Other Illness

And how to just go with it.

[otherillness]

I'm grateful that I know Spearmint not from Tom Hansen's quote in (500) days of Summer. No, I don't hate the movie. It's more that I don't remember that the dialogue exists at all.

Fortunately, to Spasial, this song is really familiar. Maybe Dos or Ofri played it several times. But it really stuck in my mind after listening to Sir Nhanha's selection. It feels like enlightenment to me.

I don't know if it's an ironic song for starting a new decade, but I like this song as a cute reminder of those harrowing past and help me to pursuit a better future.

[otherillness]

2019: Year of Latency

It just a habit for me in every 31st of December to (forcefully) write about things that happens in one year before and summarize it. At the beginning, I intend to create arc-based writing which would presents as several writings. Yet, here I am. Still coping with this lazy-ass (bad) habit.

Summarizing this year in one word, for me, the suitable one is latency.

Reading what I wrote on last December and tried to compare, I did some improvements in my life this year. And yet, I feel more disappointing to myself than last December. I can’t blame the situation out there, where people are more and more pursuing their dream and life, give some hiccups in my mind that results for unreasonable anxiety. I also haven’t mention some goodbyes that unexpectedly, give bigger impact to my so-called childish mindset. In one time, I feel loneliness more than I had before but maybe it’s part of life, that I must defeat, that I must conquer.

Thankfully, I still can found happiness in unique forms. I still have some friends that regularly I met. I still can found catchy and enjoyable tunes. My body, that I thought weakened every year, still can maintain my unhealthy lifestyle. And many more.

2019, arguably, the hardest year in this decade for me. So many big rejections, so many farewells but I will still cherish this year. Just like in connection terminology, I must troubleshoot those latency I feel to pursue a better year.

I hope when I meet this date, 366 days from now, I can write more positives experiences.

[otherillness]

Mengasosiasikan lagu-lagu tertentu dengan sebuah film bukan menjadi hal yang baru di geliat kreatif Indonesia. Lihat saja the Adams dan musisi era Posters dan Aksara yang pasti akan membuat memori Jakarta pertengahan 2000 dan roll film melalui film Janji Joni yang sukses menjadi anthem keren, bahkan hingga kini. Tak lupa juga Float dengan 3 Hari untuk Selamanya yang membuat roadtrip sambil naik tol zaman sekarang belum pas kalau belum bersenandung diskografi tersebut.

Maka, si Saya merasa bahwa Dua Garis Biru memberikan sebuah pengalaman yang sama seperti contoh-contoh di atas. Tapi, si Saya perlu memberi pujian yang sangat terhadap film ini yang mampu “mendistraksi” imaji si Saya terhadap lagu Jikalau dari Naif. Sejak hari Sabtu lalu, setiap mendengarkan bait-bait lagu ini bisa sukses membuat perasaan menjadi sendu dan hangat seperti di dalam dekapan seorang ibu. Tentu, pilihan lagu yang minimalis menurut si Saya berhasil memberikan keterikatan yang intens kepada para penontonnya sehingga banyak sekali playlist berisi 6 lagu ini bertebaran entah di Youtube atau Spotify.

Menurut si Saya, film yang baik tidak hanya perkara kuantitatif jumlah tiket yang terbeli maupun jumlah anugerah-anugerah yang diraih baik di dalam maupun luar negeri. FIlm yang baik adalah yang bisa mensejahterakaan elemen-elemen yang juga berpartisipasi di dalamnya, salah satunya adalah musik. Mengakhiri tulisan ini, si Saya memberikan teman-teman ruang apresiasi dari lagu-lagu yand digunakan di film ini melalui playlist Spotify yang dapat diakses di link berikut. Selamat terhanyut. Selamat bersendu huhu.

[otherillness]

Saya selalu bingung ketika menghadapi stagnansi, terlepas dari omongan quarter-life crisis yang sebenarnya bisa jadi betul ada atau tidak. Sebenarnya semua hal ini sudah pernah ada yang mewanti-wantikan akan terjadi. Bukan satu, bukan hanya dari rumah, tapi ya sepertinya memang sedang sial. Tapi, masak sial terus-terusan.

Sampai akhirnya ada etos pikir di diri si saya yang sepertinya tidak beres. Bukan hal yang aneh buat diri ini yang entah mengapa bisa merasakan respon jawaban seseorang tanpa perlu meminta penjelasan. “Ya gak bisa gitu lah,” cukup membuat si saya tertegun sih sore ini. Memang si saya perlu benar-benar, dan memang harus benar-benar, mau berubah.

