Mal du siècle

This description is typed to make you smile.

[one-vast-chasm]

"I waited, as if the sea could make my decision for me."

The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

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Serenity.

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i wanna lie down and stare at you while you talk about your interests

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LAY DOWN ON THE GRASS. GO FOR A WALK WITHOUT ACTUALLY GOING ANYWHERE. READ BOOKS BY THE RIVER. LISTEN TO ANYTHING YOU LIKE WHILE BAKING A CAKE. SCREAM BAD LYRICS. TAKE AESTHETIC PICTURES. WRITE WITHOUT CARING HOW YOUR HANDWRITING LOOKS LIKE. PAINT EVEN IF YOU DON'T DO IT NICELY. STICK DIY BAND POSTERS ON YOUR BEDROOM WALL. JUST. FUCKING. BE. DROWNED. IN. JOY.

[one-vast-chasm]

Never Mine

I have to build a wall

strong enough

and tall enough

I don't want to see you

on the other side

living your life without me

living my life without you

isn't this what they want?

isn't it how it should be?

plot twist

there is already a wall

I just can't let go

I need to

I can't

[one-vast-chasm]

Some people are just more lovable than others.

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The Chants

I hear them

everyday

the chants

I can't help it

It's been four years

but the melodies of you

are still roaming around in my little head

like bubbles

each time triggering a memory

I didn't get it

I thought I got over you

but when I saw you and we talked,

I realised I never stopped loving you

that I might never stop

I surrender

we can't always love who we fall for

even if it's reciprocal

[one-vast-chasm]

romanticism is: if you think it in this way, we are the moon and as for the sun, it represents everything we do. While the rays (in this matter, our daily activities: reading, texting, spending time with your family and pets...), they rub off on us. The moon emits the same light as the sun; We give off the energy of our likes and dislikes and the people we meet or talk to.

[one-vast-chasm]

I went on the balcony and looked up at the little enchanted stars sparking so far above my little silhouette this evening, there was something so magical about this sight. I thought: all these days I've been busy doing schoolwork and the routine was killing me which is why I inadvertently deprived myself of this charm. Then I've realised that the stuff I was busy with are not as important as the beauty before me and that the things we tend to trivialize are more important than the ones we lay emphasis on on a regular basis.

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And there I was thinking about how love would not come to me because of all the pretty people who look nicer than me and are more liked.

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Me texting my mom after reaching school so that she knows I've reached and that I'm safe:

Me: okay

Mom: Ok 😘

"Maybe okay will be our always."

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Creating playlists about people as if they can hear the lyrics you are pouring your heart in by listening to them and feel the love you have for them. It's a non-existant mutual understanding.

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I was longing for the things I wanted to happen to me, but how do I expect suchlike romantic gestures towards me if I cannot bring myself to produce these? How do I expect people to come to me when I don't go to them? How do I await friendship when I can't make a single move? How do I hope for hand-written letters if I haven't written one myself? But then again, would I be drowning my personality if I did such things or would I be steps further in discovering my identity?

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And then I realized... I hadn't yet moved on; he was still in my dreams; I was still thinking about us. Sometimes we tell ourselves that we are over it in order to carry on, to let the waves of life carry us through storms and sunny bright lagoons again. Because here's the truth, humans are the ultimate cowards. We fear more than our level of braveness can amount to.

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It's not happening because I got excited about it.

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I remember one time in 2020, I can still recall, I had lost a good friend and was quite down and affected by it and a day during that period, which was a long one, I had to write an essay about "losing a friend" coincidentally. I had written it so well and refined that my teacher gave me the highest mark graded.

My point is, whenever we write about something sensible which we confronted and have experience in, we soak the paper with nostalgic emotions and render it beautiful without realizing. It comes naturally, almost effortlessly. That is why we study the author or poet before their actual work in literature; backstories are noteworthy.

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Life isn't that hard, we're the ones who complicate things. When you have a crush, you wouldn't go to them and tell them how you feel, you would instead overthink the whole situation to the point that you never ever speak to the person. "Oh what we could've been."

Whenever someone is rude to you you wouldn't ask them what's wrong, you'd only get angry and yell in turn. When we were kids, it wasn't the same, our naïveté pushed us to settle arguments easier, to ridiculously voice out our opinions and to express our sincere feelings without being held back by judgemental thoughts. Even if it takes punishments.

We tend to mess up things and in the end make it appear complicated. All of us go through this. But do we try to simplify our problems? "Haha no cos what if-" STFU AND DO IT GODDAMNIT