scamp!
MARIA Where is he anyway?
JEREMY I don’t know. He said he’d be back after he ran an errand.
GOLDIE Well this food was amazing! Thank you so much Oscar and Jeremy for making such a delicious meal!
KELLY And these brownies! Oh my God!
MARIA They’re phenomenal!
Kelly and Maria shove more brownie into their mouths.
OSCAR Oh actually, Kurt made the brownies.
Someone KNOCKS on the door and enters.
KURT O.S. Hey everyone, sorry I’m late.
Kurt enters the dining room and sits down next to Goldie.
JEREMY Oh hey, Kurt! Everyone was just saying how much they love your brownies.
KURT Aww did you guys already eat some? Now I gotta catch up!
Kurt takes a brownie and takes the biggest bite out of it.
OSCAR Don’t you want to eat some bratwursts first?
KURT No, I’ll just eat some of my special brownies so I can get on your guys’ level.
Kelly’s and Maria’s faces go white as they stop chewing.
KELLY Wait...is there weed in these brownies?
KURT Of course not!
Kelly and Maria look relieved and begin chewing again
KURT They’re laced with mushrooms.
Kelly and Maria spit out their brownies.
GOLDIE Kurt! Did you not warn them?
Goldie smacks Kurt.
KURT I told Oscar and Jeremy that they were my special recipe!
MARIA They don’t know what that means!
KELLY They’re innocent! Not troublemakers like you!
OSCAR (tripping) I can hear the moon.
Jeremy, eyes closed, starts dancing in place.
JEREMY It’s singing...
OSCAR ...singing Taylor Swift.
Oscar and Jeremy get up and start dancing. Kelly and Maria start freaking out.
KELLY Oh my God! What’s happening?
MARIA I don’t like this! I don’t like this!
Goldie goes over to Maria and Kelly to try and talk them down.
GOLDIE It’s ok, girls. Shhh, shhh. Just listen to the music.
Kurt finishes his brownie and takes another.
GOLDIE You got that James Dean daydream look in your eye And I got that red lip classic thing that you like...
OSCAR And when we go crashing down, we come back every time...
JEREMY ’Cause we never go out of style...
GOLDIE/OSCAR/JEREMY We never go out of style
Kelly and Maria, calmed by the lyrics start swaying.
GOLDIE You got that long hair, slicked back, white t-shirt And I got that good girl faith and a tight little skirt...
KELLY And when we go crashing down, we come back every time...
MARIA ’Cause we never go out of style...
Everyone but Kurt is up and dancing and singing.
EVERYONE We never go out of style!
KURT I did not expect the moon to be a Swiftie.
Kurt takes out a bag of cocaine and starts cutting a line.
FADE OUT
Trying Comedy
Day 88 of #100DaysOfWriting
Credit to Gil Garibaldo for letting me riff this with him at Sabor y Cultura open mic.
INT. ROB’S BEDROOM - DAY
ROB (20′s, wide-eyed) sits at his desk staring at his calendar.
ROB OK...This is the year that I finally try it.
Rob grabs his calendar and writes in “Try Stand Up Comedy” on the last day of the month. He stares at it for a second and gives a “let’s do this” nod.
MONTAGE - ROB WRITING COMEDY
A) Writing at his desk
B) ‘X’ing out days as they pass on the calendar
C) Reading over some of his writing. Disgustedly crumples sheet up and throws it on pile of other crumpled papers.
D) Furiously writing
E) ‘X’ing out more days. Getting closer to last day of the month.
F) Reading over his “new stuff” and being pleased, nodding his head in agreement, giving his paper a thumbs up.
G) ‘X’ing out the second to last day. Circling “Try Stand Up”.
EXT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY (SUNSET)
Rob walks towards the entrance of the coffee shop carrying (in both hands) a stack of his writings. A BULLY walks past him.
BULLY NERD!
The Bully knocks Rob’s papers out of his hands as they fall all over the sidewalk/street.
ROB My comedy!
Rob falls to the floor to gather his “comedy”. Pedestrians and vehicles continue to walk/drive. The scene progresses in slow motion.
TIME LAPSE
-- Rob looks around in horror.
-- A pedestrian’s foot steps on a sheet of comedy, SHATTERING it (the sheet is not actually damaged)
-- Rob’s face winces in pain.
-- A car drives over some sheets of comedy, CRUSHING them (the sheet is not actually damaged)
-- Rob begins to cry.
BACK TO SCENE
Rob sits on the sidewalk, devastated at the destruction of his hard work. A STRANGER walks by.
STRANGER Welcome to North Hollywood!
The Stranger kicks a sheet of comedy, POPPING it (the sheet is not actually damaged).
FADE OUT