Optimistic Vein

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[optimisticvein-blog]

[optimisticvein-blog]

The way your words run like vines around my neck

Choking me

Making me unable to breath

The images I see with my eyes become blurred spots of black and white

And the colors fade from my face

From my life

From my heart

As I let your words trap me.

But you don't care.

You never have.

Your soul is black. Your hearts turned and it won't ever turn back.

I tried. But it's not enough.

Clouds pass over my face, one after the other, drifting uncaring about my silly little problems

It rains on my face, and color returns as I cry out your name.

I love you.

I'm over you.

Your words no longer hurt me, my soul no longer feels cold

I'm here.

I'm here and I'll let everyone know I'm not a goner. I'm not going to leave because bitch I'm stronger than you could ever be with your heart made of stone and your gates up so high. I'm happy I met you. I'm happy I loved you.

Because now.

I know my own importance.

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"Professor Barf Barf. He teaches you how to not pay attention to your tail because that sneaky thing always comes around when you're least expecting and the next thing you know YOURE CHASING IT AND ITS NEVER ENDING BECAUSE YOU CANT CATCH THE DARN THING. Professor Barf Barf. He teaches you the difference between your human and the the paper human that comes to your house every day and leaves little papers inside. He teaches you that you must bark at this human lest he murder all your humans. You must scare the paper man away. Professor Barf Barf teaches you that when your human leaves for hours on end, they aren't actually leaving for good. They always come back. But while they're gone it's time for a nice JUMP ON THE COUCH OPEN ALL THE CABINETS UNTIL YOU FIND THE YUMMIEST SMELL AND WRESTLE EVERYTHING OUT OF THE CABINETS AND DRAWERS. Professor Barf Barf teaches you that when your human passes out for hours on end they're actually okay. You need not worry. They're not dead."

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How does one learn to let go?

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In a world where everything is not okay, where everyone closes themselves off to the truth and tells lies to make people like them, find the light that makes you tick. Find the thing that makes you smile. Grab onto it and never let go. Because no one's going to give it to you. No one's going to tell you how to get to it. You have to find it yourself and expand yourself onto it until it is the night and shining armour you've been waiting for. Not some person you met last night, or that person you've been with your whole life. It's you and only you.

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Eastern Dale Rd.

The address led to a neighborhood of sunny people and warm gardens. Flowers of many colors bloomed in front of people’s houses, while the people themselves smiled quietly to each other, talking and reminiscing about the old days and the days to come. There were all kinds of people who lived in this neighborhood. The old. The young. You’d usually see kids running along the street or in someone’s yard, playing some miscellaneous game they’d have invented. There were people of different color. No one was discriminated against. From a view, this looked like the perfect neighborhood. A newly wed husband and wife would want to settle down here, have a couple kids, watch them play with other kids, and grow old in a nice house on Eastern Dale Rd.

There was one house in particular. 127. It was a two story, white house, with sunflowers, white daffodils, and a couple of trees covering their front lawn. It was a gorgeous place. A small stone walkway led to the entrance in the back, which was filled with a number of beautifully colored flowers, planted by the wife and husband, years ago when they had first became engaged. Their backyard escalated uphill, filled with different kinds of greenery, with that same stone walkway to look around the garden. Some ways up, underneath a tree, there was a swing, covered with shade, where the wife would usually go, and smile while drinking her morning tea.

They had a boy and a girl. They were the perfect family. Their children played with other children, and they kept quietly to themselves about their personal lives, but socialized among the neighbors, like a perfect family would. They gossiped about their friends, spoke of their high end jobs, the wife a lawyer, and the husband a doctor. They talked about their children, and how lovely they were. Everyone was friends with this perfect family. All the children, all the adults, and seniors. It was a wonderful life. 

There was a neighborhood. So perfect from the outside. And there was a family. So ideal; everyone wanted to live in their perfect world.

This family was not perfect.

This neighborhood was not perfect.

This street was a street of people who lived in fear so the only thing they could think of possibly doing was living their lives as perfect as possible, making it as sunny as possible so no one would get taken. So no one would get hurt.

They lived in sector 223. Their neighborhood consisted of a library, and twelve streets. Next to them, sector 224, was a shopping plaza. A couple sectors down, back in the woods just a small way, there was the school. Three schools. Elementary. Middle school. High school.

Everyone was kept safe as long as no one talked about what happened on the outside of their district. As long as everyone led happy, peaceful lives.

Everyone was afraid.

Everyone but this not so perfect family with secrets so deep they’d never dare say them aloud for fear of someone turning on them and turning them in.

They had a secret that could get them killed and their children tortured. Made into robots of destruction, designed and programmed to fight against what their parents were trying to hide. Their children.

Their children were magic.

pg. 1

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I am not defined by who I was, I am defined by who I can become.

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Lie with me and forget the world

Let the noises drown out, let the feelings pass, let yourself relax, finally after all this time. You need it. You deserve it. After this struggle, just come and lie with me. Let me guide you. Let me help you get to where you're supposed to be. Let me soothe your sorrows, and let me clear out the despair. Let it flow out of you as you begin to wash your walls of your past clean again. Let me pick up your fragmented pieces, no matter the places they may be. Let me watch you become whole again. Let me watch you become the youest you that you can be. Come lie with me my love.

