Today (as of 2/20/18) I endured the results of a school shooting threat. Thankfully, nothing happened and we’re all safe, but it didn’t feel like that for me. It was discovered that it was a “joke” threat, and an empty one at that, but my point still stands. If you want to share my words go ahead because I’m sure I’m not the only one on this thought train. I’d really appreciate if you’d read it all the way through because this is important to me.
Last night, at the end of our 4 day weekend, a school voicemail was sent out that basically said “oh hey, there was a threat made on social media about a school shooting. Police are investigating the claims. There will be extra security tomorrow, so don’t worry, see you there” which, of course, drove everyone into a panic.
I went on my own social media and I saw tons of posts saying “don’t go to school, it’s not worth the threat” and “stay safe” and “who’s going to school?” polls that always ended in 40% yes, 60% no. Rumors were flying but instead of being out of curiosity or malice, it was out of fear. We didn’t know what was going on, and as a result, we genuinely thought we were going to be the 19th school shooting of 2018.
I decided to go to bed instead of worrying for the time being and deal with it in the morning. And when I woke up the next morning to my alarm I started to get ready as usual, until about 5 minutes later when the panic of last night hit me. I could actually feel my chest tighten from dread and fear. I continued to get ready halfheartedly, and when my mom came downstairs that morning (for I hadn’t seen her the night before), I asked her what I should do.
“You’re NOT going to school,” she says adamantly to me. Clearly she was worried for my safety.
Keep in mind that in the last few weeks I’ve been missing school from getting the flu and to be honest, I’m probably one of the few kids that hates skipping school. I get even more stressed out and behind and so if I don’t have a good reason to stay home, I go to school. But today I didn’t protest because I agreed with my mom. Even though I knew I had a lot of homework and classwork and things to do in school, I didn’t feel safe going to school that day.
A few minutes later we receive another voicemail saying that “the claims were taken care of / unsubstantiated so there’s no real threat but police will still be there at the school for security”. At this point my mom told me that I had the choice to decide if I wanted to go to school or not. Do I value my possible safety more than my education? I thought. There was no way for me to actually be able to weigh the risk of going to school with the vague answers from the authorities and the conflicting, panic induced rumors flying around social media.
So now I was in a predicament, with 30 minutes before I usually leave for school, hadn’t got ready, and faced with legitimately the hardest choice I’ve had to make in a very long time.
At first, I thought no. My mom had said no, social media said no, my anxiety said no, my instincts said no. I was honestly afraid that my determination to not miss school would cost me my life. I’ve seen what’s happened on the news, I thought.
I texted my close group of friends and the majority of them said yeah, we’re going. There really isn’t a threat, they said. We’ll be fine, there’s more security, they’ve taken care of it. And although they spoke the truth and I trust them, my brain was screaming about how this could turn into cruel irony if they were wrong. I was still very much afraid.
My mom told me I might as well get ready as I thought about it, just in case I wanted to go to school. So I did and I was done 10 minutes before I had to leave. I was downstairs with my mom, talking about random stuff and it hit me that I was stalling. I hadn’t really decided yet and as I watched 7:50 get closer and closer on the clock I started to get even more anxious. My mom asked me “so are you going?”
I said yes, I’ll go, I don’t want to miss more school than I already have, but I stalled further because I was still very, very scared. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do was to get myself to walk out the front door so I could drive to school.
Before I left, I was getting my shoes on. My cat came up to me and even though I knew subconsciously that I was being ridiculous my anxious mind jumped to what if this is the last time I see her? My mom then came over to me to hug me and say “I love you”. Even though this action wasn’t out of the ordinary I could sense more tension in her than we normally have.
School was a distracted mess. I drove into the student parking lot and realized that even though I get to the school fairly early, there were legitimately about 20 cars in the parking lot. Definitely too low. Later that day I heard that the school attendance was at a record low of 40%. The social media polls were accurate.
All day we marveled at the empty hallways and close to desolate classes in a usually bustling school. All of my classes had about 50% attendance but I heard that some classes had only 6 people in it.
