mellow

http://ko-fi.com/oscarsins 🖤

[she-wu]

— They, too, are all just pretending to be adults because people tell them they are. — I just want to quickly grow old.

[asiandramabitch]

[oscarsins]

my affections for you are finite , within their capabilities of infiniteness ,

my love,

in its abundances,

in its overflowing spectacularity , I have not known a love where

I count the kisses on my forehead, where I collect them like they are starlight in my palms,

where your hand in my hand is

a thousand sighs from my lips, where your hand on my neck is

a million breaths that I hold in anticipation, in eager greed for a trillion more touches

i have not known a love where your name is an exhale on my tongue,

the beginning of an utterance that I do not wish to end,

a collapse of my heart, the colliding of galaxies,

and still, and still, your love

is an embrace welcomed a million times, like coming home after a splintering day, like water flowing down the river, and my feet encased in it

my love is a storm rummaging through my body, leaving its contents scattering in the wind,

my love,

in its infinite capabilities,

counting down like clouds at nightfall

thousands, millions, hundreds,

one. my affections are the sacred vows your mouth speaks,

the honeyed words glistening like stars falling at my feet. my affections are boundless,

galaxies collapsing, hearts colliding,

my affections are promises pressed in between the creases of your elbows,

like birds taking flight, or flowers between the pages of a book

my love, I have gazed upon your face with all the might of the rising sun, like fires blazing over horizons,

my love, you stood your ground in the face of it all, with your infinite love taking root,

like swallowing words, or, birds taking flight.

- oscarsins

[oscarsins]

“My girl, she is fierce. She pulled out the tongue of a man with her dragon teeth, when he stuck it down where it doesn’t belong. My girl, she is the princess. She is also the dragon. Whoever wrote down that she has to be one or the other, obviously, got it wrong. My girl, she’s delicate. I wiped her tears away, my lips on her cheekbones, whispering prayer upon prayer, wishing justice upon a girl that the world done wrong. My girl, she is beautiful. Her skin like charcoal, her eyes like fire when she told me to run, and her trembling body that night when I stayed. My girl, she is beautiful. Her voice like Jasmine tea, her mind like the rivers, when she told me of dreams about far away places and nightmares about demons with their reptilian skin. My girl, she is precious. She took me to the blue ocean and held me as the sun set and the sun rose out of the ember seas like a ball of fire. Taught me about the sacred and holy things, like how a human body is meant to be touched softly and about how it craves the harshness when it is hurting. My girl, she is mine, as I am hers. We are spun out of our women birthed out of a sea of blood, how is it a surprise how strong we are while we bleed, while our bodies break and our eyes lose their color. We are blood, we are hard work, we are determination, we are women.”

— oscarsins

[oscarsins]

Happy women's day everyone

[oscarsins]

I deleted everything of mine and I just got back on because I thought why not- I usually do this to distract my anxieties. But I thought of you and remembered how one of your writings the sinking into a black hole one, I had it on my notebook and I got nostalgic to how close we used to be. Anyways I’m going to delete this tumblr (even though I just made it a few days ago) I don’t know when but probably a week maybe less but I just wanted to say hi and I hope that everything is going good.

Hi, I am so happy to hear from you. Are you leaving tumblr indefinitely or ? I'm happy to say that I'm doing well and I hope you are as well.

[oscarsins]

Life falls at my feet,

while Death dances under my eyelids.

He whispers

and

he cowers in my embrace.

Pride is my skin,

Greed within my womb.

Mother, hold my tongue,

give me patience.

Sooth my aching heart,

kiss my furrowed brow.

Lest these regrets lay at your feet,

I will shoulder them.

[oscarsins]

When I come home, there’s fireworks exploding over our heads, I am thinking about how I want this to last forever. I wish I could live my life in vacations instead of days, I wish it isn’t so hard to be alive. I think about how fireworks fade in to the dark of the night, a boom, an echo and it’s gone. I can’t swallow the water she hands me, but I would swallow the seas covering the distance between us in an instant, in a second. A lifetime of regrets and I still can’t muster up the courage to apologize to her, to tell her the truth. I know the bang, the boom, and the echoes all too well. It’s a broken record playing over and over again in my head. This is the moment I live for, the boom, the echo and the heartache. I love you immensely. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.

oscarsins

[oscarsins]

Happy holidays! I hope you're having a good time :) when you receive this, you can spread the love and send this message to your ten favourite mutuals or whoever else you think deserves some holiday cheers <3 no pressure though, the season can be stressful enough!✨

Hi, I'm a bit late in answering this since I've been away from tumblr for some time now but THANK YOU SO MUCH! I hope you enjoyed your holidays 🖤🖤🖤

[oscarsins]

the answer to a recent ask of yours had this line - memories fade and people change, and they become unrecognizable. it’s a simple statement amidst all the poetry of your blog but it’s stuck in my mind since i first read it and it’s helped me a lot while i’ve been getting through a recent painful parting. you’ve been very helpful, although unknowingly. thank you for sharing your writing!!!