[optimisticvein-blog]

It was late, almost 11:30. There were a few cars on the main road that passed by, but for the most part it was quiet, save for the wind. Snow fell silently, small flakes filling the night sky. Snow from the previous day’s had already littered the ground. A new coat was being made, fresh to imprint upon. The orange street lights lined up across the street and parking lot, giving the white snow a beautiful orange glow. The cold only made it better. This only happened during the winter. This feeling of standing amidst a silent street, snow falling, and orange lights giving the world a warm glow, a heavy coat to guard against the cold, yet letting it seep into the skin. It was surreal. It was winter.

[optimisticvein-blog]

Room

The clouds are painted a red purple color with a hint of gold. They are all around, squishy and soft, yet firmly intense. It brings ease, a relaxation to the body and comfort to the mind. You can sit on these clouds, their plushness letting you sink in yet firmly holding you in case you need to get up. But you could just sleep there forever. It was a warm temperature. As warm as it needs to be. You close your eyes and you feel another warmth next to you. You open them again and you're standing above a bottomless pool. The walls and ground are gold, hard and cold. The etchings that are in the walls are beautiful. It is a round room. Lukewarm. Perfect temperature. The pool is built into the ground and is round, surrounded by a round, gold rim, plump at the touch. You look inside the pool. The water looks beautiful. Alluring. Warm. You sit at the edge and gaze at it forever wondering what it'd be like to plunge into that depth. You decide to sit at the rim and let your toes in. You don't know how you feel about it. It's warm and ever so inviting but the depth terrifies you. You cannot take the jump. Not yet. So you sit there letting the feeling of that warm black gold water wash over your body.

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"He was drowning his sorrows in a bath of truth."

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"I stretch my wings, begging to learn how to fly. But I always end up falling, breaking my fragile body. I wasn't meant for this."

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"Their tiny insignificant bodies being crushed by the weight of it all. Nobody cared."

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I love my job!! So cute 😍

[optimisticvein-blog]

She stood in the forest, surrounded by dark trees, dead with no leaves. The ground below her feet crunched as snow flakes filled her view of the sky. There was no sign of life, no sound except for the snowflakes hitting the floor. Goosebumps filled her body, and she rubbed her arms for warmth. She was freezing.

The emptiness of the woods made her afraid. She wasn't sure what of. Being alone prehaps? But she knew she didn't want to be there. However she couldn't leave. The emptiness, the dead and silence drew her in like a moth to a flame. She ventured in further, the darkness around her growing. However, she could see perfectly well.

She kept walking in further, not registering where she was going or in what direction. She was lost and alone with no one to call for help. As much as she wanted to she knew it wouldn't help. So she just kept walking. Forward. Endlessly.

She entered a new stage of the woods. One that made the fear in her double. She stopped breathing, afraid she would be heard. The forest was littered with carcasses. Deer, half eaten, bones behind every tree. The snow fell ever so gently over them, covering what remained. She wanted to turn back. To scream and run away from this horrifying scene. She breathed in, trying to calm herself. She tried to blur the images in front of her as she walked onward. There were fox skulls, and wolves, as well as antlers and bird bones hanging in the trees.

The winter killed everything in this forest. Tears formed in her eyes and she was ready to run away, in any direction. In the direction she came. She wanted to get out of this sickly place. The silent cold of the trees was better than this. Tears fell from her eyes as she stifled gasps and hiccups. She didn't want to make a sound. Not in this dead forest.

A scream erupted somewhere around her. The skeletons remained. She was walking through hell. The scream fell silent. She stood frozen. In front of her a body hang limp and lifeless on a tree. A dark mass. Another scream came to life around her. She closed her eyes, breathing in heavily, smelling the snow, and listening to it falling around her.

She continued forward.

The bodies grew, hanging from every other tree. She didn't want to be alive. To witness this. She wanted to gouge out her eyes. To tear off her ears. The screams grew louder and closer. She couldn't take it, but forced herself to walk, remaining as calm as she could possibly be.

No one was going to save her from this forest. From this dark and dead forest. No one was coming to get her. No one. She only had herself to rely on. She only had herself to look after her. This was her worst nightmare and only she could be the one to make herself wake up.

She stopped walking, closing her eyes, calming her breath, calming the rapid beating of her heart from the fear the consumed her. It was going to be okay.

All at once, the screaming stopped. The bodies did not sway from the wind, the carcasses did not smell like rot. Her eyes remained closed and her body no longer was cold from the harsh wind. A bird chirped from one of the trees. The smell of spring filled her nose. A warm breeze brushed her skin. She opened her eyes and life around her became...life.

Deer grazed in brilliant green grass, beautiful green leaves filled the brown trees, the sky was a wonderful blue, and the sun poured its light down on her. Children ran around her, barefooted and happy, some playing in a nearby stream. Beautiful flowers covered the ground. Endless tears flowed down her cheeks, and she smiled so happy.

She had power. Such a wonderful power. To make herself happy. To make herself feel okay in the end of that dead forest. She had the power to change.

[optimisticvein-blog]

Trapped in your own skin, clawing your way out, struggling to breath and just be free and be ME.