Sejak jam tiga sore tadi si saya mematikan ponsel karena entah mengapa beberapa hari ini begitu muak melihat layarnya yang menampilkan hal-hal yang cenderung toxic dibanding menyenangkan. Mungkin inilah gongnya. Saatnya menghadapi semua ini dengan lebih manusiawi dan berani. Seperti kata seorang teman dulu, “Kalau bisa melewati fase ini dengan baik, nanti kamu akan menemukan kok arti hidup kamu yang sedari dulu mungkin simpang siur.”

Ya, kurang lebih begitulah.

[otherillness]

A Hot Friday Night with HOMESHAKE

“Is it really Jakarta?”

I was questioning myself immediately after I arrived in Gambir Station. The weather was actually different – breezer than the last time I visited the city. “Is it near the apocalypse?” I asked myself. Though then my driver told me Jakarta was dampened by heavy rain several days ago. Yep, it started to make sense why the weather was suitable for me. Even  the weather quite resembled the concert that I would visit tonight, HOMESHAKE.

I still remember my last concert in Jakarta, Fazerdaze, that was also held at Rossi and also organized by Studiorama and Noisewhore, minus 630 Recordings that didn’t participate for this event. From that experience, I insisted to be at the venue at 7 pm sharp. During the journey from the cafe to Rossi, there were many laron in the street which often appear whenever there will be rain. Luckily, I arrived at Rossi before the rain came (which is didn’t happen that night, only drizzles).

There were still many people hanging out on the ground floor when Plural, a psychedelic pop band from Jakarta, was occupying the stage. It was my first time hearing them eventhough they’ve released an EP back in 2016.

I noticed each band would play as it is written on the rundown. When the clock hit 9, Rayssa Dynta entered the stage. Used to be a member of an accoustic duo, she is now a new roster from Double Deer Records. Playing electronic pop, she is hugely influenced by BANKS and Rhye. She performed all materials from her EP, including her upcoming first single, ‘Something About Us’, which will be released on January 25. At  times in the middle of the performance, I heard some off beats from the electric percussion. I suggest they need to improve their live performance, especially when dealing with such big crowd.

Most people began to enter the venue when Rayssa was on stage. Knowing HOMESHAKE would be next, they were reluctant to go back outside. People were cheering when Peter Sagar, Mark Goetz, Greg Napier, and Brad Loughead appeared in front of them. More or less than 600 people occupied Rossi. HOMESHAKE started off with ‘Hello Welcome’, the intro from their latest album, Fresh Air. The temperature inside suddenly risen. Many people sang along with high-pitched-esque in some part of the songs like ‘Every Single Things’ and ‘Khmlwugh’. Actually, I haven’t heard their latest album until three days before the concert. After I saw their live performance, I can tell the difference from all of their albums. For me, it was fun to identify and differentiate each song.

That night was really hot in the pit and stage. I often saw this Montreal-based band took a little break after finishing series of songs. Stopped a while to wipe their sweats or bent down to drink water. It was so hot, even the committee need to install a “fresh air” that aimed to the stage. Why? Because the ACs felt like some ornaments in Rossi, some giant fans won’t hurt, right? Also, it was unfortunate that the lighting operator sometimes was unresponsive when Peter asked him to turn off the front fresnel light until the crowd needed to scream to make the operator noticed it. There was no encore, I could understand though, because the heat made them easily exhausted and they still need to catch the next show in Bangkok as part of their Asia tour.

In the end, it was a good night. It was also a nice encounter with Salina Ladha who made all of the artworks for HOMESHAKE album whom I know later as the wife of Peter Sagar, the man behind HOMESHAKE itself. Indeed, It was too hot of a venue for a warm/chill vibes like HOMESHAKE to play. It was satisfying however, because I prefer to enjoy intimate set rather than festival set. I could focus and feel the interaction between the musician and the audience. There are still more rooms for improvements for the organizers to do in the future but I can’t wait to come to their next events soon.

Text by me, edited by le0lunar.

P.S. Artikel ini terbit pertama kali di laman norrm pada 25/01/18 dan si saya arsipkan di sini.

[otherillness]

2019 will be a “not-so-sweet” year

Sejauh yang si saya ingat ada banyak resolusi yang dari tahun ke tahun dibangun dan dilupakan begitu saja. Tapi tahun ini si saya merasa bahwa perlu menggarisbawahi manis sebagai sasaran utamanya.