All day I noticed we were watching our backs, watching the doors to the student union with apprehension when people flooded in, watching the police officers and district people walk past.
All day the atmosphere was tense, quiet, and on edge. You could see it in the teachers, in the students, in the administrators. Classes were easy and many of the plans for the day or even week fell through. I had quite a few free periods or “work on whatever you need to” periods which almost never happen. With over half of the school gone, it wasn’t worth doing a lesson. They probably should have canceled school that day since it was pretty pointless and the anxiety levels were higher than they ever should be.
Obviously, I’m very thankful that I live in a very secure area and for the most part, I feel safe at school. I’m thankful that the district and school took this claim seriously and instantly made efforts to guarantee that us students were safe. I’m thankful that the day went by without tragedy, even if the thoughts were there.
So now to my real point. All day we were honestly afraid for our lives. And 40% of us, hundreds of us, decided that our education outweighed our safety. Regardless of if the parents told their kids to go, or if the students got to pick for themselves, we all were conscious of the risk and went anyways. Police and security can only do so much, even if we were relieved that they were present. We heard jokes about us being brave for coming to school in the face of a threat and were thanked by teachers for carrying on as if nothing had happened the night before.
I don’t blame the teachers for being slightly annoyed about this interruption- it would cause issue with scheduling. We have things to do and stuff to learn and we can’t do that when everyone’s missing.
I don’t blame all the kids that didn’t go to school and instead turned their 4 day weekend into 5. I almost did. We were all scared.
I don’t blame the school for igniting a panic. They were doing their best to dispel the rumors and chaos and I know they have our best interest in mind and the vast majority of the days I feel safe at my school.
I don’t even blame the people that spread the rumors. They were afraid and trying to get information out so all of us could be safe, too.
However this never should have happened.
I should never have to feel afraid that my life is in danger in a place of learning, or anywhere for that matter.
I shouldn’t have to decided between my safety and my education. Those should be basic human rights.
I shouldn’t have the 18 tragedies of the past month and a half in my head as I decided how brave I really am. This should never have become a common occurrence.
I should never have had to text my mom and dad during every passing period to ensure them that I was okay. They send me to school so I can learn and I that will come back every day safely.
We should never have to halfheartedly joke about our situation so we could lift some of the tense mood that circulated the school today.
I should never have to hear a text from my dad saying “well this will be a story to tell your grandchildren”. My safety and the safety of everyone around me should be put first so none of us have scary stories to tell future generations.
I want change. We NEED change. I don’t care how we do it but the 345 mass shootings we had in 2017 is 345 too many. We in America seem to be the only one in this situation. We don’t necessarily need to ban guns but clearly our gun laws are far too faulty for comfort.
I don’t care that what the 2nd Amendment says. Not only do I also have the right to “LIFE, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” but with over 2 centuries of difference between today and when it was written, our laws should change with our evolving society to match its needs. In our advanced society today it’s not like we’re at the same level of risk as their wild animal attacks on the vast frontier- except for the fact that human lives are being targeted today like how hunters targeted prey years ago. That’s not okay.
I don’t want to be afraid, I don’t want to feel unsafe, I don’t want to be the next tragic victim of a school shooting that will only receive “thoughts and prayers” and NOT THE CHANGE WE NEED.
Tomorrow I have to go to school again which I know will still be filled with the thoughts that plagued the school 24 hours previously. With this scare, we’ve all realized that we’re not invincible and maybe, we’re not as safe as we thought. So I get to go to school tomorrow with these thoughts and I’m sure they’ll haunt me for my life.
We should be able to come together as a society regardless of our political views because this situation is polarized, black and white: too many people are dying from something that we could probably have prevented much more of.
So if you’re still against change, look me in the eyes and tell me that my safety, and the safety of the millions of students in school and people in public places that we’re expected to be isn’t as important as the desires of the people that will cause us harm with their deadly weapons. I dare you.
TL;DR- We were terrified today and NO ONE, no one should have to be “brave” to go to school because they were threatened. We need change NOW.
Tumblr edition: I am not here to argue with people. If you disagree, please just block me and ignore this post instead of commenting anything negative.