This isn’t me calling anyone out, just an observation about the fandom: we often mislabel enmeshment as “codependency.” Pop culture already does this, as does the show itself, so I don’t blame anyone for confusing the terms.
True codependency is a relationship dynamic with a very clear savior figure who “helps” (enables) someone with an untreated addiction, mental illness, etc. to their own detriment. The rescuee monopolizes the savior’s emotional labor without a real desire to change their behavior or take responsibility for themselves. The entire relationship hinges on the rescuee’s Big Problem(s). It’s an unstable person taking advantage of a people-pleaser whose self-esteem hinges on the care they give. It’s the girl from 50 Shades of Grey trying to reform and save her emotionally troubled boyfriend. Enmeshment, meanwhile, is a sort of “fusing” that is generally unhealthy but largely EQUAL. Sibling enmeshment is also called “emotional incest” by social workers. Which is why Wincest really IS canon! Emotionally speaking, it’s canon! Sibling enmeshment is sleeping in a car together as adults, knowing very intimate details about each other’s inner lives (and sex lives lol), being possessive, fearing abandonment, thinking in terms of “we” instead of being an individual, requiring the presence of the other to be soothed, the list goes on. It shows up in siblings who have experienced deep trauma together as children. So. Sam & Dean. Deeply enmeshed!
First of all ily for this ask, it has to be the most interesting thing in my askbox since I joined tumblr. Now
Taking the common points, personal boundaries are blurred and permeable. Sam and Dean fit this description in particular because of their clear lack of the same
Dean barges in when Sam's in the restroom. That's probably understandable as kids but for adults? I'm not so sure
(also this) And this is only just their physical lack of boundaries but we know it goes beyond that
From the other signs of enmeshment, one that was particularly fitting was
Finding it comforting that the other person thinks and acts like you or shares the same interests and worldviews as you
This is Dean's attitude towards Sam in a nutshell. He needs the reassurance that Sam's thought process and reasoning is entirely like his. He hates the idea of Sam being independent and immediately falls "lonely" even though there might be people (his own father) around him all the time, which goes right along with these other signs
• Finding it difficult to have alone time, including both mental and physical space
• Feeling threatened by the other person's dreams, desires, or wishes, especially if they don't involve you
SAM: Just listen for a second. We got a lead on a demon close to Lilith. Come with us, Dean. We'll do this together
DEAN: That sounds great. As long as it's you and me. Demon bitch is a dealbreaker. You kiss her goodbye, we can go right now
(this goes with your "we" thing. They don't think of themselves as individuals, and would probably be inhabiting one body if possible)
Feeling guilt or shame when advocating for yourself
Sam apologises for "leaving" Dean in purgatory and carrying on with his life with Amelia
He has time and again expressed his guilt for going off to college rather than following his father's orders and staying behind with Dean
He blames himself for the apocalypse and feels like he let Dean down ["You want to know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I let you down"]
Enjoying the other person's closeness or dependency on you
In a town where other victims were lured to death by a siren presenting itself as one of their best fantasies, Dean's siren took the place of an admiring, idolizing little brother who'd follow his every say. He loves the idea of blind faith from his brother
Basically, from what I can see, enmeshment is stronger, unhealthier, more devoted, more fucked up and yes! It is more fitting to the Winchester brothers
Codependency means over-reliance on your partner but enmeshment means you don't see a partner, instead your identities become one. You sort of interwine among yourselves which Sam and Dean clearly do--
what's mine is yours, what I think of, you'll know, my body? yours, our souls? connected, my happiness? you
Like you mentioned, it's fusion and while it's fucked to the core I LOVE IT
