I'm trying to get more into oil painting or like more properly. I feel like I've been using then too much like acrylics. So here's my try at a tutorial. I think it came out quite well
My wife once told me she would never play Baldur's Gate 3 because 'it's that slut game.' One year later she finally caved and did her very first playthrough.
May I present: Mrs. Cheery's chaotic gremlin adventure to Baldur's Gate.
Act 1
Our hero is the drow fighter, Lady Coolio. To this day we do not know whether Lady is her name or her title. She has a big sword, big tits and one goal: get to The Baldur's Gate with no distractions.
Escaped the 'Meat Bus' (Nautaloid). "Right how close am I to Baldur's gate? Like three hours?"
Sold her camp clothes by accident and was very sad that all she had to run around in was a grey hobo sack. (No mods. Sorry wife)
Asked if Withers was Solas's Dad.
Lady Coolio calls Astarion rat boy. In Wifey's words “he told me ‘when I was a little lad Cazador made me eat rats.’”
To be fair she isn't great with names so Halsin = Hoisin Sauce, Lae'zel = onion lady, Volo = Volvo, Cazador = Calzone (sometimes)
In camp: Gale "I'd like to show you something rather magical".
Lady Coolio: "I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR MAGIC PENIS"
“There are so many dead bodies everywhere this entire place has got to stink” (just act 1 generally)
Act 2
Ran into the shadow cursed lands very under levelled and Last Light inn instantly got sacked. Bad news as she was romancing Karlach and now can’t get her second upgrade. Lady Coolio firmly blames Isobel for "triggering like three opportunity attacks when she could have... not done that."
Died to the shadow curse a LOT.
Her: “Why is everyone dying????”
Me: “Remember the moon lantern?”
Her: “The what?”
Me: “… that thing with the swearing pixie in it”
Her: “ I still have to use that????”
Me: “ yes, because Isobel is dead”
Her: "WHY IS SHE STILL CAUSING PROBLEMS."
Hates the Gauntlet of Shar. Asked Shadowheart, “Is Shar the only goddess with an Olympic qualifier to join her religion?”
And now a series of comments on the Dead 3's chosen:
“so the bad guys are evil undead Santa, Lady Gaga and the ugliest man I’ve ever seen?”)”
“Is Gale… horny for that crown??”
“Maybe Myrkul would be more threatening if he wasn’t standing in an giant toilet and not moving”
On discovering the Emperor) “wait my fairy god mother is a SQUID??? oh :( ”
She did however become half illithid but hated that she ended up with varicose veins on her boobs.
Gale and Astarion then graduated to “those weak pudding men” because they kept getting stuck halfway across the map by missing jumps.
Act 3
Said “Brexit means Brexit” every time she met someone who was complaining about the refugees.
Went to see Raphael at Sharess's Caress. Didn’t sign his contract “ I trust neither Lord Farquad nor squid man but I’m not selling my soul to someone who has such bad vibes.”
At Gortash's coronation. "I thought he was popular? Like seven people turned up to watch it. Is it because he's really ugly and smells like Lynx (Axe) body spray?"
She wanted to eat Orin's outfit because it looks like delicious bacon.
Walking around the city: "so where do I go??"
"Anywhere you like."
"I hate this."
She would not stop stealing things. I think she murdered the entire battalion of flaming fist in the lower city because "a lady's gotta eat." She also killed everyone in sorcerer’s sundries including Rolan.
Had the prototypical stress aneurysm while doing the iron throne but somehow managed to get ALL the hostages out.
Lae’zel was kidnapped by Orin for 9 in game days . When I asked about this she said “FINDING CLOWN MEAT IS MORE IMPORTANT.”
“Why does every door here lead to the sewer????? And why are there so many live mines in the sewer??”
(in the basement of the elfsong) “soo because the Emperor has a shitty basement I’m supposed to be best friend with him now? This soup recipe does not make me trust you squid man”
Halsin “nature used all its powers when crafting you”
Wife “well it also crafted bacon lady (Orin) so swings and roundabouts”
Astarion stayed a spawn and she convinced Gale not to use the crown. “No one is becoming ultimate bitch on my watch”
Despite her distrust of the Emperor she still allied with him in the final fight. Because, and I quote, "Lady Coolio's goal is to stop the Absolute. The Emperor has the same goal. I don't know when I became everyone's therapist and in charge of them making better choices but I'm putting my foot down at replacing dehydrated onion queen with baldy prince king over here. The Gith's religion is not my problem."
In her canon Lady Coolio and the Emperor high fived when they won.
85 hours later and Lady Coolio is the hero of Baldur's Gate. Please enjoy this picture of our heroine.
without further ado and with no introductions, here are my personal headcanons about the biggest dork in faerun:
(i also had a little help from the biggest hater of all time @lenavis -- i bolded hers so you know her cruelty)
loses at least 2 hp getting out of bed in the morning
he listened to one episode of a true crime podcast, had nightmares, and hasn't listened since
he's got a shower cap
there's no way he doesn't have a rubber duck
he's a board game shark, especially anything with strategy or words. boggle? "oh please, i'm merely a simple man who enjoys a good-natured night of fun" and then he'll be the only dick who finds words like pernicious or mellifluous. monopoly? "come now, i haven't played in years," he says with a grin as someone declares bankruptcy through literal tears
his feet are always freezing in bed
he watches reality tv but quickly changes the channel if he hears you coming
he has like eight aprons
has absolutely left this note on a student's homework before: ?????
I watched ALMOST the entire second season over the weekend. So I started this sketch (you can barely call it that with the amount of time I spent on it). Might finish it - might not. But I kinda like where its at rn
Quick sketch of my tav (left), my brothers tav (top), minthara (right) and astarion (bottom). Been loving our dynamic in this run. He acts like the king and everyone who slightly disrespects him must die and I pickpocket everyone and everything with astarion.
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