Semua berawal dari sebuah malam di kedai sate favorit di dekat pertigaan jalan utama. Ketika sedang nikmat-nikmatnya melihat kepulan uap dari sate ayam yang ditimbun oleh kombinasi bumbu kacang, kecap dan irisan bawang mentah, sepasang suami-istri yang sedang dalam perjalanan pulang dari Soreang atau Cililin ikut berbagi tenda malam itu. Pasrah saja si saya harus mendengar basa-basi obroloan mereka dengan si Cak tukang sate yang tentu, topiknya tidak mungkin soal film terbaru di bioskop maupun ulasan musik indie ternama ibukota. Pilihannya hanya terbatas, kalau tidak soal politik hoax cuih ya berarti tentang kehidupan keluarga mereka.

Malam itu, mereka memilih berbicara poin yang kedua,

Lebih, lebih. Seenak jidat mereka membicarakan kematian.

Tentu, si saya yang terpaut umur 30 tahun lebih dari mereka hanya bisa membatu sambil menyantap sate yang rasanya sudah berubah di mata si saya. Mereka seakan-akan berubah menjadi bom waktu kecil yang si saya investasikan ketika nanti berumur seperti mereka yang membicarakan kematian malam ini. Tentu, malam itu mereka tidak membicarakan tentang pribadi mereka namun tentang sanak saudara yang sudah pulang dan membakar semua harta mereka dalam usaha menjadi bugar kembali.

Diabetes, lubang, stroke, jantung dan masih banyak lagi istilah kesehatan yang terlontar, dari yang betul sampai yang cenayang betul.

Malam itu sejujurnya si saya tidak rela membayar 22ribu untuk mendapat pukulan tidak langsung tapi apa boleh buat, sate sudah kepalang masuk kerongkongan. Kelanjutannya adalah semua hal tentang kesehatan ini mulai menjadi momok yang diam-diam meneror. Selama 3 hari ini saya mencoba mengevaluasi apa-apa yang sudah dan sering masuk ke dalam mulut dan akhirnya si saya akan memulai dengan gula. Si saya akan mencoba mengurangi konsumsi gula, dari minuman terutama, sampai pada titik yang sejenuh-jenuhnya.

Maka selamat tinggal minuman berkarbonasi, alkohol murah meriah, dan serangkaian usaha es kopi dan teh susu yang harus si saya relakan untuk kelangsungan hidup yang lebih baik.

Semoga si saya bisa bertahan.

[otherillness]

Unpopular Opinion Vol. 002: A Truce with Our Past

Sometimes, I feel that my past was....

How to describe it? Lonely? Suck? Unworthy?

In some point, I think everyone had been in the situation when their environment try to mocking us or maybe treat us like minority because our different point-of-view or something as simple as interest stuff or hobby or traits that make us hate that time or situation.

Then, this morning I found this tweet that went viral and some of my friends retweet it. In the beginning I feel like, “Well, me too!” But later I pitying this tweet, which means I also pitying myself.

I feel the tweet-person forgot that his past contribute to shape him now. Maybe in our high-school or middle-school time is when we got bullied or secluded by society. I know because I experienced it too. I feel that I was secluded in middle-school because of I was in an international class and at that time my school only got one international class. In high-school, I felt distant with others because I had different interest. Am I hate with my past? Sometimes, but I thankful for it.

Forgiving the past is hard. But running away from it? I think it’s harder.

I believe that, maybe, our fortune lie in someone from our past. By hating our past don’t guarantee us a better things. And also, I believe people change over time. By coming to reunion, maybe, we can reconcile with someone or group of peoples that we had some grudge in the past. But, if you feel that you choose to didn’t attend your own reunion, well it’s your choice after all. But, believe me, I encourage you that have bitter past in school time to, maybe, for once conquer your past and meet with your friends and acquaintances from the past.

But if you too busy with work, just don’t forget to inform them.

There’s no loss in maintain a relationship, isn’t it?

[otherillness]

#temwan: Asmara City Pop

(Disclaimer 01: semalam si saya menyatakan bahwa tumblr ini akan diisi dengan tulisan berbahasa Inggris saja. Tapi bodo amat lah.)

(Disclaimer 02: #temwan tuh maksudnya temuan yang berarti kalau menemukan sesuatu yang menarik dan kepikiran untuk ditulis dan dibagikan, biar ga terlalu nyampah di lini masa akan berakhir di media ini hehe.)