Thank you for telling me. I have been very sad and lost lately but you made my day so much better. I hope you get through whatever struggle you face and I wish you the best in everything. Much love 🖤🖤🖤

[oscarsins]

EID MUBARAK ♥🌷

[exit152]

a body inside my body. amazing, but that’s no holy thing. telling ur mom. giving me clothes. winter with sun on the side. egg drop soup. seven linen sheets, all white. the wonders of the world. I found them. crouched in ur sunroom behind the monkey ashtray. such specific taste. Spanish tongue. dark hair and I’m uglier than that. so being with u is the late & sweet garden scene in the princess diaries. I say, why me? why me? then, no matter what, we kiss.

[oofpoetry]

“I want the cottage. I want the green grass and the tomato plants. I want the peace in you; the front porch rocking chair lullaby; our cricket legs rubbing together under the covers. We can’t have it all. I know that, but humor me. We can’t have it all, but we can have most of it.”

— Caitlyn Siehl, from “Apple Pie Life”

[oscarsins]

My sadness is quiet, she finds her way in to my breastbone and makes her home there. My sadness touches me the same way my lover does, these days, it’s gotten hard to separate one from the other and I know, he tells me he loves me but i dont feel loved. My sadness tells me I’m not worth loving, but he says he does. How do I convince myself that anyone really does love me? My sadness crawls out of my breastbone and in to my throat sometimes. She makes me thick with tears, and it’s hard to talk when it feels like she’s crushing my throat from the inside out. My sadness loves me like my lover does. She pets my hair and calls me a sweet thing. Or is it him that does it? I dont know. My sadness loves me at my lowest. She loves my tears and the crushing weight and the tightened rope around my heart. She calls me beautiful when I fall apart. She knows things my lover does not. Like how the skin peels off of my hands because I have been doing the dishes too much, because even if I can’t cleanse my soul, I can wipe these dishes clean. Like how I baptise myself in the bath everyday, but how I call this a baptism, when it’s not, when its more like me, trying to drown me and my sadness. My sadness loves me with a belly full of hunger, but she loves me even more, when I feel like I’m about to burst from all the food I’ve stuffed myself with. She loves me most like that, because she knows that’s when I despise myself the most. I don’t know what my sadness means to me, but I know what I mean to her, because she tells me so.

oscarsins

[oscarsins]

Idek if anyone is still waiting for updates but still hahhaha here is an update

so, I realise that I've been really neglectful of my blog. ive just been very busy and honestly, I dont have much time to write anymore. i hope that I will be able to come up with new stuff to post here.

also, how are you guys? what have you been up to? let me know what's been going on in your lives.

i hope it's been all wonderful for everyone.

🌷🖤

[oscarsins]

all of my soft isn’t good enough for you. you want hard, unwavering where there’s wobble and i’m sorry that my body isn’t good enough for you. but i am also not. it has taken me years upon years upon years upon years for me to accept my body as it is shamelessly soft with all these loose as fuck fat so i am sorry but i refuse to let your dislike shatter my love for what is mine any longer. here is all my fat, in all it’s floppy glory, unburdened by your rough criticism and your pleas. here is my heart, in all it’s softness accepting your harsh and still dedicated to my well being, my self esteem, above yours. thank u.

oscarsins

[oscarsins]

My girl, she is fierce. She pulled out the tongue of a man with her dragon teeth, when he stuck it down where it doesn’t belong. My girl, she is the princess. She is also the dragon. Whoever wrote down that she has to be one or the other, obviously, got it wrong. My girl, she’s delicate. I wiped her tears away, my lips on her cheekbones, whispering prayer upon prayer, wishing justice upon a girl that the world done wrong. My girl, she is beautiful. Her skin like charcoal, her eyes like fire when she told me to run, and her trembling body that night when I stayed. My girl, she is beautiful. Her voice like Jasmine tea, her mind like the rivers, when she told me of dreams about far away places and nightmares about demons with their reptilian skin. My girl, she is precious. She took me to the blue ocean and held me as the sun set and the sun rose out of the ember seas like a ball of fire. Taught me about the sacred and holy things, like how a human body is meant to be touched softly and about how it craves the harshness when it is hurting. My girl, she is mine, as I am hers. We are spun out of our women birthed out of a sea of blood, how is it a surprise how strong we are while we bleed, while our bodies break and our eyes lose their color. We are blood, we are hard work, we are determination, we are women.

oscarsins

[oscarsins]

He’s got blue butter fingers, and I turn red where his tongue touches me. He says, I am his, and I agree and in this age and day, it’s taboo to be desired and to desire as such, but baby doll, I want your mouth on my neck where you can eat me whole. Let them call our love gruesome and wrong, but you are mine and I would rather be poisonous than have you stolen from my arms by ideals and morals of the twenty-first century born sheeple. I would lay you out on the dinner table, naked and purpling - twenty-first century ideal of a devouring istg smh - and I would love you soft and sweet, between kisses on the ribs and my hands around your neck. Don’t call me soft, I might bury you in my toxic, possessive love or I might show you soft when I kiss him on his lips and call him mine.

oscarsins