Hey everyone! So I thought I'd finally update you on what's gone on in my life since October of 2013. I'll try to give it to you as simply as possible :) I'm originally from Canada, but met an Australian on Catholic Match in October of last year. After going to visit him at the beginning of 2014, I fell in love with both him and the country. I moved to Melbourne in July of this year to begin graduate school, with the hope that he and I would be together. As soon as I arrived, he ended things. I soon learned that he was a very, very troubled man, much moreso than I had ever been able to fathom despite how close we had been. A lot of very troubling and sinful things happened between the two of us, and he wounded me incredibly deeply, which makes sense - the most wounded people are usually the ones who act in wounding ways. I went through a period of extreme darkness and major depression in August and September, and I lost sight of my faith. At the same time it became clear to me that my studies were in a field not suited to me at all. I was deeply lonely, not having made any friends that I feel I truly connect with on a deep, soul-nourishing level I crave so much, being so far away from my family, and feeling culturally like a fish-out-of-water. After the worst of the depression had abated and I was muddling through, a chance meeting with a lovely man that I then shared a beautiful weekend with helped me to rediscover my own beauty and worth, by seeing myself through his eyes. It reminded me of the way that Jesus looks at me, and at each and every one one of us. I've spent the past month reconnecting with God, asking him to reawaken the light of my faith. All the pain and hardship I've gone through - the loneliness, confusion, uncertainty, and heartbreak of the past six months spent halfway around the world from home, and the ones I love - has emptied so much room in me, and has begun to heal me of pain I had been carrying around my whole life without even realizing it. I'm so grateful for the experiences I've had, even though they were crushing at the time. God used the breakdown to build me back up. I could really, really use your prayers right now at this crucial time in my life's journey. What I'm going through is so congruent with Advent - this waiting, this anticipation of the birth of a greater love into our lives. I'm having to decide what I want to study starting in February, and where I want to study it. The city of Melbourne no longer feels like the right place for me. I feel I'm being called to a bigger adventure, but I want to make sure that that voice is the voice of God, and not my own. This is especially important because it looks like my best option for the program I'm considering is in Brisbane, and that just so happens to be the same place where the man I mentioned (the one who showed me God's love in a way I hadn't seen in so long) lives. Again, I could really use prayers. I don't want my judgement about my own life and path to be clouded by someone else. And to be perfect honest, everyone, I'm really scared that the past will repeat itself, that I'll hold hope in my heart of being with this guy, and that will influence my move, and I'll be brokenhearted all over again. I've done so much healing work on breaking past patterns, and I truly want what God wants for me. Now the trick is to hear what he's saying, and trusting that I have the ability to discern His voice from my own. I think the very fact that I recognize these issues in my discernment is a sign I'm on the right track. I don't know where my life is headed, but I'm trying to use this as a chance to express radical trust in God, more than I've ever exercised before. Thank you to those of you who read this far :) I just had a thought - would anyone like to be Catholic pen pals (whether by Internet, or by post, or both)? I don't really have anyone to talk to about my faith over here in Australia, and I'm craving that connection so badly. If so, feel free to message me! - Ally