Niat awal si saya menghabiskan sore pertama di 2019 untuk produktif membuat CV (yang masih berputar di situ-situ saja) harus tertunda gara-gara tercantol oleh Futari-nya Tatsuro Yamashita (selanjutnya si saya akan memanggilnya Tats) yang kebetulan dire-run oleh NTS dari playlist-nya Mac DeMarco. Kebetulan cuaca Bandung sehabis hujan dan jalanan kosong membuat Futari ini jadi sangat pas yang berujung keinginan melihat live performance-nya Tats di Youtube. Dan ternyatanya lebih susah untuk dapat videonya, beda dengan Queen atau artis barat di era-era 80an yang video live-nya bertebaran. Hanya ada satu kebetulan, itu pun ternyata video promo untuk album konsernya yang berjudul Joy di tahun ‘89. Sambil scroll-scroll dikit ke bawah terus ada yang komen bahwa Tats membawakan lagu istrinya.

“Hah? Lagu yang mana?”

Ternyata lagunya yang Plastic Love. Tapi kan itu lagunya Mariya Takeuchi?

Tunggu....

WHUTTTTTTTTTTTT????

Sontak si saya buka-buka Wikipedia dan akhirnya si saya sadar bahwa Tats dan Mariya adalah pasangan suami istri. Damn, ini keren! “Icon city pop yang ternyata tinggal seatap,” pikir si saya. Ya bagi mereka yang sudah tahu mungkin merasa biasa saja tapi sungguh si saya kaget dan merasa senang. Terutama bagaimana Tats dan Mariya yang “tenar lagi” beberapa tahun ke belakang yang mana Tats populer ketika Vaporwave booming dan Mariya yang mondar mandir di algoritma Youtube sekitar setahun ke belakang. Tentu temuan ini berlanjut si saya cari-cari live perform mereka bareng yang sayangnya mentok di sini.

Si saya jadi berandai-andai bagaimana kalau ternyata album For You-nya Tats didedikasikan spesial untuk Mariya dan juga karena tahun rilisnya yang sama dengan tahun pernikahan mereka. Sampai di titik ini si saya tidak tahu ini benar atau tidak maka dari itu poin barusan sangat subjektif.

Akhir kata, si saya merasa temuan hari ini cukup menyenangkan. Jujur, si saya jarang ngulik kehidupan orang macam begini. Memang, komen netizen mampu memancing hal-hal impulsif tapi menyenangkan. Tentu saja si saya berharap akan ada footage-footage live-nya Tats atau Mariya atau mereka berdua yang bisa diakses (atau setidaknya dibeli) oleh publik. Karena memang pengarsipan ini penting dan menurut si saya selalu menyenangkan untuk bisa menonton live performance musisi apalagi kalau ada bumbu-bumbu asmara macam begini.

Sekian reportase si saya yang, jujur, bukan alasan mangkir untuk produktif kok.

Sumber foto: reddit tapi di-googling

[otherillness]

twokayeighteen

(Before I write this. I was thought that I want to share it in Indonesian. But later I remember the reason to make this tumblr for “English-written only,” Damn.)

Well, 2018 is just another his and byes as usual.

That’s it.

Jokes aside.

I found 2018 is more like shit holes rather than some king thrones. So many miscalculations, failed plans, unstable financial, unemployment and many more. Yes, my ego still play bigger role in this year and I think to beat this fucker next year. “No more rooms for you. Now it’s my time to shine.” I must find a job, a stable one, as soon as possible. I need to start saving and stuffs. Time always ticking, son.

Well, even thought like shit holes, I feel 2018 still play his magical charms. It’s always good to meet new persons, visit various place (although it’s still in the same city), experience new activities and so on. Thank you for all of them that exist in this time.

Sometimes, when I feeling down, I will remember this year and said, “Hey, I can surpass those times that I felt so shit holes. So yeah, I can surpass you too,” and I hope we can find more meaningful things in 2019.

That’s it.

Really.

Fun fact in this year are I can be a better console gamer, often listen to NTS and actively tweeting rather than use Instagram. Also, thank you for coming back, tumblr.

[otherillness]

I never have routine for write. Usually, I write when I feel that I need or when I just had too much cheap wine that friend used to serve at the office.

Lately, this so-called-holy country banning Tumblr. Well, okay, actually I’m not sure if I must pissed or not. Yet, in this kind of situation and mood swing, I really pissed.

Tumblr is like my solitude place where I don’t give a fuck with my grammar or my real life. Called it self-help if you must cause, you know, I don’t give a fuck! But with this banning status, we really give a fuck to our country, right?

So, here I am. Trying to reach this online doctor, my so-called medicine, heart temple or those cheesy bastards by using proxy. It is unusual for me to open something using proxy other than porn or manga reader website.

Currently, I’m faking my IP from Hong Kong. And yet, hello.

I miss you, a lot. 

