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Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

Kiana Khansmith

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starry night sky dress submitted and designed by anita of playita
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Context: Our party was hired to investigate the murders of several clerics in a nearby town. Our party convinced the town’s clerics to stay in the church overnight to protect them while we hunted down the killer.
Sorceress: Can I like… lead the clerics in a group prayer?
DM: Sure.
Druid: Okay, well we’ll be out investigating while you’re doing that.
Later the party ran into the killer and got into combat.
Bard: Does [Sorceress] not hear this commotion and come to investigate?
DM: No… the church would be too far away.
Sorceress: I’m leading the congregation. Everyone please open your books to Psalms.
The killer ended up running away after a few rounds of combat. The party ended up chasing them to the other end of town and eventually taking them down.
Wizard: Haha, [Sorceress], no XP for you.
Sorceress: You guys are gonna come back and I will be the leader of this church. I’m their god now.
“Yeet me, daddy”
Jaze- Aristocratic Tiefling bard
Murmus- Genasi sorcerer
Dizapointed- Human fighter
Xanthe- Our missing Eladrin rogue
We’re following a trail of blood in a cave on a search to find our fourth teammate. Our bard had to guide our human, the only one without dark vision (he had already fallen into a hole earlier.)
The bard is just pinching his sleeve to guide him haphazardly
Sorcerer: I’d think you would hoist him over your shoulder or something
Bard: I’ll drag him by the shirt, but that’s it. I don’t want to touch the filthy commoner any more than I have to.
Fighter: I can’t help it if I can’t see!
[after a few failed rolls to stop him from running into walls]
Fighter: Just yeet me on your shoulder! It’ll be easier and I’ll stop running into things
Bard: Y’know what? I have a better idea
Bard, ooc: I’m just going to yeet him ahead of me so I don’t have to touch him
DM: *sighs* Roll for strength
[nat 20]
He then threw the fighter ahead of us, but instead of landing, we heard him screaming and cursing. The yelling faded, and we concluded him that he had been yeeted straight into a hole.
Sorcerer: Well that’s unfortunate.
Bard: *shrugs* Let the commoner shed his blood in place of ours.
Sorcerer, ooc: I’m gonna yeet myself in the hole as well
DM: *sighs harder* roll for acrobatics
[she makes it to the bottom, but falls on her butt]
DM: Will Jaze also yeet himself into the hole?
Bard, ooc: Well actually, Jaze is a pretty level headed dude, so he’s gonna make an investigation roll before he does that to make sure it’s safe.
Fighter ooc, who had taken 11 damage from the fall: You couldn’t have done that before throwing me???
Bard, ooc: Well I didn’t care about what happened to you, so no, I couldn’t have
[proceeds to roll a 17 investigation and a 18 acrobatics, safely making it down the hole]
At the bottom, the bard finds the fighter unconscious and wakes him up
Bard: What’s up, peasant? How was your trip?
Fighter: I didn’t trip, you tHREW ME IN A HOLE
Bard: Eh, details
(title is from a little later, when the bard was debating whether or not he should yeet the fighter off a bridge)
“Are you Googling ‘tragic backstory generator’?”
—
throw the child
For some context, my entire party is evil- or neutral-aligned characters. I play a 12-year-old changeling named Mop. We encountered a shopkeeper who was being particularly annoying.
DM: What do you do in response to his pestering?
Me: can I bite him?
Valvorian (a drow in our party): Oh my god. I would not stop him.
DM: N-n..no??
Me: ..wait, Wait. Valvorian should throw the child.
DM: WHAT
Valvorian: throw the child???
DM: screw it, I’ll allow it- roll a strength check.
Valvorian: (rolls a 17)
DM: He pelts the changeling full-force at the shopkeeper, knocking him to the ground with a scream of “GET IT OFF ME, NO!” Does the party react?
The rest of the party: …no.
“Look, I don’t want to fight you.”
“Good! You’re my dad now!”
Our fighter to this friendly ghoul in Curse of Strahd
Escaping a terrifying collapsing world
Some context for our party: we are playing a somewhat homebrewed campaign where it is essentially a more intense animal Crossing world. Our party consists mostly of animals including The Duck who is a rogue that is mad at everyone and stabs a lot of stuff, an aarakocra, myself that is a kenku cleric worshipping a mad God, a mouse folk, and a kitsune.
Me, a cleric worshipping a mad God: can I summon my spiritual weapon(a giant wheel of cheese) to help the duck as he is falling off the crumbling world?
Our DM: yeah
Me: alright so I summon the cheese and hold its movement so the duck can… Mount?? The cheese????
Shopkeeper npc: What do I look like? A court jester?
Bard: (very offended) Hey buddy, my parents were court jesters.
I’m not proposing anarchy, I’m just… contemplating.
- Yuanti warlock
Artificier: I’m subduing them!
Paladin: *incredibly distraught* GUNS DON’T SUBDUE PEOPLE!
So yesterday on my way home from work, my car decided that this was the best course of action. I would disagree.