My Bad Words

where i come when i feel like writing poetry or hating on my life 😽

[onlymybadwords]

apart we lay, boxed in our cages, our hearts trapped inside.

a sea so delinquent, land so vast, keeping us apart.

but deep within, i grab your hand, and together we’re side by side

a sea so delinquent, land so vast, can never keep us apart.

[onlymybadwords]

for you, i give everything.

my last tear, every smile, every breath.

i’m yours.

with you, i am everything.

stronger, happier, purposed.

i’m yours.

for you, i am me

no shadows, no hiding, just me.

i’m yours.

[onlymybadwords]

they called me, the call lasted 3 seconds. they called to say they love me i’m fucking crying hearing it from their voice sounds so special to me 💘💞💓💖💓💕💓💞💘

[onlymybadwords]

help i’m so in love but i literally can’t tell anyone😭

[onlymybadwords]

i’ve never loved someone more than i’ve loved you.

it’s funny, i’m so young, but i’ve found my forever.

you are my home, you are my purpose.

i’m so lucky to have met you so young in this lifetime.

[onlymybadwords]

like a flicker of light illuminating a storm,

you shimmered into my life.

with the beauty of an angel, and a heart of pure,

you showed me how to smile.

they say soulmates are nothing but a myth,

that you taught me to believe.

that love is never real,

but i know you are.

so far apart, yet so close together,

you are my person, you are my purpose.

love is beautiful, love is forever,

i love you now.

and i love you forever.

[onlymybadwords]

i just want a friend. someone to message me. someone to see at school and see in my notifications. everyone is so situational. they only care about me in their setting.

[onlymybadwords]

there’s a me online a me in person. the me online is happy, she has loads of friends. but the me in person, the me inside my heart? she’s lonely.

[onlymybadwords]

they’ll come back one day.

[onlymybadwords]

disconnected. alone. stranded. alone.

isolated without anyone here.

i want someone but no one is here.

a friend, that’s all i’m asking for.

the same faces, the same smiles, only there when it’s convenient for them.

i miss having a real friendship. i miss having someone to talk to long into the night, i miss having someone to text throughout the day. i miss having someone.

i miss having a friend.

[onlymybadwords]

‘remember the time you thought they were the world; the angels with open wings and an open embrace. remember the time they tucked you under their wing, and made you feel warm and wanted. remember the friends you had, the times you shared. remembering is subjective, what is there to remember when you realise they were never your friends all along. acquaintances at most. they never cared, and they never will’

‘but know of the ones who do care, the real angels however lost they are. scattered around the world, in every corner of abandoned territory. for the ones near you are not the ones near to your heart. we love the ones furthest’

[onlymybadwords]

emptiness.

there is no emotion when you’re torn down

you build walls, they’re broken

you’re open, you’re vulnerable

and then you’re stomped on

[onlymybadwords]

Pride poem!!

Our love blooms, a fluorescent flower that shoots crystals of light

Its innocence and strength standing with fearless pride

An emerging rainbow dances before us, proud and bright

Open and honest, without need to hide.

Around us emerges an army of pride

Waving their flags and spreading their love

We come together, stand side by side

Our love combined raising above

Above the hatred, we’re more than that

We’ve got pride, and colour and joy

We’re better than them, that’s a fact

Our love is powerful, set to destroy

Linking arms, we stand as one

A collective blur of the once silence

We came here today to spread love, have fun

And to remember the ones before, the ones hit with violence

Our flower enriches, our love empowering

Our colours enriching, our support growing

We become the omnipotent, over the hate we are devouring

Our love, our acceptance and our pride showing

Our love blooms, a fluorescent flower that shoots crystals of light

Its innocence and strength standing with fearless pride

An emerging rainbow dances before us, proud and bright

Open and honest, without need to hide.

We have pride.

[onlymybadwords]

so reading back on my poem i just posted, i decided to take a bit of it and mould another poem from it.

this one is actually about the recent passing of Caroline Flack

i was inspired by her quote : ‘in a world where you can be anything, be kind’

-

they smash at their keyboards; say she should die

they scour at her, stalk her every move

flashes piercing her eyes as she hides behind curtains

she can’t escape them.

a flood of abuse pounds in her mind...

‘in a world where you can be anything, be kind’

she tries to remind them, tells them they’re wrong

she tries to forget it, tries to be strong

smiles coat her exterior in a fragrance of peace

she suppresses her hurt and suppresses her pain

she carves herself a persona, a fragmented piece of herself.

she doesn’t know where to go

she suffocates but stays alone within the crowd

crumbling down into an invisible ball

fighting for attention and fighting for her place.

but she’s devoured, and she can’t carry on.

and she fades.

[onlymybadwords]

So i haven’t written in a whole, i’m sorry. but i feel this is something i want to share.

they said they wanted me,

that i belonged here.

but their silence sets me free,

so i fade and disappear.

muffled sound blurs echoes inside,

distance separates souls so close.

i’ve lost count over the tears i’ve cried,

over these faintly etched shadows.

I fade away like a kiss on a lip of light,

the clouds of ash daunting on the sunlight.

forgotten and left to be alone,

the stranger in a room of well-knowns

i’ve lost my footing and i don’t know where to stand

i’ve lost my purpose and i don’t see where i fit

i’ve lost it all, for who wants me here.

as the shadows fade it’s all becoming clear.

smiles coat her exterior in a fragrance of peace

she suppresses her hurt and suppresses her pain

she carves herself a persona, a fragmented piece

she doesn’t know where to go

she suffocates but stays alone within the crowd

crumbling down into an invisible ball

fighting for attention and fighting for her place.

but she gives up

they said they wanted me,

that i belonged here.

but their silence sets me free,

so i fade and disappear.

[onlymybadwords]

Quote of the day (17?) ~ Friends

I’ve met some of my best friends over the internet, arguably somewhat better than my real life ones (sorry dudes). They understand me, maybe not just because we are all Autisic but they get me, and we share the same likes and interests.

I love them guys, and this is dedicated to them.

They told you to never talk to people on the internet, because they could be liars and ruin your life. But what they didn’t tell you was that they could be, the best people you’ll ever meet

[onlymybadwords]

Quote of the day (15) ~ Empathy

I feel like the mood of this morning’s quote was predominately my own fault, y’know I was listening to my kinda emotional ™ songs playlist so 🤷‍♀️

Anyway I don’t have a lot of time to type, so I’ll do a proper post later tonight but I just wanted to drop this here :

The problem with being empathetic, is that you feel sorry for the assholes too