[otherillness]

It's been a long time since I visited this place. Last time is when I still pursuing my final paper regarding coffee shops (although I never feel productive in here). I often sceptic with the coffee shop ecosystem in Indonesia lately. When I still preparing my paper, the coffee cup is still rarely to find but nowadays it's different. Those "coffee cup" based coffee shop actually diminish the third wave culture that happens (also because it's the focus of my research) and those kind of shops will difficult to survive. Yet, coming to this place I feel the passionate atmosphere of coffee enthusiast. Even though I came alone (because someone just cancelling the appointment), I can overheard people sharing about beans, coffee processing, and others about coffee culture whether they newbie or professionals. People rarely took their phones and post a photo or two in here. Coffee shop, beyond their philosophiesque and the drink itself, is about the community that build the charisma of the place.

[otherillness]

Every 15 minutes between 23.58 to 00.13 at NYE is when me, consciously wake up and my mind stirring. I feel like "Okay, bye last year. Hello this year. You'll still same for me maybe," that haunt me and then I think after I sleep it will be better yet it still the same.

Whenever I heard the fireworks in the distant, I feel more lonely yet solitude came at the same time. I grow up without ever launch a fireworks at NYE (actually my parents hate when I play firecracker so yeah) and most of time I spend wake up in the bed, whether it's in my room or in the hotel. I never interested to walk in the city by midnight or strolling the city with motorbike.

After the 15 minutes, the skies will turn hazy just like now but still it depends with the density of people in where you are stay right now. The fireworks still the same, fly to sky and pop at several heights. Nothing special.

Miraculously, I like this 15 minutes as time for productive writings. The wild thoughts that came beg to be compress yet I feel more and more tired from time to time. People like to spend it with someone they loved or with foods they can share or booze they can drink till drunk and here right now I like to spend it with pressing the touch screen and hope that still can do this (maybe) routinity again next year.

Yet I think I want to be more.

Yet again I don't put too much please for this year.

[otherillness]

Monthly Reviews that I Wrote at 31/12

January:

Spending my time and mood to pursue the final report yet I still failed to do it. A dead-liner indeed.

February:

Passed my final year at uni with mediocre score by wore father's oversized shoes. I didn't enjoy wear formal suit. Gave the revision paper near the deadline tho plus I got scolded by the juror.

March:

Meeting.

April:

Graduated.

Watch her.

Had a convo.

Get drunk by Orang Tua.

May:

Getting older is an ordinary things.

June:

I think I forgot what special with this month. Lebaran? Yeah. Others? I don't think so.

July:

Works.

August:

This country getting older yet not wiser. Bought a pack of Cola consist of 12 bottles. An encounter of modern social connection so she said.

September:

Not "ceria" at all, or maybe?

October:

Made some totes, watch Fazerdaze (tbh she's so lovely) and say goodbyes and surprises.

November:

Had my first checkpoint in the agreement and till now still wondering how to survive the rest. Got brain washed and wasted.

December:

Roller-coaster moods and I tend to be anti-social person when actually I could be a social one. Sometimes I feel tire yet faking like it is still the better option. Start to think that Solo is a good city to live because Bandung sucks with it traffic.

2017 in a nutshell is like another year with lots of hi and bye.

[otherillness]

Sure This city is hot And I just found a fan

[otherillness]

Unpopular Opinion Vol. 001: Why I Don’t Give a Fuck with Your Sudden Change of Plan

OKAY. First of all, I would like to give a deepest condolences to all of peoples whom just lost their status as college student by graduating from their campus. Welcome to life, where everything feel like shit. It’s okay, you’ll get used to it.

So, let’s go to the thought of this writing:

“Why I need to understand you and you need to understand me?”

This question just pop up in my head when tonight something’s just not right on my plan. Okay, so? Is it my fault for not double-check the condition or is it your fault just because you suddenly change the plan?

THAT’S IT MATE. At that time I doubting myself to understand peoples. I feel like, “Oh, okay. This is shit. I’ll just go home,” but actually I’m not. I feel like yo-it’s-your-fault-so-be-it but then I don’t know why you need to feel like the way I want to. It’s not your problem with me in there or not. Furthermore maybe it will be just the same, right? But on the other hand you must be a little bit guilty for that? But, for what? Why you need to that?

So, yeah. Let’s just assume everything’s fine. Shit happens and let it be.

This is life. Most of it taste like shit. And I need to dream of toilet cleaner tonight.

Disclaimer: this will be the series of my writings when I feel depressed, melancholic or just too drunk. Don’t waste your time to care about it moreover about me . I wrote this shit just to maintain my sanity and not end up drowning at the river or something like that. Thanks.

[otherillness]

Long live @phhhoto . I promise #dream #radiohead

[frankocean]

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